Chapter 40

"Mother has invited you to lunch," Draco said tentatively when they got home. Hermione lowered her eyes. While it was a good thing, she supposed, it would be a time of unveiled insults, painful silences and begging for the clock to move. It wasn't a great thing that she felt this way about her in-laws, but considering they were pureblood supremacists, an invite to lunch was a really good thing.

"And you won't be there?"

"No, it's a girl thing apparently. Pansy will be there,"

"Yay," Hermione said in a high pitched voice. She tried to get her sarcasm under control, but being a sitting duck for Pansy for an hour or so might just be a unique version of hell. She wondered if she could fake a sickness, she might even go so far as to seek out the sickest person at work and spend the whole day in their company. She couldn't be blamed for cowardice if she actually got sick.

She still had a really unsettled feeling from the wedding and Daphne's sad fate. At least Draco saw something wrong with it. He seemed to care about a genuine marriage as opposed to the sham that Theo had set himself up for. Theo couldn't have sent a better message to the world if he had tried. She wondered if Theo genuinely didn't care or if it was a point of rebellion for him. He might not have been forced into his marriage as directly or brutally like Marcus was, but why would he choose to marry someone he couldn't be bothered being faithful to at least through the courtship and honeymoon period if nothing else. It wasn't like he was trying very hard to hide it. He was being pressured into this marriage in some way, and he might have no other recourse than to sabotage it. In the end he was hurting both himself and Daphne, but maybe his anger was just too great to contain. Or else he was just a total arse who didn't care about anything. Hermione didn't know which was true, it was just sad either way.

Thinking about it hurt her head and her heart because there was no solution to this. Daphne and Theo were likely going to be completely miserable and it was really sad to witness. It also made her wonder why Draco had pursued her so relentlessly. She was very encouraged that he wasn't planning to stashing a wife somewhere while he went about his business doing whatever he felt like. If that was what he wanted, by would be want to do it with her. He could have anyone he wanted, yet he went for the person least likely to accept him and the one least likely to put up with pureblood methods.

Although questioning that part though pattern was a worry in and of itself. What position was she in if she sincerely hoped that the person she was going to marry wasn't planning on treating her like a doormat to be trod over? She knew there was a truth that she hadn't wanted to confront, that even with this latest reassurance, she wasn't sure about what he wanted in this marriage. First of all, she would not have chosen marriage right now, but she recognised that he was raised to view things different in a relationship.

She loved him, truthfully and honestly, but there were things about him that she didn't know and that she hadn't wanted to know.

"Where do you go? During the days, where to you go?"

He was sitting on the sofa reading the daily prophet. He had his shoes off and it was always a quickening sight for her, seeing him informal. It lent that bit of credence to the idea that he was hers. He shrugged.

"Different places, why do you ask?"

"I just don't know."

"There is nothing to know." He watched her for a bit then put the paper down. He got up and walked towards her. "What is going on in your head?" he asked and grabbed her by the hips. "I can see something working in there."

"There are just things I don't know about you."

"And why do you need to know? Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

He placed his hand on the side of her face and she felt the warmth of it. It soothed her, his touch always did. "There are just things we don't know about each other."

"I'm not a lap dog, you're not going to know where I am every minute of the day. You have to trust me or you are going to have a very hard time."

"I know," she said. "But there are things we need to talk about."

He sighed. "Like what?"

"How do you see us working when we are married?"

"I don't understand," he said and looked her in the eyes. He leaned back on the edge of the table still holding her in front of him.

"Will we be just like this when we are married?" It was a question she had been avoiding in her head since the moment he brought up the idea of a permanent future between them.

"Of course not, things need to change. We will be man and wife, that changes things."

"Like?" she said holding her breath.

"For starters, we will live at the Manor." Hermione hitched her breath. "I know you are weary of my parents, but you will get past that. You will be my wife and they will respect you as such." Hermione wasn't sure respect was a true basis for pureblood society, it seemed disrespect was more a defining feature. She didn't dare think what that would involve in the context of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. It sounded like an constant strain.

"Why can't we just live here?"

"Here? No this is not an appropriate place." He studied her intently. "Hermione, I was born, will live and die at Malfoy Manor, as will my children." There was no room for negotiation in his statement. He pulled her closer, but she was trying to process the implications. She had assumed that they would be on their own, maybe a larger apartment. She hadn't really thought of children, it was something in the distant future. She knew though, that the purebloods were different, they had children early. She was beginning to understand that his expectations were in line with that.

"You will get used to it. There is enough room in the Manor to do anything you want to."

"What about work?" This was a question that had been sitting in her subconscious for a long time, she had only just realised it.

"You will be a wife, you will have children to take care of. They need your attention and will take up your time. Work is not really… acceptable. You can do anything you want, research, read, it will just be at home."

"I am just used to being a bit more independent," she said pushing herself away from him. The idea of having to give up her work wasn't even something she could start to process in this moment. It would have huge implications on how she saw her own future and identity. He crossed his arms and watched her.

"Independence is not really the point of marriage."

"Maybe we see marriage differently."

"Muggles might, but you're not a muggle, you're a witch marrying a wizard. In the means as has been for centuries before. That comes with certain expectations, including that you take the marriage seriously."

"It's not an issue of seriously."

"It sounds like it." He was getting upset now. She realised that he didn't understand where her concern was coming from.

"You know I come from a very different background, one that is much less traditional."

"Well, you live in this society. It is what it is, and we do take our marriages seriously."

"Like Theo?" she challenged. She regretted it the moment she had said it.

"I told you that was not how I see things, why do you keep bringing it up?"

"Because I need to understand how I am to live the rest of my life," she said trying to get herself understood.

"With me," he said. "I thought that was clear. You either want to be my wife or you don't. It sounds to me like you are trying to decide that you don't."

"No," she said. "That is not what I am doing, I just want to know what to expect. I don't want to do this and then be surprised. I want to know exactly what it is I am signing up for."

He wasn't mollified. She could see it in his expression. He was angry and maybe even hurt.

"If you have trust issued, you need to work them out. I have done nothing to earn your distrust. While we have been together, I have never treated you any way but respectfully and honourably. If you think I am going to turn around and do what Theo has done, then we might as well leave it now."

"That is not what I am saying," she pleaded. She knew that he would not be receptive to seeing her point of view in that moment. "That is not what I think and I know that I mean more to you than that."

"Then you are trying to work out what I mean to you," he said. It the most brutal way, he was right. She was trying to work out what being with him would mean.

"You mean the world to me," she said. He softened a bit. "I am just trying to get a handle on the world."

"Stop worrying, it will all be fine," he said. "You worry too much. There are no nasty surprises, it's just marriage, people do it all the time. I understand that you are a bit apprehensive, this is a life decision, but don't worry, we love each other and that is the most important thing."

He kissed her and she let him. Part of her was very relieved that this conversation was over, it seemed to have turned bad quickly. She had not intended on making him think that she didn't want him because it was far from the truth. She wanted him so much she ached for him. But he came with a price, one that she had flatly refused to explore, until now.

Right now, it just felt wonderful being in his arms and kissing him. That little point where the idea of losing him came up had hurt and she held him a little closer for it, but she also knew that later, she would be mulling over what he had said about their life together because he had expectations and they were different from hers. She'd hoped she'd hear otherwise, but she'd known that it was there under the surface all along.

She also knew that the price was heavier than she'd hoped.