Chapter Seventeen
"Are you okay on your own? I'm sorry I won't be here, but I've delayed my Seattle meeting long enough; I have to be there by tomorrow evening.." Jasper told Alice as they ate dinner in the hotel dining room on Wednesday night.
"Jasper, I told you that I'm fine. I've dealt with the start of a project and inspectors before and I don't know why you're so concerned."
"This is Texas, darlin', not California. Things are done differently here."
"Look I can handle it, if I have any problems I can't solve, I'll call."
"Fine. I can always send Harry C. out, if you need him."
"Don't piss me off, okay? I'm just as capable as he is, and you know it. I told you that I can do it. Jeez Louise, you'd think I never had a project on my own before."
"But Harry is from Texas, and he's had projects here before. It's not that I don't think you're capable, you are. I wouldn't have given it to you if I didn't think so, but it's not you that's the problem, it's them. "Good ole boys" you know, they network and have their own way of doing things. Trust me it may turn out to be a little difficult. They may try to talk around you, make you feel like the "lil lady", who doesn't know anything. And you may get your dander up and that'll be all kinds of bad."
"Jasper, I thrive on being the "lil lady", don't you know? I always count on the kindness of gentlemen to help me. It'll be fine."
"If you say so."
"I say so. Jasper, you know one thing I'm gonna miss when I get back to San Francisco?"
"What?"
"Yo Texas twang. It's jus so dorable, and mighty sexy. I hate that yo're gonna lose that."
"Well, we don't have to lose that. How 'bout we do some role playin'. I'll be the cowboy and you'll be the city gal. I'll show you how to rope and tie and ride hard."
"Why suh, I think you've already shown me the ridin' part, I'm mighty familiar with that."
"Well it's been so long that I can't remember. What say we do a little role playin' tonight?"
She shook her head. "I don't reckon so, cowboy."
"Why not? It's been five days. You're period is done."
"Shh. Can we talk about this somewhere less public?" She whispered, embarrassed. "Maybe later on, upstairs in your room."
"Fine."
#
After dinner, Alice left Jasper to handle the bill and returned to her room to pack her overnight bag; but afterwards she stayed in her suite, dithering, not sure whether or not she should go upstairs to Jasper's suite . Eventually she heard a knock on her door and went to let him in.
He wasn't in the best mood, his jaw was clenched and his eyes were narrowed and watchful when he brushed by her. He didn't even bother to sit down, he stood there and asked her, "What is it Alice? Why can't we make love?"
She walked over to the mini-bar to get something, her throat was dry. "Would you like something to drink, water, juice, soda?" she asked him.
He shook his head. "Alice, I don't want a drink, I want an answer. Why can't we make love?"
She took a long swallow of her ginger ale. "Because I don't think it's how we should proceed with this thing, whatever it is, between us."
"You mean this relationship? Because that's what it is; this is a relationship, one that I'm more than ready for."
"I know that, but we talked about this before. I'm not ready, not yet.'
"You said that you weren't emotionally ready to move on. You said that you're still in love with your husband. But you never said that we couldn't have a sexual relationship."
"Maybe I didn't make it clear, then. I want us to start slowly. Take our time. I'm not going to say no to sex forever, just not right now."
'But why the hell not? You like it, you love it, you love what I do to you. And I love what you do to me, how you make me feel. Why can't we have that?"
"Because, we did it that way before; and I told you, after a while it made me feel cheap."
Jasper held her arms, bending to look into her eyes. "But it's different this time. I've told you how I feel. I love you, very much, babe. There's no one else, there hasn't been anyone else for two years, Alice. I wasn't lying when I told you I haven't slept with anyone since the night you told me you were getting married. That was the night when I realized that I loved you and wanted you, only you. You are the most important woman in the world to me. I value everything about you; your creativity, your intelligence, your wit, your beauty, your kookiness. So how the hell can making love with me make you feel cheap? Did you feel cheap after we made love on Friday?"
"No, I didn't. But nevertheless, I want to take it slowly. Jasper, I know you have needs, I have them too, but I think it'll be better for us in the long run, if we do this gradually." She pulled out of his arms, walking over to the window, needing the space so that she didn't cave.
Jasper was getting even more upset, he marched over to where she stood. "Why? Huh? Why? Out of some misplaced loyalty to your dead husband?" Alice choked on her soda and he continued. "I don't think he'd want you to do that, do you?"
She recovered her breath, clenched her fists and gritted out. "You know nothing about him, nothing. So don't even talk about him okay?"
"I'm talking about you, Alice, you. What are you saving yourself for? He's not coming back."
