Chapter Ten

Wedding plans, wedding plans, that's all Alice heard about whenever she saw her mother or Bella. She had expressly told them that they had carte blanche, when it came to her wedding, she couldn't care less about the details. So when Renee, in conjunction with Mike's mother, had decided that the wedding would take place in New Orleans, she shouldn't have been upset, but she was. Mike's family and extended family was large, and according to Renee, it made no sense to put them through the expense of coming to a wedding in Berkeley.

Everyone agreed to the change of venue, except for Alice. Yes, the Swan family was small; yes, it only consisted of herself, Renee and Bella, but Alice had friends that she wanted to invite. And for some reason, she felt that the wedding should be here, in Berkeley, this was home, where her memories were. She had never been to Louisiana, and the thought of getting married there seemed wrong, somehow.

She kept her preference to herself, feeling selfish and not unlike a bridezilla, but one day it came out when she and Mike were having a silly argument. They were lying in his big bed, naked and warm from their recent lovemaking session. Every time she made love with Mike it had gotten better and better. This time was no exception; she had been so enraptured and overcome that she cried. She cried through her orgasm and afterwards in his arms. He soothed her and asked her if everything was okay.

"It couldn't be better, Mike." She sobbed. "My heart just overflowed, that's all. Just thank your lucky stars that it's tears and not blood. That would be messy."

He laughed then. "You're quirky."

"Yep, that I am." She smiled cheekily through her tears.

He sighed as he held her in his arms and kissed her thoroughly. "I can't wait for you to meet my family. Especially my gram, you're going to love her, and she's going to love you and your quirky ways.

"What makes you think she's going to love me?" Alice questioned him doubtfully. "Maybe she'll take one look at me and wonder if you're making the biggest mistake of your life." She fretted. What would his family see in her? She was just an ordinary young girl who didn't deserve their handsome prince. Maybe they'll dislike her on sight. The closer they came to the wedding date, the more nervous she was becoming about meeting his family.

"What do you mean? Of course they'll love you. I love you, they love me, ergo, they'll love you, simple logic."

She sat up in bed and looked down at him in annoyance. "Oh, so now I get it. They'll love me based on your love for me and not my own merits? Is that it? They won't like me for me?"

He tried to pull her back into his arms but she resisted, so he rubbed her back instead. "Alice, cher, what are you on about? Of course they'll love you for you."

"That's not what you said." She accused, tearing up again. "You…"

He interrupted. "You are beautiful, smart, funny, creative, interesting, and a little nutty. That's why I fell in love with you. They'll fall in love with you for the same reasons."

"I don't think so. They probably expected you to marry a brilliant doctor or research scientist. They won't want me for you. They won't want me clouding your gene pool with my less than superior intellect…"

"Alice, don't be silly…"

"See? You think I'm silly and I am." She bawled.

He sat up and hugged her. "You are perfect. Perfect for me."

"I feel like I'm being taken across country to be fed to the lions."

"What on earth do you mean?"

She yammered. "I feel like I'm some vestal virgin and they're going to throw me off a cliff..."

"Okay, now you're mixing your metaphors and your cultures. No one is going to sacrifice you. And my family will not eat you up. My mom loves you already. She told me…"

"Mike, I don't want to get married in Louisiana, I want to get married here, in my own back yard." She blurted out.

"In April? In the backyard? More than likely it'll be raining."

"I don't literally mean the backyard. I mean here, in Berkeley, where I have friends and people know me. Here, where I'm most comfortable."

"Is that what this is all about, then? You want to have the wedding here?"

She nodded. "Yes. I don't know, Alsace, Louisiana and I don't know your family, I won't even know the priest."

He was getting impatient, she could tell by his mouth, it was set in a hard line. "You said it didn't matter to you where we got married. Now that my mother and yours have settled on Louisiana… now that they've made arrangements with the hotel and the chapel… now you choose to care? That is so selfish, Alice."

"Why is it selfish? Huh? It's my wedding, not theirs. And I want it here, and it will be here." She said stubbornly.

