Finn spent the rest of his junior year without Rachel. She had detached herself from his life – and with good reason, of course. He and Quinn ended up breaking up after she had staged that horrible event at prom with Santana, but he still felt as though he owed something to Rachel – anything, really. Finn was sure there was nothing he wouldn't do to make sure that Rachel felt better about herself again.
The Monday after prom, when they got back to school, Rachel asked for a change in her seating arrangement in their chemistry class. Something about how she wasn't able to see any more from the back of the classroom and moving to the front would help improve her grade – even though she had an A in that class already.
Finn knew why she wanted to move, and frankly, he was expecting it. The little lecture that she had given him in the hallway at prom stuck to him more than ever, even though he knew that he would never be able to put it to good use.
He would see her walking in the hallway from time to time, but he tried not to pay too much attention to her. Rachel wouldn't even bother to wave at him like she normally would, but that was fine. He wasn't expecting her to magically forgive him all of a sudden, or anything.
They wrapped up their junior year at a stalemate. On one of their last days of school, which most teacher spent allowing students to sign yearbooks, he thought that he would take the chance to ask her if he could sign hers.
"Sure," she said, twisting one of her pigtails around her finger nervously. She set the yearbook she pressed to her chest down on the table in front of him, letting her eyes linger on the cover. Finn pulled the Sharpie he had been using all day from the pocket of his shorts and opened up the cover of Rachel's yearbook, admiring all of the signatures she had received already.
Apparently, whether people liked you or not, you were infamous throughout the entire student body if you were publically humiliated in front of the entire school at prom.
He flipped through the pages, planning to sign his name with some kind of message by his school picture, but he stopped at a snapshot he noticed of the two of them together, surprising him.
She looked at him and sighed, leaning against the table the two of them stood in front of.
"I guess I can sign yours, if you want."
Finn's lips curled up into a small smile and he handed her his own yearbook that had already been littered with signatures. He watched her as she opened it and pulled out a pink Sharpie from her pencil pouch and started to look for a space for her to sign her name. She shut the cover to the book faster than Finn could finish writing what he was in her own yearbook and pushed it towards him on the table.
Finn capped his own marker and looked at Rachel for a moment, sighing. "So, um, do you have any plans for the summer?"
"I'm in the Lima Community Theatre's production of Les Misérables", she told him, brushing her bangs from her eyes. "I'm playing Éponine."
He wished that he knew who that was so he could understand what she was talking about – but he didn't, so it didn't really matter.
It didn't surprise him that she didn't encourage him to see her show like he normally did. Rachel probably wanted nothing to do with him at that point.
And, quite frankly, he didn't blame her.
:.:.:
"She's just really cool," he said, rubbing his towel through his hair. Finn looked at his reflection and sneered slightly, rolling his eyes. He didn't want to make his emotions so clearly shown, but it was hard not to. After all, someone was just standing there, going on about how much they loved Rachel Berry.
It would have been perfectly fine if was the one doing it.
"Good luck with that," Puck said, rolling his eyes and pulling his shirt down over his head. It was the end of a football practice and all of them were in the locker room, getting dressed again. "She wears a chastity belt and probably swallowed the key," he continued.
Finn didn't want to say anything regarding the matter. His relationship with Rachel didn't exist anymore. He hadn't gone to see her in her show that summer (even though he had heard she did a fabulous job), and he never talked to her when he saw her working at the music store. It was almost as if Rachel had fallen off the face of the Earth – his Earth, anyway.
The one who was talking about Rachel was Sam Evans – a new student who had moved to Ohio from out of state. He had joined the football team and had taken Finn's position as quarterback, which Finn didn't end up minding much.
It was the fact that he wanted Rachel that drove him up a wall.
"She's just really nice and kind of hot," he said, pulling a shirt over his head and closing his locker. "I think I'm going to ask her to the homecoming dance once school starts up again."
Puck burst out laughing and so did a few others, causing Finn to look away from them momentarily. Puck walked up to Sam and slapped him on the back, snickering to himself.
"Good luck getting her to go anywhere," Puck said, laughing. "You obviously haven't heard about what happened to her at prom last year." Sam looked at him, confused. "Finn, tell him. You're probably the one that knows the most about it."
