"Did you know I got my appendix taken out?" I asked, sleepily as Dean spooned me, holding me in his arms after our on call room sex.

"Wow, you know how to kill a mood," Dean teased chuckled.

I giggled, "Yeah, I do know. But I have the scar right here. I didn't think you knew. It happened after Daniel died." Dean located the scar where they had cut so to remove my appendix and ran his index finger over the scar. He stroked my side, burying his face into my neck and kissing it. I smiled.

"Yeah, I'm getting the mood back, mood killer," he said, pretending that I hadn't just talked about a weird scar.

"You just want to have sex again?" I accused, fake-shocked.

"I know, I'm surprised myself," Dean replied, playing along.

I rolled my eyes, "Well if you ask nicely…"

"Oh baby, I don't do begging," Dean replied.

At that moment, my pager went off. I reached over to the bedside table and looked at it. It was a 911 from Bradley. I knew it was about Holden and since it was a 911 it meant that it was either really good news or really bad news. I began to get out of bed but Dean held onto my waist.

"Please?" he asked.

Damn it. I wanted to just stay here and have sex with Dean to avoid any kind of heartbreak that was just about to experience but I knew that I couldn't. "I want to baby, but I've got to go. It's Holden."

"Is he alright?" Dean asked, sitting up in bed. By now, Dean had let go of me and I was scouring the room for my clothes. My bra and underwear was back on. I found my scrub top and slipped it on. I put scrub pants on after, tying the tight around my waist. I was beginning to panic by now. That was the question. Was he alright?

"I don't know. Bradley just paged me with a 911 so I'm about to find out. God, Dean I don't know if I can do this. I just, what if it's bad. What can I, I just, God, I don't know…" I trailed off. I was beginning to lose the ability to form coherent sentences. I was so scared.

"Baby, look, no matter what happens, we'll get through it. Jen, you are beautiful and strong and I know you can get through this. Whatever happens, I'm here for you, okay?" Dean reminded.

I nodded and took a deep breath, "I know I'm trying. I should go right?"

"Yes. Do you want me to come with you?" Dean asked.

"That'd be great. You should uh, probably get dressed," I replied.

"Really because I just thought I could walk around naked," Dean shrugged, jokingly. I giggled.

"I love you, Dean. You know just what to say to me when I'm freaking out and what to say to make me laugh. I love you, I love you, I love you," I said, kissing him. I kissed him in between each I love you. He smiled as I pulled away slowly.

"Are you going to let me put my clothes on?" he joked.

I rolled my eyes playfully, "Get dressed." I hit him, before sitting next to him on the bed.

"Ow!" he exclaimed.

"Oh please, you're fine. I didn't hit you that hard," I replied. Dean stuck his tongue out at me.

"You don't know that. I'm probably going to have a bruise there tomorrow," Dean accused.

"Oh yeah, sure," I replied, unconvinced. Dean laughed quietly, shaking his head. I stood up and went over to the door, leaning up against it and closing my eyes. I was nervous about what was about to come. Was Holden going to be okay? Was he going to live? If he didn't… how long would he have? I wished I could just turn off my brain because I was about to go insane. Dean got dressed while I waited for him.

"You ready?" Dean asked.

I nodded, butterflies in my stomach. Dean grabbed my hand, comfortingly and we exited the on call room. I had been in that little room with Dean, in my own little world where I had no care but now I had to face reality. I had that obnoxious and uncomfortable feeling of fear, boiling inside. I felt light as we made our way to Holden's room.

"Hi," I said, seeing Holden. I went over to his bedside and sat next to him. He took my hand in his.

"Whatever happens, happens. It's going to be okay, Jen," Holden reassured.

I nodded, "I know. Hey, I'm supposed to be telling you that. You're not supposed to be brave for me."

"I know, kiddo but I'm practically you're father. I can't help myself," he said.

Just then, Dr. Coats came into the room with Bradley. Dean sat down next to me, giving my hand a tight, reassuring squeeze.

"So we found a lesion caused by a tumor. We can go in with a craniotomy if you want. We can do surgery and it should fix things but it is a high risk surgery," Dr. Coats answered. I looked at Dean and then to Holden.