A wave of sadness hit her, her tears came quickly and spilled over her lashes; surprising both her and Jasper. "You don't think I know that? I don't need you to tell me to face reality, I face it everyday. I'm just not ready. I don't know when I will be. I love Mike. I miss him so much, so much. I close my eyes and I see him. Sometimes I think I can even smell him. Not his cologne, but his scent, him. And I want him, so badly. I still ache for him." And she broke down in heaving sobs.
Jasper reached out and folded her into his arms, hating himself for making her feel this sad. "I'm sorry, Alice." he crooned as he rocked her side to side.
After a while she calmed down and sighed. "It's okay. I know what you want, but I need time. Believe it or not, more than anything I don't want to betray you. I don't want to use you as a substitute for him. It's not fair to you or to me."
Jasper paled and swallowed hard before asking, "Are you saying that's what you did? That's what Friday was all about? You used me as a substitute for him?" he asked quietly.
"No. Friday, was all about you and me, I didn't think about Mike at all. But there are times when I do think about him and miss him. I miss his holding me and being there. And it would be so easy, it has been so easy, to drift into that with you. But I want to want you, Jasper Hale. I want to give us a good chance of making it. Time for me to know that it is you I want, and not just someone to replace Mike. Please try to understand."
He was getting worked up again, and started pacing like a tiger. "I think this is such bullshit. You're always asking me to understand you. Why can't you try to understand me? I've waited for you for so long. And I want you so badly. I've already said that I'm willing to wait for you to feel like you're able to love me. But I don't want to wait for the physical part of our relationship to begin. There is no reason to wait. I know that together we are perfect, why don't you just want to start with that?"
"Because I want to feel more for you than lust; I want more substance than just doing it." Alice implored him to understand.
He stopped in front of her, touching her cheek gently. "But we have more, Alice. We have a friendship of almost three years. We care about each other, I've been there, through thick and thin, loving you every step of the way. For me it's not just lust, it's love. I want to take care of you and have you take care of me. I want to hold you in my arms and listen to your stories and your memories, the way you've listened to mine. And I want to build new memories with you…"
Alice reached for his hand to squeeze it in hers. "But we can do that, Jasper. We don't need to have sex to do that."
"…and I know you feel more than lust for me. You said you love me as a friend, and you trust me. You respect my work ethic, you respect my ideas..."
She nodded her head in agreement. "I do, but Jasper I'm just getting to know another side of you. I know precious little about your personal life, other than what you've recently told me about your childhood."
"So that's the criteria? Getting to know more about me?" He asked gently, trying to figure out from her words just what it was that she wanted. "I'll tell you everything, open myself up completely."
She shrugged, "Maybe. Jasper, I'm flying by the seat of my pants here. I don't have all the answers, I just don't want to jump in to sex for the wrong reasons and screw up our friendship."
He huffed, wondering why it seemed as though they were running around in circles, chasing their tails. "Why are we back to this? I thought we were past all this. My friendship is here to stay. I like you, and I love you. Sex won't change that."
"Then not having sex shouldn't change that either. I just think that we have to go forward carefully, for both our sakes."
"Alice you will drive me crazy, you are driving me crazy. I want you, you want me. You know it and I know it. You're trying to control something that can't be controlled." He grabbed her and pulled her to him, running his hands down the length of her body, pressing her closer than close.
Again she pulled out of his arms. "Just give me time. You just want some, because you're leaving tomorrow. It'll be like a last hurrah, or one for the road or something to remember you by. It won't be satisfactory."
"Oh yes it will."
"When I get back to San Fran next week, we'll have more time, to talk and be together."
He blew out a tired breath, and with shoulders sagging turned towards the door. "Whatever. Goodnight, Alice. I'm going to bed. You've well and truly worn me out."
"Jasper." she called and he turned around. She held up her little overnight bag. "Do you want some company?"
He shrugged. "Sure why not? It's not like I have much choice, do I?"
"Sure you do. You can say no." She said softly, hoping he wouldn't.
"No, Alice, you don't get it do you? I can't say no to you. I'll take whatever's on offer; I want you, any way I can get you." And he smiled at her.
"Jasper, I'm not trying to play hard to get or make you suffer. I'm trying to do it right this time. I promise I want only to make sure that I don't wind up hurting you."
"You are hurting me Alice." He practically shouted. "I've got fucking blue balls."
She giggled. "Just rub one out in the shower before coming to bed."
His voice dipped and he husked out, "I've got a better idea. Why don't you do that for me?"
She giggled again. "No, because that would be having sex with you."
"No it wouldn't, a hand job isn't sex." he wheedled.
"Of course it is."
