There was fear in the thick silence between Shane and Mitchie in the car. He had been driving for the past twenty minutes, not a single word spoken to Mitchie after he found her at the cemetery. His face, his eyes, the way his cheeks were almost throbbing because his jaw had been clenched so hard said so much more than a million words. She chewed on her bottom lip, dropping her gaze from Shanes side to her lap. She could feel the anger radiating from his body as if it was filling the space inside the car, each second the air getting thicker and thicker
She felt scared of Shane and she didn't even know why. He was harmless. He would never hurt her, if only she could believe that. If only he hadn't hurt her before.
Mitchie didn't know if she should speak. She was afraid to utter a single word, she didnt want to hear his yelling voice. Not today.
Not a single word had been exchanged between the two of them that morning. She had silently followed him back into his car, him pulling out of the parking Lott in the cemetery dangerously fast, not even looking at her. He had been driving aimlessly, not ready to speak yet, not ready to scold her for her stupid behaviour, not ready for another fight. She could feel it all building up and she knew he'd burst soon.
"Please take me home." She gathered up the courage to speak, her hoarse voice almost cracking into a sob. The sound of her voice caused Shane to look her way for the first time during the car ride. He noticed how she was almost curled up into a ball, her small body pushed up against the door, staying as far away as physically possible from him.
Her body jerked violently as Shane's car came to a sudden halt.
It was quiet for a while. Mitchie thought maybe Shane had given up and she let out a shaky sigh, flipping the wet pillow over and digging her face into it.
"Mitchie! Mitchie let me in!" Shane banged onto their bedroom door. She could feel her body shake every time she heard Shane's fist have contact with the door, pleading for her to open. "Please honey, please...just let me in...Mitchie!" He yelled frantically, pushing and punching the door. She heard him curse, obviously trying to search for the spare keys.
"Mitchie, baby please...I'm scared. Please open the door, please just, just say something.."
She had been silent from the moment she had woken up that morning. All she wanted was to be left alone. She hadn't spoken a word to anyone at the funeral that day. She sat next to Shane, her family and friends constantly checking for their well being with constant eyes and sympathetic looks sent to the couple.
She didn't want to see her son be put into the ground. She wasn't supposed to witness such a day, it was always supposed to be the other way around.
She didn't even know how she made it home past all the security outside the cemetery, past all the media attention, past all the eyes of her near ones, watching her like a hawk. She didn't know how she made it, all she knew was that she couldn't be there. Only minutes after she had reached home and locked herself in her room came the banging and Shanes voice. The sound of his voice made her want to cry even harder. Why did he not understand that all she wanted was to be left alone? She didn't want anyone with her, she didn't want anyone to look out for her or care for her, she didn't want to share her grief with anyone, not even Shane, she just wanted to be alone.
"Mitchie," He begged, his voice on the verge of cracking. "Please open the door honey. I'm here for you, please just...please open the door."
"I-I'm fine Sh-Shane.." She choked out, not sure whether he heard her. "I'm fine." She whispered, assuring herself more than anybody else as she dragged her wobbly feet towards the door.
"Oh gosh, Mitchie!" A relieved sigh left Shane's lips as his arms found her immediately, holding her into a desperate hug. "Baby," He held her face, moving away the lose strands of hair that stuck to her damp face. "I love you, I love you so much Mitchie." He hugged her again. "Please don't...don't do that again." He kissed her lips before stroking her hair soothingly. "Don't scare me like that." Mitchie nodded into his chest, gripping onto his black shirt as she heard the sound of her front door closing followed by the voices of her family members. "I love you too, Shane."
"Are you fucking crazy? What were you...what were you thinking? What were you doing sleeping at the cemetery?"
Mitchie cringed at Shane's tone as she struggled to meet his gaze. "Really Mitchie, are you crazy? Do you want to be kidnapped or murdered or raped, is that what you intened on happening because that's the way I see it!"
"I just-"
"You've just fucking lost your mind!" He hit the steering wheel in anger. His face was red, his eyes sparkling in rage, they were red too, almost blood shot and she noticed he had grown dark circles under them just like her own eyes. His hair was an unruly mess and he still had the clothing she had seen him in in the previous day. He looked like a combination of tired, sleep deprived and frustrated. Even under so much stress he looked nothing less than a Greek god.
"You know how fucking lucky you are that that guy called Nate and didn't actually hurt you or call the press. Your parents must be going fucking crazy right now Mitchie, what the hell were you thinking? What the hell is going on in that mind of yours?"
"It's June 15th today." She informed in a whisper, trying her best not to let any tears out in front of him.
