Chapter Eight

Saturday was wet and drizzly and Alice was stumped for something to wear. Time and time again her hand reached for the Avengers jumpsuit, but she rejected it. Instead she settled for a pair of tight black jeans and a black turtleneck. She wore funky ankle boots and a black trench and that was the outfit.

Renee, still struggling with only the use of one arm, co-opted Alice's hands and made a home-made peach cobbler for Mike. It was a thank you for his help on moving day. Mike's place was within steps of Lake Merritt and rather than have him come all the way to pick her up, she drove to his apartment.

It was luxurious. She walked through the glass enclosed lobby and over to the front desk. The building was fairly new and apparently designed as a hotel originally, or so Alice guessed. The lobby was huge, with many little seating areas. Palms and ficus trees were everywhere. Even on this wet rainy day the lobby was well lit by natural light coming through the glass walls.

Two employees sat at the long desk and Alice told them she was here to see Mike D'Souza. One of the women, a pretty little blonde with green eyes and lush lips, did a double take and looked Alice up and down. She dialed his apartment and practically gushed when she told him he had a visitor. Someone is flustered, Alice smiled to herself. The woman hung up and spoke to Alice in a clipped voice, "Dr. D'Souza will be down shortly, Miss. Would you care to sit and wait?"

Alice shook her head and in less than twenty seconds there he was, walking from the elevators towards her. If she didn't have the cobbler in her hands, she would have flung her arms around his neck and kissed him, he looked that sexy. His hair was wet from the shower and he had on black jeans and a dark pullover just like she did.

"Hi, Mike." Her voice was breathy. She was just as flustered as the smitten receptionist.

He looked down at the covered casserole dish she was holding in both hands. "What do you have there?"

"It's a gift for you, from my mom. She said you like peach cobbler so she made it as a thank you for helping."

"Oh she shouldn't have, but I'm glad she did. Let's take it upstairs and then we can go for our walk."

He took the still-warm cobbler from her and Alice glanced at the blonde. Her eyes were dreamily staring up at Mike. Sorry, babe, he's taken, Alice thought to herself before she was pulled back to reality. "Alice, why don't you walk ahead so you can press the button?" They got in the elevator, honey-colored wood paneling gleamed. It silently whizzed them up to the ninth floor.

He led her to the door of his apartment and asked her to retrieve his keys out of his jacket pocket. She silently wished he had put his keys in his jeans; that would have been much more fun.

When they got inside he took the cobbler to the kitchen and she called after him, "Something smells wonderful is that your world famous gumbo?"

"Yes it is. I was up late last night making it, so it can sit and the flavors can marry. I planned that we would eat after our walk, but we can eat it now if you're hungry." He offered.

"I can wait 'til later. Why don't you show me around your place?" It was a two bedroom apartment with floor to ceiling windows in every room. The floor was dark teak hardwood and the walls were painted a light dove grey. The living room was tastefully furnished in a mid-century style, with the low couch and oversized armchairs covered in a grey tweed. His bedroom was furnished with a dark wood bed and matching side tables and a dresser.

Alice lingered purposefully by the windows, taking in the view of Bay Bridge and the distant San Francisco skyline. "If you had a telescope I bet you could see my office from here. I have a wonderful view from the other side of the bridge."

"Well I guess I'll be buying a telescope soon." He came to stand behind her. "Show me where I should be looking." Pointing in the general direction of her office building she smiled and joked, "I'll buy one too and we can peep each other." She turned and looked up at him. The feeling of desire was almost overwhelming. Alice could swear she was noticeably trembling. She leaned into him and rested her cheek on his chest. His heart was racing too. She waited for him to kiss her but he reached for her hand and led her out of the bedroom and back through the living room into the kitchen.

"I can't wait for the cobbler. Do you want to try a piece with me?"

"Just a tiny, little bit." she said. She was puzzled by him. If she had her way they would have been rolling around in his big bed right now, doing some serious making out, but apparently he had no interest in seducing her.

They stood at the kitchen counter and he served himself a generous dollop of cobbler and gave her a little smaller portion.