"Nope." he insisted.
"Is oral sex, sex?"
"Yes."
"But not a hand job?"
"No. Alice, is masturbation sex?"
"Maybe, I don't… no it isn't."
"Well, a hand job is masturbation done by another person."
She laughed. "Did you go to law school?"
"Nope, just the school of common sense."
"Well, you know what they say about common sense, don't you? It's never common and rarely sensible."
"Who said that?"
"I think I just made it up, isn't it genius?"
"Nope, it's not. Let's just go to bed." and he held the door open for her.
"I thought you'd never ask."
#
Up in his bedroom, Jasper took a shower first while Alice took off her make-up and retrieved a tank top and boy short jammies from her bag. When Jasper came out of the bathroom wrapped in nothing but a white towel, her heart beat just a tiny bit faster. Why am I here in his room? She asked herself. This is like playing with fire. But she kept her cool and walked by him to use the shower. She felt like rubbing one out herself, feeling the tension mount in her lower pelvis. She tried hard and pushed all thoughts of sex and Jasper out of her mind, concentrating on tomorrow's meeting with Glenn Burnett and his son, when she heard the bathroom door open and close.
"Jasper?" she inquired, seeing his out of focus image through the wavy glass of the shower door. "Did you need something?"
He grunted his response, "Yes, you."
"What?" she gasped out.
"Just stand there and touch yourself, babe. I'll take care of the rest." he groaned out.
"Oh god, Jasper. Don't tell me you're going to..."
"You suggested it."
"I was joking."
"I wasn't. Now just be quiet and wash yourself. Slowly. Rub the soap over your breasts, baby; touch your tits, the way I would touch them if I could." His voice led and she followed. "Put your hand between your legs and touch that sweet pussy for me." he growled. "Rub your fingers slowly against your litte clit, that's it. Up and down, slowly; press a little harder now, darlin'. Oh yes, I want to touch your pussy. I want to tongue it, lick it up, and lick it down." He groaned and Alice heard him pleasuring himself on the other side of the glass. He was too far away for her to make out what he was doing, but she could hear him groaning.
Alice moved closer to the glass pressing her front lightly to it. Her hand still beteen her pussy lips, but her nipples right there for him to see. "You want a little suck and fuck?" her husky voice invited .
"I want to suck those pretty red hots, baby. I want to bite and lick. I want to suck them until your pussy tingles, hot for me. Then I want to lick that sweet, sweet cunt. Put my cock in you, hard."
She moaned, her heart beating double time. "Yes, baby. More, tell me more." She was close to the edge, she closed her eyes and imagined his face, the way he looks when he comes.
"Baby, right now, I want to fuck you so hard. I want to pick you up and ram my cock into that sweet, hot pussy, baby. Over and over again. I want to feel your juicy cunt squeeze around my cock. I want to come inside you."
As if in a frenzy, Alice moved her finger faster and faster over her clit. "Oh fuuuck." she trembled and cried out.
"Oh yeah, baby, that's it. Moan for me, tell me how much you want it, let me hear you come." Jasper said, as he groaned out his own orgasm.
Alice fell back against the tiled wall, recovering, her legs rubbery and weak. She heard Jasper breathing heavily on the other side of the glass.
After a couple minutes Jasper flung open the shower door and got in with her, pulling her into his arms. "Sweet fuck, baby. That was so fuckin' good." He kissed her deeply under the cooling rush of water, as they showered off together.
#
Jasper left the next morning. She wasn't even aware that he was awake until he sat on the side of the bed and shook her by the shoulder. "Alice, wake up, baby."
"Mmm, wad iz it?" She rolled over and mumbled, rubbing her eyes.
"I'm leaving, and I wanted to say good-bye."
"Goo-bye, Jasper." She turned her head when he leaned in closer. "No don't kiss me on the lips, morning breath."
"Well either get up and brush your teeth, or kiss me with morning mouth, woman."
"Hold on." She ran to the bathroom and scrubbed vigorously and then gargled with mouth wash. She came back out, striking a pose with her arms on either side of the bedroom door. "Okay, handsome, I'm ready for that kiss."
He gave her a passion stirring kiss that curled her toes and left her wanting more. His tongue stroked her lips and when she opened he caressed her tongue with his, making her shiver. "Think about me when I'm gone, okay darlin'? Cause I'll be thinkin' of you." he whispered against her lips when he finally broke the kiss.
"I will. I'll call you tonight, to say goodnight."
"And I'll call you tomorrow to say good morning, how about that?" he promised.
"Sounds great", she grinned up at him, missing him a little already.
He took one hand in his and dragged her to the door and kissed her again.