"Do you think that's a rational excuse for your actions Mitch, do you?" He scolded, running a hand through his messy hair in anger. His brown eyes held so much rage, it was almost menacingly sending a chill down Mitchie's spine.
"But it's 15th June today, Shane." She whispered again looking him in the eye.
"Maybe you and Mitchie should visit a therapist, Shane."
"She just...I just...she doesn't talk to me anymore." Mitchie watched Shane sigh sadly from the kitchen doorway, his head hanging low as his mother rubbed his arm supportively..
"I know this is a hard time for you son, and I want you to know that we are all here for you. You're not alone in this Shane, I want you to know that." Shane nodded at his mothers words, hearing what she was saying but not really listening. His mind was with Mitchie. He was constantly worrying about her, everything in his mind was occupied by her. There was a constant fear in his mind regarding Mitchie and how she was coping with everything. He felt so distant to her, like she had caged herself up and she wasn't letting him in and it scared him. He couldn't feel anything else other than the fear for her, he was too occupied worrying and thinking of ways to make her speak to him, to make her open up, to make her his Mitchie again that he couldn't feel the hurt he was going through himself, he knew it was there, but he couldn't feel it because every fibre of him was filled with care, worry and fear for Mitchie.
Mitchie poked her head a little closer to the door in hopes of getting a better sound of the mother-son conversation she was eavesdropping on. She looked behind her back every few seconds on a look out for Frankie or Nate who might suddenly appear from wherever they were in the huge Gray mansion.
"I don't know what to do, Mom." Shane took his face in his hands. "I'm scared that I don't know what to do. I don't want to see her go down a road where I'll lose her forever. I can't lose her, Mom."
"Shane look at me honey." His mother urged. "You have to stay strong Shane. Be strong. Mitchie is only nineteen and there's a lot going on in her head right now, a lot of things that don't make sense and she's lost and hurt, but you're the only one who can break her out of the shell she has built around her."
Shane nodded. "I have to be strong."
"That's right son. She needs you more than anybody right now.. You are her everyone right now, Shane. Sure she has people around her but for her its the same as having no one if you're not the person she confines in." Mitchie let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.
Shane's words were ringing in her mind over and over again. She was hurting him, but she didn't know how she could stop. She wanted to talk to him if that was what was going to make him feel better, but she didn't know what to say. She wasn't thinking these days, her mind was blank.
"Take this Shane." Denise handed him a white folded paper. "Caitlyns mom told me about her once. She's a good therapist, you and Mitchie should see her."
"Thanks Mom." Shane mumbled. "I should go wake Mitchie up. We should get going."
Mitchie practiced her smile, bringing her fingers to her eyes to make sure they held no tears before walking into the kitchen. "Shane it's so late." She fake smiled.
"Oh, hi honey I thought you were sleeping." Denise smiled.
Mitchie returned the smile with much effort. "I just woke up now." She lied. "We should go home Shane."
"Yeah.." He nodded. "Bye, Mom. Love you." He engulfed his mother in a hug.
"Love you too Shane." She rubbed his back lovingly, opening her arm out. "Come here, Mitchie."
"Is that a rational enough reason for you to be sleeping at a cemetery? Do you even think about your actions before you do them Mitchie, because right now you're looking kind of crazy!"
"Because that's what I am, okay Shane? I'm crazy! I'm fucking crazy! Do you hear that? I am crazy..." She suddenly yelled. "I'm crazy that I lost my son, I'm crazy that I cry, I'm crazy that no one remembers and I'm crazy because no one fucking cares okay? Moral of the story I AM FUCKING CRAZY!" Mitchie was so surprised at her own outburst that she didnt realize she hadn't breathed through the whole sentence. Her face had turned as red as a tomato and she was suddenly aware of how hot the California sun was.
"No one has forgotten anything okay?" Shane said much more calmly, composing himself and bringing the car back to a start in fears of causing a scene in the busy road he had pulled up on.
"You always thought I was crazy." Mitchie laughed humorlessly.
"I never thought you were crazy." He shook his head.
"You wanted to take me to that stupid therapist." She pointed, watching him move his eyes from the road to her face every ten seconds.
"I just wanted you to be back to normal." He mumbled sadly.
"When you were trying to take me to that therapist I had just lost a child that I didnt even want at first, but learnt to love him more than anything in the world even though I never got a chance to know him." She reminded. "Which sort of person will be in a 'normal' state of mind in such circumstances?"
"It's a year today Mitchie." He said slowly.
"I know." She rolled her eyes. "I'm surprised you remember."
