Happy New Year!
Thank you for all of the encouragement, the reviews, alerts, everything. I'm so happy you're all on board for the ride. Truly sorry for the delay in posting- the holidays were crazy.
These next two chaps are very P/H centric but we get back to the suspense very soon.
Enjoy!
RATED K+
Chapter 15
She lifted her arms to wrap them around his neck, pulling him closer, holding him firmer to deepen their kiss. He tightened his grip around her waist and eased one of his thighs between hers to ensure that not even air could pass between then.
The small movement was like the lighting of a fuse.
They both felt the charge and something potent and tangible exchanged between them. It was as though nothing existed beyond them- in that moment- locked in each other's arms.
Alec exhaled a soft moan and pulled out of the kiss just far enough to pepper Parker's cheeks, chin and neck with slow, wet kisses and she felt a tiny spark every place his lips met her skin. Parker was on fire. She couldn't see, or hear, or feel anything beyond him, his warmth, his firmness, his presence. She eased them both back against the wall and he found her lips again. This time the meeting was urgent and impatient. They held on as though they were the all that kept the other tethered to the planet.
As close as they were pressed together, Parker still arched her back, needing more of him. Alec unwound his arms from around her waist and hoisted her gently against him, anchoring her firmly between his body and the wall. Parker wrapped her legs around his hips and locked them at the ankles.
He consumed her. She could think of nothing that had ever felt as good as him holding her, kissing her. He made her feel alive. He made her feel free. He made her feel valued. He simply made her feel.
Alec pushed them off of the wall and ambled into the bedroom, still carrying her; his lips never leaving her skin.
He deposited her gently onto the bed and allowed himself a brief moment to open his eyes and really look at her. He swallowed deeply and took a deep breath. He was in love with her. He had been for years. He had been hers from the very moment he met her and everything that brought them here- from working together, stumbling through the awkwardness of their burgeoning relationship, the pain of thinking he'd lost her and the giddy discovery that she was still alive, the crushing realization that she was no longer the Parker he once knew and the desperate hope he felt at every small glimpse she let slip of her old personality, to now, in that room.
His heart raced with the weight of the moment.
Parker opened her eyes when she no longer felt him near and she saw the undeniable emotion that shadowed Alec's face as he stared at her. She sat up on her elbows and faced him and he in turn leaned into her softly, pressing her back into the bed. He found her lips and moved his softly over hers.
The kiss was devastating, filled with all the unspoken words he'd held onto for eight years- the five years they were together and the three he was alone. Parker felt everything he didn't say, with every move of his body over hers, with every gentle bit of pressure from his lips she could feel herself slipping. She felt as though she was falling off of a precipice from which she would never be able to recover. Her heart sped up and her breath began coming out in short quick bursts. She stiffened and a thin coat of perspiration covered her entire body.
Alec felt the change and pulled away from her enough to look at her face again.
Her eyes were squeezed shut and her chest was rising and falling at an abnormally quick pace.
He eased over to lie beside her and reached over to gently run the back of his fingers over her cheek.
"Parker?" his voice was soft, belying the panic that was slowly welling up inside of him.
She was silent and he realized she was trembling.
His anxiety increased immediately.
"Parker…" his voice was more insistent, alarmed, "open your eyes".
"I…can't," she said softly between the broken breaths. "I can't do this."
He was relieved that she was at least coherent. His panic subsided slightly.
"Please open your eyes."
"I don't understand what's happening to me," she whispered without obliging his request and he was disconcerted to see a tear glistened at the outer corner of her eye.
"Maybe if you tell me what's wrong I can help you," he coaxed softly.
She remained silent but he noticed that she'd stopped shaking.
She cleared her throat, "This…is…I've never…," she took a deep steadying breath. "I feel off balance and…this is all…new."
So, he concluded tentatively, this was not the mental meltdown that he'd feared. It was a run-of-the-mill panic attack. But then he supposed nothing was ever routine with Parker and more so now that she was…different.
His lips curved into a small smile born from his great relief. He reached out and gently turned her head to face him.
"Parker, please look at me."
She finally opened them slowly and looked at him with watery eyes.
"This has never happened to me before," she explained softly, "I never… cry." She spat the word as though it were a curse.
He caressed the side of her face, "I think you're just finding your way back.
"This…" he indicated to himself and back to her, "this whole thing is probably just a bit too much for right now."
He smiled a small smile at her and she took another deep, cleansing breath.
"It is embarrassing though," she said very softly and his smile widened.
"It's okay; my sexiness can be overwhelming."
She rolled her eyes and his heart melted.
His Parker was fighting her way back. He'd seen a million Parker-patented eye rolls in his time and he'd been the cause of quite a few of them.
"Alrighty then," he sighed, "how about we get you into that shower now."
She looked at him her eyes opening a bit wider and he realized instantly he was misunderstood.
"Oh, no, no," he eased a little away from her on the bed, "I meant for you to go take your shower…alone."
Parker ran her hands through her hair and took another deep breath before she sat up and eased herself off of the bed.
