Hi! Me again, this is a record for me :) I'm trying to finish the next chapter as well. So I should have it up in the next few days. Not on christmas day though xD
Okay, so about this chapter. I took my friends advice on the events of this chapter, so you need to pay attention. I lot happens in this chapter. Let's just say this chapter and the next are going to be...eventful.
Oh, and I apologise for Toshiro in the last chapter, being a total d***. But yeah, he isn't really in this chapter. Sakurai is kind of horrible to Kisuke in this chapter.
Hey, after I've published the next chapter, I may be able to publish my high school story using the characters from this one since everything is pretty much revealed in this chapter. But I'm also contemplating doing a Hitsukarin one shot for christmas/new year.
Well, pay attention ;) and happy reading! :D
I don't own bleach, if I did the war would have ended very differently :P

That hurt.
Who are you kidding, it stills hurts you, Shi-chan.Nami told me, her voice wasn't sarcastic like usual, it was sad.
I didn't respond and just carried on toward the shop. I had broken into a run as soon as I was out of Toshiro's view. But now my breath was catching in my throat. I could feel my legs growing uneasy beneath me.
I did nothing to stop myself falling. I just let my legs give way. I let myself fall to the ground. My back landed against the wall and I just sat there. Oblivious to the rain that was beginning to fall.
Stop beating yourself up. Toshiro will get over it.
I ignored her.
"You're going to catch a cold." A voice told me. I looked up to see Kisuke walking over to me. "You should know better than walking through dark alleys alone at night."
"Well, I doubt anyone would have walked with me." I coughed, laughing despite myself.
"Come on, let's get you back." He helped me to my feet, and noticing that I couldn't walk, he lifted me onto his back. "Last time I carried you like this you were an upset little girl who had just had an argument with Byakuya Kuchiki." He chuckled.
"Thank you." I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder.
"What for?"
"Everything. Thank you, Kisuke."
"No problem kiddo. That's what I'm here for." He assured me. "You need me I'm there." His words sounded sincere as we reached the shop. He used my foot to knock on the door and I laughed lightly as the door opened.
"What happened?" Yoruichi asked, looking at me.
"That's what I intend to find out." Kisuke said firmly, walking past her. He carried me to the room I had been staying in and set me down, before standing in front of me.
"Thanks."
"Well?" He looked at me.
"Well what?" I asked absently, coughing again.
"What happened?" He sat down in front of me.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Then show me." He tapped the side of his head and I sighed. I moved so I was kneeling on the floor and placed two fingers on each side of his head. I let the 'argument' I had just had with Toshiro run from my mind into his. Allowing him to view everything, to hear everything Toshiro had said.
"I see." He said when I had finished. I removed my hands and moved back onto my futon. "Don't let it get to you Sakurai." He smiled reassuringly to me. I began to cough repeatedly, a slight amount of blood coming out. "Get some rest. It doesn't help your breathing when you're upset." He told me. I nodded as he left the room.
I sighed and settled down on the futon, slowly drifting off to sleep.