The next few days in Austin were long and busy, busy, busy. But the nights were full of her and Jasper talking and laughing over the phone. By the time she headed back home on Monday night, she was eager to see him again.
When she got back to SFO, she had to take a cab. Bella couldn't pick her, up, she had taken some cold meds that left her groggy. On her way home she called Jasper, wanting to stop by to see him, only to find out that he was back in Seattle again.
"I'll see you next Monday, babe. As soon as I have that Monday meeting I'll be flying home to you." He promised. Bummer, she wouldn't be able to see him for a whole other week.
At home she settled back in after being away for almost a month, did her laundry and caught up on things around the house. Her sister was behaving strangely but Alice chalked it up to her adjustment after the painful break-up from her boyfriend. Said boyfriend had left her for a new love. Bella had planned her whole future around Chris; she even chose to go to culinary school with the idea that she would be able to cook and entertain Chris' friends and co-workers.
Secretly, Alice was more than happy that relationship was over. While she thought of Chris as a nice guy; she never thought that he and Bella were really a good match. He was quite cerebral, a nerd really, with few interests beyond his love of computers. Alice always thought of Bella as a little bit like "sleeping beauty", someone who was not quite aware of herself and the world around her; she seemed to drift so calmly through life, not quite living it. Alice hoped that someone would come along who would wake her up and make her live it.
Bella invited her to a performance the coming Saturday and she was thrilled to finally be able to set up Dave and her sister. Dave was a nice guy, just the perfect kid to help her get over Chris; they were the same age and he even looked a little bit like the ex. When she saw him at work the next morning she told him and he jumped at the chance to see the belly dancer in action.
So it came as a little let down to Alice when Bella asked her for advice about a new guy. It seems that her recent odd behavior had something to do with a new older man who was actively pursuing her. She met thirty- something, Edward Cullen, at the airport. He came on a little strong and she shot him down, something he apparently wasn't used to, but they met again in Napa at her friend Angela's party.
"How did he wind up there?" Alice asked
"Well at first he said he had me followed by a detective, then when I freaked he explained that he happened to be a weekend guest of Angela's neighbor. I don't know if I believe him though. It seems so coincidental."
"Coincidences do happen."
"Yeah, I guess. But at the party he cornered me and came on very strong. He started kissing me; then, Alice, he had the nerve to rub my nipples."
"Nipple touching, with the first kiss, huh?" Alice was intrigued by the guy. Bella was obviously, shaken out of her normally calm demeanor. Even in the retelling, Bella's cheeks were flushed and her eyes were excited.
"Then he put his hand, down there and started rubbing. I swear, I thought he would try to go all the way, right there by the river bank, where anyone would be able to see. It was as if he'd lost all control."
"You must have a powerful effect on the guy, Bell. Seems he was all lost in his own world."
"And the scariest part is tonight. I got out of my class and he was waiting for me?"
"Did you tell him where you work?"
"No. He asked Angela, who told him that I work at the restaurant and that I teach at the studio."
"Man, that's one persistent guy. You must have made quite an impression on him."
"I don't know. He seems so focused on me, you know; always staring, lots of sexual innuendos, double entendres, very smooth. If he wasn't so good looking I would think he was a creep."
"Mmm. How good looking is he?"
"Alice, if you see him I swear you'd gawk. He's just gorgeous, beyond good looking. He could be a model, bronze sex hair, bronze skin, piercing silver eyes, a sexy mouth and oh, his jaw is so masculine. Every woman, and I mean every woman, even the lesbians, were staring at him. You've met Tanya, Angela's cousin, right? She was swooning, and there's no bigger, badder dyke than that."
"Believe me, I remember Tanya; she used to follow me around in high school, leaving notes in my locker. That girl was so aggressive; she was on a mission to convert me. She didn't let up until Jake talked to her. So I'm surprised that she was smitten by the sexy Edward Cullen. I's gots to meet this hunk."
"Well you may get a chance. He says he's coming on Saturday to my performance."
"How did he find out about that?"
"I let it slip."
"Hmm. Freudian slip?"
Bella shook her head. "Alice, all kidding aside, what do you think? Do you think I'm just being uptight, trying to avoid him?" Bella asked her sister.
Alice smiled and asked her, "If you're attracted to him and he is attracted to you, which you both obviously are, why not give it a chance? If later on you find that he is a jerk or a nut job then you can break it off. It's not rocket science Bella."
"I know it's not rocket science, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think that I can handle him, you know? He's older. He seems to be too, too sexual. And too forceful."
"Too sexual? All he did was kiss you Bella." Alice laughed out loud.
