Alyssa spent the next day in a haze. Servants brought her food in her chambers and whispered that the Crown Princess sat listless at her windows, barely acknowledging their presence. It was shock they surmised, at being nearly killed at the hands of Sir Patrick. No one knew what had transpired in the King's study other than that the Princess had emerged victorious against traitors to the crown. It was also rumored that the Prince George of Axia had been involved, but there was no sign of him at the palace and some were inclined to scoff at that gossip.
Alyssa knew that George had left the palace. She had watched him leave that morning from her vigilant post at the window. She could not see his face clearly from the height of her rooms, but she imagined that it was the stoic face of the Crown Prince and not the face of her friend. She leaned her forehead against the cool glass pane and stared down at the now empty courtyard. She wasn't sure how much time had passed since a serving girl had brought her lunch. It could have been minutes or hours, Alyssa had not eaten it and she did not care. George was gone; she had ruined any chance of friendship with him all because she was a coward.
He would hate her now. Fear her even. I've been so stupid, Alyssa thought sadly. Maybe he could have understood, but I never gave him that chance, never trusted him enough. Because how could someone love me? Accept me? I'm an anomaly; a magical glitch of a princess in a sea of perfect ladies.
Alyssa started from her morose pose at the window as a pair of hands rested lightly on her shoulders.
"How are you?" Sly asked quietly.
"I've been better," Alyssa laughed, but the laugh came out harsh and broken, her throat dry.
"You need to eat something." Sly replied with more force, "This is getting ridiculous, you're surrounded by all of these resources and you're throwing them aside in a fit of self pity."
"Hey!" Alyssa said indignantly sitting up straighter, her sluggish mind scrambling for a defense.
"Don't 'hey!' me, you know it's true. The head of the Council, the force fighting for equal rights, casually flinging away her own? The Alyssa I know doesn't mope, she's a force to be reckoned with. Come on, get up."
"Sly I just don't understand what happened. It's too much, all at once." Alyssa said in response to this remarkable little speech.
"So we starve ourselves? No." Alyssa had to smile at Sly's persistence.
"I'm afraid you're too pragmatic for my poor brain today." Alyssa replied. Sly didn't say anything else, just passed her a glass of water and a piece of buttered toast. "Oh all right then," and some of the weight lifted from the Princess' shoulders, if only for the duration of her belated breakfast.
George rode swiftly up the trail behind the Axian palace, his speed becoming increasingly reckless. Had Alyssa lied to him? No not really, but then why did he feel so betrayed. George finally pulled his horse to a stop and looked around. Of course, he thought wryly.
He stood where they had sat together and planned for the future, where he had comforted her, kissed her sweet mouth. George dismounted and tied his horse to the same tree. He stood at the edge of the trail and looked out over his city. It looked the same really, but he felt so different.
Why hadn't she told him? What did she secretly know about him that she had learned through her magic? But I have nothing to hide, thought George. And yet it irked him to know that she had kept this a secret. Did it change things for them? Was there even anything to change? What were they exactly? George knew that their union was practically impossible, the political implications extravagant, and Alyssa was doubtless destined to solve some unforeseen diplomatic problem through her marriage. Just as like me, George thought wryly. Royals do not have the luxury of love.
It wasn't so much the power itself, thought George, just that she had hidden it from him. George could forgive her magic; after all it was out of her control. What he could not forgive was the dark she had left him in, without answers, and on Sir Patrick's comments about her to fill the gaps.
Alyssa went about her life through sheer force of will power. Every morning she bid her body to wash, eat, and talk. But her heart wasn't in it. She heard the whispers and speculation that followed her in the corridors. She couldn't bring herself to care that although she had essentially just saved the kingdom, the majority of the population still viewed their princess with distrustful prejudice of her magic.
She presented all her evidence against Sir Patrick to her Father's council, and left them to debate it's implications. She left the running of her own Council in Ryan's more than capable hands. Ryan had grown into the position admirably and she marveled at her friend's strength even through the disconnected fog of her mind. It was as if she was always dreaming, nothing seemed very real anymore.
"Lyssa!" Sly said sharply, "At least pretend to pay attention to the conversation?" Alyssa nodded apologetically and gave herself a mental shake, which did nothing to dislodge the listlessness that had seized her.
"Right, now that the Crown Princess has graced us with her mental presence," Cat said smiling, "where were we?"
"Figuring out what to do with all the money the Duke stole." Mary said.
