Their lives turn into provincial ones. Well, maybe not as provincial as the Stepford Wives, or the average family with 2.5 children and a dog, but it's provincial enough for the both of them. Rachel decides to turn the couch that Finn's been sleeping on ever since moving in with her back into a couch again, and he sleeps with her in her bedroom now.

She likes it. She's never had someone live with her before for love instead of convenience or someone sleep with her because they're more interested in talking to her afterwards until she falls asleep instead of leaving in the middle of the night because they have someone else that's slightly more important to sleep with.

For the first time in her entire life, Rachel feels truly wanted by someone else.

She treats him how she would a boyfriend or a husband (or at least how she thinks she would treat him if he actually were her boyfriend or husband). Rachel's never had a real boyfriend before. She doesn't include Quentin, because he was her high school sweetheart. Everyone's supposed to have a high school sweetheart, and she had hers and it ran its course. Only the lucky ones seem to make it out with their high school sweethearts in the end.

As far as Rachel's concerned, she's just… broken.

But Finn is too, or at least he tells her that he is. One night, after she climbs into bed and curls up under his arm by his side, she tells him how happy she is that he's staying with her and how everything's seemed to work out between the two of them. They haven't put a label on anything yet, only because they don't want to. She doesn't want to, and she's told Finn that before. She loves him and he loves her, and that seems to be enough for her.

"Would you let me call you my girlfriend if I weren't sick?" Finn asks her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She looks up at him with sad eyes, unsure as to how she should respond. "I mean, you know, if I weren't sick and you weren't so worried about losing me or anything. Would you let me?"

His words cut into her like a knife and she shakes her head quickly, moving a hand to touch the side of his face.

"No," she says, eyes wide. "No, Finn, I would never – it's not that," she tells him, her voice quiet. "I just don't want to feel like I'm going to lose you, even when I know that I'm not." She laughs bitterly to herself and tips her head up again to look at Finn, trying to smile as best as she can. "I'm scared, Finn, and I don't want – I don't want to lose you. Ever."

He laughs and touches her hair, causing Rachel to laugh herself. "You're not going to lose me," he tells her, taking her hands in his own. "I went into the doctor's today, and I had a bunch of tests done," he tells her, causing her heart to stop palpitating for a moment. "And I think things are looking up for me right now, so I wouldn't worry if I were you." He smiles softly and leans down to press a kiss to her lips, Rachel leaning into his chest and feeling him hold her close while he kisses her. "Besides," he says, taking one of her hands and pressing it against the left side of his chest. "You'll always be right here," he says, and she can tell that he knows he's sounding cheesy on purpose.

"Your heart's on this side," she tells him, moving her hand and laughing sweetly as she looks up at him. She watches as Finn smiles when he looks at her, making her feel like her heart's going to burst inside her chest if she's not careful.

Rachel looks at Finn again and smiles bashfully, touching his face gently with the side of her hand. "You know I love you, don't you?" Finn nods and looks down at Rachel, her smile feeling like it's able to light up the entire dimly lit room when he looks at her. "There's never been anyone else that I've ever felt this way about," she tells him, her voice quiet again. "And it means that much more to me that you feel the same way." She nuzzles his neck and holds him close, feeling like she never wants to let him go.

"I love you, Rachel," he tells her, taking her hand in his own again and squeezing it gently. "And, look, I know that everything sounds like it's going to be bad, but I promise, things will get better." He wraps his arms around her petite frame and pulls her close, eliciting a giggle from her lips. "In a month, we'll be better than ever."

"I hope so," she tells him, craning her neck down to kiss him again. She settles into bed next to him and sighs, feeling his arm still wrapped around her and holding her close. "I really hope so."

:.:.:

The cancer room, as Finn calls it (or the oncology center, as it's been appropriately titled) is at the very end of the hallway that they walk down when they first arrive at the hospital. It looks more like a living room; complete with tables and chairs and magazine displays fanned out for everyone to see. Their nurse offers them a pleasant smile before glancing down at her clipboard and telling them to follow after her as she turns down the hallway.

When Finn's name gets called by the nurse, he and Rachel stand up together, hands still locked in the others'. She doesn't want to let go of him; feeling the need to spend every moment possible in front of him, or by his side, or thinking about him.

