A thousand candles may be lit from the flame of one, and that candle will not be shortened for its efforts. Happiness is never diminished by being shared.
- Larana Nirine, Last Poet of Rakhana
They were drunk, all three of them, and it was really shameful.
Technically they were well within their rights, all three were off-duty as part of a ship wide twenty-four hour shore leave ordered by the man in the middle, who was building a pyramid out of empty beer bottles.
It wasn't that he was slacking off, he had a feeling that they were headed toward the end. He could feel Saren crouching out there in the darkness, waiting for him. So he'd resolved to get drunk, if only because this might be the last time. Having Alenko and Williams along just made it better. They had decided, unanimously, about twelve beers into the night, that they would have to be friends forever. Who else could you talk to about something like this? The only people who would ever understand would be the people who lived it with you.
Still, all justifications aside, it was shameful for three officers to be out and about in their state.
Luckily it was just Chora's Den.
"I know why Alenko likes this bar," Ash drawled, rolling her eyes at a gyrating stripper who had been eyeballing them from across the room for the last five minutes, "but why did you want to come here, Shepard?"
"It's a dive!" Shepard cheered, topping off his pyramid and ordering a round of shots to celebrate its glorious construction. "I love a good dive."
The bartender arrived with the round, and quickly, professionally destroyed the perilous pyramid as Shepard handed out the shots. He whisked the empty bottles away, under the counter, and left them one full of whiskey.
"To my short lived empire," Shepard toasted mournfully.
He poured more for all of them. Though they were all very aware it was probably a bad idea, no one felt like mentioning it just yet.
"Okay... Shepard... don't get mad. But I have to ask you something," Kaidan set his empty shot glass down firmly down on the table. He eyed Shepard with intensity. "What is with the hair?"
"Oh, that's a good one," Ash bobbed up and down in her seat. "I like it."
Shepard gave him a flat look before he downed his own shot. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, but he didn't look angry. At least, not quite. "Alenko, why'd you have to go and make it all awkward for me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Asking me about my hair," he ran his fingers through it. In the harsh lights of the club it almost glowed, radioactive red right down to the roots. "What if I told you I just think it looks cool?"
"Sorry, I'm not drunk enough to believe that."
"Me neither," Ash shook her head, her pony tail bouncing across her shoulders.
"Hey, who wants another shot?" Shepard asked, pouring. "Shots, shots, shots!"
"I don't think I'll ever be drunk enough to believe it."
"Kaidan, be reasonable. At some point you'll be drunk enough to be dead, and if it happens that way at least you still stop asking me about it."
"Is it that big of a secret?" Ash looked surprised.
"It kind of is, actually," he appeared to be quite serious. After a moment he sighed and drank the fresh drink he'd poured himself. Kaidan and Ash were falling behind, but they had been behind all night really. Few people in the world could drink like Shepard.
"I'll make you guys a deal though. I'll take one of your secrets for mine, because I'm drunk and therefore allergic to good decision making."
The two soldiers exchanged looks.
"Sounds fair."
"Deal."
"Okay, Williams first."
"Hey, how did that get decided?"
"Sorry Ash, sucks to be junior officer doesn't it?" Shepard and Kaidan laughed wickedly together as Ash glared at them.
"Okay, let me think for a moment."
"And don't come out with your lesbian experience in boot camp. We all had those, it's not news."
"I didn't, but you do seem like the kind that would have a lesbian experience in boot camp, Shepard," Ash grinned through her teeth at him.
"Williams, you're so funny. Do you write your own material?" Shepard asked sarcastically as he drank again, now at least three shots ahead of them. "Though I guess I experimented with heterosexuality in boot camp, which is sort of similar to a straight girl having a lesbian experience."
"How is that?" Kaidan asked, cocking an eyebrow as Shepard shuddered visibly at the memory.
"I just mean that it was sticky, uncomfortable and disappointing for everyone involved," he confided. "I don't know how you do it, Alenko." He made a face. "No offense, Williams."
"I don't think Alenko does it very often," Williams cracked happily, "And I'm right! Look at him go all red."
"Got your secret all picked out yet? You never know when I might come to my senses and lose interest, and then you'd be left wondering about my hair forever more," Shepard ran his fingers through it again, brushing thick red bangs off his forehead and out of his eyes.
"Okay, yeah, I've got one. When I was in Basic training I had an affair with my drill instructor," she tilted her chin up in a defiant way, meeting their eyes as she said it. For all that, she still managed to look bashful, like she wasn't sure if they would get up and walk away from the table in disgust.
"Ash!" Kaidan sounded shocked.
"Slut!" Shepard grinned. "Why? Were you trying to grease the wheels, or was he just really hot?"
"Ugh, I wish. The truth is, I was young, I had never really been away from my family or my responsibilities before and... I was really easily manipulated by a bottle of contraband and a bunch of military tattoos." She sighed, and shrugged it away. "Not my brightest moment."
"That sucks," Shepard said sympathetically. "I might be able to have him killed for you. I've got some friends who don't ask a lot of questions stationed on Earth right now."
"You have people willing to carry out assassination contracts?" Kaidan asked, gesturing for more whiskey.
"They owe me some favours."
"I appreciate it Shepard, but I'm over it. The guy got busted pulling his routine on a smarter recruit and got thrown down the chain of command anyway," Ash laughed. "Sometimes the universe deals out its own justice."
"Alright. Alenko, your turn."
"I have a tattoo," Kaidan said after a moment.
