"We really shouldn't be here," Bradley said.
"I know but I've had a rough day and I just need to… decompress," I sighed, staring into the glossy window.
"I bet. Are you okay? Katie said you seemed upset earlier today," Bradley said.
"I'm fine. Just... the whole Dean and Ella thing was a little shocking. She's not pregnant she's just, it's... I don't know. It stings a little," I explained.
I watched as a baby girl squirmed in her crib that she was sleeping in. Bradley and I would come to the maternity wing when we were feeling really bad and just look at the babies. It was calming and hopeful that there were still great things in the world. I thought about Lucas and smiled. I had a beautiful son. Why was I moping around? I know it sounded weird but babies just made everything better.
"Have you and Katie ever thought about it?" I asked.
"Thought about what?" Bradley asked.
"Having a baby," I answered.
"We haven't been married for that long," Bradley started.
"Neither were Daniel and I," I chimed in.
"Yes, well you and Daniel moved… exceedingly fast," Bradley replied.
"You think?" I sighed.
"I don't know. It kind of seemed like you were rushing it with him. I mean, you came back and you were already getting married, then a year later you were having a baby. Don't get me wrong, you and Daniel were great together but it all happened really quickly," Bradley said.
"I loved him… a lot," I said.
"I know you did," Bradley said back.
"You know, with this whole Dean thing and the fact that maybe I should try dating again, I just, I don't know. I don't want Lucas to forget who his father is," I confessed.
"Jen, he won't. Daniel was a hero," Bradley said.
"I know but how am I supposed to explain this? There's another man in my life but wait, here's your father. He died when you were one? It just seems a lot more complicated than that," I sighed, looking back at the babies.
"When he gets older you'll talk," Bradley said.
"I guess so," I said.
We stood there in silence for a while and the entire time I was debating whether or not to tell Bradley. I needed to but at the same time, maybe if I just kept to myself... oh who was I kidding? If I didn't tell someone, I was going to lose it.
"Dean and I had sex," I finally blurted out.
"Wha-?" Bradley asked, turning to look at me.
"We went for a walk after the medical dinner and then we kissed and went back to his car and... a lot more happened. I didn't mean for it to-, I mean, and we haven't actually talked since."
"Woah," Bradley said.
"I know," I said back. I sighed. "I feel really bad about it and I just, I really don't think Dean and I are ready to be friends. I don't know if we'll ever be ready to be friends. I think we're always going to have feelings for each other and that, well, obvious that night was an obvious sign that there's no way that we can be friends. It just sucks because Lucas loves him and-, but we can't and I needed to tell someone because I haven't and..." I trailed off. "I don't know what to do, Bradley."
"Aw, Jen, I'm so sorry," Bradley said, hugging me. He pulled me into his arms, giving me a tight, comforting hug.
"He told me he loved me..." I whispered.
"I'm sorry," Bradley replied. Just then, I got another page. I pulled away from Bradley and checked my pager.
"Damn it," I murmured to myself. I got up and walked to floor two where Tory, my intern who was paging me, was. Tory was working on Ella's case.
"She uh, just had some questions for you," Tory replied.
"Um, okay," I replied. This had nothing to do with cardio so I basically knew that this was personal. Tory handed me her chart and so I started going over Ella's chart in silence. Ella didn't say anything and neither did I.
"I hate kids," Ella said, finally.
I looked up from her chart, "Excuse me?"
"I hate kids," she declared, simply. "I really hate kids. I think they're loud, annoying, obnoxious, expensive… but when it was possible that I was pregnant for, God, just a moment I was almost… relieved."
"Oh?" I asked, trying to be impartial in the matter.
"If I was pregnant, Dean would have to stay," Katie said.
Honestly, I was stunned. Basically, this girl knew that she was losing him. But I couldn't be that girl. I couldn't be the home wrecker this time.
"I should get going but uh, if you have any other… questions just talk to Dr. Hastings," I said, referring to Tory. Ella didn't say anything in response. She just continued to flip through her magazine and ignore me.
"Hey, Montgomery, are you alright?" Dr. Stevens asked as he passed me in the hall.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, trying not to cry right now.
"Well, I have a torn artery repair right now. You want in?" he offered. Dr. Stevens always knew how to make me feel better.
"I'd love that, actually," I sighed in relief.
He smiled, "Good. Scrub up." I nodded and went to scrub up.