As he ate he complimented her 'mamma's divine peach cobbler' and Alice was becoming frustrated and annoyed. 'Is he a monk? A virgin? Or just not too interested in sex?' she wondered to herself. Alice decided to be true to herself and direct with him, so she laid it on the line.

She maneuvred herself between Mike and the counter, slid her arms around his middle and said, "Mike, can you kiss me, please? Not like last Wednesday night, but a long, deep kiss. I really want you to kiss me. Now."

Mike put down his spoon and licked cobbler off his lips slowly; he looked down at her as if weighing what his next step would be. Finally, he reached up and cupped her face in his hands and bent his head to hers. He hesitated for a fraction of a second and then he put his lips on hers, she opened her lips hungrily and he moaned as his tongue moved into hers. She licked her tongue around every corner of his mouth and when she was done she started all over again. His breath was peachy sweetness itself. With his lips still moving on hers he picked her up in his arms and carried her to the couch. She held on tightly to his shoulders and when he lay her down she opened her thighs for him to lie between them.

Her hands roamed over his shoulders and down his back. Then back up to his hair and she held him fast, not wanting to let him go. He pulled his mouth from hers to bury it in her neck, and she gasped out, "Oh Mike, I've been waiting so long for you to kiss me like this."

His mouth returned to hers and his tongue darted in and out, as though he was making quick love to her. His hand reached under her shirt and he slid it under her bra to massage her breast. She felt his arousal, through his jeans and through hers. Mike's hands reached under her and squeezed her butt and pulled her hips up towards him as he ground his hips in hers. Alice moaned, into his mouth. Forget making out, let's cut to the chase. She wanted him so much, her limbs were heavy with need. Just as she was about to start pulling off his shirt, he pulled away and sat up.

"Alice, this is too soon." He was breathing heavily.

"What do you mean, too soon?" Did he mean too soon in the day? Didn't he know love in the afternoon was fantastic?

"I don't want us to get confused by sex, so let's not do this. Not right now." He leaned his head back, trying to relax, and tame his erection.

"Confused by sex? Is there such a thing?" Alice was confused by what he was saying, not by sex. She could barely make sense of it.

He looked down at her, where she was still lying on the couch, her clothes pulled askew and her hair in wild disarray. "Yes, there is. I want more than just sex with you, Alice." His smile was rueful, his voice hopeful.

"Huh?" Feeling like a loose woman, she sat up next to him and adjusted her clothes, patting her hair into some order.

"Just looking at you and being with you makes me feel so good, that I know making love with you would be heaven. But that won't satisfy me."

She boldly moved to sit on his lap and snaked her arms around his neck. She cooed into his ear, "If there's one thing I can promise you Mike, it's that you'll be very satisfied."

"Alice, I want you very much, but I want more." He reached up with one hand and caressed her curls and then moved to run his thumb across her lips. Alice drew his thumb into her mouth and sucked on it, thrilling at the sound of his low moan. Then, inexplicably, he pulled his thumb from her mouth and held her hand still.

"What more do you want?" she asked curiously. She stared at him and his eyes moved over her face as he hesitated. Finally, he cupped her cheek in his palm and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Alice, I want the big prize." he smiled as he looked from her lips to her eyes.

"What's the big prize?"

"You, all of you, your heart, your love."

#

Alice was flabbergasted. She was still sitting on his lap with his arms around her waist. She cupped his jaw and brought his face around to look at him fully, "I didn't ask you before, but are you religious?"

"Not particularly." He smiled, looking in her eyes.

"When you...umm...practice, what religion do you practice?"

"Well, I was raised Catholic, like you. Why?"

She didn't answer his question, instead she asked in a low voice, "Are you celibate?"

He laughed at that one. "Not purposefully, no."

"If you don't mind my asking, when was the last time you had sex?"

"Quite a while ago. I don't have casual sex. Why all these questions?"

Didn't he realize that she just couldn't understand why he would say no to this sizzling attraction they had for each other? "I'm trying to figure out if you have some kind of sexual hang up."

"Because I said it was too soon for us?"

