Chapter 13: Life of a poodle
Tony woke up to the sound of Steve calling out his name with panic in his voice. Well it definitely was him, but something was different. He couldn't really pinpoint what.
"Tony! Tony! Please wake up!" He was really whimpering more than usual.
"Tonyyyy! You have to wake up! We are screwed!" Tony slowly opened his eyes. A shocked hiss escaped his lips. A baby blue poodle was standing over him.
"Holy shit! Steve? Where are you? What happened?" And then the poodle started talking with Steve's voice.
"We were attacked! By some witch or something! And now we are held captured... and we are... oh god... we are mini poodles!" Tony jerked up.
"Don't be silly! Of course we are not poodles!" he yelled. More like barked when he thought about it. The blue poodle rolled its eyes.
"Tony... look at me... I fit in a handbag and my fur look like blue candy floss... I eat my shield if I'm not a poodle..." Tony tried to take a calming breath. So he was pretty sure that that poodle was his beloved Captain.
"Steve... be honest with me... If you're blue... does that mean that I am...?"
"Yes Tony... You are pink." Tony heard himself break down into an agonizing howl. Well at least it was supposed to be a howl. It was actually pretty pathetic.
"Tony! Relax! We figure this out! The others will look for us!"
"Steeeeveeee! I don't wanna be a poodle... and oh mighty Thor! I AM PINK!" Steve had to strangle a laugh. He scooped closer and started comforting Tony by licking his face.
"Steve... what are you doing?"
"I don't know. It just feel right."
"Oh fuck! We are even acting like dogs! Seriously? What have we done to deserve this!" He whimpered. He looked around. They were laying in a terrible hello kitty basket in what looked like a fancy hotel suite. He could spot a lot of shopping bags laying around, and a strangely familiar fur coat was hanging over an antique looking chair in white and gold. The door to the bathroom was ajar, and he could hear a woman's soft voice singing some kind of scandinavian pop song.
"Is that the witch?" Tony asked with awe in his voice.
"I suppose," Steve answered.
"I haven't seen her yet. Do you think she is from Asgard. I mean I have heard Thor swear in the same language."
"Maybe. Oh shit. She is not to be messed with if she's from Asgard. Why do our lives suck so much, Steve? Why?"
"I thought she made you into a dog, not a pussy?"
"Oh Steve... You and your sassy mouth... Remind me again why I started liking you in the first place?" If a poodle could smirk. Steve was about to answer when the bathroom door creaked open, and a stark naked woman stepped out while drying her hair with a towel. Steve and Tony stared at each other with wide eyes. It was... her.
She was beautiful. Milky white skin, emerald eyes an ink black hair falling over her shoulders. Her body was slender with small, delicate breasts and no body hair.
"Tony! Stop looking! You're gay!" Steve whispered.
"I'm not checking her out! You don't understand! That's Wolverines lady! I knew something was wrong. She's way out of his league!"
The lady dropped the towel on the floor and headed for the closet. She made a big deal out of dressing herself first in dark green satin lingerie completed with suspenders and stockings with seams, only to pull a stylish, black sweater dress with a big turtle neck over her head. She sat down at a table and started applying makeup finishing of with a layer of ruby lipstick. She then rose again and walked over to the dog basket and crouched before them.
"Good morning boys," she said with a calm voice, that sounded strangely familiar.
"Okay! Listen lady! You turn me and my boy over there back right now, or things will get really nasty! You really don't wanna mess with the avengers!" The lady just laughed at Tony.
"I didn't understand a word you just said, sweetheart. Listen I'm sorry guys, but I have some nasty business with SHIELD, and you guys have to work as my hostages. But don't worry! I will take care of you. Just relax and try to enjoy being dogs! It will be fun!" Tony tried his best to send the lady his most evil glare. The lady laughed again.
"Oh don't be mad! Ok guys! I have a lunch date with my bff and I can't leave you alone, so if you'll just wait here a moment. I have something for you!" She turned around and started digging around in one of the shopping bags.
"What do you think she's up to?" Steve asked with worry in his voice.
"I don't know but it probably isn't nice," Tony answered.
"Ah! Here they are!" the lady exclaimed, and pulled two, terrible glitter collars studded with swarovski crystals out. Tony sighed.