"It's selfish because you said it didn't matter, and they've put all that time and effort into it. My mother and your mother have full-time jobs, they work hard. And they've taken all their free time to arrange a wedding for us, and now you're going to throw all that effort back in their face? Alice, this is not fair to them."

She leapt out of the bed, standing naked next to it, her hair wild and her cheeks flushed; her hands flailing around dramatically. Mike forgot his anger, all he could think about was his now hard cock and how much he wanted her again. "Who gives a shit? You care more about their happiness than mine." She wailed.

He got out of bed and hugged her tightly, hoping to bring an end to this panic attack that came out of left field. "Alice, Alice calm down, cher. You know that isn't true. Let's think about this logically, hmm?" and he maneuvered her back onto the bed.

He held her to his side as he spoke. "We can have it here, if you really want. They'll be disappointed, but I'm sure the only thing our mothers want is for us to be happy. We can get married here first and marry again there. Hell, we can get married in Vegas. That's it! We'll elope. An old-fashioned elopement, then we'll tell them the deed is done." He smiled down at her, looking so pleased with his idea. Alice's heart filled again. God, she loved this man. She surprised herself when she started to bawl again.

She covered her face with her hands. `"I love you, so much. I don't deserve you, and they'll all see that!" she howled into her hands.

"I love you, Alice. And they'll see that. They'll see two people very much in love who were lucky enough to have found each other. Everyone will love you, cher. Everyone."

And he held her in his arms until she stopped crying. She hiccupped through her sobs and said, "We can get married anywhere, as long as I have you by my side, I don't care. I'm sorry baby, I don't know what came over me, I'm just nervous about the wedding."

"I know."

"I'm anxious, and I don't even know why."

"Because it's a big change, sweetie, you'll be my wife, mother of my children; it's a life changing moment and of course you'll be anxious."

"Then why aren't you anxious?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'll be anxious on our wedding day and mess up my vows and maybe you'll be cool as a cucumber." He shrugged. "But tell me the truth. Now is the time. Do you want to elope? Or maybe, have something here first?"

She shook her head. "I want to be married in the chapel you were baptized in. I think my mom and your mom have wonderful plans. I just panicked that's all. I'll have a party for our friends when we get back, is that okay?"

"I think that's a great idea."

And just like that the panic attack was over, and they got back to the real business at hand, their lovemaking.

#

It was the second week in March and Jasper and Alice were wrapping up a morning meeting on the big project in Sacramento.

As he was leaving her office, he stopped at the door and asked her, "Are you still seeing that sappy boyfriend of yours, or have you dumped him already?"

Alice continued to organize the papers on her desk and ignored him. He had made several remarks lately about her "boyfriend" and although she'd repeatedly told him Mike's name and asked him to please stop prying into her private life, Jasper wouldn't let up. She wanted to curse and yell at him and tell him that Mike was worth one hundred of him, but she bit her tongue. Not wanting to lose her temper, she ignored him, soon she would lay into him and she would spare him no mercy. He stood there waiting for a response, and he watched her for a good long time, finally he turned on his heels and left.

A few hours later she confronted him when he returned to her office to review the points for tomorrow's team meeting.

Alice stood toe to toe in front of him and she wasn't going to hold back. "Jasper, I've told you before, my personal life isn't any of your business. I hoped we could be friends, but obviously that can't happen." She ticked off his transgressions on her fingers. "I don't like your snide remarks, so please stop making them. I really used to like working here, but now I feel that there is too much animosity from you. If things have changed and you have decided that we can no longer work together then please man up and tell me so." Alice knew that her voice was cold, but she needed to draw the line.

He looked at her as though he was seeing her for the first time and that he didn't like what he was seeing. "You've really moved on haven't you? I guess I didn't mean that much to you, after all."

"Jasper, what we had was an affair, that's all. You know that we didn't have much else going on, other than the sex." She was honest with her assessment of what the relationship had meant to her.

"That's because you wanted it that way. I asked you to sleep over all night, many times. Why do you think that was? I wanted to sleep with you in my arms. And talk to you all night. You're the one who made sex the most important thing in our relationship. Not me."