Finn felt his stomach twist into a knot and his forehead break out in a sweat. He didn't want to think about what had happened to her at their junior prom.
"I don't want to talk about it," he said, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. "Come on, man."
"Finn's ex-girlfriend dumped a bunch of punch on her or something," Puck continued, laughing. "Embarrassed the hell out of her."
He felt his face turn red and Finn turned away from the group of them, not really interested in what they had to say on the matter. He knew that Puck was insensitive to all of it and that Sam would probably just listen to whatever it was Puck had to say, so he didn't want to bother.
Besides, listening to more about Rachel and whatever Sam felt about her would only make him feel queasier than he already was.
:.:.:
Sam started dating Rachel by the end of September. He asked her to the homecoming dance and while she said no initially, she went on a dinner date with him instead. Finn heard about everything through Puck, who Sam had been telling everything about Rachel to.
Finn and Sam never really became close friends, but Sam and Puck had – thus explaining why Sam told Puck everything about his progressing relationship with Rachel.
Every once and a while, Puck would start to tell Finn about what Sam and Rachel would do together, but Finn didn't want to hear it. Not because he was jealous, but simply because he wasn't interested in hearing about it.
"You know, she gave him a hand job the other day," he said one day when he was over at Finn's playing Call of Duty in his bedroom and avoiding their homework together. "I never would have thought that she would move so fast with someone." He laughed and Finn rolled his eyes, trying to pay more attention to the game than what Puck was saying.
"Yeah, right," he said, not believing what Puck was saying. Rachel wasn't like that as far as he knew. Besides, even though Finn didn't know Sam very well, he was sure that he wasn't the type to pressure Rachel into doing anything she didn't want to. He wasn't Puck, after all.
Puck shrugged and returned to the game. "I don't know, man," he said, laughing to himself. "Maybe you're just jealous that you're not getting any." Puck had arranged some kind of relationship with Santana once more – they weren't dating, since Santana had expressed her feelings towards women instead of men, but they still slept with each other from time to time.
The last time Finn had done anything with anyone was with Quinn before prom night. She had moved on since then; deciding that she was going to be a 'free, liberated woman' until going to college where she would find whomever it was that she was going to marry and live happily ever after with – someone she had made clear wasn't going to be Finn.
"I'm not jealous," he said, trying to focus on the game rather than whatever it was Puck was talking about. Puck just laughed and looked back at the television screen with a shrug.
Finn didn't care, anyway. He wasn't jealous, after all.
:.:.:
By the time fall started turning into winter, the seniors were encouraged to share their plans for college and applying with the faculty so that they could be 'prepared for their future.' Finn, however, knew that he wanted to go to school wherever he was able to get a football scholarship to. He wasn't particularly sure as to what he would go to school for or if he would even end up graduating with a degree, but he knew that he wanted to go to college so that he would be able to play football.
Unfortunately, that didn't seem like it was going to be the case with Finn Hudson.
He had been scheduled to see the guidance counselor after she had realized that he hadn't really applied for any schools yet by mid-January. It was sad, really – he thought there was nothing he could really do about it. Everyone else he knew already had plans for their futures. They were either going to college or finding jobs after graduating so they could save up enough money to move out to wherever it was they wanted to move out to.
Finn didn't really have clue as to what to do when it came to his future. By the time January had happened, he hadn't really been offered any football scholarships like he had expected. It was a sore spot with his mother, and he certainly didn't want to talk about it with his guidance counselor.
Because of it, however, Finn had to stay after school one afternoon to have a conversation with Miss Pillsbury, the guidance counselor. He wasn't looking forward to it, but as far as he was concerned, it was better than taking the risk of walking to the student lot after school for his car and catching Rachel walking to Sam's car with him.
He ended up making his way to the guidance office after school one day and found a chair to sit down in as he waited; realizing the door was shut when he arrived. It usually meant that someone else was in there talking to the counselor, which frightened him a little. Normally, people went to the guidance counselor to talk about their personal lives, which usually resulted in crying or some kind of big, emotional scene as they made their way out of the room. Finn wasn't in the mood to be the witness to anything like that.
Watching people cry always made him uncomfortable, anyway. The only people he had ever seen cry were his mom, Quinn, and Rachel. And even when he had seen Quinn cry, it wasn't like she was actually crying over something like Rachel had been. Quinn cried over movies and other things that weren't directly related to her.
