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"You gonna stick by me?"
"Maybe…."
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It took almost three weeks after I'd decided to do it for me to find time to talk to Lorraine. First I had to rummage through the boxes from my parents' room. That was a little weird…no one's really gone through that stuff much since I went to Lompoc. Then I had to wait until our pick-up at Harry's lined up with Lorraine's early day. I felt like a fucking coward, but I couldn't get up the nerve to let Leon know what I was thinking about. And I'll tell you…just that fact almost convinced me I shouldn't even be thinking about doing this at all. I mean…if I couldn't even come clean to Leon about it, how the fuck did I think I could be enough for her?
The pick up at Harry's hadn't taken nearly as long as I expected, so there I was – nervous as hell, sweltering in my car, waiting for Lorraine to get home from work. I thought about going inside, but I knew better – Leon might fit through that side window, but there was no way in hell I would. Besides, then I'd have to deal with Tabby. Every time I go to Lorraine's, that cat practically attacks me…insists on being petted and shit. I always end up covered in fur. So I stayed in the car, trying to mop up the sweat pouring off my head.
Lorraine finally pulled up at about a quarter after one. I don't think I'd ever been happier to see that woman in my life. I'd lost track of how many times I'd almost convinced myself to give up and leave. But every time I reached toward the ignition I'd remember how I'd felt at all those races, having to act like I was over Letty…that she wasn't important to me. I never wanted us to have to hide again…I wanted everyone to know that she was the most important thing in my life.
I tried to play it cool, tried to swagger up the walk to Lorraine's front door like I'd done a thousand times over the last couple years. But she saw right through me…knew something was up before I even closed the car door. She was just like my mom, that way.
"Dom!' she exclaimed as she embraced me, her face pressing against my chest. And almost immediately, I felt the tension leaving me. Lorraine always did have that effect on me – again, just like my mom.
"Just you today?" she asked, and I just nodded. "Everyone okay?" she continued, leading me to the couch while she went into the kitchen.
Almost immediately, just like I'd known would happen, Tabby was in my lap, head-butting my chest in a demand for affection. That damned cat…I never could resist her.
"Yeah," I replied as I rubbed Tabby's ears. "Everyone's good. I just…uhm…I just wanted to come talk to you 'bout something."
"Ah, I see…" Lorraine nodded, handing me a glass of water before she sad down in the armchair across from me. "I have to say…I wasn't expecting this for a while, Dominic."
"Uhm…yeah," I sighed, dragging my hand across my forehead. "Well…."
I couldn't believe how jittery I felt. It was worse than the first time I kissed Letty, worse than the first time I saw a girl naked, worse than I felt the first time I was lined up at a spray-painted line about to do a quarter-mile.
"I wanted…" I started, rubbing my forehead again. "Uhm…well…I've been thinking, for like a month now…."
"Dom," Lorraine interrupted me, grabbing my hand. "Stop for a second, sweetie. Breathe."
I did what she told me, and with my first deep breath I could feel myself calming down. By the third, I felt like I was ready to do this.
"Lorraine," I started, "I love Letty. I mean, it scares me, how much I love her."
"I know," she replied, smiling at me.
"And I know she's young, but…I can't imagine being without her. So I'm going to ask her. I don't know exactly when, but I'm going to. And I'm not asking for your permission…she'd fuc—uh…she'd kill me if she found out I'd done that. But I felt like…well, I thought I'd talk to you about it first. Get your blessing and all. You're like, the only adult any of us really have left, you know."