"Yes. Either you've got some hang up or you don't feel what I feel. Or maybe you just don't enjoy sex all that much." She said accusingly.

Mike got up off the couch and pulled her up to standing. Holding both of her hands in his, he said earnestly, "Alice, I enjoy sex, and I'm eager to enjoy sex with you, but I want it to be right. You're a special woman, I know I want a relationship with you, not just sex. I want to know you and what makes you, you. And I'm afraid that if we were to start with sex, instead of starting with the relationship part first, we may miss out on something infinitely better."

In the back of her mind, she realized he was being mature, sane, logical, respectful. But she didn't want that, she wanted him wild, passionate, and out of his mind with lust. Instead, there he stood saying no to her, a big fat no. And she knew, try as she might, she wasn't going to change his mind. She pulled her hands out of his. "So no sex? Until when? Until you say so?" Alice was angry and frustrated, her eyes were flashing and she had a mind to hit him.

He grabbed her hands and kissed them. "No, that is not what I'm saying at all. We'll both know when the time is right."

She pulled her hands away again, and went to pick up her jacket and her handbag; she wanted to run, she felt easy, rejected, ashamed. The way he was looking at her made her feel like a sulky child, but she didn't care. "I think that time is right now, but obviously you disagree. I think, I'd better go."

"Please, don't leave." He walked over to her and took her bag and coat and dropped them back onto the chair. He hugged her, tucking his face into her neck and took a deep breath. He whispered against her skin, "You smell so luscious. I want you very much Alice, more than I've ever wanted anyone, don't doubt that for a minute." He held her tightly until the tension in her body eased and she relaxed in his arms.

He whispered again into her ear. "Please, let's give ourselves a chance. Let's wait a little, please?"

If he wasn't as appealing as he was, she would have walked out the door right then. Instead, she turned her head into his neck and kissed him softly. "Okay." she said grudgingly, she could see no other way around it anyway.

He moved his mouth along the line of her jaw and their lips met briefly. "Let's go for our walk." He reached for her hand and pulled her to the door.

They went for the walk around the lake. The drizzle had stopped but it was foggy, they couldn't see anyone else around, it felt as though they were cocooned in a world of their own. Mike asked about her childhood and she found herself giving him a short autobiography of herself. For the first time in years she talked briefly about her father who died when she was six. She talked about dance classes and camping and puberty and boyfriends and college in New York. Mike seemed to want to know it all.

She questioned him about his childhood and she laughed when he talked about his childhood obsession with Elvis that continued to this day. He said he used to think Elvis was Indian like him. He was so into it, that his family had made a summer vacation trip to Memphis to see Graceland.

"So that's why you have those sideburns and talk all southern, I bet you could lose the accent if you wanted to." She accused him. "You went to college in Boston, you haven't lived in Louisiana for years, but you still hang on to it don't you?"

"Well ma'am the accent has come in handy on quite a few occasions. And the sideburns are sexy, don't you think?"

"Very." She reached up and touched his sideburns. "Don't change a thing."

He bent down and kissed her for a long time, winding his fingers in her curls. When they finally separated, Alice was trembling, she hid her face in his shirt. He rubbed her back and then reached for her hand again. They resumed their walk and he talked about his gram who is still alive and his gramps who passed away when he was ten. As they walked they laced their fingers together and she felt that electric tingle still.

#

The following week Mike called and talked to her every single day. They talked about everything under the sun. And they went on two dates, on Wednesday night they went to the movies and on Saturday they spent all day at the zoo. Mike was fond of the zoo's sky ride and Alice was a little afraid of heights. When they sailed over the lion's den, several lions were prowling below; he mentioned that the gears of the ride sounded strained and had her half-laughing and half-afraid of a breakdown. They rode it back again as she held onto him giggling with delight. Then they walked around the zoo, twice. When he finally took her home she was exhausted. He came in to say hello to her mother and Renee informed him that she would be having a little get together on Valentine's Day and wondered if he would be able to come.

"I'd love to, but I'm on call that night." He informed her regretfully.