When he had seen Rachel cry, it was because she was upset and scared and experiencing all of the other emotions one could that could make you cry.
So there he sat, waiting in the guidance counselor's office and wondering when whoever it was that was currently visiting with Miss Pillsbury would come out.
He only kept himself occupied for a few moments with the pamphlets out on the table between the waiting room chairs before turning his head back to the door of Miss Pillsbury's office when he heard it open.
There was Rachel, walking out of the room with her head hung down; busy studying a handful of pamphlets in her hands.
Finn didn't want to say anything to her initially, just because he knew that saying anything to her would make her sad or upset or any of the other kinds of emotions she had been displaying towards him ever since the end of their junior year – none of which he particularly liked.
"Oh, Finn," Miss Pillsbury said with a smile as she noticed him, smoothing her hands off on her skirt as she made the exchange between Rachel and Finn. "So glad to see you. I was thinking about you earlier today, actually."
Finn cracked a small smile and stood up from his chair, hoping that Rachel hadn't noticed him by the time Miss Pillsbury had said anything, but he was wrong. By the time he tipped his head back up, there was Rachel, looking up at him with a shocked expression on her face, like he was some kind of long-lost friend she hadn't seen in twenty years.
"H-hi, Finn," she stammered, offering him a small wave. Finn just gave her a stupid smile in return and watched as she looked up at him, still smiling slightly.
"Hey," he said, waving at her with a small smile. Out of all of the possible people, he never would have expected someone like Rachel to come out of the counselor's office. She seemed more like the type that would end up helping the guidance counselor with the more stubborn students or sharpen pencils and keep Miss Pillsbury up to date with her schedule during her free period.
Finn never would have assumed Rachel would have needed guidance from anyone in her life, ever. She seemed to be able to navigate her life on her own pretty well.
Obviously, that wasn't the case.
"Have you decided where you're going to school yet?" She asked, her voice breaking the brief silence between them that seemed to go on forever. Finn cleared his throat and looked around for a moment, hoping Miss Pillsbury was somewhere nearby so he could escape to her office with her. Talking with Rachel about whatever it was she wanted to talk about didn't seem like a very good time to him.
(Rather, it did, he was just afraid to actually face her and have a conversation with her.)
"Um…" He started, his voice trailing off. "I mean, not really. I have a few kinks I need to iron out and stuff, but other than that, everything should be fine."
She nodded and looked up at him with a sweet smile, but not the same as he had been used to. "That's great," she told him, swaying back and forth on her heels slightly. Her hands gripped the pamphlets in she had tighter, only causing Finn to question what they were about and why she seemed so apprehensive to look at them.
"Yeah," she said, mumbling slightly. "Me too. I mean, I know where I want to go, I've just been thinking about what I actually want to do with my life lately," she said, her voice sounding like she wasn't as sure of herself as she was trying to come off.
Finn laughed slightly and smiled at her. "You're not going to move out to New York and be some big Broadway star?" He smiled as he watched her focus her attention down to the pamphlets in her hands. "What ever happened to leaving everyone behind and taking Broadway by storm?"
"Some things don't always work out the way we want them to," she said, interrupting him curtly. Finn looked down at her with an arched eyebrow and watched as her expression melted back into one of regret and sadness instead of the hard one she had been wearing moments ago. "I – I mean, I just… I've been looking at another career path lately, that's all."
He wanted to pull her aside and actually talk to her about everything, but before he could even form a coherent sentence in his brain, Rachel was making her way towards the door out into the hallway, where Finn could see Sam waiting for her against a row of lockers in the hallway. As far as he was concerned, Rachel always wanted to be some big Broadway star that was going to go to school out in New York and kiss Ohio goodbye the moment she hopped on her plane after graduation.
Apparently, her plans had changed.
Out of nowhere, it seemed, Miss Pillsbury appeared from her office and Rachel turned over her shoulder to look at Finn again, offering him a small wave.
"See you around, Finn," she said, her voice carrying through the room.
Finn turned around to look at her and watched through the glass as she walked up to Sam and fell into his arms as they wrapped around her waist, causing her to stand up on her toes to kiss him.
"Finn," Miss Pillsbury said, smiling brightly. "Why don't we go inside my office and talk about your plans for the future?"