"Where did you say the towels were?" she asked, feeling shier around him in light of their exchange.
"In that closet," Alec answered distractedly and he indicated with his chin. His attention was on her underwear and the amazing body beneath.
"Thank you, Alec," she answered and went over to the closet extracting a pale yellow towel.
She turned to him again, "…and, thank you," she widened her eyes for emphasis and he understood instantly what the thank you was for.
He nodded his acknowledgment and lay back down as Parker closed the bathroom door behind her.
Alec ran his hands over his face and took a deep breath.
"This is going to be a really…interesting."
He sighed again heavily. When he closed his eyes he could still see and feel her in his arms but he felt sure that they would not be in that same position again anytime soon.
They both showered and changed. Parker threw her clothes into the wash and borrowed a sweat suit from Alec that was a few sizes too big. Scrubbed clean of the dust and grime and her polished all-black ensemble she looked small and innocent. Alec had to try doubly hard not to pick her up and wrap his arms around her. There'd be no more of that. Not until she was ready. He would let her dictate the pace, as it had always been, but now it felt especially necessary. He never wanted her to feel unsure with him. He would always be her safe place, regardless of the turmoil it caused within him.
Alec was very near famished and he guessed Parker was hungry as well. They raided his embarrassingly bare kitchen but after deciding that a meal of fried kidney beans and water wouldn't suffice they ordered pizza and sat in somewhat awkward silence to eat before they headed to the airport.
After the meal they took a moment to discuss the trip and align their stories and the plan. They would stop off before they got to the airport and collect a small wardrobe for Parker, one befitting Alice White, Derrick White's wife. They would be the honeymooning couple visiting her father's homeland as part of a European vacation.
Alec explained how they'd make contact with Nate and he reinforced at every turn that under no circumstances were they to voluntarily separate, ever.
He was nervous about their first mission. The stakes seemed very high even though he couldn't pin point the exact source of his anxiety.
He gathered their documentation and ushered her out of the apartment and down into the basement parking garage toward a sleek black BMW. Once they were inside she saw that he'd modified the inside of the car. Buttons and levers covered the dashboard and when he turned on the engine a holographic image illuminated the right corner of the windshield.
"Comm search," Alec called evenly as he adjusted settings on the dashboard and allowed the car to warm up.
"Comm search complete. No immediate activity," the automated voice called back.
Alec turned to Parker, "that's good. That means we're clear for at least 10 miles. We haven't been followed, or there's no radio activity to indicate that we have."
Parker only nodded and turned her head forward. He couldn't imagine what she was thinking but something seemed…off about her. Different.
His 'Spidey senses' tingled again and he wondered if maybe he was projecting his own anxieties onto her.
He sighed heavily yet silently. Asking her what she was thinking was usually a dead end so he let it go. Just be cool, he reminded himself. It will be all good. It will be all good. He repeated the mantra as he drove out of the parking spot and out of the garage.
The early evening sun hit the shiny black hood of the BMW and made the car glisten. Parker caught sight of the shimmering reflection and let her mind wander.
She felt out of her element. This feeling of freedom, of making her own decisions; it all felt so new… so overwhelming. She was used to being told what to do and what to think. Feelings never really seemed to have a place. Now, though, she was feeling so much and she didn't know what to do with it. She always knew that Sonia was keeping something from her and in the beginning finding out seemed to matter but as time passed she didn't care for truth or answers, she didn't even care so much for freedom. She had purpose. She knew what she was and what was expected of her and it was enough. But somehow it wasn't enough anymore. She had a whole life before working with Sonia; a life that included people that seemed to care for her a great deal; a life that included, perhaps, love.
Alec's smiling face faded into her thoughts and a warm feeling radiated in her chest. He was good and strong and he wanted nothing more from her than who she was.
"…Parker? Parker, we're here. Are you okay?" his questioned jogged her out of her reverie.
She'd been so lost in thought she didn't realize that they'd reached the store. She never let herself get so distracted that she didn't pay attention to where she was going and observe the landmarks around them. She needed to get a hold of herself; she was becoming too lax, undisciplined.
"I'm sorry," she answered mechanically, "I'm fine. I was…thinking."
She saw his shoulders relax slightly. She could tell that he was worried.
"It's okay," he replied, "…but I hope you know you can talk to me if you need to."
She nodded and offered him a small, grateful smile as she looked into his deep brown eyes.
A thought suddenly wafted into her consciousness and she spoke the words out loud, "…you're my friend and I need you."
Alec stared at her quizzically and sat back in his chair, "What?"
Parker stared at him, trying to figure out where the words came from and what they meant.
"I've said that to you before," her words more question than statement.
His memory flashed back to the time he was trapped in the grave and she was his lifeline.
He nodded his head in response.
She thought it strange that the words would visit her then but she didn't dwell any further on what it may have meant. Without another word she turned, unlocked the door and stood outside waiting for Alec to do the same.
In the near silence of the interior of the car he thought for a moment about what had just happened. Slowly, but surely, he smiled to himself, slowly, but surely.
He turned and got out of the car and he and Parker went into the department store.