"Oh, what a shame, you won't get to enjoy Alice's birthday celebration. I'm going to make paradise cake, but I'll save you some. Goodnight you two." She called as she went up to bed. "Alice, don't forget to lock up."

Mike and Alice went to sit on the couch in the living room. He put his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I didn't know that your birthday is on Valentine's Day. Why didn't you say something?"

"I guess it never came up." She reached down and laced her fingers through his. His hands were strong and large. She thought of all the operations he'd done, to save lives. Her heart just swelled with admiration for him and the work he did.

"Well I think that I might just have to switch with someone and make it to that birthday bash." He mused.

"Please don't bother." Alice was uncharacteristically disconcerted. "It's just a small birthday celebration. I'm sure it'll be just mom and me."

He turned her face to his to look into her eyes. "Alice, I want to come and celebrate your birthday with you. I really do. Why don't you want me to come over?" His brows knitted, puzzled over her reluctance.

"I'm just not good with birthdays, my birthdays, I mean. I don't really enjoy them." She wrinkled her nose and shrugged lightly.

"Why not?"

"I find them depressing. I'm usually grumpy on my birthday, mom will tell you. I always wind up crying at some point on my birthday. But she does insist on the birthday cake. I guess it's her day too." Alice smiled sadly. Her mom always made a big deal of her daughters' birthdays. She always made their favorite cake, never store bought. After the break up with her professor, Alice couldn't come home for her birthday, so her mom flew to New York and celebrated with her. Renee was a curious blend of a tough, demanding mother and doting, traditional mom. Even with all her criticisms, Alice never doubted, not for one moment, that her mother loved her completely.

"There must be a reason for you to feel this way." Mike pushed and she knew he wouldn't let up. Over the last three weeks, Alice had come to realize that he wanted to know everything about her, and he had no qualms about asking and probing.

In a low whisper Alice told him her story. "My dad died just a couple days before my sixth birthday. He was coming home early to take me shopping for my birthday gift, a pink bicycle that I'd wanted for so long. Mom said I could wait on the porch for him as long as I promised to stay there. I saw him round the corner and I was so excited." She paused, a thick sharp pain rose in her throat preventing her from continuing. She cleared her throat and swallowed painfully, trying to continue the tragic narrative.

Finally her voice came out in a choked rasp. "Then I don't know what happened, all of a sudden, his motorcycle just started wobbling and he skidded and then the bike flew out from under him. Then his body just flew and he crashed into the windshield of a parked car. And then he was so still, I knew something was wrong: I started screaming, "Daddy, Daddy!" and my mom heard me and she came running."

By now the tears were streaming down Alice's cheeks, and she was staring at her hands, but seeing only the past. Mike was holding her so tightly that she could feel the buttons of his shirt imprinting onto her cheek. She pulled away a little and tucked herself into his neck, breathing in his smell to ground her in the present.

"Then the screams and the cries, and the ambulance and the police, and the coroner came and took him away; like he was nothing." A sob escaped her throat. "And he was everything to us, to me." Mike's hand stroked over her hair and all the way down to her back, over and over again, so soothingly.

"Oh my little sweetheart, Alice. God I'm so sorry." He held her in his arms, rocking her back and forth, until she stopped crying and could continue.

"And then the morning of my birthday I woke up all excited, forgetting for just a few seconds that he was gone, and then I remembered. And that's when I realized he wouldn't be there to sing "Happy Birthday" for me, never, ever again. I wanted him to come back so badly. I wished I'd never asked him for a birthday gift. I wish I never had a birthday, I think I even wished that I'd never been born."

She steeled herself to say this part, it was the hardest. "I went to mom's bedroom to crawl in the bed and cuddle with her and I stopped outside her door. I could hear her crying her eyes out. She was moaning, "I need you here, Charlie, I need you." over and over again. I knew then what a broken heart sounded like. I went back to my bed and cried into my pillow."

Alice looked up and saw Mike's kind eyes, full with tears for her. "Oh my love. My poor, poor baby. Oh sweetie, what a sad memory." He pulled her onto his lap and continued to rock and console her, as though she was no more than a child. Alice realized he was the only other person who knew, about her birthday morning, she had never told anyone, not even her mother.