"I would rather be tortured in a cave in Afghanistan," he muttered.
"Stop whining, Tony! I think they are cute!... Oh who am I kidding... they are terrible... but anyways! It's better than torture!" Steve said a little too cheerfully.
"...Shut up Steve..."
The lady clasped the terrible collars around their necks and placed them in a Louis Vuitton bag.
"Well at least our ride is fab," Steve muttered. Tony glared at him.
"Stop being optimistic when i'm PINK!" The lady laughed.
"Oh stop fighting boys! Oh by the way, try to escape and I will turn you into eggplants next time..." The last part about eggplants was growled in a terrifying and very serious voice, which gave Tony goosebumps. Okay she was indeed scary...
She walked out of the hotel room with the bag over her shoulder while humming that terrible popsong. Was it swedish?
-#-#-#-
The witch met an equally beautiful, blonde lady outside an adorable cafe. They squealed as they eyed each other and ran into each others arms while they jumped up and down like maniacs.
"Steve... please kill me... I bet you could snap my neck with your teeth. I mean even as a toy poodle you're still ridiculously buff..."
"Even if I would I couldn't. All this jumping is making me a little seasick and I'm scared i might throw up if I open my mouth too much."
"OMG! It's been so long! It's soooo good to see you!" the blonde screamed.
"I know! Way too long! Oh my! Raven, you look amazing!" the witch answered in same loud pitch. Steve suddenly looked suspicious.
"Hey Tony... I think I have seen that blonde girl somewhere..."
"I am thinking the same thing, but I can't really place her... But I have this eerie feeling..."
The girls entered the cafe, and ordered lunch while chatting cheerfully. But then suddenly the blonde started bitching about some guy...
"...I mean he's TERRIBLE! I have been by his side ALL these years, doing all the dirty work... And still he act's like I'm his freaking sidekick! And he doesn't even look at me!" She started talking with a deep voice with a terrible, german accent.
"Oh Raven you are much more beautiful in your original form... my ass! He has never even touched me when I'm blue!" The witch sighed.
"Oh Raven you know I know how that feels... but trust me girl... you are fierce when you are blue! Wear it proudly! The only reason why Magneto, that old fart, isn't interested in you that way, is because he's still head over heels over your brother. It's ridiculous, I mean he's all old, bald and in a wheelchair plus he is a good guy... Tsk... stupid old men..."
"Son of a gun! Tony... it's that blue lady from the brotherhood!" Steve whined. Tony's eyes widened.
"Mystique..." he whispered hoarsely.
"I knew I had seen her somewhere..."
"But Raven-love! Don't think about him! Enjoy your freedom. You could get anyone you wanted... hey... i have something that might cheer you up..." the witch said with a sneaky voice. Tony and Steve felt her lift the bag up on her lap.
"Come and take a look." Mystique looked over the small table and whined exited.
"Oh! They are adorable! When did you get them?" The witch grinned.
"Last night. Say hello to Ironman and Captain America!"
"Oh... those names sucks! You should have named them Doctor Doom and Venom instead! That's more edgy!" Steve pouted.
"I feel like mauling her... how dare she? Our names are awesome!" Tony growled.
"No no Raven. You don't understand! It is Captain America and Ironman!" Raven's face lighted up in a mischievous grin.
"Well fuck me!"
-#-#-#-
Raven and the witch later decided to go shopping, and Steve and Tony was against their will dragged into a billion different shops. At some point the witch looked at her watch and jerked up.
"Oh! I am supposed to meet Logan in twenty minutes! Time does fly in this realm." Raven smirked.
"Oh yeah... you were seeing him... hows that?" The witch giggled.
"He have absolutely no idea who I am, and he would be devastated if he found out. I think he actually likes me." Raven laughed out loud. The witch smirked and carried on.
"But he's a real animal in bed. He can just go on and on and on until I am almost begging him to stop... well almost..." she winked, and Raven giggled.
"And he is HUGE too! Like a HORSE!"
"And I know you have experience with that..."
"Oh shut up you mewling quim!"
"Oh boy... I really didn't need to know that," Steve mumbled. If he were a human he would definitely be crying now.
-#-#-#-
The witch met Logan at a cozy restaurant. They had ordered their meals and some red wine, when Logan eyed the Louis Vuitton bag.