The surgery went well and it was almost nice to be back at Dr. Stevens' side in the OR. It was just like old times.
~3rd Person POV~
Bradley had just finished up surgery and went to the gallery to watch a surgery. That's what a lot of people did when they had down time. They'd just go to the OR galleries and watch whatever surgery was happening at the moment. He sat down and watched Dr. Stevens and Jennie. He had to admit, they were a good cardiothoracic team together. Bradley didn't notice, but someone had just come in and sat down next to him. Bradley looked over and saw none other than Dean Winchester. He harbored a bit of hostility against him, especially after what Jennie had told him.
"She's good, isn't she?" Bradley asked, breaking the silence as he stared straight ahead.
"Yeah, she's really good," Dean replied. Dean was amazed as he watched the surgeries. He was a little grossed out but he was amazed that people were brave enough to take a life into their hands and keep it going. That was something else he loved about Jennie. She was so full of life and she wanted to give it. Things were tense with Bradley though and Dean could tell. "I take it you know."
"Please decide, for her. I don't know how much longer she can take it," Bradley said, looking over at Dean and shooting him somewhat of a glare.
Dean nodded, "I know."
~End 3rd Person POV~
Surgery had been nice to clear my head and not have to think about anything not related to the physical human heart. But once it was over, all of my thoughts came back and I couldn't think straight anymore. As for my heart...What Ella had said in there and what Adam had said to me had been driving me crazy. It seemed as if both of them knew that Dean still had feelings for me and my feelings for him were at their boiling point. I swallowed hard and kept walking. I wondered if Dean was still in the hospital so I went the one place I knew he'd be. I went to my locker to get something before going. And there he was, standing in the doorway, just peering in.
"Viola Turner. Torn artery. Age 25. Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow," I said. Dean turned around to look at me in surprise.
"How'd you know I'd be here?" Dean asked.
I shrugged, "It's kind of our place."
"Do you remember you used to come visit me on your days off? Man, I was stuck in this stupid hospital room and I couldn't wait to get out. And now all I want to do is turn back time and stay in that hospital bed," Dean said.
"About what happened-," I started.
"I'm sorry I haven't called," he interrupted. I nodded slowly.
"It's okay."
"No, it's not okay. I fucked up, alright? I just, I got home and I realized that I was doing the same thing that Adam had done to me. That, the whole cheating thing was a huge blow to me and I, I should've known better. I'm just as bad as him... even worse actually. I feel... awful about her... and you. I shouldn't have-," Dean started.
"It was a mistake, I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let things get that far," I apologized.
"No, no, it wasn't you at all. I shouldn't have provoked you in the first place," Dean said.
"I kissed you in the car," I reminded.
Dean bit his lip, "I'm uh, I'm sorry, Jen. I really am."
I nodded, "Look, I don't want to ruin anything for you. I mean, I get that this is more about the guilt and the fact that you don't want to be Adam but for me... I just want you to be happy, okay? So if she makes you happy, you should stay with her. I don't want to fuck this up for you. You know, five years ago, you could've told me that you loved me and fought for me and I probably would've gone with you. I wouldn't be married to Daniel anymore but you gave us that chance and you walked away and I think it's time for me to do that with you." That was about the hardest thing I've ever had to say but it was only fair. Dean had given me that chance and now it was my turn.
"So you're saying that I should stay with Ella?" Dean asked, turning to me almost as if he had expected me to say something else.
"I'm saying you shouldn't end it because of me. I'm saying that if she makes you happy, don't screw this up because of me," I replied. This was so hard. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and that we could just be together but I wasn't being real and practical here.
"Okay," Dean said back. Okay? What the hell did that mean?
"Um, Lucas is having his fourth birthday this weekend and we're having a little party with his friends. He uh, practically begged me to invite you. He misses you, you know? Here," I said, handing him the invitation that I had gotten from my locker. I had kept in my locker for a while in hopes that I'd get up the courage to take it over to him at the garage but since I hadn't, so now felt like an appropriate time.
"Thanks. I'd love to go. Are you sure… you're okay with this?" Dean asked.
I nodded slowly, "It's what he wants."
Dean nodded too, "Okay." There it was again. Okay. I felt heartbroken and at the same time mad. I was mad at Dean and I was mad at myself.
"And Dean, after Sunday, I don't know if it'll be a good idea for us to uh, to be friends anymore. I just don't know if I can do it," I said, fighting back tears.
"Okay," Dean said.