Chapter Six

Christmas Day dawned beautiful and bright. Alice had a momentary pang of guilt when she thought about Jasper, but it quickly passed. The Swan women opened presents and had their traditional family holiday breakfast of French toast, ham and egg omelets and berry mimosas.

Alice was not looking forward to Christmas dinner. Renee had finally succeeded in getting the doctor to come over. Chris and his family arrived and they chatted and nibbled on hors d'oeuvres while waiting for the young doctor to show up. Alice dressed to unimpress, in jeans and a huge, well-worn, misshapen cable knit sweater. The phone rang and a few minutes later Renee came to tell them the bad news, the doctor had to go in to the hospital, they were short-staffed and he was on call. Alice almost let out a 'yippee' but restrained herself. She had managed to escape the noose once again.

Alice spent all the following day cleaning and packing her less used stuff in boxes. She had every intention of moving out of Renee's house and she had given herself one month to do it. It was exciting to move even if she didn't know where she was moving to yet. She felt that with the power of positive thinking and positive action she was going to get a flat, but she even chanted on it, just to give herself an edge.

The following afternoon she drove Bella up to Napa and lingered a little, having lunch and chatting with her little sister. She worried about Bella a lot. She was so young, but she led such a quiet uncomplicated life that Alice sometimes felt that she was only half alive. She wondered if one day in the future, long after she had married Chris and had babies, Bella would wake up and regret the choices she'd made. She never did anything remotely exciting. The only excitement was her belly dancing, and that was it. Bella was the quintessential good girl, calm and accepting. She kissed her little sister good-bye and got back into her little blue Toyota and drove back to Berkeley.

On a whim she stopped at the book store on Shattuck and lingered, looking for some of the classics that she had left behind when she moved from her apartment in New York. She ran into Seth, an old friend from high school. They talked for a bit and he gave her a lead on a flat by the North Berkeley Bart that would be coming available in mid-February.

When she got home she told her mom the exciting news. Naturally, Renee was not too thrilled. She saw this as Alice's great escape out of her sphere of influence and into the arms of Jasper. Alice went back to her packing and she whistled a happy tune.

Back at work Alice accomplished quite a few things. Jasper would not be back from Colorado the whole week, and Alice worked like the dickens on the project in Fremont as well as the new project they were assigned just before Christmas. Not surprisingly the tension and rumors in the office abated when Jasper wasn't there. She even went out to lunch with Aleksandr, James and Willow. They had a blast.

By Friday she was ready to unwind and have fun. Jasper had never mentioned whether he would be back for New Year's Eve and she assumed he wouldn't be. Besides he hadn't called her since the Christmas phone call and she hadn't felt like calling him. So she went ahead and said 'yes' to a date with a cutie she met through a mutual friend. Felix was new to the Bay Area from Australia.

She planned to wear a strappy little silver lame dress and strappy silver heels to match. She was excited to go out dancing. They were going to meet mutual friends at a private party held at a club in SOMA. Felix walked to her house at ten and she drove them to the city. He was friendly and lighthearted so she was looking forward to the evening. They met up with their group and got a table.

From the moment she got there Alice was out on the dance floor. The music was great and the group she was with was tons of fun. They drank and partied the night away. Jasper never crossed her mind, not even for a second. And when the countdown hit 'one' she happily kissed Felix to welcome in the New Year.

After the club they all went to dry out at a twenty four hour diner on Mission before driving home. Alice was laughing, flirting and sharing a big breakfast with Felix when she saw Jessica staring at her. For a few seconds she couldn't quite place the face, but when she finally did she waved 'hi' to her and kept eating. She got up to use the rest room and had to walk by the receptionist, so she stopped and talked.

"Hi, fancy meeting you here. Small world." Alice greeted her lightly.

"Hi yourself. Are you here with anybody?" Her eyes were darting around, no doubt looking for Jasper.

"What a strange question." Alice quirked one eyebrow, " I'm here with friends, the friends you see at my table. And you?"

"I'm here with friends too."

"So we're both here with friends. Goody for us."

Alice sauntered to the bathroom and when she came back Jessica was gone. Alice knew there would be a new round of gossip at work. She couldn't wait to hear what it would be.

