Summary
Never, under any circumstances, underestimate children. They are devious creatures and they will rip you to shreds if you show any weakness...
A/N: So I decided to take the advice of some of you and type this segment out. So, without further ado, here we go! Oh, and B&E means breaking and entering. If you didn't know that.
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He could tell, even without the use of his Sharingan (which he still wasn't allowed to use in the village), that Kagome wasn't home. It didn't stop him from the lovely B&E that he performed to get in.
'She really needs better security... or traps. On the windows. The doors... that ridiculously small chimney she has in her den.' Itachi made a mental note to inform her of such construction and to ignore any possible protests for the sake of keeping his new 'friend' safe. Since no one was here to see it, he rolled his eyes at the thought.
Kisame would be so proud.
Looking around, he shrugged and set about accomplishing his task. Shortly after weaving his newest genjutsu onto the back door, the Uchiha turned to go into the kitchen. He was thirsty and water would probably be in his healthiest interest. Plus, he could just clean the glass and put it back in the cabinet when he was done with it. His brow furrowed at the note on the fridge, and he muttered obscenities to himself.
Itachi,
If you stop by,
I'm at the orphanage today.
There's soup in the fridge
if you want it.
See you soon!
Kagome
P.S.- Please close the
window when you leave.
I know you're a ninja and all,
but the last time you were
here you left it open.
It almost gave me
a heart attack.
K. Thnxs!
Itachi grumbled and opened the fridge. He was getting predictable. That... was bad.
"If it's chicken, I'll let her get caught in that genjutsu on the back door."
Thankfully, it wasn't. He still hadn't quite gotten over his whole 'Chicken Incident', as Kagome liked to call it. He just called it ridiculous. He was not afraid of chickens. Anything remotely poultry-like was just on his 'To Kill List', and that included ducks, geese, roosters, and the occasional ostrich. Not that he'd ever seen an ostrich. He'd only heard of them and they sounded ridiculous.
'Burrowing their heads underground to hide... Like that'll do them any good when a bear or something attacks.'
Several hours later, the Uchiha was incredibly bored. Glancing at the clock on the wall of the den, he set down the book he'd been reading for the past few hours. He really had no interest in the human psyche or what this "Freud" had contributed to society. He was already almost insane enough without someone trying to figure out how he ticked.
'When is she getting back? Am I really going to just sit here and wait any longer?'
No, decided, he wasn't. He was going to go out there and drag her back home. He would not let his day be in vain and go to waste just because she wasn't there.
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A forboding feeling settled in the pit of his stomach the moment the orphanage came into sight. He didn't like it. At all. But, Kagome was in there and he refused to go back to the base this early in the afternoon. The others would just harp on him and then Leader-sama would decide to give him an asinine mission.
He didn't want to admit it, but at first, Itachi kind of liked the kids. They were, dare he think it, cute.
Then things had gotten quickly out of hand. Most of the children didn't do very well with authority figures. Him especially. The only one they seemed to really listen to was Kagome. He had no idea why. Maybe it was because she was good at dealing with kids?
'See, this is why I don't deal with kids on a regular basis.'
Obviously there was also a sore lack of discipline; not to mention volunteers. So when he'd walked in, hoping to snatch Kagome quickly and get out, he hadn't turned out so lucky. They thought he was a volunteer.
'Do I really look like someone that would volunteer at an orphanage?' Itachi thought, glancing down at his clothes. His favorite plain black shirt, black pants, ninja sandals. The shoes alone should have given him away immediately. Apparently not.
So, here he was, playing babysitter for a bunch of brats. He couldn't have been more incensed. Every time he attempted to speak to Kagome, they whisked her off to "play" something else.
Oh, but he was on to their little ploy. It was all an act, after all. Their ringleader, a tiny little blonde girl named Shizuka, smirked and stuck her tongue out at him again when the priestess turned her attention to the group of hellions.
He hated blondes. For obvious reasons, of course.
"All right everyone! For our last activity of the day, we're going to paint!" Kagome announced, grinning at the multitude of cheers from the group of eight year olds.
Itachi was immediately dreading the possibilities, especially when Kagome sidled up to him and handed him a bucket of bright yellow paint. That smug smirk on her face said it all.
He was doomed. He just knew it.