"I just don't like to think of it as my birthday. It's kind of his day, you know? I don't think it's so bad to have one day of sadness." She sniffled. "It's a sadness I kind of enjoy. It's the day when his memory is freshest." She whispered against Mike's shirt.

"I understand perfectly. My gramps was an avid fisherman. He would take me fishing every year, on the first day of summer. Now every year when that first warm summer day comes, I think of him and me in that fishing boat, and it's the day when I miss him most terribly."

She looked up at him and stroked his cheek.

He kissed her lips tenderly and he picked up her hand and kissed it too. "Alice, you are the sweetest, sweetest girl. You're so strong and confident, yet sometimes so vulnerable and unsure. I like knowing both sides of you, don't ever hide it from me." He said. He held her tight and cuddled her, while she regaled him with more of her happier memories of Charlie Swan. Late in the night he stood up and tugged her towards the front door. "I'll take that day off, and take you to lunch, how does that sound?"

"It sounds wonderful." And she reached her arms around his neck and turned her lips up for his kiss.

#

Valentine's morning Alice was hard at work in her office when Jessica knocked on her door. Alice got up from her desk, straightening her floral print red and white pencil skirt, and her red silk blouse. Her patent red stilleto pumps clicked as she walked to the door of her office.

"Alice you have a floral delivery." Jessica said, with a messenger right behind her. She stepped aside and the messenger came in with a dozen orange roses. Alice read the card and it said 'for passion' it was from Mike. She sniffed them and they smelled divine. The messenger walked to reception and quickly returned with a dozen yellow roses and the card said 'for friendship'. Then he came in again with a bouquet of shell pink roses and the card said 'for honor'. Alice was flabbergasted. She sat there staring at the roses, feeling loved and cared for.

A few minutes later another delivery guy came with a dozen calla lilies, the card said 'Happy Birthday' it was from Bella. Renee sent her some fragrant stargazers.

Alice called and thanked Bella, and then she called her mom. She left a voicemail for Mike that she got the roses and that she was thinking of him. She was beyond happy. She looked forward to her birthday celebration for the first time since she was six years old.

At noon Jasper knocked on her door and poked his head in. "You must have a lot of Valentines."

She beamed at him, "Nope, just one very special Valentine." Her eyes were shining as she thought about Mike.

He raised an eyebrow at her and came further into her office with his hand behind his back.

"What are you up to?" She asked him, noting his secretive smile.

He brought his hand from behind his back and gave her a dozen red tulips. And he said, "Happy Birthday, Alice."

"Thank you, Jasper. How did you know?"

"Personnel. I reviewed your resume, remember? Alice Valentina Swan born on Valentine's Day." he came to sit on the edge of her desk, his knee touching hers. "I always felt that was the reason you're such a wonderful lover." He deliberately rubbed his knee against hers. "You were born for love, weren't you?"

"Possibly." She twirled her chair a little to move her knees away from his. "Jasper, I'm seeing someone. Someone I like very, very much."

"Obviously." he waved his hand at the flowers. "He wouldn't object if I were to take you to a friendly lunch, would he?"

"I don't know if he would, but I can't. Thank you for the invitation, anyway." She smiled up at him.

"Well, this will be a disappointment to your team. I've invited all of you out to lunch in honor of your birthday and the successful proposal. Thanks to you, we had the winning design for that project in Burlingame." He bent down and smiled at her. "We got it, baby!"

She leapt out of her chair and hugged him excitedly, then quickly let him go. "Oh, that's wonderful news, Jasper. I can't believe it. We won?" He nodded. "Out of all the design firms we won!" She jumped up and down, excited because this project was by far the biggest and the most creative she had ever worked on.

She smiled widely but regretfully. "But I'm sorry Jasper. I still can't go out to celebrate. Mike is taking me to lunch."

"Why not have him join us?" Jasper suggested with just a hint of impatience.