#

Indeed, on her first day back at work, Alice dressed for intimidation. She wore a navy pin striped suit that she had bought in Italy the previous summer. The slim pants were tightly fitted to show every curve and the double breasted jacket nipped in at the waist and came to just above her hips. She wore a white silk see through shirt and a man's red tie. Her stiletto boots gave her added height. She thought she looked hot, hotter than hot, actually. When she got off the elevator she saw the enemy immediately, Jessica was whispering to Jenna, and stopped abruptly when Alice approached.

Alice nodded and walked past her and went to her office. Alice heard nary a peep all morning long as she worked. No calls, no knocks on her door, she had a creepy feeling about this. She had a noon meeting with Paul Kincaid and she walked down the hall to his office. She turned the corner and bumped into Jasper, who reached out his hand to steady her.

"Good morning, Jasper, welcome back." She had almost forgotten how handsome he was. His hair was a shade lighter and he looked bronzed and well rested.

"Good morning, Alice. Thank you, it's good to be back." He smiled at her, apparently forgiving the Christmas conversation.

"I hope your trip was fun."

"Yes it was. Lots."

"Well, please excuse me, I have a meeting with Paul." Alice started down the hall.

Jasper walked after her and put a hand on her arm to stop her. "Didn't you hear? Paul is out. He'll be out for quite a while. He broke his right arm, fractured his leg in three places, cracked a few ribs, and punctured his lung too."

Alice was shocked, "Oh my God!"

"Holiday skiing accident." He explained.

"No, no. I didn't hear about it. Thanks for telling me. Would you excuse me, Jasper, I have to make a call to a client." Alice walked hurriedly back down the hall to her office.

She was about to call the new client to cancel the lunch that she and Paul had scheduled with him, when Jasper walked into her office.

"Alice, I know that you and Paul had scheduled a Thursday lunch with Ray Zaragoza. Don't cancel it. If we do we might lose the job. I'll move some appointments around and I'll go with you."

"Jasper, I'm a little worried about this project. Paul and I have not really had a meeting on it yet. We were supposed to present something to the client. I have only the work that I've done. If Paul is going to be out for a while, we may need another lead architect on our team." There was an edge of panic to her voice.

"I'll work on it with you today and tomorrow and we'll see if we need to bring someone else in at that point, okay? If I bring anyone in it will most likely be Maria, so do the best you can." Jasper was well aware of the sour relationship between Alice and Maria.

"Okay. Do you think I can call him and get the work that he's done on it so far. Aleksandr and the others were not really working on this yet."

"Ask Willow to call his wife at home. See if she can get on it."

"Great. Thanks Jasper." Alice smiled her relief.

He smiled in return, his beautiful blue eyes twinkling, "Don't mention it. By the way I heard that you were spotted on New Year's Eve with your boyfriend." His smile was mischievous as he cocked his brow waiting for a response.

Alice was nonchalant, "Yeah, we ran into 'big mouth' Jessica, at the diner after the party. Up until that point I was having a wonderful time."

He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at her for a long time and she crossed her arms and looked right back at him. He grinned but she maintained the same deadpan expression. She was ready for the showdown.

Her phone rang and she turned her back to him to answer the call. "This is Alice Swan."

The call was brief and when she turned back, Jasper was gone.

#

Willow drove to Paul's house and got his work on the project and the whole team met with Jasper that afternoon. It was a huge project for an office park and they had very little so far. Jasper reviewed her sketches and he went with hers rather than Paul's. He asked her to come up with a few more ideas and the team worked on specs. The site was in Martinez, just about thirty miles away.

She and Jasper worked tirelessly all day on Tuesday and well into the late evening.

By Wednesday it was coming together and the presentation looked like it would be pretty good. She was about to leave at nine o'clock on Wednesday night, the office was deadly quiet and when Jasper came into her office, she was surprised.

"I thought I was the only one still here." She said.

"No, I'm still working too. Sometimes I'm here until midnight."

"I guess this company is your baby, huh?'

"You could say that. It's my wife and my baby." He laughed.

"Oh." In that moment Alice understood more about Jasper than she had in the weeks before. He was driven by the need to be successful, this firm was the most important thing in his life.

"Alice, would you mind if I made a suggestion to you about tomorrow's meeting?"