They walk down the long, spacious corridor of the hospital, shoes clacking against the cold and disinfected tile floor. Hospitals have always struck a bigger fear in her than doctors' offices, mainly because it's where everything comes to end. Going to the hospital always means that something serious is going to happen, good or bad – and somewhere, something's there to stop it.

Maybe she should find her own room while they're at the hospital so they can make her heart stop palpitating.

"Here we are," the nurse says, stopping in front of a door that looks more like it belongs in an office than in a hospital. Rachel can feel her eyes trained on them as they walk into the room, and she hears her as she closes the door behind them.

She doesn't say anything, and Rachel thinks that it means something's wrong, or that something's not quite right. The door latching shut behind them sounds like it echoes and they sit down in the chairs that are perched in front of the desk where she can assume that the doctor is going to sit.

Finn sits down in one of the chairs and Rachel slowly follows suit; tentatively reaching for his hand as she looks at him.

"Finn," she says, her voice hoarse. He turns to look at her, tears welling in her eyes. "I know that I'm not supposed to be scared, but…" her voice trails off and she doesn't say anything, her tears beginning to get the best of her.

Finn squeezes her hand and pushes her hair out of her face as she looks at him.

"But you're scared?"

She nods her head and her eyes pinch shut, tears streaming down her face. "Yes," she says, beginning to whimper. "I'm afraid for you, and me, and us, and I don't want… I don't want to lose you."

Finn leans over in his chair and presses a kiss to her hair, Rachel's breathing beginning to even out. "You're not going to lose me," he says, holding her close to him. "We'll be fine, Rachel. I promise."

:.:.:

When the doctor tells them the news, she goes numb. It's like someone's unplugged her and she's left to float around and let her thoughts consume her for the time being.

She doesn't even cry, which surprises her. What's supposed to be such awful news washes over her like it's nothing. Her expression doesn't change and she doesn't turn to face Finn, who looks at her the second the doctor tells them what it is he needs to say.

According to the doctor, after his long spiel of how 'they tried everything' and how 'treatment might still help,' Finn's cancer has progressed into something called leptomeningeal carcinomatosis. It's rare, and it's scary, what with a big, long name like that. She hears Finn ask the doctor what it means, and he says that the cancer he had in his lungs has spread to the membranes surrounding his brain.

"We can continue to do chemotherapy, but the treatment's much more intense than what you've been receiving," the doctor tells Finn, who looks back at him with wide eyes. "And, the treatments will be much more costly," he adds, dropping his voice lower.

"And if I don't continue treatment," Finn begins, his voice close to silent. "What's going to happen?"

"Well, Finn, if you don't continue treatment, the most amount of time you'll have is… three months."

Rachel doesn't say much afterwards, but neither does Finn. He just nods and Rachel looks at him, eyes welling up with tears. She watches him as he nods as the doctor continues to speak, but his words turn into static. She doesn't hear anything anymore and she just watches; waiting for some sign from Finn to tell them that it's okay to leave or that the doctor's just kidding and he'll be just fine.

He never says anything like that.

"We do have counseling, for you and –" The doctor pauses and studies Rachel for a moment, offering her a sympathetic smile. "Your girlfriend, I'm assuming?"

Rachel nods her head, the first lucid moment she's had since entering the office.

"I'm his girlfriend," she says, almost so she's assuring herself of the fact. "I'm his girlfriend."

:.:.:

She doesn't try and cook anything for dinner that night and instead she orders Chinese food. They deliver it to her apartment and she pays the delivery boy, not saying anything to Finn as she sets his food down on the table by the couch.

It's like they've backtracked; Finn back on the couch and Rachel turning into a recluse that spends all of her time in her room.

It hurts to look at him now. The time she would think normal people would spend trying to squeeze in every last moment with their loved one is spent alone, sitting on her bed and flipping through TV channels while Berkley sits in her lap.

She knows that it's because she's afraid of what her future holds.

There's a knock on her door and she gets up to answer it, knowing that it's Finn. It's not like it would be anyone else, anyway. She gets up after setting her carton of food on her bed and walks towards the door, opening it slightly and resting against the door frame.