"What? Did I not make it clear? He fondled me! Intimately. And I get a feeling from him that he wants more and more and more."
"Well sure he wants more, what man doesn't? Don't be afraid. If you don't want more just end it. Tell him you're not interested. That's how it works." She laughed as she shut the door behind her and headed off to work.
"My baby sister is so naive, I hope that this guy will teach her a thing or two. It's about time she started living." Alice muttered to herself as she drove to the Bart. When she saw Dave later that day she gave him the bad news, they may be a day late and a dollar short, because Bella may have her eyes on a guy already. Dave took it in stride and asked if the invite to the belly dance was still good, he planned to invite some friends along. Alice was cool with that, glad that he wasn't too bummed.
She and Jasper talked on the phone that night and she told him all the gossip with Bella; she also told him that she had invited Dave to go out on Saturday. Jasper was not pleased and they had a bit of a tiff over it.
"I told you Alice, the guy will take this date the wrong way. When will you start listening to me?" He asked annoyed.
She snapped back. "I suppose when you say something worth listening to. I told you, I've put that behind us. I've explained to Dave and he has moved on. He's not the least bit interested in me."
"Yeah, right, and I have a bridge I want to sell you. You are so stubborn. And you know I hate it when you flirt. I've told you often enough.."
"You've told me no such thing. You've never indicated that you mind my flirting. You know it doesn't mean anything..."
"Well, Alice, on occasion, it does mean something. You flirted with me and we started an affair the same day…"
"You don't honestly believe that I've done that with anyone else…"
"No. But I still don't like it. Men view you in a certain way and it doesn't sit well with me."
"You never minded it before. I remember a few times when you seemed to enjoy the way other men look at me."
"Well, I don't now okay. Maybe, it's because I now know how easy it is to lose you. I prefer it if you don't flirt. Ever."
"My, my we're getting mighty possessive. I'm not going to change, babe, that's just who I am. I can't help it. It's like your killer smile and that delicious dimple that you have, you wouldn't be able to not show that if I asked you to stop, would you?" She tried to placate him with flattery, but he wasn't buying what she was selling.
"That's different and you know it. Alice, I've told you how I feel, and I'd like you to respect that enough to try and not flirt. I know it's second nature, but I'd like you to try."
"Okay, I'll try. If you'll try not to be so serious all the time, take it easy, babe."
He laughed. "Me, serious? You're the one always wanting to set rules in this. And this is the first time that I have told you what I would like and all of a sudden you accuse me of being too serious."
"You know what? I don't want to argue, I want to talk and have fun with you. Why don't you tell me how it's going up there in Seattle, hmm. And then tell me what we'll do when you get back home."
"I don't want to discuss this project, it's been a giant pain in my ass. But I do want to talk about us."
"Yeah? what about us?"
"I want you to meet my sister, Rosalie."
"Oh. You do?" Alice chewed her lip, not sure how she felt about this unexpected invitation into his life, when she'd been kept at arms length for so long.
"What's the matter? Don't you want to?"
"Sure, I do. I guess that I was caught off guard that's all. You so seldom talk about your family, I just assumed that you don't really hang out with them too much."
"I see Rosie and Emmett every weekend. I've even been known to babysit their little brats on occasion."
"Oh my god, that I've got to see." Alice giggled at the thought of cool Jasper, tearing around a house trying to rein in toddlers.
He laughed too. "Well, you probably won't, not after the last time, when they came home to a stopped up toilet. I doubt very much if they'll ask me to babysit again. But I've asked Rosie if I could bring you to dinner next Sunday, would that be okay?"
"Of course, I can't wait to meet her. They live not too far from me, so maybe I'll meet you there."
"Nope, Alice. This is a date. You're meeting Rosie and Emmett, for all intents and purposes, the only family I've got. I want you to know them and I want them to know you. You are my future, and I'm making that clear to you and to them."
"Oh, Jasper, I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. Let me just meet them as your friend, please?"
"No, Alice. I don't keep much from Rosie and I don't want to pretend that you are less to me than you are. Anyway, I'm sure that they know already, because you are the very first woman that I've ever asked to bring over to their house."
"Really? No family dinners with Sue?"
"No, babe. I told you Sue and I were not in a serious relationship. You are the only one I've ever envisioned a future with."
"What is your vision of the future with me?"
"I want to be with you, every day, for the rest of my life." He said softly.
"Partying on a yacht, when we're sixty?" She inquired teasingly.
"If that's what you want. But I think of you and me and babies."
"You do? I thought you never wanted a family."
"You make me want everything. Things I never thought I would want, I want with you." He told her, a catch in his throat.