"Why do you act like that Mitchie!" He demanded, hitting the steering wheel in frustration which in turn caused him to honk the car in front of them. "Why do you act like you're the only one affected by what happened and the rest of us just left you in the corner to cry, why?" He was screaming again, startling Mitchie. "You need to stop acting like a kid and grow the fuck up! Everyone and everything isnt about you and the whole world cannot stop living and cannot stop functioning because everything isn't alright in the Mitchie world!"
"Stop yelling at me Shane." She felt tears slowly dwell her eyes.
"NO!" He hit the steering wheel again. "I will not fucking stop yelling! Stop living in the past...I'm not telling you to forget it, but don't let it make you weak. Keep the past in your mind and make your present strong. Don't let our past destroy you, and you can start by taking some responsibility for a fucking second."
"Me?" Mitchie wondered aloud in astonishment. "I need to take responsibility? What about the responsibility you had towards me, Shane? What about that? Did you fulfil it, no."
Shane laughed mirthlessly. "I was so busy worrying about you, trying to fulfil my responsibility towards you that I wasn't even given the time or permission to be upset or be hurt about Christopher's death because I was so busy trying to make you get out of the twenty word limit you suddenly set yourself to. Just because I don't show you my hurt, just because I don't cry in front of you, just because I dont show you my regret doesnt mean I dont feel any of those things." The car came to a stop, forcing Mitchie to look out the window and see she was already outside her home. "Now how about you go inside, start acting responsible and let your parents know that you're still fucking alive? Now get out."
-X-
"We just need you to approve of this story and theme and we can start shooting for the single soon. Maybe even next week."
"I'm on tour for three more weeks though." Mitchie explained to the creative director as she took a sip of her latte and placed it back on top of the enormous table in the conference room the meeting was taking place in.
"That's not a problem. I have already had you schedule cross re fenced and you have three days off, a week into the tour. We can schedule the shoot for then and South America will be a perfect setting for the single. And the rest of the bits and pieces can be shot in LA after you're back."
"Okay." Mitchie nodded. "Can you send this back to Clara, my assistant, she manages my schedule."
"Will do."
"And uh..what about the guy? I mean, who will I be opposite? I don't even have time to search for a suitable guy or hold auditions."
"Well, we have that sorted out." She said. "The team has narrowed it down to three guys who they think will be suitable. I'll send you the pictures and the rest of the details, but you have to give me a confirmation on a guy by tonight."
"Alright." Mitchie pressed her lips together, holding her hand out to shake with the other woman. "Thanks, I guess I'll see you soon."
-X-
"I cant believe you're leaving for tour again in two days." Caitlyn sighed as she moved her body so she was laying on her back on Mitchie's bed. "I feel like we have so much to catch up on."
"I'll be back in like three weeks." Mitchie shrugged as she cearfully hanger-ed an article of clothing into her wardrobe. "And anyway, I'm sure you have the tall, dark and handsome Jeff to entertain you." She giggled. "Well not dark..but you know what I mean. Where did you meat him anyway?"
"I met him at Kendall's wedding." Caitlyn smiled at the fond memory.
"Kendall got married! Why do I not know about this?" Mitchie asked, surprised.
"Well, at that time you had a) cut everyone including me out of your life and b) you were touring Europe." Caitlyn informed bluntly. "I don't even know why the label let you tour at that time. I guess all they care about is the money you're bringing in." She sighed and Mitchie knew what was coming after that. A critical evaluation from Caitlyn Geller. "I mean, you're album had been pushed back for after you had the baby and after you and Shane were supposed to get married. It had been pushed a whole six months back and suddenly you got crazy and wanted to leave the country and it was the perfect opportunity. I just can't believe they played along to your craziness."
"Gee, thanks Caity." Mitchie frowned.
"This is absolute, absolute madness Mitchie! You can't go to Europe, why the hell do you want to go to Europe?" Shane was still breathless from running through the house and up the stairs to find Mitchie sitting idly on their bed.
"My album is releasing at the end of next month." She stated matter of factly.
"You're album wasnt supposed to be released till winter, Mitch! What's going on?" He asked, suddenly finding everything too much to take in at once. "You're supposed to be here, with me, not at the other end of the world. What's happening?"
"They pushed it forward." She informed. "Well, I asked them to. We don't have much time. The first single is releasing on Thursday and I'm just..I just, I'm going to Europe for the promotion."
"All of this just makes no sense." Shane shook his head. "Why are you...this is all too sudden, you're..you cant go to Europe. You cant handle all of this again so soon Mitchie. You're not fit enough." Shane said calmly, trying to make her understand what exactly she was doing.
"I know what I'm doing." The tone Mitchie held surprised Shane. It held so much bitterness and anger that the girl in front of him almost seemed foreign to him. "I'm not crazy."