"What is that?" he asked. The witch smiled.
"Oh it's just my dogs. Wanna see?" She pulled the bag up on her lap and Wolverine peeked over the table.
"You call that dogs? I call that rats rolled in candyfloss," he said with a laugh. The witch kicked him playfully under the table.
"Don't say that! You just hurt their feelings!"
"So? What do you call them?" The witch smirked.
"The blue is Captain America and the pink one is Ironman." Wolverine was literally breaking down laughing.
"Oh god! That's just perfect! It just fit so well it hurts! I think I am falling in love with you!" Both Steve and Tony frowned. He would pay for that later. The witch giggled.
"You should know. They are your colleagues after all." Logan smiled and scratched his head.
"Not really. We do occasionally team up, but we are different. I mean I'm a mutant and super hardcore... and they are more like these gay boy scouts."Tony sighed.
"I don't even feel sorry for him dating a villain now," he whispered.
"Boy scout fits well on you, but me? How dare he!" Steve chuckled.
"But we should at least try warning him." They both started yelling for Logan's attention, but it all came out as barking.
"Logan Logan! It's really us! You have to help us! You are seeing a villain!" Logan lifted an eyebrow at the small, hysterical dogs.
"I have the feeling they are trying to tell me something," he muttered. The witch smiled pleasantly and flicked both the poodles on their noses.
"They are probably just tired. Hey baby boys can you be quiet now and behave? Mommy is trying to have a nice dinner." The last thing was once again said with a terrifying voice, and Steve and Tony decided to call it a day of trying to getting saved.
Later that night Logan and the witch returned to the hotel suite. They immediately starting ripping the clothes of each other while making out furiously.
"I hate my life... Close your eyes Steve, or you get blind," Tony whimpered. Steve turned to him with a serious look (well as serious as you could look with fluffy, baby blue fur.)
"Tony! It is now we should get the hell out of here! She is way too busy to notice!"
"But eggplants?"
"Rather be an eggplant than a poodle!"
"Okay..."
Wolverine had pushed the semi naked witch up against a wall and was now digging into her crotch, making her moan loudly. Steve shivered. He really had seen too much already. When the witch untangled herself and pulled Logan into the bedroom, he saw his chance. He jumped out of the bag, she had carelessly thrown on the ground, and scurried across the floor towards the door.
"Come on Tony! We are out of here!"
"But how will you get it open?"
"She forgot to make me weak. Maybe I'm not the perfect human, but atleast I am the perfect poodle!" With that said he jumped up and grabbed the handle with his teeth. He hanged and dangled for a moment but then the door slowly creaked open.
"I take it all back I have ever said. You're not a gay boy scout!" Steve winked.
"Oh yes I am, but a damn tough one!" The ground started shaking. The witch and Logan had probably joined in their common pleasures to judge from their deafening moans and groans.
"Let's go!"
Clint Barton was walking down the street with two cups of coffee in his hands. He was exhausted. It was way too early and he almost hadn't had any sleep since they had received that cryptic phone call.
"...I have your heroes... I will release them when you release... the wolf... you have a week... or else they might get hurt..."
Steve and Tony hadn't returned that morning. No one had really thought about it before that call. Now everyone had been looking nonstop without finding as much as a clue. The call had been made from a phone booth so tracking the call hadn't helped them.
Suddenly he felt something small attack his leg. It was two poodles.
"Hey guys. You lost your owner?" he asked with a gentle voice. The pink poodle growled at him. Clint crouched and reached out to check the tags. He chuckled.
"So Captain America and Ironman. That fits a little too well..." He could have sworn he saw the blue one roll it's eyes.
"Hmm. That's weird... Okay let me find your owner." He reached out and picked up the pink one with one arm, when he suddenly saw something blue shine through the fluffy fur. He frowned and sat the coffee on the ground. He brushed the fur out of the way. His eyes widened.
"Guys..." he spoke into the comlink.
"What's wrong, Barton?"
"I found them... And you might wanna call in Doctor Strange..."
So this was a fun chapter to write.
And I'm not going to tell who the witch is yet, but I could see that some of you already had a clue. ;) But anyways! Thanks for all the nice feedback, it is literally like fuel for my writing. I hope you will enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Landevejsridder