"Give it back to the townspeople obviously. Is there any record of his taxation? Then we could ensure it was returned to the rightful owners." Sly said. Sly had also grown a lot, Alyssa thought vaguely. The young woman they had found in the woods would not have participated in this meeting.
"Yes, but let's save a small percentage to rebuild the town, you've all described how decrepit the place was." Ryan suggested.
"I agree," Alyssa said, attempting to contribute so her friends would stop being concerned for her. "And some of the money should go towards food too."
There, Alyssa thought with satisfaction, that ought to show them I'm fine. And she was fine, she told herself. She and George hadn't been more than good friends that kissed just the once. And any foolish hopes for their future had been just that, foolish.
What kind of friends could they have been, had she told him from the start? But her cowardice had ruined it anyway, she hadn't said a word, so she would never know. Was it wrong to lie as she had? She had thought it for the best, for the good of their friendship. Or had she? Maybe that's just how she disguised her own selfish wish to pretend that magic did not course beneath her skin. Alyssa didn't know and everything was too confusing. The arguments in her head spun in vicious circles.
More confusing still was what she had done to Sir Patrick with her power. Alyssa gave an involuntary shudder. She had been out of control, wielding a magic she herself barely understood on the man. And the look of horrified pain on his face when she had opened her eyes, the expression haunted her.
And suddenly she wanted very much to talk to Sir Patrick. What had he felt, to cause that expression of terror? What had she done? The moment had been too painful, too disorienting for her to piece together. She needed help, and Sir Patrick and his men were the only witnesses, not counting Mary and George. But she didn't want to speak to Mary or George because then the shame bubbling in her would spill out, and she would lose what little self-control she had left.
"Please excuse me," Alyssa said unobtrusively as she pushed her chair back from the table and slipped from the meeting room. Surprised faces greeted her hasty exit, but she did not explain herself. They would only try and stop her, and she didn't want to be stopped.
Alyssa strode through the passages of the winter palace with newfound purpose; the Council had moved operations back to the old castle now that Sir Patrick was locked up. Alyssa smiled vaguely at the people she passed, heading straight to the stables. Giro waited for her in his stall, his black coat gleaming in the evening light. Alyssa led him out into the growing darkness and mounted.
An hour later she approached her home, and handed Giro off to one of the stable hands. The girl looked at the Crown Princess in surprise, because it was highly unusual that the lady not insist on caring for her favorite stallion herself.
But Alyssa ignored her shocked expression, and was already striding up the grounds to the back door the servants used. She briefly considered changing, she assumed she looked a mess after sitting in that long meeting and riding both ways. Her hair tended to tangle with elaborate knots in the wind and looking down she remembered that she was dressed as a boy for riding. She wore a simple green tunic and brown breeches that were crumpled from the day's wear. Deciding not to care, Alyssa marched off in the direction of the dungeons.
The guards there seemed startled by her appearance, but Alyssa did not slow her pace. "I've come to interrogate the prisoners," she stated regally.
"Of course lady Princess," said the guard on the far left. "One of us will accompany you." Alyssa nodded, not because she wanted one of these men to witness what was likely to be a horribly humiliating conversation, but because it was the King's word against hers. He allowed her to talk to prisoners, but only if she took at least one guard for protection.
A blonde guard led her down the dank and musty corridor; past the first cells, which contained the usual miscreants and thieves for minor crimes. A few called out rude things to her, and her guard hissed at them like an angry cat.
"Learn to respect your betters!" the guard said. But Alyssa just laughed a little, shook her head and kept walking. When she was dressed as the Princess, no one dared to say anything like that in her presence. She wasn't threatened, simply amused.
"Come now darling, interrogate me! I promise I'll behave." Said one old man suggestively. She winked at him as she passed and he laughed. It was hardly malicious; they were just bored down here in the dark and Alyssa could understand that.
The lively atmosphere dissipated as they descended a thin staircase to the lower levels, were the more dangerous criminals were kept. But Alyssa refused to change her pace, if anything she slowed down. Not out of fear, but because confidence, as every princess knows, is all about effortlessly casual motions. The Crown Princess of Rechad was the picture of calm as she approached the last cell on the left. She turned to face the group of Sir Patrick's men with a comfortable smile on her face.
There were only five of them, sulking in the confines of their shared cell. Alyssa looked at the men briefly and asked, "Who's in charge here?" The answer to her question was likely to be a lie, a ploy to protect the one who knew the most, and the princess knew this. So she watched their body language instead. Four of the men glanced unconsciously at the fifth. Then the tallest of the five stepped forward.