"Give me a break, do you expect me to believe…"

"I planned the romantic getaway…"

"For sex."

"….and I made a Christmas celebration just for us."

"…to fill up on a night of sex before you left…"

"… I fucking had to beg you to celebrate with me. Then when I called you on Christmas to hear your voice, you laughed at me."

Alice was a little ashamed of herself for that.

"If you had given us a little chance we would still be together." His blue eyes flashed angrily at her.

Alice was surprised by that last bit. What could she say? Was he really wishing they were still involved in that sordid little affair? For months they had been working as friends and she hadn't missed that part of their past at all. Apparently he had. "I'm sorry Jasper, really sorry, but you're wrong. We had nothing special." Her words were harsh even though she was genuinely sorry for any hurt she may have caused him.

"You're not sorry at all, so don't say that you are. You are fucking ice cold." He turned and slammed out of her office.

Alice sank down into her chair and worried. How was she going to fix this? She should have listened to her mother all along. Why had she been so reckless? Every action has a consequence and she realized now that the consequence was that she had unwittingly hurt Jasper.

#

She didn't leave at six o'clock, she stayed behind. When the office was completely empty, she walked down the hall to Jasper's office and knocked.

"Come in." His voice sounded weary and as she walked in his office his face was weary as well.

"Jasper? Do you have a little time? I'd like to talk to you." Alice stood by the door, trying to gage his mood. He leaned back in his chair and waved her in. He looked supremely tired.

"What do you want to talk about?"

She sat in the chair in front of his desk. "Jasper, I am deeply sorry for hurting your ego. And that's what it was. I broke it off and now you're acting all mad and shit, but I am not the bad guy here. I ended a relationship that was going nowhere, and behind all that hurt pride, you know it's true. You even told me that you don't do love, to me that meant you only wanted sex. So, what you said earlier is ridiculous. I wasn't the only one who made it all about sex, we both did that."

"Alice, I stand by my words. I tried and you didn't." He ruffled his hair and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

Alice was annoyed by what he implied and said so. "Tried? I have no idea what you mean by that. We weren't 'trying' for anything, just an exciting fuck every now and again. I don't even know you. I know nothing about you. I don't know about your family, where they live, where you grew up. I have no idea where in Colorado you went for the holidays. I have no idea if you have siblings. I have no idea about your childhood or your schooling or what made you the man you are today. You kept all that to yourself. How on earth could you even imagine we were in a relationship?"

She paused for an answer and when he stared at her open-mouthed and didn't respond she continued. "Why did we only ever talk about work and sex? Never about anything else?"

"I don't know." He said bitterly. "I guess I thought we would get to know things about each other as time went on. I didn't realize my time would be up so soon." He finished sarcastically.

"It has nothing to do with time and you know it. You didn't want me to get to know you and vice versa. I introduced you to my family, I talked about my past, I invited you to Thanksgiving and Bella's birthday. You gave me nothing."

"Maybe, if you had given it some time…"

"Bullshit, like I said, time has nothing to do with it. In the six weeks that I've been seeing Mike I know almost everything about him. I know he's from Alsace, Louisiana. I know that his mom was an orphan adopted by a fabulous couple. I know his father's family history. I know he has an older brother and a younger sister. I know the love he has for his parents and grandparents. I know his grandfather was a doctor and an avid fisherman. I know he's a Catholic. I know where he went to college and med-school. I know why he chose to become a doctor. I know about his most important relationships. I know his taste in music and film and sports. I've spoken to his family on the phone, he's told them all about me.

Most importantly, he was open for me to come into his life. He let me in fully and so I let him into mine. He and I have a relationship. You and I never did. We had a few fucks, and that's all." She knew she was being brutal, but she had to wake Jasper up.

She took a breath and wound up for the finish. "If you were to stop wallowing in hurt because of your wounded pride, you'll admit to me and to yourself that you never wanted a relationship. You wanted sex, which, for a time, was all I wanted too. But I soon realized how cheap it made me feel, and how empty it was."

He was stunned, shocked. He had heard everything she said but only one thing stuck. He fixed on Mike. "You're dating the doctor? Mamma's pick?"