Kisuke POV

"Kisuke." I woke up to some one whispering my name sharply. I opened my eyes to nothing, it was still extremely dark. The middle of the night.
"What is it? It's the middle of the night." I yawned, my eyes finally adjusting and registering Yoruichi stood over me.
"Listen." I did as she said when she fell silent. Then I heard screams and rasping breaths coming from the room next to my own. The room Sakurai was in.
I stood up reasonably quickly and walked, if you class taking one step and being in the next room walking, to her room.
I opened the door to see the girl thrashing in her sleep, rasping breaths and screams came from her mouth in between coughs. I rested my hand on her forehead, but quickly withdrew as her temperature was rocketing.
"Sakurai." I repeated her name as I knelt by her bedside, I called Yoruichi who helped me restrain her before she injured herself.
"Kisuke." Yoruichi motioned to Sakurai's hands, I moved my own hands from her wrists so I could see her hands. She already had injured herself. There was blood where she had dug her nails into her palms when makings fists.
"Sakurai, wake up." I told her calmly. My voice got louder as I called her name. Then I said the name I haven't said in years. "Shizu, wake up." I said, somewhat desperately.
Sakurai screamed the loudest and most painful scream yet as her eyes snapped open. She was shaking so much it was scary. Her breath was uneven and she looked terrified as her blue eyes fell on me. I jumped as she hugged me, her shaking body was boiling. She coughed repeatedly, struggling to breathe. I slowly wrapped my arms around her and held her gently. Obviously not something I was used to.
"I'll be right back." Yoruichi told me, she disappeared from the room.
"Are you alright?" I asked Sakurai, worry etched into my voice. Sakurai coughed, nodding. I should have realised there was more to that cough.
"Here." Yoruichi came into the room holding medicine. "This should help you get some sleep, and help you feel better." Sakurai nodded and took the medicine from Yoruichi, withdrawing away from me. I let her go, trying not to think of the last time I had done that, let her go I mean. I watched as Sakurai downed the entire bottle of medicine and lay back down, her eyelids drooping. I sat, cross legged, at the side of her bed, vowing to stay here until she awoke again. Yoruichi sat next to me.
"Your going to have to tell her." She said, stroking a piece of Sakurai's hair out of her face, but not uncovering her burn.
"Why? She's happy. She doesn't need to know." I replied, not taking my eye's from Sakurai, worried that if I looked away something bad would happen to her.
"She does need to know Kisuke. Unohana told me that she keeps refusing treatment and it's killing her. She needs to know. Before…before her stubbornness ends her. Before it turns out you never got to know her really." Yoruichi countered. Sakurai was refusing treatment? How could she be so stupid!
"Fine. She does need to be told. But how the hell can I tell her? I mean it's not something that just comes up in a conversation. 'Oh Hi. Sakurai how are you?' 'I'm good Kisuke. And you?' 'I'm fine. Oh by the way. I'm your dad.'" I muttered, sarcastically. I could just see her face if I told her that.
"Oh and by the way I know your real name is Shizu. I'm the one that gave you that name." I carried on. Yoruichi placed a hand on my arm.
"It certainly won't be easy. But it is essential. She needs to know this." Yoruichi looked away. "She's not happy Kisuke, no matter what you think. She's killing herself. She has no one but Byakuya left. No one deserves to suffer the amount of pain she does every day." She stood up fully. "You need to tell her. She needs to know. Before she becomes too much like you and being stubborn wins." She smiled at me sadly before taking one last look at Sakurai before leaving the room.
"How am I meant to tell you, Shi?" I sighed, stroking her forehead. "You hate your father. I know you do. I don't want you to hate me."

"As far as I'm concerned, by father is the reason my mother is dead. You really have no idea how much I hated Soul Reapers as a child."

My mind cast back to her telling me that. And she was right. I could probably have stopped her mother's death.
"I have always been here, listening to you when you told me what you thought of your father. You have no idea how badly it hurt." I stood up, walking over to the door. "Please, Zu-chan, don't hate me..." I whispered before closing the door behind me and leaving.

Sakurai POV

My head hurts.