Alice was busily putting his red tulips in the vase with Bella's calla lilies. "Because he's arranged a romantic birthday lunch for two, that's why. You can reschedule the celebration lunch for another day, can't you?" Alice was smiling radiantly at the thought of seeing Mike. She always anticipated their dates with something close to giddiness. She had never been this way, not even as a teen with her first boyfriend. She had always been confident. But now she was vulnerable and it was a weird, weak, delicious feeling.

"I guess that I can postpone the lunch for later this week." Jasper said slowly. He had noticed that secret smile and it made his stomach turn and his heart take a dive. Whoever this guy was, it was obvious that she was quite taken with him. His blood heated as he realized that he didn't like it one little bit. "So will I get to meet the guy who replaced me in your bed?"

Alice winced, she felt wounded. She turned her pale face to his. "That wasn't nice, Jasper." Her voice came out in a hoarse whisper. She felt that Jasper had dealt her a low blow.

His right hand gripped her chin and he bent down to bring his face close to hers. "That's just too bad, Alice. I don't feel like being nice." He ran his other hand through her curls and then tugged on it lightly bringing her face close to his. "Tell me, is he as good a lover as I am? Does he make you moan and beg for more? Can he make you scream? Hmm? Or does he just talk the sweet talk? Promising you love and the shit you want to hear?"

Alice's heart fell to her stomach. She felt the thud of her pulse in her throat, but she realized that what she felt was deep disappointment rather than anger. She looked up into Jasper's eyes and quietly said, "Please stop this. I've worked really hard on my projects and I would hate to have to quit."

Instantly, he dropped his hands to his side and his blue eyes looked sadly into hers. "You're right, Alice. I'm sorry." Jasper drew a deep breath. "I guess I wasn't prepared to feel quite this jealous." Abruptly he turned away and walked out of her office.

#

When Jasper got to his office he locked the door and went to stare out of the window. How did he manage to screw it up this time? He wondered to himself. He had a smart, gorgeous, funny woman who loved sex as much as he did. He couldn't look at her without wanting her and he knew she had felt the same way. Not only that, they shared the same interests and sense of humor.

Up until Christmas he thought the relationship was perfect, but with head spinning speed she dumped him because he wasn't willing to talk about love. For god's sakes what kind of grown man is? What kind of spineless assholes had she dated before? The kind who declared undying love just to have sex with her? He wasn't that kind of guy. No way. He meant what he'd told her. Love? He didn't do love, he didn't even know what that meant. He'd never in his life felt that emotion. Women romanticized relationships, he didn't. He liked a woman's company, he loved the sex, but the emotional neediness, he could do without.

But that's what she'd wanted, Jasper reflected. This new guy was probably more of the same. Some asshole like the married professor, or the cheating actor, who would screw her and say all the things she wanted to hear and not mean it. Some jerk who would say he loved her just to keep the relationship going. Why was Alice so stupid, so gullible, so needy? Couldn't she see how great they were together? Why did she need to hear the words?

Jasper was now wishing that he had lied; had he been more manipulative and cunning he would have said those three little words. That was all he had to do and had he done it she would've come back; she would be with him right now. It would have meant nothing to him and he would have gotten all he wanted from her. Maybe those assholes knew what they were doing, after all.

But hell no! He told himself, I wouldn't ever have lied to her. Not just to keep her in his bed. He wanted her the way she used to be, madly in lust and hungry for him, no strings attached.

He calmed down, telling himself that once she was done with this new guy, she would come back. She would. And he would have her again, without having to compromise his principles.

But the thought of her lying naked with someone else gave him a twist in his gut, it made him furious. That soft sexy body was made for him, and only him. No one would be able to do to her what he could, her every curve fit him perfectly, her every move thrilled him. She would realize soon enough what she had given up. She'd see that they were meant to be. He would wait her out and the next time he had her, he wouldn't allow her to walk away.

#

Alice sat at her desk, stunned. She had never, ever seen Jasper mean or angry. For the first time she started thinking that she may have hurt him terribly. She couldn't do any more work. She sat there thinking of Jasper and how lost and sad he looked. Then she thought of her dad, and she bowed her head into her folded arms and started to cry.