"I am, lady Princess." He said, his deep voice a rumble in the silence. Alyssa nodded, considering.
"I see, well then. I think I'd like to speak to your friend there." She gestured at the man they had all surreptitiously looked to for confirmation. He had reddish blonde hair that clashed radiantly with his green doublet, even though both colors were dimmed by the dirt and dark of the dungeon.
"Of course, lady Princess," said the tall man, trying to conceal his surprise.
"Guard, if you would be so kind as to escort this gentleman in the green to the questioning room I would be most grateful." Alyssa said.
"Certainly, lady Princess." The guard maneuvered the shackled man to a separate room, and Alyssa followed.
"So," she said with a sweet smile. "I'm sort of confused, I'm afraid no one's bothered to explain to me what's going on. Are you the Duke's man? Or Sir Patrick's?" Alyssa was trying her best to play the part of the frivolous princess. She kept her eyes wide and clueless and ensured the man a good view of her figure.
"I'll tell you what you want to know," the man said slowly, as if testing the words. Alyssa was surprised; she had expected much more resistance. After all, this man had been there as she spoke to Sir Patrick. "Just, just so long as you don't touch me." The man continued. On the words "touch me", his voice shook almost imperceptibly. He was scared of her, this man. And that made Alyssa sad and angry all at once. Sad that she be feared by anyone, and angry because what right did this stranger have to be scared? What did he know of her, of her curse, of her life?
But it was clear that her portrayal of innocence was going badly, so she moved in the opposite direction: using his fear for her own purposes.
"Scared?" she whispered, walking towards the man slowly. She reached out a hand to almost brush his cheek, and he strained against his chains. Squashing down shame and self-hatred for her behavior, Alyssa asked, "You promise to tell me the truth? Everything I want to know?"
"Everything," the man gasped, shrinking before her.
"Lovely," Alyssa said, dropping her hand. "Then let us begin." Alyssa extracted from the man his knowledge of the plans, the fact that the Duke was still in his holdings and had been under the impression that Sir Patrick had left on business, not a political mission. Poor idiot, Alyssa thought sarcastically. She also learned that Sir Patrick had always intended to kill her once she had served her purpose. The marriage proposal and offer of power had been meant to entice her to join him, or at the very least, distract her. What a charming husband he would have made, Alyssa thought wryly.
Lastly, she asked him to give a detailed account of what he had seen transpire in the King's study. He began reluctantly, but soon relaxed into his story, until he reached the part about her curse.
"Yes?" she prompted.
"Well, lady Princess," he said, "It's just that, well, it was like nothing I've ever seen before. Sir Patrick said you could read people's minds when you touched their skin, and when he grabbed you; it was like your whole body froze up. You were there, but your mind was gone. You fought it; the struggle was obvious in your face, but then…I don't know. You had collapsed; your friend George was very upset about that, and I think it was less than a minute before you were lucid again. But the truth is I don't know lady, we were all listening to the Sir Patrick speak."
"And what did he say?"
"Stuff…about you, lady Princess. About your curse."
"Could you be more specific?" Alyssa asked, trying valiantly to contain her irritation.
"About um, well about how your power was unprecedented and stronger than you know. He kept making vague references and implying that you didn't know how to wield it. A waste of magical skill he called it, a travesty lady Princess. He seemed to think that he could control your power himself if you let him or that he could teach you to control it. Something about mind reading, not just emotions or influential desires. Something bigger. I don't know lady Princess, he wasn't making a lot of sense." The man trailed off, his eyes scrutinizing her for a reaction. She did not give him one. Although Alyssa's mind spun with the implications of his little speech her face remained cool and impassive. She raised an eyebrow at the man and leaned forward little.
"How can I be sure this isn't some fabricated story of Sir Patrick's?"
"It's the truth! I swear it lady! Ask the others!" Alyssa nodded curtly and left the room.
"I think I'll do just that." She said, striding back to the cell. The guard separated the men out into separate questioning rooms; she didn't want them checking their stories with one another. In hindsight perhaps it had been foolish to let them reside together in that cell, but it hadn't been Alyssa's decision to make. No matter, she concluded after talking to the last man. They all had the same story, yes. But the same story told a different way each time, not a fabricated tale. None of them used the same lines as if rehearsing a play and she was inclined to believe their information. Now all that was left was the man himself, and Alyssa gathered together all of the courage she could muster. With this snake of a man, she would need her wits, her bravery and armor strong enough to protect her very soul from his poisonous words.