Considering last night's events mistress, I'm not surprised... Nami seemed unusually, well, she sounded in shock.
"Nami?" I said aloud.
How can you forget something like that? She snapped. Try and remember. What did Kisuke-sama say last night? What did Yoruichi say last night?
I don'- I cut myself off, the memory of just before I fell asleep drifted back to me and I moved quickly. Dressing in casual clothes and running to the shop.
I clutched my chest in pain when I reached it, I would have fallen again if it weren't for some one catching me.
"Sakurai, are you alright?" Yoruichi's voice asked me. I nodded as she helped me to the steps to sit down.
"Thank you." I nodded to her. She smiled and fetched a glass of water and handed it to me. When she returned I drank the water slowly, just taking a sip.
"Were you looking for something?" She asked. "Oh, yes, it's afternoon by the way. So you never showed at school." She smirked slightly at that.
"What? I slept that long?"
"It was a miracle you slept at all." The former Taicho sighed, turning to face me. "Do you feel better?"
"Considerably, thank you Yoruichi-san." I nodded. "Where's Kisuke?" My mind suddenly snapped back to the reason I had ran, and I sounded angry.
"He's just had to go somewhere. Why? What's wrong?"
"I heard, I heard what the two of you were saying last night. After you'd given me the medicine, when you thought I was asleep."
Her eyes widened. "Sakurai, please. Don't be angry with him. He had his reasons."
"Really?" I snapped as I stood up. I felt my spiritual pressure flare and did nothing to stop it. "What reasons could possibly justify keeping that from me? For all this time!"
"He didn't want you dead..." Yoruichi looked away.
"What?" I froze at her words, but before she had chance to answer the door opened.
"Onee-sama!" I spun around to the sound of Rukia's voice at the door. "Karin called, she said you weren't at school. We heard what Toshiro said to you. I was concerned."
"You shouldn't have been." I assured her coldly.
"Why did you not go in?" Rukia asked. I stiffened and looked to Yoruichi for help.
"She wasn't herself this morning, and she had a bad night last night. I thought it best not to wake her. We contacted the school." She explained.
Rukia nodded.
"Are you feeling better now, Saka-nee?" She asked me. I nodded with a soft smile. Rukia worried about me, she'd always been like that. Then again, I worried about her just as much. Only I have always shown it compared to her brother. "Good, I'm glad." She smiled. "I should get going. Rescue Hinamori from Rangiku." She laughed before running off.
"She seems happy here." I said absently.
"She's with Ichigo." Yoruichi smiled. "Those two are very close. Good friends."
"And I'm sure Renji is all the more thrilled by that fact." I laughed, my former Taicho joined in.
"I've missed you Sakurai. It seems like forever since I last saw you. You weren't in the war either." Yoruichi sighed absently as I sat down beside her again.
"Yeah. It has been a while. The war itself was four years ago. The aftermath has lasted that long." I looked at her briefly. "Now then, what were you saying?"
"About?"
"Kisuke." I scowled. "My father." I corrected.
"Oh, that." She sighed. "It's really not my place to say anything Sakurai. I know little on the matter. He didn't tell me much. But I do know one thing."
"What?" I asked her, staring at the floor as she stood up and walked in front of me. She placed a finger on my chin and lifted my face up to look at her.
"You meant everything to him." She smiled at me. "You, your little brother and your mother."
"Obviously everything wasn't enough..." I sighed, looking away. Yoruichi looked at me sadly.
"Give him chance Sakurai, just hear him out." She told me as she left the room.
"Everything okay Taicho?" Kaori's voice startled me. I looked over my shoulder to see her closing the door to the rooms.
"Kaori. Everything is fine. I thought you were meeting Ichigo today?" I asked her.
"Just on my way now." She smiled cruelly. "Let his torture begin right?" She laughed.
"I've taught you well." I smirked.
"See you later Sakurai-san." She smiled at me, waving as she left the shop.
"Everyone seems so happy here." I sighed sadly. Everyone but me.
Should we pay an old friend a visit? I hear he's around here.
I know who you are talking about, and the answer is no. He probably wants me dead. I left without saying goodbye.
You know as well as I do, he'd probably be happy to see you.
