I bounced my legs up and down nervously and bit my thumbnail. I leaned my elbows on my knees and then only bounced one leg up and down.

"Jennie, I'm glad that you decided to see me," Dr. Thomas said.

"Oh, I felt it would be best and I mean, you're right here in the hospital anyways so it was convenient," I replied, politely. I just wanted to get through this and get back to my normal self. I was eager to get back to normal and almost wished that therapy wouldn't take at least a couple of months. If only it worked in the blink of an eye... I hated feeling this way – feeling nothing but emptiness.

"Great. Well let's begin. Tell me about yourself," Dr. Thomas started.

She kept using this calm, soothing, therapist voice with me which obviously wasn't a surprise seeing as she was a shrink but was it wrong that I found it almost irritating? She spoke to me as if everything was alright and it wasn't. I guess I just found it ironic.

"Well, I uh, I work here as a cardio attending. I'm thirty one years old, I have a son named Lucas and a man that loves me…" I started.

"Okay. But tell me more. Let's start at the beginning. Who were your parents? Where are they now? How have they influenced your life?" Dr. Thomas asked.

I nodded and took a deep breath, "Okay."

I began telling her all about my upbringing and how both of my parents were dead. I told her how Holden was the one who basically raised me and is now the only parent-like figure that is living today. I explained it all to her as she scribbled furiously against her notepad. Every now and then she'd look up at me or interject something or some kind of advice but she really just listened. It was almost nice.

At the same time I found it weird that I was paying someone to listen to me talk about my problems. And even now, we weren't even talking about what had happened but just my upbringing. We were just talking about my past which I guess that made sense seeing as she'd have to know me to fix me. When a patient came in, we needed to know all their medical history so this just seemed to make sense.

"Well that seems like all the time we have today. I'll see you next week, Jennie. And by the way, I know we didn't get to the heart of the matter but I think it's best that I get to know you first. It will help us solve whatever's been ailing you," she started. So I was right.

"Alright, thanks so much," I said, beginning to stand up.

"There are just a couple of things we should go over first," Dr. Thomas started.

"Oh okay," I said, sitting back down.

"First, I'd like you to know that you may not think you're getting better now but the fact that you've come to see me is a huge step to getting better. Most people don't even want to acknowledge that they need help," Dr. Thomas started.

"Well, when you don't try to save yourself from drowning, I think you realize that you need help," I said, almost light heartedly, which surprised me. It was meant to be a joke but Dr. Thomas wasn't laughing. Wow, that was a really bad joke. I chuckled a little uncomfortably but she just continued.

"The second thing is that during our therapy, it is best that you don't do anything that brings you to any kind of… emotional high point. It's good that at the moment you haven't been cleared for surgery yet because that's one of the things. I know you surgeons; you always talk about getting a high from it. No risky surgeries, no roller coasters, no sex… I know that sounds a little extreme but feeling those intense emotions may drive you to wanting to feel them all the time, causing more problems in our therapy. I understand that you've said that you feel numb and that you don't feel much anymore and if you have only a snip of intense emotion, it may cause you to become addicted to the high and we can have that," Dr. Thomas said.

I nodded, "Oh okay." I understood why but it was going to be hard to not be able to do much. I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to tell Dean about the whole no sex thing either...

"Great. I'm glad that I'll be working with you, Jennie. I think we're off to a great start," Dr. Thomas said, shooting me a friendly smile.

"Thank you so much. I'll be back next week at the same time?" I questioned.

"Yes," she said, nodding once.

"Thank you," I said, standing up and leaving the room. I closed the door behind me and went home. The hospital had given me the entire week off after I had finally been released from the hospital. I got in my car and drove home.

"Hey," I said, leaning against the door to our bedroom. Dean had taken off a couple of days of work so that he could be with me. I had been home alone and I could tell that he was anxious about leaving me home alone. Lucas was at school and we didn't have to pick him up for another two hours.

"Hey how was your first therapy session?" Dean sitting up from his laying down position.

"Oh no don't get up. I thought maybe I'd come and join you," I said, walking over to Dean and getting into bed with him. "Therapy was fine. We didn't really talk about it but we talked more about my upbringing and childhood and just who I was but first therapy sessions are always like that."

"Hm," Dean sounded.

"How was your day?" I asked.

"Fine. I went in to work a little this morning but came home around lunch time so that I could be back here with you," Dean replied.

I smiled, "Well that's nice. How was it to be back? I'm sorry, Dean. You don't have to stay with me if you don't want to."

"No, I want to," Dean replied.

"I'll be fine," I said.

"Yes, well you said that the last time and look where that got us," Dean pointed out. I sighed. He was right. He had every reason to be worried about me and I just needed to leave him alone about it.

"Ah, so i guess we're really going to get those snow days after all huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, I think we're going to have a lot of them," Dean said.

I sighed, "Mhm. But you're going to get so sick of me so you'll have to go back to work so you'll still want to marry me," I teased.

"I could never get sick of you," Dean replied, planting a kiss on my forehead.

"You're just being a good boyfriend. I mean, fiancé. Damn, I can't believe we're getting married," I sighed.

"We are. But I want that to be the least of your worries right now. We should focus on you getting better before we do anything about the wedding," Dean said.

"I know but maybe it'll give me something to occupy myself with now that I'm home and then will be doing lots of paper work at the hospital. I won't be cleared for surgery for a while, I'm guessing..." I trailed off, sighing in dissatisfaction.

"It's killing you, isn't it?" Dean teased.

"Ughh, yes!" I groaned. "Did it drive you crazy when you stopped hunting?"

Dean shrugged, "I don't know. It was an adjustment. Look, babe. I don't want you to worry about anything with the wedding though. If you actually want to go through bridal stuff, then go for it."

I nodded and kissed him, "Besides, Dr. Thomas said I couldn't do any intense surgeries because of the high I get from it. I can't do anything with any kind of high in fear of me craving it too much or something. So maybe I'll get bored enough that when the other cardio attending gets all of my surgeries I'll just pull out Brides Weekly."

Dean chuckled. I watched as the little crinkle at the corner of his eyes appeared. It made me smile because I knew that Dean was happy, "Is it weird that I really just couldn't ever see you reading Brides Weekly?"

"God, no. I don't even know why I'd read Brides Weekly!" I exclaimed.

"I love you, Jen," Dean said.

"I love you too, Dean," I said back to him. He pulled my body close to his and kissed me passionately. I kissed him back but only until I remembered what Dr. Thomas had said to me. I reluctantly pulled away.

"That whole no highs thing also includes sex," I blurted out, reluctantly.

"Damn it," Dean groaned.

"I know, I know," I replied.

"So how long is this therapy thing going to take?" Dean asked, jokingly.

I giggled, "I don't really know myself but I can't wait to marry you."

Dean smiled a real, genuine smile, "Me either."