Don't own, so don't sue.
To those who raised questions about this fic being labeled AU: I figured that Jane and Maura didn't in a bar and therefore a fic set in a universe where they met in a bar instead of on the job would be AU. Anyway, not an integral part of the story.
This chapter is more serious. Sorry, I guess I just can't keep things light and fluffy for too long. It's not my nature I suppose. Wish I could say it got fluffier, but at least we get to see the comforting side of Jane. Sorry.
"Jane!" Maura shrieked, attracting the attention of the other patrons.
"What? What's wrong?"
"You got it down my shirt!"
"The French fry?"
"Yes, the French fry. What else?" Maura was standing up next to the table by now, pulling at her shirt and doing a little dance.
"Here, let me-"
"Jane!" Maura scolded, batting Jane's hand away. "Hands out of my shirt!"
"Just take it off, then you'll be able to find it."
"Jane! I am not taking my shirt off in a diner!"
"Not here, in the restroom! Go! It's over there."
Maura pranced to the bathrooms, shimmying and tugging at the front of her blouse the whole time.
The strung-out guy watched the whole scene with wide eyes, unbelieving that this was really playing out right in front of him. He also gained some sudden table manners and placed his napkin in his lap.
Jane sat back down in the booth, palm to forehead, as some inebriated frat guys entered the diner and all but claimed the bar, causing the older man to grumble something about kids these days, leave a tip, and leave.
Maura emerged from the restroom a moment later, blouse evidently fixed and ridded of potato but with hair mussed from the ordeal. She was headed back toward her and Jane's table when her path was blocked by a jock who'd drunk enough to get brave and stupid.
"Hey. How you doin?"
Maura tried to simply step around him.
"Where you goin there, honey?" he said, stepping directly in her way. "You're lookin' good. You know that? You're hawt."
She tried to fake him out to get around him, to no avail.
"Excuse me." She said tersely.
"Hey, no prob." he said, stepping out of the way. The snickers coming from his frat buddies erupted into all-out cheers when he grabbed her ass as she passed him.
Maura whirled around quickly, but before she could react Jane was at her side, having been watching him closely since he swaggered up to her. Jane stepped between Maura and the frat boy, easily three inches taller than her.
"Hey." She greeted in a falsely friendly tone of voice.
He just grinned and looked her up and down. "What's cookin', good lookin'?"
Jane just stared politely but unwaveringly and brushed her blazer back and put her hand on her hip, revealing her badge and gun. The crackhead in the corner said "Fuck" and scurried out.
The frat boy took a step back. "Whoa."
"'Whoa' is right." Jane said in an even, threatening tone, her face graced with a cocky smile that said 'You're in for it, buddy'. She took a step forward.
"Not such a big guy when faced with a woman with a gun?" Another confident smirk. Another step backward for the jock. Another step forward for Jane.
"Or maybe you're not quite as dumb as you look. Maybe it's the prospect of being collared for assault you're scared of." Jane stepped forward again, almost standing on his toes.
He just gulped and looked ashamedly at Maura, standing slightly behind Jane. All snickering from the frat boy peanut gallery had given way to awed silence.
Suddenly the smirk vanished and Jane's voice was steely, full of pure intimidation. "Try that shit again and the handcuffs won't be your biggest threat. She's the medical examiner, you know." Jane nodded toward Maura. "If you were to come across her autopsy table with, say, a bullet to the chest" Jane tapped her right hand on her holstered gun and shoved him in the chest with her left. "and she ruled natural causes, they would be no investigation. There'd just be you, six feet under. And us, going on with our lives." Jane gave another smirk, still managing to emit waves of cold anger.
The once-brave frat boy stood rooted to the spot, his buddies gazing on in awe.
Jane's jaw still jutted out, her right hand was still on her piece. Then Maura touched her arm. The detective slowly melted. Her posture became less rigid. Her hand slowly came down to her side.
"Go, get outta here." Jane dismissed with a wave of her hand, not without one last threat. "But next time you're not so lucky."
The frat boys made their way out of the diner slowly, defiantly. Most were already out when one decided not to go quietly. "Fuckin' dykes."
To Jane's surprise, Maura was in that kid's face in a flash. "What did you say?"
"I, uh…" The kid was a good five inches taller that the medical examiner, but he immediately began sweating profusely out of nervousness.
"I'm not armed. I can't shoot you. What did you say?"
"I, uh, sorry, ma'am. I said" he cleared his throat briefly "'fucking dykes', ma'am." He gazed down at Dr. Isles' shoes, clearly afraid to look her in the eye.
"And what does that mean?" Something in Maura's voice was… odd. Cool, confident. Like she was testing him. And he would fail.
"'Dyke'?" The fratboy's face scrunched in confusion. "A dyke is a lesbian, ma'am."
"No, not the slang., the denotation What is a dike?" Same tone of voice. Calculating, almost.
"Uh, it's uh, a water thing, ma'am." The kid wasn't sure where this was going, which made him even more nervous.
"So basically you called us embankments used to control rivers and seas?" Zing. Maura delivered the line flatly and matter-of-fact, but not without a cutting, almost ridiculing edge.
"Uh, um, basically, yes. Ma'am." His face turned an embarrassed pink.
"Learn some better insults, you vile undereducated drunkard." Maura spit out the cutting remark, the verbal attack flowing off her tongue so smoothly and quickly it took him a second to realize he'd been insulted
The kid's pink shade darkened to a mortified fuchsia. "Yes, ma'am." he replied, relieved, and hurried out.
From the sidewalk the women could hear one of the guys comment "Dude. She owned you."
At least two more chapters to go, probably more. Thanks for reading, and special thanks to those who will review and who have reviewed.