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Shizuka growled under her breath when her Kagome laughed at something Itachi said to her again. She hated him! He was waaay too close to Kagome. This unknown male was trying to steal her big sister away!
'Well, we'll see how that goes when we execute "Operation- Paint Bomb" on him,' the little blonde girl smiled evilly, motioning for some of the other kids to join her in a circle. There, she went over her ingenious plan in high hopes of winning their "Big Sister" back from the Uchiha's evil clutches.
When the adults were occupied with helping the children paint, Shizuka's little friends helped her hoist a can of green paint onto the top of a door. It balanced there precariously, and they waited with baited breath until it settled on the edge of the door. They breathed a sigh. Everything was going according to plan.
"You're supposed to be painting, kids," Itachi's voice floated over them, and one of the kids "accidentally" bumped the door. The can teetered, then fell with a mighty "SPLOOSH".
Shizuka wanted to scream when the dark-haired male merely side-stepped the falling can. She settled for smiling innocently and shrieking in laughter when the aftershocks bouced up splattered all over the indignant Uchiha.
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Itachi gaped in disbelief at the little devils. They merely smiled innocently and laughed like little angels. How the hell was he supposed to explain this to his team mates when he went back later?
Okay, scratch that. How the hell had a bunch of little kids managed to get one up on him? Paint stains were nearly impossible to get out of clothes. It was everywhere! He knew his favorite shirt would never feel the same again!
'I smell like a freshly painted house!'
"Itachi? I think they're occupied enough now. I'm ready to g-! Oh my God! What happened to you?"
"Kagome nii-san! Your friend is... strange. He wanted to paint too!" Shizuka declared, grinning smugly and thinking she had won. Kagome would dump this loser and then the priestess would be all hers. The kid really had no idea that Itachi was very capable of revenge.
"I... see." Though she really didn't. All she knew was that the kids did not like Itachi for some reason or another. She had no idea why. Maybe it was because he was a ninja?
'Poor Itachi. I better get him out of here before he tries to kill someone.'
"C'mon Itachi. Let's get you back to my place." She tried to tug on his sleeve, but he batted her away, a very evil gleam in his dark eyes.
"Next time, " he started softly, dangerously, "you want to play paint, I suggest you use watercolors, kid." He raised a hand and smothered the green paint in Shizuka's blonde hair. He couldn't kill her, obviously. She was eight. And defenseless. So he settled for another type of revenge. The eight year old gaped in shock as the Uchiha turned to leave elegantly. Despite being covered in paint, he still looked every inch the regal Clan leader. Suddenly, her little cheeks flushed. Itachi was... handsome.
"Oh, and if this ever happens again, I will make your little prank look like... child's play," he added grinning evilly at the children. Every one of them shuddered in fear. Instinctively, they knew that crossing the older male again would mean bad things. Very bad things.
"All right, you. Let's go," Kagome announced, huffing in annoyance. Really, Itachi was supposed to be the mature one. When he merely smirked at her superiorly, she proceeded to push him out the door, accidentally getting paint in his long hair.
"Umm... Oops?" He turned to face her, brows lowered suspiciously.
"What do you mean 'Oops'?"
"I... kinda got it in your hair. We may have to cut it if we can't get the green out," the priestess replied hastily, grinning sheepishly and apologizing again. He barely had time to shout a "What?" before he was shoved unceremoniously out of the orphanage.
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He was completely incensed. It was unavoidable. After all, he really didn't spend a lot of time around kids in general. He was too busy trying to toughen Sasuke up to kill him.
Kagome, in the meantime, was busy trying to gather some things together to calm the Uchiha down. That last thing she wanted was for him to suddenly snap out of his funk and decide to go on a child-killing rampage.
'He shouldn't have come to the orphanage,' the priestess thought, shaking her head and pulling a towel from the linens' closet.
"Here. Take these and go get cleaned up," she handed him the towel and a clean change of clothes. He took them without a fight. Kagome swallowed delicately. Things were going to get ugly if she didn't move him quickly. "The bathroom's right," she opened the door and pushed him in gently, "here. Shampoo's under the sink. It's not girly smelling either." She stood there awkwardly, biting her lip at the slightly lost look he sent her. "I'll... leave you to it."
And then she left.