"Hey," he says, his voice soft. She tips her head up, heavy eyes looking up at him. "Rachel, we need to talk."

"About what?" She asks, folding her arms over her chest and holding herself. "About how you're not going to see Christmas, or how I'm afraid that I'm never going to be able to find someone like you ever again, or how I'm afraid that I might have to worry about this later, or something, and-"

"Rachel," he says, stopping her before she goes off on a tangent. His hands find purchase on her shoulders and she looks up at him, eyes wide. "Rachel, I… do you think this is easy for me either?"

She shakes her head and swallows thickly. "No," she finally says, shaking her head. "But Finn, you… you can still continue treatment. The doctor said that you have a chance to getting better if you keep on going in for chemo, and-"

"That's not going to cure anything," he tells her, looking down at his feet. She doesn't like how they're standing in the hallway; it's too claustrophobic for her. He waits a moment and Rachel walks closer towards him, wanting him to hold her, or touch her, anything. "If I go back into chemo, I'm going to be tired all of the time, and my hair's going to fall out again, and you're going to act that way you did the first time I went through chemo, and-"

"How did I act any differently?" She asks, pushing her hair out of her eyes. Finn walks towards her and places a hand on her waist, pulling her close. She stumbles over her feet slightly, knocking into his chest before tipping her head up to see him again.

"You were sad," he tells her, cupping her face in his hand, his thumb stroking her cheek. "And I don't want to go through that again… or make you go through it again."

Rachel shakes her head and sighs, a ragged breath slipping through her lips. "I love you," she says, trying to speak through her sobs. "And I want you to be at your happiest. But if you just want to throw your life away…"

Finn shakes his head and furrows his brow, touching her hair and playing with it between his fingers. "Rachel, whatever happens, I know that I haven't thrown my life away." She looks up at him and tries to muster up a smile through her tears that Finn wicks away with his thumb from her face. "Because I got to spend it with the one person who I know I won't regret spending time with."

She starts to cry and he pulls her in for an embrace, her head resting against his chest. He's still so much thinner than he had been before, still scaring Rachel every time she touches him.

"Don't leave me so soon," she whispers, her voice echoing in the narrow hallway. Finn laughs softly and holds her close, burying his nose in her hair.

"I'll try," he tells her, letting her hide herself in his arms. "I promise."

:.:.:

Finn dies on a Thursday. He had gone to bed early the night before after telling Rachel that he felt sick and wanted to go to bed early. In the moment, she had thought nothing of it. It was just something that she thought would be something he had done because he wanted to, or something.

But when she wakes up on Thursday morning and he's still there, not moving when she tries to wake him up.

It scares her more than anything in the entire world when he doesn't wake up. Even though she's been waiting for the day since Finn told her that he wasn't going to continue treatment, she's never expected it to happen so abruptly.

She calls the police and she sorts everything out in a decent amount of time. Rachel's never had to handle anything like this before, but she thinks she does a decent job of it. Besides crying when she had initially found Finn, she hasn't cried yet.

When she gets back to her apartment, however, and sees all of Finn's things strewn about her living room, and kitchen, and bedroom, all she can do is cry. She cries so much that she reaches the point where she runs out of tears, resulting in her sitting on the couch and just staring at the wall, trying to think of what she should do next.

It's like she's on a roller coaster, and she's just hit the biggest roadblock in the entire world, throwing her from the car and across the tracks. She's never felt this way about anyone or anything before. A week ago, all she could think about was how her heart swelled whenever she saw Finn, or smiled at him, or felt him pull her into his arms to kiss her. Now, she's a crying mess whenever she thinks about him.

She calls Kurt and tries to explain to him everything that's happened, and for what seems like the first time, he listens to her. He listens to her as she tells the story about how she and Finn had fallen in love and tries to make him believe that everything she's telling him is true, and she doesn't feel like he judges her so harshly anymore.

"Rachel, I'm sorry," Kurt says into the phone, Rachel trying everything she can to keep herself from crying like she's gone insane. He sounds worried, almost as much as she is. "If there's anything I can do, Rachel, tell me, and I'll-"

"It's okay," she says, her voice soft. Rachel's never had to face something like this head on before, but she thinks that maybe, just maybe, she's doing a good job. "I… I think I'm going to be alright."

