Aria let out a defeated sigh. She was currently surrounded by racks of baby clothes, shelves filled with baby items, toys, car seats and strollers. Emily, in her usual fixer-state, insisted to go on with their earlier plans and go shopping with Aria, the two girls being the only ones left after Spencer had to leave for the hospital and Hanna left as well. They tried to convince her to stay with them, but Hanna declined, saying she needed time to rest and then figure out a way to tell her long-time boyfriend about her illness. She looked absolutely devastated as she exited the café, and her best friends found themselves standing behind and wishing for a miracle to get their friend out of the predicament she was reluctantly in.
Emily's eyes examined her friend's unsettled behavior from across the store, and she started wondering whether it really was such a good idea. She just wanted to lighten things up a little bit, make it about Aria and her pregnancy for a while. But Aria was too good of a friend to not let herself be distressed by the awful news they just got. Still, Emily was determined to make the most of the 30 or so minutes they had left before Aria had to go meet a client of hers.
Putting on the best smile she could muster, Emily made her way towards Aria, holding a soft stuffed giraffe in her hand. "Hey, look what I found," she held it up for her friend to see, "I know we don't know the sex yet, so I thought I'd wait with the clothes. Although I have a feeling it's going to be a boy!"
Aria's lips twitched up in a barely there half smile, and Emily's smile left her face.
"Aria," she reached to take the smaller girl's hand, "I know what Hanna told us is tough to digest. It's not every day your best friend tells you she's got a life-threatening disease. It's hard, and it's gonna get even harder. But right now, there's nothing we can do but be there for her when she needs us. Today, right now? It's not that time. Now she needs some time to herself, and we have to respect that and be patient and remember that life goes on around us, even if we don't want it to."
"Yes, but-"
"No Aria. Right now, and for the next 25 minutes, we're going to look around this fabulous store, and find some really cool things for little Peanut Fitz."
That made Aria smile widely, and she reached up with a single finger to wipe at her eye that was filled with tears. It was hard to enjoy and celebrate the life she was in the process of creating when her friend's life was so fragile and uncertain right now. "Thanks Emily," she spoke shakily, nodding once in appreciation of her friend's talent at always knowing what to say.
Emily replied by matching the smile on Aria's face, and wrapping one arm around her shoulder. "Now, let's go find your little Fitz a matching bed sheet. Hanna would appreciate the gesture." The two girls laughed and moved along the endless rows of shelves in search of the desired item.
She could hear the ticking of the clock. God, she hated how loud it sounded in her ears. Her head was in her hands, and she just finished the third round of crying since she got home, already feeling a fresh new batch of tears ready to be shed.
There was no easy way to tell him, she decided. And so the only thing she could think of doing is just sit on their white, pretty, hand-picked-by-her couch, and hope she wouldn't get it dirty with her mascara painted hands in her distracted state.
Just as she found enough strength in her to get up and wash her face before he gets home, the door to their apartment opened. The water was already running in the sink as her hands brushed down her face, and she could hear his footsteps as he strode though the living room to the open kitchen area. When she closed the tap, she heard the door to the fridge being opened, and by the time she stepped out of their bedroom with a still distressed, yet clean face, he was already sitting on the nearest bar stool, sipping on a bottle of water.
He almost choked when he suddenly noticed her stiff figure standing by the wall farthest away from him. "Hanna, baby, what are you doing home?" He sounded surprised, but a smile immediately came to his lips at the sight of her. "I thought you had an appointment with the PR consultant for the NYC branch."
It took her a minute to reply. She wondered when she'll ever see her handsome Caleb's face light up like this again. She knew that from the moment she told him, everything would change. Every conversation would be about her cancer, every fight would be over insurance and medical care payments, and every time he would look at her would feel like the last time. "Han? You okay?"
His eyebrows furrowed together and a puzzled look came over his face as he got up from his seat, ready to go to her if the answer was negative.
She shook her head slowly as she approached the kitchen island, coming to stand across from him, on the other side of it. It made her feel a little less worried about his reaction, she felt it provided her with another layer of comfort, adding to her arms that wrapped around her ribcage. "Yeah.. no, that was yesterday." Her tired voice sounded, and she could swear she saw him flinch from the corner of her eye when he heard the way she said it.
When she lifted her eyes to meet his, she saw his mouth opening, as if to say something, and she knew that if he started talking, about whatever, she'd lose the courage she worked so hard to build, so she just let it spill out. "Remember the doctor's appointment I had a couple of weeks ago?" His first nod was enough to get her to continue, "It turns out the results are quite.. uh, well, bad." Her fingers caressed up and down her arms in an attempt to get warm, she felt so cold all of a sudden; maybe it was the fear at his body moving slowly towards her side of the island. "It turns out that, well.. I'm sick, and it's not good at all. And I need surgery, and then I'll need chemotherapy, and radiation," the wetness on her cheeks disappeared when a thumb touched up to wipe it away. "And it's going to be painful, and I'll need to rest a lot, and uh.. I'm going to lose my hair…" Her face clinched up when a sob took over her body, and she felt his hand cup the wet skin and turn her in his direction. Her eyes closed when she couldn't fight his hold any longer, trying to put off meeting his eyes. She knew they'd be broken. She knew they'd be tearful. And she couldn't bear the thought she was doing this to him.
"Princess…" She couldn't resist his favorite nickname for her, and her blue eyes stared into his brown ones. She was right: the heartache in his eyes did mirror hers. "I.. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. And I wish with all my heart that I could take it away from you, because, God, I will if I could," he sniffed before continuing. "I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know how lucky we would be, I don't know if you.. if.. you'd still be here.. when everything is done. But I know one thing: I'm not going to leave your side, not for a moment. I'm here, and we're going to do this together. We're going to fight together, and we're going to do everything we can to win." She couldn't help but notice how careful he was with his promises, and her sobs grew heavier. He didn't want to promise things he couldn't keep, because neither of them knew how the next few months would leave her.