He's probably changed Nami. In over seventy years, he's bound to have changed.
Don't you think he'd want an explanation as to why you left, Shi-chan?
I looked at the clock. Half past three. I'd been out a long time. No.
But Sakurai... Nami moaned.
No, Namine. I growled. She didn't respond, as she hated that name.
"Tessai!" I called. The tall man wandered into the shop.
"Sakurai, what is it?"
"Do you mind if I cook today? I need to take my mind off things." I smiled politely. He nodded.
"I don't see why not. I had no idea you could cook."
"Yeah, I do cook, just not often. It just helps distract me when there's something on my mind."
"Ah. Care to talk about it?"
"No thank you. I've been talking to Yoruichi-sama about it." I smiled, he nodded politely at walked away.
So what do you plan on doing now then?
Having a face to face conversation. I smirked. I went to my room and dispatched my gigai, before heading to the underground training room.
I sat down cross=legged on a boulder a fair way away from the entrance. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to be taken to my inner world.
"Hey there, Sakurai." Nami greeted me. The vast beach spread out in front of me, the water flowing gently around the edge. As I looked further out to the sea, I could see clouds. I could see lightening and hear thunder. The water over that way seemed to be becoming fierce.
I turned back to look at the girl. She was in her physical form. She did like being in her spirit form, especially since it was in a spirit world, but she liked her physical appearance, and she was able to choose which appearance she wished for.
Right now she was merely the appearance of a young girl. A young girl with horns, fangs, and a smaller version of a dragon's tail. She had wings too, but she kept them tucked in. Her hair was a silvery blue colour, her clothes were a short blue and grey dress that reached high above her knees, her sleeves on the other hand were long and covered her hands, which were behind her head as she relaxed in the lounger she was on.
"Nami." I greeted her. "What's going on?" I asked, motioning to the stormy water.
"You're troubled; I would have thought that obvious." She yawned. "Not to mention tired."
"I've been asleep for hours." I protested.
"I find it amusing how you being tired is the first thing you protest." She laughed slightly. Her laugh was light and girlish.
"I have no doubt that I am troubled. You yourself are troubled, without my influence." I looked at her carefully, she had yet to open her eyes or make any movement other than speech. "What is troubling you, Nami?"
"Hyorinmaru." She said dryly. "Or, more his master."
"Why?"
"I'm not sure. I just don't believe that Hitsugaya is really aware of the things at stake around him."
"What are those things?"
"Obvious things. His cousin, Momo. His fukutaicho, Rangiku-chan. Karin. You." She finished abruptly with the last two, finally opening her eyes and looking at me, her silver eyes cast upon me with wisdom that would not show if she were truly what she appeared.
"Why are we at stake?"
"That is for you to realise." She sighed, closing her eyes again. "I cannot tell you."
"As helpful as ever I see." I rolled my eyes. "Can you tell me how long he's going to stay mad at me?"
"About last night? He isn't anymore." Nami admitted. "Karin told him the truth."
"Why would she do that?"
"Why would you take the blame?" She opened her eyes again, only this time, she sat up and spun around so her legs were off the side of the chair.
"Because she's my friend, and I know how much she cares about Toshiro. It would have hurt her for him to yell at her."
"Yes. So now you're saying it didn't hurt you?" Nami tilted her head.
"I never said that." I shrugged, looking back out to the sea.
"You're being called." Nami looked away from me when I turned back to her. "Tessai. You always lose track of time in here. You're in here longer than you think. You still haven't got the grasp of that in over one hundered years."
"Yeah, yeah. See you later, Nami." I faded out of my inner world and my eyes fluttered open.
"Ah, I apologise for waking you, but it is five o'clock." Tessai told me as I stood up, well, jumped down off the boulder. "Would you still like to cook?"
"Yeah." I nodded once. I skipped past him cheerfully.
"You seem to feel better."
"Yeah, much better thank you." I lied. It was easier to fake happiness than it was to have to explain why you're unhappy.
"Good, I'm glad." He nodded once, watching me leave the training ground.