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Exactly six minutes and twenty-seven seconds later, Itachi was ready to call in Deidara to bomb the orphanage the next chance he got. Though he had been able to get the green gunk out of his precious hair, he would relish the screams of those ignorant children as they burned to the ground inside the building. He'd lock every door himself too, and then maybe bring some popcorn for the show.
By the time he was clean, the Uchiha was feeling nice and overly murderous. And when he voiced the idea to Kagome, he ignored the petrified look she graced him with. In fact, he was going to go there right now and get started. He wasn't crazy. He was a genius.
Kagome didn't think so. In fact, she proceeded to knock him out for the remainder of the afternoon with a skillet. He felt that that had been a little too dramatic of her. He'd only been joking, after all. Sort of.
She'd then blamed that explosive headache on the fact that she had thought he'd dodge it with his 'Mad Ninja Skills'.
All to protect a bunch of little brats.
... He hated obnoxious children.
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Most of the Akatsuki were used to Itachi coming home from some strange predicament or another. Kisame had even stopped screaming when his young partner had returned once soaking wet. The kid had later gotten sick.
So it came as no surprise when the Uchiha walked in the door with Sharingan active, an ice pack on his head, and a tupperware container under his arm. The shark-man sighed and prepared to do battle with his irate partner. He could only be thankful that Deidara was out on a mission this time.
"What happened this time, Itachi?" The former heir hissed at him angrily and chucked the tupperware quite accurately at him. The blue man caught it easily and watched with vague concern as the younger man stumbled over to a drawer and riffled through the contents.
'What is he looking-?' Ah. The advil. Kisame noted that he shook out four tablets and swallowed them easily. Maybe now he could get some answers. Itachi slumped down on the couch, reached over for a blanket, and threw it over his head. That was usually a good sign that the dojutsu user wanted to be left alone.
Too bad Kisame felt like Deidara and wanted to pry.
"Itachi..."
"I got hit in the head by a skillet," was the muffled response, "I was unconscious for 37 minutes and 24 seconds."
Kisame blinked. "... How did someone manage to sneak up on you and knock you unconscious?"
Scratch that, how had he known how long he'd been unconscious? That was a mystery that would probably go unsolved.
"Because I'm an overly trusting idiot."
Okay, not the answer he was hoping for. Kisame glanced down at the tupperware and noted the name on the top. Interesting. Looks like the Uchiha had gone to visit that girl again.
"Was it a regular skillet or cast iron?"
"I don't really care to remember," his partner replied acidly, the words muffled under his blanket. The shark man nodded and decided to try from a different angle.
"So... what's in the box?" Itachi's head popped out of the blanket, hair messy and glared at the container in annoyance.
"Cookies. I don't even like cookies," he replied, huffing in agitation. The blue man peeled the top off and pulled a sugar cookie out. He then proceeded to munch on the sweet treat.
"They're pretty good though," Kisame pointed out absently, going in for another treat. His partner's Sharingan began to swirl dangerously and the shark man did something daring.
He stuffed a cookie in his uptight friend's mouth. Itachi choked and reeled back, the tomoe in his eyes shifting to a pinwheel instantly.
"What the hell-?"
"You need to relax a little, Itachi. You might have a concussion."
"I'm going to give you a concussion, Kisame," the Uchiha snarled around his cookie, chewing furiously to rid himself of the sweet treat, "... Once I'm finished with this." He stood and stalked away in the direction of his room. Kisame snickered, but was overall annoyed that he hadn't gotten to ask his most important question. Itachi stormed back into the room and snatched the container from the blue man's hands.
"My cookies!"
Kisame laughed before giving his sparring partner one last shot.
"Itachi! Teach her to not write her name on her stuff!"
Something glass broke. It was pretty obvious the Uchiha had noticed.
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A/N: And there goes Itachi's murderous streak. It seems to flare up every once in a while. Especially from skillet-induced headaches. He should have run while he had the chance. Hahaha!
Has anyone seen that Disney movie Tangled, because that's where I got the skillet idea from. I just... went on a tangent with it. I lol'd when I woke up in the morning and read it, then decided to keep it because it was out of the blue.
And it's neck and neck at the poll right now! Who will take home the prize? Find out soon! And vote! Lolz. I sound like a corny announcer!
So now you all know what to do! Review and let me know what you think!