The love that starts slowly is the sweetest love, the kind that unfurls itself like a flower under the moon, the kind that burns deep and white at its core, the kind that moves mountains, parts oceans, snuffs out stars. Love that starts slowly is the strongest love, the kind that goes through darkness and emerges pure, and whole, and burns forever though once it was a fleeting spark.
- Larana Nirine, Last Poet of Rakana
"Have you heard about Athena, L.T?" Richard straightened his cap fastidiously, double checking himself in the mirror polish of the new Mako. His uniform was perfectly appointed; all the cuffs folded down so a drill sergeant could measure them with a ruler and find no complaints. He made Kaidan feel almost slovenly by comparison.
"No," Kaidan replied, going over his own uniform to get himself more in order. He didn't want to make a sloppy first impression on the senior officers today, but the aftermath of yesterday's migraine made him feel like he'd been up to all hours drinking with the rest of the crew. He rubbed thick stubble across his jaw.
"A group of Red Sand dealers tried to take over the Athena eezo mine on the fringes of Alliance space. Shepard, the new XO, he shut them down," Jenkins grinned with a hint of mania, "three hundred mercs against thirty marines, and Shepard had no heavy soldiers, but went through them like BAM!" He punched the air. "No friendly casualties, he even saved all the civilians. They're calling it the second Elysium on the vids."
"They call everything the second Elysium on the vids," Kaidan replied.
"But seriously, ten times the odds and it didn't even matter!" Jenkins was still grinning wildly, charged with excited energy. "Shepard goes where the real action is."
"Can't argue with that," Kaidan agreed. "And it sounds like he knows how to handle it."
"My last post was a garrison in the middle of the human settlement zone," Jenkins rolled his eyes. "I didn't fire a round outside of target practise the entire time I was there."
"When the colonies are safe like that it means the Alliance is doing their job," Kaidan replied, raising an eyebrow at the over eager soldier.
Jenkins nodded.
"Right, for sure. But, y'know, it's boring as all hell L.T."
"Alright, let's form up ladies," a sharp, impressively loud voice cut the idle chatter of the shuttle deck. Kaidan turned and caught a flash of crimson as the speaker climbed the short ramp up from the hangar where they were currently docked and headed toward them.
He didn't need to be told who it was. If the Alliance had celebrities, Commander Shepard would be A-list. No one got a Star of Terra barely one year into service without becoming something of a legend among his peers. And the red hair was kind of distinctive.
"Let's get a look at you." Shepard flashed a grin at them all.
Close up Shepard was... not what Kaidan had expected. He was dressed in full combat armour, the N7 stamp like a splash of blood on the charcoal steel breastplate. It fit him like a second skin, and every inch of it was immaculate, polished as bright as Jenkin's boots. His face was lean, clean-shaven and touched with scars. But he was only average height, and while he might have the scars of an older man his grin was still boyish, his features smooth, unmarked by time. He looked young, much younger than he did in the vids. He had the bluest eyes Kaidan had ever seen, like the deepest part of a summer sky.
They formed up. Shepard stood with his arms across his chest, watching them get into lines. He didn't look impressed when they finally touched their heels together and went still.
"Some of you I've served with before, some of you I've never met," his eyes swept up and down the columns of soldiers. He paused in front of Private Wong and gave the crooked cuffs of his shirt sleeves a critical look. "But I'll say this once, for everyone. Captain Anderson demands nothing but the best from his crew, serving under him means being perfect and serving under me means being better than that. So you've got five minutes before he shows up to make yourselves presentable and anyone who gets so much as lingering eye contact from the captain is going to be on latrine duty while the rest of us are posing for the vids."
He flicked a dismissal at them. Kaidan went over himself again, straightening seams and checking his zippers. He straightened his cuffs, and looked up to find Shepard standing right in front of him. His blue eyes lingered on his collar, which Kaidan tugged at automatically, straightening it.
"You're Lieutenant Alenko?" He asked. Up close his eyes were even more remarkable, Kaidan actually entertained the idea that Shepard might be wearing colour contacts. He nodded, and was surprised when Shepard offered him a hand rather than a salute. He took it.
"Trinidad Shepard," he said, as though Kaidan could have mistaken him for someone else. "I'm pleased to meet you. I reviewed your service history, and I'm impressed."
"I don't know what I could have done that would impress you, commander," Kaidan admitted. "I just heard about what happened on Athena. Good work."
"Thanks," Shepard flashed teeth in one of the cockiest grins Kaidan had ever seen. "But don't sell yourself short Lieutenant, that doesn't impress me. I like my officers competent," He cocked an eyebrow, sleek and black rather than red like his hair. "Your service history gave me the impression you were competent. Is that accurate, do you think?"
Kaidan didn't think Shepard was making fun of him, not really. But he wasn't being nice either. There was something inherently mocking about him, like everything going on at the moment was some kind of joke that only he was in on. It was a feeling Kaidan had gotten from people before, and they weren't the kind of people he liked.
"I can do my job, sir," he replied, keeping his voice studiously mild.