I walked down the corridor to make my way to the kitchen when I felt Kisuke's spiritual pressure in the shop. I stiffened. I would have gone to speak to him, were it not for the sheer fact that I could sense Toshiro in there as well.
I entered the kitchen and pulled vegetables out of one of the cupboards and began to chop up at carrot. I liked cooking non-japanese meals, it got boring in the soul society since that is all you ate. So I don't eat much there.
I could hear Toshiro and Kisuke's conversation.
It's impolite to listen in on conversations.
Shut up. I growled in my mind.
"Is Sakurai here?" I heard Toshiro ask.
"If she was, do you think she'd wish to speak to you?" Kisuke's reply was empty, much unlike his usual cheerful attitude. Maybe Yoruichi was right, I should give him a chance. He was obviously pissed with Toshiro.
"Urahara. Is she or not?" The young Taicho practically growled.
"Yes."
"Where is she?"
"The kitchen I believe." He answered him absently.
"Why is she in there?"
"She is doing what most people do in a kitchen. I believe she is cooking." He answered sarcastically. I surpressed a chuckle.
"Whatever." I felt Toshiro's reitsu move, as he took a few steps to reach the door. But he stopped. Kisuke was in front of him.
"Hitsugaya, if you ever speak to her like that again. It won't just be Yoruichi or Byakuya who make your life, afterlife, hell. Understood?"
"Yes. Though I see no reason why she is your concern." Toshiro spat before walking past him. I was thinking about what Kisuke had said to Toshiro, and how he hadn't responded to the boy's comment when I heard the door open.
"Ah." The knife slipped slightly as I was pulled from my thoughts, it sliced the palm of my hand. "Damn." I sighed.
"That was foolish." Toshiro's voice came from behind me.
"I can think of more foolish things both you and I have done, Hitsugaya-taicho." I answered back blankly, not turning to him, just walking over to the sink and running the water of the tap on my hand.
"Such as?"
"I fell in love with some one I shouldn't have." I admitted. "And you, having feelings for a human is the equivalent of mine. Only yours is against the law."
I heard Toshiro momentarily stop breathing behind me. "Are you so certain of that fact, Mitsugayani?"
"Ha." I smirked, finally turning to face him. I ruffled his hair with my non-bloody hand before walking over and wrapping my hand in bandages. "I am certain. Because I know you too well, Toshiro Hitsugaya."
"Whatever." He scowled.
"Did you come here for something?" I asked him. Trying to wrap my hand.
"Yes, I wanted to-" We were cut short as we both sensed enourmous amounts of spiritual pressure eminating from the direction of the Kurosaki household.
"Go. Those aren't Menos." I ordered him, he looked at me in surprise. "That's an order from your superior officer Hitsugaya! Go!"
He nodded before disappearing. I turned back to the food and finished chopping the carrots, I actually couldn't leave that half finished. I finished and shouted for Tessai. "Tessai, you'll have to finish, I have to go somewhere!" I called. Tessai was capable of sensing spiritual pressure, he'd know where I was headed.
Some one else did too.
I disgarded my Gigai and headed for the exit to the shop, but my arm was grabbed to prevent me leaving.
"Don't." I looked to my side to see Kisuke looking at me firmly. "You can't go there Shizu." Obviously Yoruichi had told him I knew. He never would have called me that name otherwise.
"You are in no position to tell me what to do, or call me by that name." I hissed.
"You'll get yourself killed."
"All the more reason for me to go. To help my friends." I shrugged. "You have no right to tell me what I can and can't do."
"I do have a right. You know it. I'm your-"
"Father? Only when it suits you." I yanked my arm from his grasp. "You don't deserve to have me call you that. You don't deserve to even call yourself that!" I practically growled at him. My spiritual pressure was close to exploding. "You tell me this now. Claiming I'll get hurt if I go. Did you ever even care? Did you ever love any of us? Me, mother, Takiro? Did any of us mean anything to you?"
Kisuke looked like he'd gone into shock. He didn't have his fan or his hat, which made it possible to see his face, and it looked more in pain with every word I said.
But I carried on.
"You say I'll get hurt. Did you think I haven't been hurting? All these years I've been happy? Satisfied? You think I was content with watching my mother and little brother die right in front of me? Knowing since my mother died that my father knew what was going on? You think that I didn't hurt, thinking that I wasn't worth anything to my father? That all those years I spent, on my own were nothing? I have suffered more pain than you could ever imagine! And it hurts even more, knowing things might have been different if you were there! I go through torture every day, just to stay breathing!"
"That's your own fault." He finally spoke up.
"Excuse me?"
"You're the one who is refusing to be treated! It could save your life, yet you refuse! Why would you do that?"
"Because I deserve it!" I screamed at him. He was sent into silence. "Because I deserve it. All of it. The pain. Everything. I deserve to die, to suffer."
"Why would you think that?"
"For the reasons I've stated!" I yelled, I could feel myself holding back tears. I had never cried since Hanorishi found me, I wasn't going to start now. "I just stood there and watched my mother get killed! I did nothing while my brother chocked in a fire! I did nothing to stop you leaving! Did nothing to save you or Shinji or anyone when you were meant to be killed! I did nothing! When I could have done something! I could have tried to help! Then I wouldn't have to be like this. To go through this, this torture! But I let them die! I let you leave. I let Hiyori, shinji and the others be sentenced to execution. I. Did. Nothing."
"How can you believe any of that is your fault you stupid girl?" He sighed, I finally looked at him. "Shizu, I was made to leave you. I had to. There was no way I could stop it. Everything happened back then because I was too afraid to stand up to the sotaicho. I was too stubborn to ask Yoruichi for help. I am to blame Shi. Your mother wouldn't be dead, your brother wouldn't be because your mother was still alive. I begged for them not to kill you. Not to kill your brother. The sotaicho agreed, but when I asked for your mother to be spared, he would always refuse." He gripped my shoulders tightly. "Shizu, you have to listen to me. I don't want you to hate me, that is the second-to-last thing in the world that I would ever want." I looked at him in confusion.
"And the first?"
"You not to exist at all." He sighed. "I don't know what I'd do if you died. I've been strongly connected to the soul society for years, Rukongai at least. You visited there more than you stayed in the Sereitei. You visited Kukaku Shiba. She would tell me when you'd visit, so I knew you were safe. Shizu, please. Don't refuse to be treated like this. You're ill and you're dying. Get treatment. And don't go out there." He pleaded to me.
"I have to." I looked to the door. "Why is it so important I don't?" that's when I felt it. Two spiritual pressures, they plummeted to nothing.
"That's why." Kisuke looked away, seeing the pain on my face.
"No." I whispered. "Momo, Karin." I looked up at him. "You idiot! You could have let me go! I could have stopped them dying!" My mind suddenly sparked on something. "Shit. Toshiro..." With that I left, leaving Kisuke alone in the shop.