She sat down in her chair, ready to listen. "No, of course not. Please, go ahead." She was interested to hear his last minute pointers.

He cleared his throat. "Wear a skirt or a dress. The masculine look doesn't suit you."

Alice's brows knitted, not sure if she had heard him correctly. "What? Are you kidding? You're telling me how to dress?" She almost wanted to hit him.

"Remember, I said it was a suggestion." He shrugged and held up his hands indicating he had no real say. "You can dress as you like, of course."

She was miffed. "Fine, Jasper. No slacks." She thought she looked hella good in that pinstripe suit.

Jasper continued, but with a hint of laughter in his voice. "Your new lover may like that masculine look on you, but it may not go over too well with the clients, especially Zaragoza."

Alice felt like laughing, imagining herself and the fictional new lover who liked masculine women. "I said fine, Jasper. Didn't you hear me? No slacks." It was hard to keep a straight face.

But he continued, he wouldn't stop talking about it. "Do you ever ask him why he likes that look on you? Is he kinky?" Jasper looked like he was ready to laugh too.

"Okay, Jasper. That's enough. And that is none of your business." She tried to sound firm, like she wanted to keep her private life private.

He sat on the edge of her desk facing her in her chair and ran his finger down her cheek. "Maybe you two like to get into role playing, switching things up, gender bending and..." At that point she just had to bring a stop to the crazy.

She giggled and got up from her chair. "Jasper there is no new lover, and you know it, okay. Just stop." She laughed and laughed at the kinky role playing idea.

He laughed too. They both got a good laugh and then he got serious and tender. "I never thought there was, Alice. But you wanted to use the excuse of a new lover to keep me away, why?" He reached out and held her by the shoulders and turned her to look at him.

She sighed and looked up at his face. "I guess I'm tired of 'us', Jasper." And she was, really tired of it.

"Alice how could you be tired of this?" And he drew her close and wrapped her in his arms, caressing her shoulders and back all the way down to her bottom. He kissed her neck and bit her earlobe. His lips traveled from under her ear along the line of her jaw to her lips.

She pulled away from him. "Jasper, I'm not tired of the sex, I know we have great sex. I really don't know what I'm tired of. I just am."

He pulled her back into his arms and kissed her neck, breathing in her perfumed skin. "Alice I've missed you, so much. It's been too long. Just give me a kiss and it will all come back to you." He whispered huskily.

"Here's the kiss that I really want to give you." And she pulled him down and kissed him on his cheek.

Jasper pointed to his lips, "Here Alice, here."

She shook her head. "Jasper, I've been thinking that I like you a lot; a whole lot. You're funny and terribly smart and I think that if you weren't so tempting and pretty you'd be best friend material. In addition to being gorgeous, you're interesting, sexy and a very good lover. Actually, the best lover I've ever had. But that's just not good enough."

Jasper was no fool, but he'd never had anyone break up with him so he was caught off guard, he wasn't getting it. "Wow, what brought on all this praise? What are you trying to say?" His smile was warm and his eyes were questioning.

"Well, Jasper. I think this is it. We're at the end of the road. "We" are not going any further." She said quietly.

He was beginning to understand, but he didn't want to. His jaw clenched and his whole face was tight. "Alice, talk straight, no bullshit. Just say exactly what you mean."

She nodded. "I want us to be just friends, or, if you don't want that, just boss and employee. No flirting, no kissing, no one on one lunches, I won't be having sex with you anymore."

"Why? What happened? You did meet someone else, didn't you?" He took her by the shoulders and started to shake her. Then he realized what he was doing and quickly let her go.

She sunk onto the corner of her desk. "No. I didn't meet someone else. I partied with friends on New Year's Eve, but nothing serious. I don't have another lover or even another prospective lover. To be honest, I'm thinking of taking another break from men. I need to rethink this whole dating shit. Apparently, I'm really bad at it."

Jasper whirled on her angrily, and brought his face inches from hers. "It's because I didn't tell you I love you, isn't it?"

She blinked and looked at the floor. "It's a lot of things Jasper, and yes, that's a little part of it, I will admit. But there is so much more to it than just that. Honestly, I hate being your dirty little secret, and that's what I am, we only meet for sex. And yes, quite frankly, I do feel uncomfortable with the office politics and the rumors, I thought that I would be able to handle it, but I can't. Maybe if we had more than just sex going on I would be able to but we don't." she shrugged.