"Good man, I'm glad to hear it" Shepard grinned, with warmth this time, and slapped Kaidan on the shoulder like they were friends already. He glanced up and down the reforming lines and stepped back with a nod as his dismissal. Kaidan stared at his back as he walked away, taking his place at the other end of the column. His posture was perfect, and when Captain Anderson arrived with the other senior officers a few moments later his salute was the kind drill sergeants fantasized about.
"Commander Shepard," Anderson summoned him forward with a wave of his hand. Shepard didn't look mocking when he spoke to Captain Anderson, not even a little bit. His face was still and serious as stone, his whole attention focused on what the other man was saying. The captain took a long look at the assembled soldiers.
"What do you think commander?" He asked. "Can you do something with them?"
"They're Alliance," Shepard replied with a hint of his grin and an easy shrug, "I can do anything with them."
Clever, thought Kaidan. Jenkins was beaming beside him like Shepard had just leaped across the shuttle bay to directly high five him.
"Hopefully you won't have to find out just yet," Anderson replied, but he was smiling too. After that it was introductions, and then a brief and suspiciously vague outline of the ships maiden voyage. It all sounded simple enough.
Kaidan caught himself watching the commander instead of the captain at one point. Shepard was looking thoughtful, not focusing on the specifics of Anderson's speech anymore than Kaidan was. He didn't look like a war hero. That red hair was really ridiculous, it made him look younger than he was and it was out of place on a career man like Shepard. And that grin! It made his hackles rise the more he thought about it.
As though sensing something Shepard's eyes focused on him, Kaidan felt them settle on him with a shock like static electricity. He stiffened involuntarily, but resisted the urge to look away immediately, with guilt. Doing something like that would give Shepard all the power, and no doubt summon up that galling grin. Instead he let his gaze linger, thoughtful, neutral but undeniably appraising, as though he wasn't sure whether he was impressed or not.
Shepard smiled. It wasn't the grin that made Kaidan's head throb, it was instead an unreadable mix of emotions. It said many things in just a few moments of eye contact. It made it very clear that Shepard had all the power. He had read Kaidan like a book, known exactly what he was doing, but his smile was neither angry, nor resentful, nor arrogant. It was the smile of a man who knows he is being appraised and has absolute, unwavering confidence that he is up to standard.
Kaidan couldn't help it. He was impressed.
And that brought forth the grin.
He clenched his jaw and broke eye contact, looking at the captain again, and after a moment he felt Shepard's eyes leave him. They filed out without looking at each other.
"If I admit it, will you never bring it up again?" Kaidan asked, standing across the table from Shepard with his meal tray. Getting zapped by alien technology apparently wasn't big news in Commander Shepard's day, because just hours after waking up he was sitting down to a meal of hot rations like it was actual food or something.
Shepard looked up, and Kaidan saw genuine confusion in his eyes. It was hard to tell with him, sometimes, since he spent so much of every conversation pretending to be shocked, or confused, or taken aback, and then turning everything over and making it into a joke. At the moment though, he appeared to be quite serious.
He swallowed.
"Does this ship not have a chaplain?" He asked, reaching for his water. "Taking confession wasn't one of the specialization classes I took during my command curriculum."
"It's not confession, it's just... coming to terms."
"Alright, shoot. And sit."
Kaidan sat, setting his tray down and tearing open the first of his vacuum sealed packets, neatly labeled red beans and rice. Something with the consistency of oatmeal and a mess of degraded brown lumps spilled onto his tray with a wet, unappetizing noise. He watched Shepard hack at his chicken fried steak, prying a manageable chunk off one side and stabbing vainly at it with the blunted nibs of his fork.
"You lived up to your hype today, Shepard."
Shepard paused in his attempt to feed himself and looked up. His blue eyes were... cautious.
"Did I? I lost the beacon."
"Hey, we walked in there completely unprepared. I don't think anyone else I've ever met could have done what you did, deactivating the bombs and saving the colony."
"I lost Jenkins."
There was a moment of silence. Shepard resumed stabbing listlessly at his steak, not really trying to eat anymore.
"He was a good soldier. And so are you, the best I've ever seen. To be honest, I always thought Elysium was just... you know. Military reporting. There was so much of it in that war, with the Alliance trying to prove it could fight its own battles without going to the Council for help. People said..." He trailed off, not sure if he was pushing the boundaries of their conversation.
"They said I should have been court marshalled," Shepard supplied helpfully.
Kaidan laughed.
"I almost was. I just happen to be an expert bullshitter. That wasn't the first dishonourable discharge I talked my way out of."
"Saving ten thousand lives probably helped."
"That is military reporting. It was, like, seven. Tops." He grinned, not the mocking blade he'd been wearing in the shuttle bay, something more natural, even conspiratory.
Kaidan decided with sudden force that he liked Commander Shepard, cocky grins and all. He picked at his soupy entree as Shepard stabbed his steak with his knife and chewed it with determination.
"Military rations," he sighed and shook his head some time later, when he'd finally managed to swallow.
"I know," Kaidan sighed as well. "Next time we're on the Citadel I'm going to spend half my leave at Zakera Cafe."
Shepard laughed, and for Kaidan that was when it all really began.