"Caleb…" The anguish in her sounded when she spoke his name in such a way that he couldn't translate it to anything other than "please save me!" And his heart broke, because he knew he couldn't. He gave up all attempts at trying to appear strong for her, because she could see right through him, and he just didn't have it in him to pretend. So he let the tears slide down his cheeks as his forehead came to rest against hers, and she sneaked her arms around his torso. Her hold on him was so tight, and he knew it was her way to plead with him to not let her go. Despite the sobs that wrecked her body, he needed to show her how much he loved her; he needed her to know that even though their world turned upside down, she was still the woman he loved, and he was still the man that swore to always protect her. So he brought their faces closer together, and kissed her passionately, not minding the salty tears that got in the way. Nothing would keep him away from her, not ever.
When Spencer got off from her shift in the hospital and arrived home, Toby was already there, sprawled on the couch, surrounded by books and notes, with the TV on, the volume low. He always studied like that, his reasoning being he "needed the background noise". Whenever she offered he'd listen to radio or to classical music – like she did – he shot her a ridiculous look and replied that it "wasn't the same thing". Then they would go on to her needing a reasonable explanation to why it wasn't, and him being unable to explain. For the following hour, he would get frustrated at her for not understanding, and she would give him the silent treatment with the occasional mumbling of "freaky idiot" or "so weird" or something like that. Eventually the night would end in both of them watching TV together, most likely a late night talk show, laughing together at the jokes and having amazing "unofficial" (according to her definition) makeup sex.
But today was different. And he could feel it the moment she set foot inside the apartment. Skipping the usual "how was your shift?" question, he observed her from afar as she moved swiftly in the kitchen, setting her bag on the counter before reaching into the cabinet under the sink and pulling out cleaning supplies. When he realized what was happening, his eyes widened, and he left the books in favor of coming over to stand by the counter with his arms crossed. He looked on worriedly as she put on a pair of rubber gloves and started scrubbing the surface around the sink. He stood there, trying to assess the situation and wondering just how bad she had it, when she pulled out something that had him worrying even more: a grease stains remover – the hardcore edition. She always used to complain how no product helped with the really bad stains that wouldn't come off, so she decided to create one on her own, using chemicals from the hospital's lab. To this day he doesn't know how they let her go home with something so powerful and potentially dangerous.
"So.." he dared speaking quietly, "you wanna tell me what happened?" To be honest, he wasn't sure he wanted her to. Just from looking at her, cleaning the kitchen in such a frenzy state, he knew something had to be horribly wrong, and it scared him shitless. If something happened to her, he'd lose his sanity… He never would've guessed what she was about to tell him next.
A sniff came from her, and he immediately straightened up, wanting to march over and wrap his arms around her, but he knew better than to do something so impulsive when she was like this, so he remained in his place, staring at her back as she worked along the granite surface.
"Hanna has stage 3 breast cancer. She's got surgery scheduled for Thursday, and then a combined treatment of chemo and radiation. I was thinking maybe you could take over her case, I know she'd feel better having you around and making sure they're.. not cutting off her breast completely. I know she's worried about that." Reaching up to wipe her face with her bare forearm, she could now feel him behind her, not doing anything but standing close to her. Composing herself, she continued scrubbing and jumped right back into her professional-mode. "I'm going to take the day shifts, and you'll be there for the night. Caleb would probably not leave her side, so you could keep him company in case he's too worried to sleep." A warm hand came to rest in her shoulder, but that didn't make her any less determined to clean the non-existent stains. "Aria is pregnant, by the way, so we'd have to keep her away from Hanna once she starts radiation treatments. I'm assuming that due to her condition they'd want to use the type that stays longer in her body, so we'd have to figure out a schedule for Ariasitting and Hannasitting. We'll figure it out once we know the course of action her doctor wants to take and how long it'll be for."
"Spence-"
"I also want to review all the papers. I know it's your job, and I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, but I want to go over her file as well, make sure we're not missing anything. If something unexpected happens, I want to know about it. I wanna see her test results and I'll ask to personally monitor her recovery post-surgery."
"Baby, I-"
"Oh, and talk to your friend at Psych, I want her to see someone once she's recovered. It's gonna take a lot out of her, and as much as we're all willing to listen and support her, you know how she is, very guarded and closed off about her feelings. I imagine it'll be horrible for her to open up to us in such a vulnerable state…"
"Spencer Michelle Hastings, please shut the fuck up." His foul language made her look up, and just like that, her hand ceased to move. She looked at him with an incredulous look, as if expecting him to take it back. But he just looked at her with big compassionate eyes and reached for her hands, ridding them of the gloves. He set the rubber set aside, and turned back to her, opening his arms to offer her a safe place to land. She blinked robotically at first, but the wetness that gathered in her hazel orbs completely gave her away. He could see panic in them, and helplessness. And he knew the only way she knew to protect herself from the fear of the unknown was to take control, which she did through the plans she just made for all of them.
He waited patiently as she contemplated her options in her mind, and let a weak smile come on his features, hoping it was enough to reassure her it was okay to let go. She finally did, and as she clutched onto his shirt with such a tight grip, he knew it was safe to wrap his arms around her.
He kissed the top of her head softly, breathing in the scent of her shampoo and closing his eyes when he felt an unfamiliar wetness sipping through the fabric of his shirt. "Shhh, it's okay baby. We'll do everything we can. We'll get her the best doctors and the best treatments with the best odds, and everything will be okay. I promise, sweetheart."
She let out a sigh and felt her heart pounding a little slower now. She felt more relaxed now that he said it – because he always kept his promises.