A/N: This is dedicated to . I hope you like. WARNING: CONTAINS SELF INGURY!

Apology

He thinks Jeremy doesn't know. He thinks Jeremy doesn't know where he goes when he leaves him. But he knows. He knows and it kills him more than anything he believed could. Tyler went to Vickie, Tyler left him to go and sleep with Vickie. He didn't understand, wasn't he good enough? Didn't Tyler care about him the same way anymore? Why couldn't he understand him? Why couldn't he see that he was killing Jeremy inside? Why was he letting him have this effect on him? Jeremy lay in Tyler's sleeping arms and wondered if he did the same with...her.

Sweat drips in my eyes
screams of lust we cry
tonight you are everything
you're everything...
you're everything to me no more
as I wake from this perfect dream
I'll escape from Eden's walls
can I not stay and live this lie?
Go away and I'll think only of myself

Jeremy clapped his hands smiling as their team won another touchdown, he was smiling at Tyler mainly. He allowed his eyes to drift to the side and saw her. Vickie Donavon. She stood there cheering with all the other football groupies but her attention was purely on Tyler. Jeremy looked down to the floor as he felt his eyes begin to sting. Why was he doing this to him? He sniffed and looked up into the sky; it had just begun to rain, helping hid Jeremy's tears from the world. He looked over at Tyler one more time before leaving.

And to think that you would not be scared
or surprised if I'd severed all these ties
this is the end...

He walked into the bathroom and locked the doors. He stared into the mirror wondering when he stopped being enough for Tyler, wondering when his world fell apart and his heart shut down from the world breaking slowly, shattered pieces escaping from the tears that ran down his cheeks. He looked around wondering if anyone even notice what he was doing to himself, it was worse than drugs and then alcohol. He had started to cut, he had started to cut his wrists and he loved the feeling. He loved the release he was getting from it, the burning pain.

I'll lose myself in anguish for tonight
help me get over you

Tyler had begun to ask questions. Jeremy didn't have to answer them, it's not like he really cared. He was just using him for when Vickie was busy with some other dirt bag, "Hey, baby," Tyler said as he stepped into Jeremy's room. Jeremy faked a smile wondering if maybe Tyler would be able to see through it one day. Tyler leaned down and kissed him, his lips brushing against Jeremy's softly making him think that Tyler would never hurt but he was and because of that he wanted to cry. He wants to sob and scream loudly.

I feel so numb to see this bitter end of beautiful illusions...
would this be the same?
Broken pieces will not mend to save our past now...go away...

Jeremy stares into the mirror again the knife in his hand as he grazes it across his wrist slowly just breaking the skin, he didn't lock the door this time, he didn't see the point anymore he began to cry as the blood flowed from his freely. He sank to the floor cutting across his wrist again not caring about anything or anyone. There was a car pulling up outside his house but Jeremy didn't care who it was. A door opened and he realized it was from downstairs. There were footsteps on coming towards him and a door opening.

I'll lose myself in anguish for tonight
help me get over you
one last false apology
help me get over you

Tyler stared down at Jeremy's wrist before he grabbed a cloth and pressed it against his arm, Jeremy not meeting his stare. He closed his eyes as Tyler called the hospital. When he woke up he was surround by white walls and sitting on the car next to his bed was Tyler. He reached and touched the elder boy's arm. Tyler looked up before pulling Jeremy into his arms mumbling about how scared he was and how Jeremy should never do anything that dangerous again. He pulled back slightly before kissing Jeremy deeply, "It's my fault?"

Now we must let go
urgency overwhelms me as I must restrain my flood of tears
I refuse to be slave to your false beauty again

Jeremy looked at him for a second and nodded his head sadly, "Yes, I saw you with Vickie." Tyler hung his head in shame.

"I'm so sorry," Tyler pleaded, "I swear I'll stop, I won't do anything that stupid ever again. I promise just please, please don't ever do something like this again, please?" Jeremy nodded his head in agreement. He leaned into Tyler and kissed his forehead before resting his own against Tyler's smiling slightly as he did s, knowing that Tyler wouldn't break this promise. Knowing that he really cared about him still and not her.

I'll lose myself in anguish for tonight
help me get over you
one last false apology
help me get over you

Sadly, this promise wasn't kept, they fell apart from one another; Jeremy becoming paranoid and accusing while Tyler became distant and untrusting. They didn't stay together, Tyler went back to Vickie. Jeremy was left alone. Once again.

in my mind blood drips from your eyes
a beautiful last goodbye

XOXO

ManaMcC