"Do the surgery," Holden immediately said.

"Holden, don't you want to think about this first?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Jennie, think about it. You and I are both surgeons. Our answer to everything is to cut. If there was any other kind of way I'd consider it but we all know that a craniotomy is the most effective way to get the lesion out," Holden reasoned.

"I know but you could bleed out!" I protested, worried for him.

"If I was just a regular patient would you tell me to do the surgery?" Holden asked. I thought about it for a moment. If he was a normal patient, I would recommend surgery but this was Holden; he wasn't a normal patient! But I couldn't lie and say 'no'. Everyone in the room knew me better to know that I'd just be lying.

"Yes," I answered, finally.

"So we'll do the surgery. If I bleed out, well I've already drawn up a will and-," Holden started.

"Let's not even go there," I interrupted. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes, it's what I want," Holden replied. I nodded and looked over at Dean.

"I don't really know what I'm talking about so I can't say anything," he said.

"But you think I'm making the right decision?" I asked, in need of reassurance.

"It's what Holden wants," Dean replied.

"And it is. You two need to stop worrying about me!" Holden sighed.

It was what Holden wanted and I had to respect his decision. I looked over at Dr. Coats and Bradley, "Okay, we'll do the surgery."

"Great. We can have him in OR 3 by five," Dr. Coats said.

"Thank you. Oh damn it. I need to go pick up Lucas. Come with me?" I asked, looking over at Dean.

"Of course," Dean replied.

"Jennie, I don't want you to worry Lucas. Explain it to him in the best way possible. I don't want him thinking that there's any possible way that I'm going to die," Holden started.

"You're not going to die," I argued.

"But if-," Holden said.

"But if that was going to happen then you wouldn't be having the surgery," I said forcefully.

"We should go," Dean whispered.

I nodded and Dean and I were leaving, "And Holden? Good luck. We should be back before you go into surgery but just in case they move you up, good luck."

"Jennie, it's all going to be alright," Holden reassured.

I knew I needed to hear those words but they still didn't feel real. He couldn't guarantee me that. Dean and I left the room and as soon as we got into the Impala, I completely lost it. I was a hot mess and there was no control. Dean just held me in his arms and let me cry. He rubbed my back and held me in his arms comfortingly.

Once I was calm, we went to pick up Lucas at daycare. We brought him back to the hospital and explained everything to him. I wasn't quite sure he completely understood but he got the general idea. He had faith that Holden would be okay. I just hoped he was right. Holden went into surgery around 5.

Lucas had fallen asleep on my lap and I rested my head on Dean's shoulder. I was so grateful that Dean was here to hold my hand through it all. This was making me fall even more with the man that I already loved very much.

"Abuelo is going to be alright, si?" Lucas asked.

"Si, mijo. Necesitas dormir, (You need to sleep)" I told him.

"No quiero dormir, (I don't want to sleep)" Lucas whined.

"Debes, (You should)" I replied, sighing. I knew he wanted to wait up for news of Holden but he was missing his bed time.

Just then, Bradley came out into the OR waiting room, a huge smile on his face.

"The surgery went great! We took him back to his room and he should be waking up in about an hour or two," Bradley replied.

"Oh thank, God!" I exclaimed, hugging him. "Thank you, Bradley, really."

"It's no problem but I should really get going. I'll see you tomorrow," Bradley said, hugging me back.

"Thank you," I said once again before Bradley left.

"Mama, que pasa? (Mom, what happened?)" Lucas asked.

"Abuelo is going to be alright," I replied, relieved. Tears of joy sprang to my eyes. Lucas jumped into my arms and I picked him up.

"He's alright?" Dean asked, standing up.

"Yes!" I declared happily. Dean walked over to me and kissed me.

"I told you so," he cooed.

"Yeah, yeah," I replied, nudging him playfully.

Author's Note: Sorry for such slow updates. School's started for me and already I have a ton of work. I will update as much as I can and luckily I've written this story so all I need to do is edit the rest of the chapters and then post them :) Please, keep reviewing. I'd love suggestions! Also, thank to Dawnie-7 for reviewing each chapter. You rock!