"I wondered when you would come," Was all he said. He did not even deign to rise from his position on the lone cot in the back corner. Sir Patrick was still dressed in the clothes he had worn on the day of his failed attempt to take the throne, but they were grimy now. His dark hair fell in greasy strings around his cold eyes.
"Been expecting me, have you?" Alyssa asked. She kept her body language light and easy, but her words dripped with unconcealed venom.
"Yes," he responded simply. Apparently she would have to actually question him. Some part of her had hoped that he would just tell her what she wanted to know. Alyssa hated interrogating people; all the mind games that went on overwhelmed her. Had she been allowed to hold a prisoners hand while they spoke, she would of course know if they lied, but then the rest of their emotions would also distract her. Holding back a sigh, Alyssa held her head a fraction higher, determined not to be intimidated.
"It would please me greatly if you would give me your version of what happened in the Kings study." Alyssa said diplomatically. Breathe, stay calm, don't make it obvious how important his answer is to you, Alyssa's silent mantra revolved in her head as she stared quietly at Sir Patrick.
"You know what would please me, Princess? If you would consent to be my empress, the offer is still on the table."
"Really? Even after I hurled a knife into your shoulder?"
"All lovers have squabbles, we can't let things like that stand in our way. We could be great together, Alyssa. Truly great."
"Oh? Your men don't seem to share your optimism. In fact, they rather speculated our relationship would be short lived," Alyssa made sure to emphasize that word, "For my part anyway."
"All good things must come to an end." Sir Patrick shrugged easily.
"Hm," Alyssa mused aloud. Her mind was spinning. How to ask what she really wanted to know while staying casual? "Are you so sure you would have ended my life? You know I am powerful." Alyssa sat back in the chair she had positioned just outside of his cell. They were in the gloomiest wing of the dungeons, one floor above the murderers awaiting trial. Sir Patrick was the only man on this level. His isolation had been by design.
"My dear, do you not see that it is for precisely that reason? You're too powerful for your own good, really. I couldn't stand to have a rival, you know, and an incompetent one at that."
"Incompetent? But then why dispose of me?"
"Yes incompetent, poor thing, do some research on fairies won't you? Your lack of knowledge is becoming irksome. Their magic is meant to enhance human qualities and nurture characteristics you already possess. You on the other hand, well; do you know anyone else that can sense things by touch?" Sir Patrick had begun to rant in earnest now and Alyssa was content to let him go on. "And you haven't even explored the power or tried to use it at all. You just sit there and let it accidentally wander out of you when you could call upon it at any time; maybe it's not only activated by touch. Maybe your mind is more malleable than you ever dreamed. " His eyes lost their glassy stare and snapped back to her face. His cheeks flushed with a dark red as he realized his mistake.
Alyssa did not reply, she could tell by his new guarded posture that this interview had reached the end of its usefulness. She would have to come back another day with more daring than she currently possessed to question him about what she had done to him in her bleary attack. She smiled with closed lips at the grimy Sir Patrick and straightening her green tunic, rose to leave.
"Wait!" his scratchy voice called out to her retreating form. Alyssa paused in the passageway but did not turn around. The guard at her side unconsciously slid a hand to his sword.
"I would kill you because you are a monster, unnatural, a magical aberration. Things like you do not deserve life, your power is too disturbing, a violation of humanity and the privacy that should be one's mind." The guard moved to silence Sir Patrick but Alyssa laid a quelling hand on his arm.
"Curious? Want to hear more?" Sir Patrick taunted her. "Well then I'll tell you, you disgusting woman, because I know about magic. Unlike you I was smart enough to investigate it, learn more before making assumptions. What you did to me with your filthy magic, it was a type of power the fairies are forbidden from using. It takes the thoughts of another person and turns them against him. Takes their desires and crushes them, throws them back in their face. The pain is not a physical one, but the mental destruction is catastrophic. It is the pain of watching everything you have ever wanted fall apart and being unable to lift a finger to stop it."
Alyssa was crying now, fat tears rolling down her cheeks and she did not turn to see Sir Patrick. She did not want his broken face to haunt her. So she walked away, and was instead haunted by imagining what she might have seen.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: That was really sad to write, but on the bright side I'm finally a second semester senior! Hooray for being done with college apps and having a life again!