I reached the Kurosaki household in the shortest time possible. I didn't need to open the door, it had been torn down. The walls of the house were smashed and disorientated. Just as I was when I stammered into the house. My eyes saw Rangiku stood next to a distraught Toshiro and Ichigo. My eyes glanced downward to see one of my closest friends, and the girl I had only just met yet become so close to, lying in pools of blood on the floor.
I staggered backward. Not wanting to believe what I was seeing. Karin and Momo, they can't be dead.
Well they are.
Shut up Namine! I screamed in my head.
Rangiku saw me as I clutched hard at the broken doorframe, my hands beginning to bleed. She glanced down at her Taicho before looking back at me again. Her eyes looked scared.
Toshiro sad sensed me, known I was there.
"You said you were right behind me." He didn't even look at me. "Where were you? Why weren't you here? This is your fault Sakurai."
"Toshiro, I-"
"Don't! It is Sakurai! They were looking for you!" I froze.
What?

Hope you enjoyed! Everything is falling together, muh ha ha! Just kidding, well, you now know who Sakurai's father is. Just a warning, Toshiro is a total prick in the next chapter again, but Sakurai(Shizu) kind of snaps this time when he says she doesn't know how it feels to lose something because she has nothing to lose :s

Well, as usual, Read &Review :) Merry christmas if I don't finish the oneshot or next chapter before then :)