She finally looked into his eyes as he listened from across the room by the window. "There's an inequity here, and I don't like it. You used to bring your old girlfriend Sue to functions and take her to meet your family and you don't do that with me. I am nobody to you." She sighed and continued.

"The truth is I was asking you about love to get a feel for you. And I realized you and I were going nowhere. I'm not going to say I love you, because I don't, I never did. But I was opening up to the possibility of having something normal with you, and you weren't open to it at all."

Alice paused and then got up the courage to go on. "You told me you've never said 'I love you'. I think you're the kind of guy who's afraid of 'I love you' because you think it's a promise to commit to marriage and forever. For me 'I love you' is a promise to keep going deeper and being more intimate and learning and enjoying more about each other. I don't think you want deeper you want shallow. And to be honest, I don't want to waste my time with you, anymore."

He looked at her as though she had slapped him, he was stunned. He was trying to read into her eyes to see if there was any other message in there.

"Waste your time? Was it a waste of time? I thought we were having fun, both enjoying what we had."

"It was fun, at first, but then it became a hassle."

"Are you kidding me? You never said anything about it being a hassle."

"Look. I'm saying it now. I don't want to have sex with you anymore. Get it? No more sex." She sighed, all of a sudden she felt truly exhausted. "Jasper I need to get home, it's late. Goodnight." Picking up her coat and bag, she opened her door and walked to the elevators.

When she was gone, Jasper sank heavily into her leather chair. He leaned back and stared at the ceiling. He felt as though something just went horribly wrong, and he had no idea how to right it.

#

The following day Alice and Jasper met with the client for lunch. They had a kick ass presentation and the client loved it. Later, back at the office the team met with Jasper and he informed them that Alice would be the lead on the project. The announcement came as a complete surprise to Alice. The project was one of the largest that Hale had ever done. She felt sure that Jasper would want someone more experienced as the lead.

That afternoon she knocked on the door of his office. "Jasper I need to see you for a few minutes, are you free?"

"Yeah, sure. Come in."

"Jasper I'm really nervous. This is a big project and I'm not sure if I'm the person to lead it."

"Alice I would not have given it to you if I thought you weren't capable. I know you can do it. If you need anything ask me and I'll help, but this is yours."

"I'm not sure Jasper, what if I screw up? Do you trust me not to? 'Cause I don't trust myself.

"I trust you. You're smart and innovative and creatively brilliant. Alice, you are talented and this company is lucky to have you. It's your first lead on a project and it's perfectly understandable that you're nervous, but you'll do great."

Alice almost teared up. He really respected her as a professional. It felt so good to know that. "Thanks, Jasper. I'll do my best." She impulsively hugged him and she heard his swift intake of breath and let him go quickly. "Jasper, I also want to talk to you about more personal things."

He walked over and locked his door and returned and waited. Alice looked at him for a long time. He didn't seem to be annoyed, angry or sad or anything, his face was a blank. But she had to bring it up for her own peace of mind.

Her voice was low and contrite as she started, "Jasper, I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you last night. I'm not very good at the 'amicable break up' thing. In my break ups, I'm usually screaming and throwing things. But I did the best I could."

She looked at him and saw that his expression hadn't changed, so she went on. "Someone once told me that honesty without compassion is cruelty and I don't think I showed you much compassion last night. Quite frankly, I'm not even sure you needed compassion, but on the off chance that I hurt or offended you in any way I want to apologize."

"You didn't offend me. You were honest and that honesty was appreciated." His voice was tired but soft and sincere.

"Jasper, you're a special person to me and you always will be. I hope that you know that. I hope that we can be friends at some point. But if at any time you feel that my working here isn't a good thing, please tell me. I'll quit."

"Alice, I don't foresee a problem with us working together, and to answer your question I do think we can be friends. You make me laugh, a lot. And you're very smart and feisty. You've quickly become one of my favorite people in the world. I will miss being your lover, but I would love to call you my friend." And he came to her and gave her a big hug.

Alice hugged him back and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks Jasper."

Maybe everything would work out after all.