"You loved him, didn't you?" Kurt asks, his own voice beginning to fill with tears.

"No," Rachel says, shaking her head even though she's still on the phone. "I love him."

:.:.:

Rachel begins packing Finn's things into boxes and puts them in the closet in her hallway. It takes time for her to find the will to actually do it, but she manages. She finds his clothes and packs them up and puts them away, choosing a Saturday out of the month to put away all of his things.

Most of her time is spent looking at things, needing to take the time to cry about everything from time to time. She doesn't find a methodical way to do it; she just puts on the radio in the background and begins to do what she feels she needs to do.

Around noon, she's in her bedroom when she finds the hat that she had knit for Finn in the corner of her room. She picks it up and holds it to her chest, still able to smell his cologne on it. For a moment, she thinks about crying, but before she can think about crying, she can feel what feels like a crumpled up piece of paper inside of the hat. Her hand fishes out a red envelope that she studies for a moment; her name printed across the front.

Upon further inspection, she opens the envelope and pulls out a piece of stationary, unfolding it and beginning to read.

Dear Rachel,

If you've found this, it's because I'm not here anymore. I'm not really sure where someone goes when they die, but hopefully it's somewhere better than here. I wrote this to you in a letter because I've always been afraid to say it to you in person – and hopefully, when you're done reading this, you'll feel better about everything. I just wanted to take the time to apologize to you, Rachel. Everything I ever did to you in high school was wrong, and it was wrong because I didn't do anything to you – and that was why I was so horrible to you, because I didn't do anything. I should have been smarter and I should have stood up for you and I should have told you then what I've finally found the courage to tell you now – that I love you, and I never want to lose you. I don't know what it was, but when we were younger, I was always afraid to tell you about how I felt about you. I was stupid and I cared too much about what other people thought of me in high school, and it's one of my biggest regrets. I'm almost positive that it's the reason why I missed out on the greatest thing in the entire world – you.

I think I should tell you why I came to you in the first place. It feels weird to tell you this way, just because I feel like I shouldn't be telling you in a letter, but you deserve to know no matter what. I was in the army after high school, but I got deployed about a year ago. When I had gotten back to America from the war, I thought it would be a good idea to stop in New York, because I thought that was where you were going to be. I always thought that you were going to be some big Broadway star in New York, I just didn't know how famous you were going to be when I got back. When I got there, though, I found out you weren't there, and so I decided that I was going to try and move back here, to Ohio, to find you. Before I actually made the decision, though, I found out that I had cancer – and it was really mild back then, but I still had cancer, and it scared me. I called my mom and I told her, and I told her about how I wanted to move back home to see you, and to fix everything between us. I faked a wounded leg and got the first flight here, knowing that you would be willing to pick me up. And, I guess the rest is kind of history – if you want to put it that way.

The only thing is, I was never expecting to fall in love with you. I came to Ohio to fix everything between us, but I never thought that would mean that I would get to fall in love with one of the smartest, funniest, prettiest girls in the entire world. I'm sorry that I was such a coward and could never tell you so many years ago, but I love you, Rachel. If I were a better writer, I would put a bunch of metaphors, or similes, or something like that in here to help prove my point, but I don't think I have to because you already know how I feel about you. I love you more than anyone or anything else in the entire world and I would never have it any other way.

I think the one downfall to you, however, Rachel, is that you never took time to do things for yourself. You were so scared about everything that you never found the time to do what you wanted, and I want to give you that chance. In the envelope is the rest of the money that was in my savings account – and it's not much, I know, but it's something. I want you to take the money and buy a one-way ticket to New York, and I want you to do whatever it is you want to do out there. You're too big for Ohio, Rachel. You were always supposed to be a bright, shining star in New York, and you can still be that. Go prove everybody wrong and make me proud.

I want you to know that living with you has been the best experience of my entire life. I've never met anyone as compassionate, loving, and amazing as you. I don't want to say that this is goodbye, because it isn't. Wherever I end up – heaven, or hell, or wherever, I think I'll always be with you, Rachel. Maybe that way, you won't be so broken anymore – even though I never thought you were broken to begin with.

Love,
Finn