"I'm not saying you're crazy, Mitchie." Shane held her hand. "But this...I don't get this. Whats the rush? December was such a better date, honey. It hasnt even been a month yet."
"I'm fine." Mitchie insisted, moving her hand away from Shane's. "I don't want to wait any longer and plus, the lable doesnt have a problem with this. They said they're fine arranging everything in this short time. I'm going to Europe and that's final."
"You can't just leave like this."
"Yes I can."
"You cant Mitchie!" Shane spoke, his voice louder than he wanted to be. "You can't! This is so sudden and uncalled for. This is crazy, Mitchie!"
"Thats what you think I am isn't it!" She exclaimed suddenly. "You think I'm crazy and thats why you want to take me to that doctor. That's why you want me to stay! I hear you and your mom talking the other day, I'm not crazy!"
"No.." Shane said silently, taken aback by Mitchies revealation. "Thats not why Mitchie. Fine okay, you wanna go to Europe, fine. You wanna release your album next month, fine, but I'll come with you...I'm coming with you."
"I don't want you to come with me Shane. I don't want you to keep following me. I want to be left alone, why don't you get that!"
"Do you really think going on a promotion tour will help you isolate yourself from everyone else? Do you, because really Mitchie you are delusional. You wont even have a free hour to yourself...you're going to be surrounded by people every single second of the day. You know that Mitchie, then why are you doing this?"
"Maybe because I want to be away from you." She said bitterly. "I just...I don't want you following me Shane."
Mitchies words almost made him want to cry. He could feel the burning sensation at the back of his eyes. "Please don't say that." He knelled down on the floor near her legs that were dangling over the bed and held her hand again. "I'll come with you. I swear, I'll give you your space. I wont interfere in anything, I'll stay away from you I promise. You don't have to talk to me, I wont even show you my face. Please just let me come."
"Which part of 'I don't want you to come with me' do you not understand Shane? I don't want you to come with me, Just stop forcing me okay...you have your movie shoot anyway."
"I want to come." He still insisted over her angry attitude. Angry over what, he wasn't sure, but he didn't care what she said to him, he was too in love with her to care.
"Just stop it okay? Just fucking stop it! You're not coming and that's final."
"You didn't even tell Shane about the Tour or the album release. We're you gonna leave without telling him if he hadn't found out?" Caitlyn asked.
"Can we please just not talk about this?"
"Okay, okay..." Caitlyn held her hand our in surrender.
"Heeeyyyyy..." Dana popped her head through Mitchie's bedroom door. "Look who's here!" She exclaimed as she entered Mitchie's room with a couple of files and a garment bag.
"Dana, hi!" Mitchie smiled, hugging her friend. "Caitlyn this is Dana my stylist and of course friend and Dana, Caitlyn one of my best friends!"
"Hi!" Dana exclaimed in her usual happy manner. "Hi, nice to meet you." Caityln replied with a smile.
"So do you have my dress for the premier?" Mitchie inquired.
"That, I do." Dana smiled happily. "I'm surprised you're going to this thing in the first place."
"I have to otherwise Shane's dad will eat me alive." Mitchie frowned, plomping back down on her bed. "Does it sparkle?"
"Yes." Dana laughed. "That's the only way I think I could make you go to Shane and Franchescas movie premier. But anyway, look at what I have." She brought up she files in front of Mitchie's face. "Caitlyn, come here. We're gonna chose the hottie Mitchie will be paired with in her next single! I have their portfolios and the rest of the information with me right here." She squealed excitedly.
Well, look at that! An update! :D I bet you guys gave up on me huh?
I have my mocks from sunday and they go on until the middle of april and then from may I have my exams and they finish at the end of June. So I really dont know how I wrote this, but I did! and its up...
Sooo...a lot of craziness in this chapter ;) Even though when I re-read this I kinda hate how it turned out and I've changed my mind and this is my most hated chapter. sigh... I think you guys could give Shane a chance after reading this chapter, what say? The guy isnt that bad.
Anyway, the next chapter, whenever it is up will be the premier and maybe them back on tour and her music video shoot.
I usually have a lot to write here but right now im just at a loss of words so I'll leave it to that, but please tell me what you think and what your theories are since Mitchie isnt as much as the vicitm as she shows to be, sheane has a hear too you know, Mitchie? what do you guys think will happen next?
Review and let me know, I wanna hear your theories! :)
PLEASE REVIEW :D
Love you guys!
I wll be replying to the reviews from the previous chapter soon, promise. In the meanwhile please REVIEW to this :P
And P.S a lot of you guys asked if shane and franchesca have broken up, but you'll see in the next chapter :P