"Yes, I am." She nodded.

"Well, I had no chance did I? Mamma approved and a doctor to boot. No wonder you dumped me, I wasn't good enough." His tone was bitter and angry.

"Jasper, I met Mike more than a month after we stopped seeing each other. I wasn't really looking for a relationship at all, or to fall in love. It just happened." She shrugged, but she couldn't hide the radiance in her cheeks or the twinkle in her eyes when she talked about her love for Mike.

He stood up and growled at her "So, you're in love, are you? True love, so quickly." he sneered sarcastically, and there was a curl to his lip when he mentioned the word love.

She stood up too and they faced each other over his desk. She had nothing to be ashamed of. She didn't betray Jasper with Mike, although he was trying to make it seem that way. "Yes, I am deeply, wonderfully in love. More in love than I ever thought possible."

"So you're in love with him." He came around the desk to stand in front of her, grasping her shoulders, wanting to shake something out of her. "And you really don't feel anything for me? Anything at all?"

She reached up and pushed his hands away. "Not really, no. You're a great boss and a nice guy, Jasper. Or rather, you used to be. It was fun, but that's all it was. And I think you should stop pretending it was anything else." Alice took a deep breath. "Anyway, I've decided to end this craziness. I'm quitting. I'll be giving in my notice to Jonathan at the end of this week. I'll work until the end of next month or however long you need me to wrap up all my projects."

That caught him by surprise. "You're not quitting. Where will you go? You signed a contract, you can't work for a competitor for at least a year, I can sue you."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, I'm not going to break the contract. I have no intention of going to another design firm. As a matter of fact, I won't be looking for another job, for quite a while." She smiled, because she and Mike had discussed starting a family, sooner rather than later, and she was ecstatic.

"I don't get it. Why would you go on hiatus? You're an innovative, talented architect. You've told me many times that you need the creativity of work. I don't want Hale Designs to lose you over this."

"Well, too bad, Jasper. You have. Thanks for the opportunity. I'll miss you and everyone here." Then she thought about Jessica and Maria. "Well, almost everyone." Alice stuck her hand out for his and he took it automatically. "Good-bye, Jasper. I learned a lot from you and my time here. Thanks."

Jasper kept her hand in his, refusing to let go when she tried to pull away. "Alice do you have a fucking heart? I want you to stay and work here, with me. Please. But, you can't expect me to act like we had nothing. You have to see it from my point of view. We decorated the Christmas tree, you made dinner, we exchanged gifts and then we made love over and over. But the next time I saw you again you broke off the relationship. It was sudden, and inexplicable." His voice had gotten angrier. Now he was almost gritting his teeth in rage. "Now two months later, you're blowing me and the job off. And you tell me you're deeply in love with someone you just met, for fuck sakes!"

"Jasper, our little arrangement was coming to an end anyway. I just quickened it a little. It had no lasting power and I sincerely wish you all the best; you've been wonderful to me and a good friend and mentor. My only regret is that we ever slept together, it was a huge mistake." Alice pulled her hand away and reached up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Don't say that. It wasn't a mistake." He insisted, hoarsely. "It wasn't."

"Yes, it was." She nodded sadly.

He slumped and sat on the edge of his desk. His voice was low as he begged, "Stay, Alice, please."

"I can't Jasper. I just can't." She walked out of his office.

Alice went to her own office and grabbed her coat and her bag, by the time she got to the elevator, Jasper was waiting for her with his arms folded across his chest. "I'm not going to accept your resignation, Alice. I promise never, ever, ever to mention your boyfriend or our past relationship. Okay? I'll stick to the waiver I signed."

Alice wasn't convinced that he would keep his word, especially after she told him what she was about to. "Jasper, the reason I won't be looking for another job anytime soon is because I'm getting married."

Jasper drew in a sharp breath, "Married?"

Alice nodded, "Mike and I are engaged, we have been for more than a month. I'm surprised you haven't heard it from the rumor mill. We're getting married, in a couple weeks. Can you deal with that?"

Jasper replied. "Of course I can. As you said, your life is not my business."