:.:.:
Finn ended up befriending Sam by the time prom season came around again. They never turned into the best of friends, but he didn't hate him or anything. They got along well and when Puck suggested they all go to someone's house to play Call of Duty, it wasn't like Finn was ready to tear his hair out when Puck suggested Sam come along.
Actually, if he hadn't been dating Rachel, Finn probably wouldn't have had such a problem with him.
Jealousy was the right word to describe it, but Finn didn't want to slap that label on anything just yet. He knew that he was never going to get the chance to date Rachel. That ship had sailed along with Quinn and prom night their junior year.
He still knew, however, that he wanted the best for her. No matter who she was dating, Finn knew that he would never find them to be substantial enough for someone like her. She was one of those girls that no matter who she ended up with, she would always be able to do better.
Of course, if he had said anything like that to Puck or Sam, he would have sounded like he was crazy.
"You're not going to prom with anyone this year, are you?" Puck asked Finn one night when Sam was over playing Call of Duty. Sam had gone upstairs to grab another bag of potato chips and Finn was enjoying the time spent without him. He knew that if he had been downstairs when Puck ad asked his question about prom, he would have gone on about how he was going to ask Rachel and how excited he was to take her to prom.
"Um, no," he said, trying to focus more on the paused screen of the video game than what Puck was talking about. "Prom's stupid, anyway."
Puck started to laugh and opened up another can of beer. "Please," he said through a laugh. "You're just upset because you know that Quinn's not going to go with you or whatever."
"That's not true," Finn said, rolling his eyes. It really wasn't, actually. He didn't really know what his exact reasoning was behind not wanting to go to prom. He didn't want to go alone, that was for sure, and he didn't want to try and scrape together a date so he could go with Sam and Rachel. "I just… I don't know, there's no one I want to go with, and I don't really know who I would end up going with, and-"
"You can just go with Sam," Puck said, reclining back on the couch he had been sitting against. "I mean, he's gonna ask Rachel and you'll just end up being a huge cockblock when they go back to whatever hotel it is that he's going to get a room at, but other than that, you should be fine."
Finn looked at Puck incredulously, setting his controller down. "Wait, what?" He adjusted himself as he sat and looked up at Puck, trying not to look so surprised.
"Yeah," Puck said, acting like it wasn't a big deal – or at least not as big of a deal as Finn was making it be. "I mean, I don't normally talk about all of that relationship shit with anyone or anything, but he was all worried about asking her or whatever, because of last year, and-"
"So they're going to prom together?" Finn asked, even though he already knew the answer. It was like he needed the news to actually sink in before he started believing it.
Puck looked at Finn like he was crazy. "Uh, yeah," he said. "I don't know how I can make it any clearer." Finn could hear Sam making his way back downstairs and picked up his controller once more and adjusted himself against the couch with the effort to look the same as he had before he had gone upstairs.
"Hey," he said upon arriving downstairs and throwing the bag of chips between Puck and Finn on the floor. "I didn't miss anything, did I?"
"We were just talk about prom," Puck said, picking up his controller again as Sam sat down. "Finn was wondering if you were going to take Rachel."
"Yeah," Sam said, smiling slightly. "That reminds me, I need to call the hotel tomorrow night and make our reservations."
Finn did everything in his power to avoid what Sam had said.
He knew that if he really wanted to, he could go with someone like Santana (only because Puck was going to be out of town over prom weekend), or he just didn't have to go at all. The only thing Finn seemed to want out of prom was for Rachel to actually enjoy herself. He felt responsible for what had happened to her the last time and wanted to make sure that her senior prom was one that she actually would have enjoyed.
And had he been the one taking her, he would have made sure that every last detail of her senior prom night would have been perfect.
He wasn't, however. She was dating Sam and seemed to be pretty in love with him.
"Sounds like you guys'll have a great time," Finn deadpanned, fumbling with his controller in his hands. He looked towards the TV screen and sighed, trying to shake himself from the subject. "Come on, let's go."
The topic was dropped and they returned to their game, but Finn knew that he wouldn't forget about it for a while. Until he and Rachel graduated from high school and got to put everything behind them, he wouldn't forget about it. Somehow, he knew that dropping Rachel and the idea of her would have to come – it just wasn't going to come any time soon.