She sat in her apartment thinking about the day about him, about the last 5 years. She thought about the kisses they had shared. Right from the start, the intensity between them was mind blowing. But, there was something else, there was a connection, right from that first kiss. The second their lips touched, they ignited something that might have been suppressed over the years, but could never be extinguished. When their bodies touched, it would leave patches of molten desire, but they had learned to suppress those also. She had learned to control it, how to keep it at bay, until recently. She wanted him, not just physically, but she wanted him, the whole package, all the good, all the bad, and everything in between. So why did she go numb, why did she shut down?
As she continued reliving their 5 years of partnership together, she found herself remembering the gravedigger, how this woman tried to rip them apart, tried to destroy them and their 'faith' on the other one, not giving up kept them going. She remembered Hodgins telling her "What you have is faith, baby." Faith in Booth, not the team, but in Booth. Her eyes flew open, she had lost her faith.
The faith, which she would deny, she had lost. She had lost the one thing she didn't realize she relied on. Her faith, faith that her and Booth were to be together, faith that there was nothing that could tear them apart, faith that she could love him the way he deserved. That is why she went numb, she was afraid she couldn't give him what he needed. She shook her head, just like when she left before; she left because she didn't want to let him down. She had locked up her feelings to not hurt him, only this time she completely shut down.
She walked around her apartment and started to notice something she had never noticed before. She had pictures up, pictures of her love ones. She pulled down one, taken at a Jeffersonian Christmas Party. Booth had to go and begged her to be his date, so they could find an excuse to run out early. "Same damn reason you have pictures on your desk and in your apartment. I shouldn't have to explain it to you." his words exploded in her head. She looked around at more and more pictures and then looked back down at the one in her hand, Angela, Hodgins, Cam, Sweets, Daisy in an arch around her and Booth sitting in front of them, his arm around her, her face leaning against his. "I have pictures of my love ones, my family." She traced her finger over his face, "We are the center, the center must hold."
A tear dropped onto the glass next to her finger. Her family, Angela the fun loving sister, Hodgins the grumpy brother, Cam the sensible one, Sweets and Daisy the annoying cousins, Booth the ever loving husband/father. "Oh no, Oh no, no, no." The tears came faster as she frantically tried to find her cell. Once she did she dialed his number, she waited for it to start ringing. It went to voice mail. Taking a deep breath to steady her voice, "Booth, please call me, we need to talk." She hung up the phone and called Angela, she didn't try to be brave for Angela. "I think I messed up, he didn't answer his phone."
"Sweetie, he is out of town, he might not have it with him, he might be in the shower, we don't know, relax. You know now, you know you love him, just tell him that."
"I can't over the phone, I need to find him, and I need to see him."
"Give it a night, see if he calls back, if not we will find him."
"How?"
"Sweetie we work with the FBI, I am sure we can pull a few strings."
The next morning Booth woke up wishing he could go back to sleep and sleep the hangover off. "Oh Seeley, you idiot, that was a stupid idea. You know you can't drink her away, she won't go away, and she will just keep nibbling away until she owns you." He scoffed, "She already owns you buddy."
He took some aspirin and drank several glasses of water, then sat down and started to look around for his cell phone. "No one is going to call, why bother. He pushed himself out of the chair and headed for the shower. He had to get out today take a jog, once his head stopped pounding, and enjoy the island.
Booth was standing in the shower groaning as the water ran down his body when he thought he heard Girls just wanna have fun. He stopped for a minute, cock his head listening and then remember the radio in the bathroom and that he had turned it on when he climbed in the shower must be an oldies station. Barely covered by the pillow his cell phone rang, voice mail again, "Booth please call me, I took my time. I need to see you."
Brennan got herself ready for work and headed for the Jeffersonian, she would work, that always calmed her down. She walked into her office, turned on her computer and let it power up while she switched into her lab coat and made sure the volume on her phone was up, she didn't want to miss a call from Booth. She checked her email just in case he was near a computer.
As she exited her office a familiar voice stopped her and brought a smile to her face. "Jonathan, how are you?"
"Doing pretty good, but really have miss you over the last couple of days. Think you could come out to breakfast with me?"
"I would think you might be asking Cam."
"No she went to breakfast with me yesterday." He glances around like he is being all secretive. "I think she can only take so much of my hotness." Him and Brennan both broke into laughter. "Come on; just give me an hour for breakfast."
"Oh, Alright, one hour and then I have work to do." She changed out of lab coat and followed him out of the lab.
After they got seated Jonathan leaned across the table at her, "There is another reason I asked you to have breakfast with me."
"What is that?"
"What happened that morning with Booth? When he left there he looked like someone had ripped his heart out." She looked down at her hands resting on the table and started to tell him the story. When she was done he just stared at her for several moments. "Have you figured it out?"
"I think so."
"You think so. Have you talked to him?"
"No, he left town and sent me a text, but hasn't answered the voice mails I have left for him."
"Temperance you need to make sure how you feel. That man feels his love for you deep inside and if you aren't sure you will destroy him."
"How do I know?"
"I think you do inside, but you are hiding from it. You are afraid to be hurt."
"That is sort of what everyone has said."
"Let yourself go, do look, just dive in, you won't regret it."
She smiled at Jonathan, "I need to go."
He got up and gave her a hug, holding her for a moment, "Go get him."
She never broke her stride as she walked by Hackers secretary, "He in?" She opened the door and walked in "Andrew, I need your help."
He waved his secretary out, "What can I do for you Temperance."
"I need to find Booth."
He motioned for her to sit down and than slowly sat down giving her a confused look, "I don't understand."
"He left town, I don't know where he is and I need to find him."
"And just how can I help you with that."
"You are the FBI, ping his phone, check his credit cards. I don't care."
"Temperance that could be considered an abuse of power."
"I am well aware of that, but not like agents haven't done it before. I need to find him and once I find him and talk to him, I am sure he won't complain."
Hacker laughed, "What are you going to offer him sex for silence."
Temperance met his laughing eyes with her serious ones. "I need to tell him my feelings and it can not wait until he comes home. Please Andrew, this not only affects us personally, it affects the work between our two agencies."
"Temperance are you suggesting ... blackmailing …"
"Is it working?"
"Fine, I will get what you need?"
"Thank you Andrew." She exited his office and he sat back in his chair. That woman is going to be the death of someone, mostly likely me.
In two hours she was settling into her first class accommodations heading towards St. Thomas. She had no idea where to start looking but knew that his cell phone has been pinged at some condos near St. John's Bay.
While she was heading down there, her publisher was looking for accommodations. She didn't care if she had to sleep on the beach, she had to find Booth. She leaned back in her chair as the plane climbed out of DC.