"Jasper, I have great ideas for our projects and not just that, ideas for…the, well just say I have ideas. And I like working here at Hale Designs, I would really love to stay here and work with you, but I can't if I feel that you resent me. And that's the bottom line. It's not that I don't want you to mention Mike or our past involvement, I really don't care about that.

But I don't want you to make mean remarks, especially about him. He is the most wonderful person I've ever known, and he is a genius. He gives kids the ability to move and walk again. He is kind and loving and sweet and good. And I don't want you to be hateful towards him, ever. He doesn't deserve it, nor do I. Quite honestly, I don't know why you've grown to hate me so much, but if you want me here, you've got to stop it."

Jasper raked both hands through his hair then pushed them into his pockets; it was almost as if he didn't know what to do with them. His blue eyes looked up at the ceiling while he gathered his thoughts and then drifted back to her face. When he finally spoke his voice was flat and resigned. "I don't hate you, Alice, far from it. I've been angry because I miss you, and what we had. When you told me that you didn't want me anymore, I was surprised, but I thought what the hell, it's over, I'll move on.

But moving on was harder than I expected, seeing you and not touching you, you know? Then I convinced myself that you were only upset because I wouldn't tell you that I love you, so I thought if I gave you time, you'd miss me too. We'd get to know each other better, we'd have a deeper relationship. I guess I hoped you'd get over it and change your mind. I was fully expecting you to come back to me and that we'd start all over again." He confessed.

"You can't be serious?" she gasped out.

"Yeah, I am." He said quietly.

Alice could see that it cost him a lot to tell her this. Her heart went out to him. She hadn't known it at the time, but she now realized that Jasper, in his own way, had begun to care for her, a lot. "Oh, Jasper!", she shook her head, her eyes welling up. "I'm sorry."

They both looked at each other for a long time, until Jasper broke the silence. "Congratulations, Alice, I hope you'll be happy with him. He's a lucky, lucky man." His voice was husky with emotion.

"Thanks, Jasper." Alice was still not sure about whether she should stay on at Hale Designs, but decided to give Jasper some time. "I won't hand in my resignation, not just yet, we can play it by ear. Maybe down the line I can do consulting, I don't know. But, anyway, Mike can't take too much time off so we're not going on a real honeymoon, I'm just taking one week off and I'll be back in time for the next meeting with Zaragoza."

He nodded. "Okay, it should all work out then." He paused. "Am I allowed to kiss the bride ahead of time?"

Alice nodded and went into his arms. He held her tightly and kissed her just below her ear. "I'm glad you've decided to stay."

Alice could hear his heart beating, double time.

#

That night Jasper called his "friend" Sue. He needed someone badly. They met at Spanky's bar where he drank much more than he should have, and remembered much more than he wanted to, and grieved. Alice was in love with the doctor. Not with the glib, sweet talking jerk, he'd conjured up in his mind, but with a genius pediatric surgeon. She was getting married, and would never be his again. The second hardest thing to hear was that she regretted sleeping with him. Somewhere in his chest he could feel a heavy ache. He almost wanted to rub it, to rub away the tightness.

Every time he looked at Sue, her perfectly coiffed blond hair, he remembered the soft sweet smell of Alice's bouncy curls. He wished he could run his hand through them once more as he held her head steady for his kiss. Every time he looked into Sue's blue-grey eyes he wished he was looking into Alice's wicked green cat eyes; those green eyes that were at times teasing, sometimes brimming with tears of laughter, often bright with hungry passion, and always eager for his lovemaking.

That night he took Sue to his bed and made passionate love to her, all the while pretending it was Alice's soft, sweet body. But he couldn't keep up the pretense for long. Once he was in her, he knew it was all wrong. The scent of her was wrong. The slimness of her body was wrong. She couldn't kiss him the way Alice did, nor move with the fierceness of Alice. She wasn't the right fit for him. But he tried his best to reach that glorious release. Sue came again and again, gasping with pleasure, before he did. But late that night Jasper lay beside her in his bed, somehow still unsatisfied. Yearning for the release that only making love to Alice could bring. She'd cast her spell on him all right, he wanted her and no one else.