"No way, Alenko. That's low ball compared to mine," Ash held out her fist in the thumbs down position. "Shepard?"
"I have to agree with Williams." He copied her thumbs down. "What do you think this is? You have to pull out something really embarrassing if you want to qualify."
"It is really embarrassing. I got it when I was nineteen and too drunk to stand up straight," Kaidan drank his shot, wiping his wet lips on the back of his hand. "It's the stupidest tattoo in this room, and there's a woman with stars tattooed over half her face tending bar right now."
Shepard and Williams exchanged a doubtful look. Their thumbs stayed down.
"It's on my butt," Kaidan added.
"Sold," Shepard's thumb flipped right way up. "But this better be good, Alenko. Now show."
"Right here?"
"Right here," Ash was still looking dubious, but she was out-voted for the moment.
Kaidan stood up, a little wobbly on his feet, and fumbled with his belt buckle.
"Maybe you should apply for a job here," Ash crowed, leaning back in her seat and jostling Shepard with one elbow. "You'd fill out one of those little spandex costumes something fierce, L.T."
"Forget secrets, how much is it for a dance?" Shepard laughed.
They continued cat-calling until Kaidan turned around and tugged his boxers down just enough to expose a tattoo of a cartoon beaver, buck-toothed and grinning, on his left butt cheek. It was holding a heart in its paws that had 'MOM' written across it in bold, black letters.
There was a moment of stillness, followed by several minutes of hysterics.
"Oh my god," Shepard had to steady himself on the table as he laughed, great, braying bursts of hilarity that made him grip his stomach with one hand as his entire body shook. "Oh my god! Ay, dios mio!"
"I take it back, L.T," Ash gasped, "that's WAY more embarrassing than my thing. Thanks for making me feel better about the choices I made when I was nineteen."
"Dare I ask why?" Shepard breathed after he had calmed down, sometime later. He poured himself a drink, and refilled their glasses as well. They were almost half done the bottle.
"I have no idea," Kaidan shrugged, grinning sheepishly. "I was really drunk. I've never been that drunk since."
"Ah, teenager-dom," Ash leaned back in her seat. "Is there anything stupider than a nineteen-twenty year old kid in the military?"
"Nothing I've met," Kaidan replied, laughing, "and I'm counting varren and my boots in that statement."
Shepard was laughing to, softly into his drink.
"So is it my turn then?" He asked, rubbing his crimson hair.
"Yeah, let's hear the big secret," the two soldiers leaned forward eagerly, cupping their shot glasses on the table between them.
"Okay. I colour it so that people will think I it makes me look younger than I am. It stops them from looking closer and realizing that it doesn't. And... it's a reminder. Of where I came from." He watched their expressions carefully as they sorted through what he'd said.
"It does make you look younger than you are," Kaidan said. "I'm not going to lie, Shepard. That hair makes you look like a stupid kid."
"I am a kid," Shepard said flatly. "My paperwork just says I'm twenty three. I lied about my age to get into the Alliance."
He let that soak in. It took a moment, but Shepard forgave them. They had been drinking hard, and falsifying information on an Alliance I.D form could, technically, be called treason and could feasibly, be punishable by court marshal and dishonourable discharge. Shepard felt strangely light hearted, now that he'd gotten the actual words out. He'd never actually told anyone about it before. People guessed, people like Anderson and Ramirez who knew him well and made a habit of noticing things, but even they had never heard him actually say it.
"You've got... well... I guess I can see it." Ash squinted at him out of one eye, looking him up and down critically. "God, you are young. Now I feel like a long-toothed soldier hag. What are you, twenty?"
"Probably," Shepard held his hand flat and tipped it uncertainly from side to side, "maybe nineteen. But probably twenty."
"You don't even know?"
"I have no birth records. The first time I actually went into the system was when the Alliance processed my application, before that I didn't even exist as far as the government was concerned."
"So wait, bear with me as I do drunk math," Kaidan held up a hand. "If you're twenty now, that would have made you... fifteen when you joined the Alliance. Is that right? That can't be right." He shook his head. "What kind of fifteen year old kid joins the military?"
"The kind that's sick of people trying to kill him while he's not getting paid for it," Shepard replied, refilling all their glasses again and motioning for them to take their shots immediately. It had the stabilizing effect he'd been looking for, both of his companions lapsed into thoughtful silence.
"I shouldn't have told you," he sighed. "Now I've put you both in an awkward position."
"What? No way." Ash shook her head vehemently. "No. Shepard. I would never divulge this."
"Neither would I," Kaidan promised after just a moment of hesitation. "We've got your six, Shepard. Always."
"But both of you should divulge this," Shepard said sternly. "So as your Commander I'm putting on my stern face and telling you that protocol states this should be divulged to your commanding officer at once. And since I'm your commanding officer this actually winds up working out pretty well. I assure you, I'll pass this along the chain of command." He winked theatrically at the two of them. "Right away."
They leaned back in their seats, drunk and happy, if not entirely carefree anymore.
"So, uh, sorry about what we said about twenty year old kids in the military, commander," Ash said after a moment. "If it's any consolation, you really don't seem like you're twenty."
"I grew up in a hurry," Shepard replied. A look passed between them that Alenko did not share in.
Shepard was startled. He'd told Ramirez about his life before the Alliance, and Calhoun, but the look that passed between him and Ash was something he had never felt before. He could feel her understanding, her support, and even though their eyes broke after only a few seconds it stayed with him as he turned back to the whiskey and tipped the last of it into their glasses.
"This was really great," Ash said, raising her glass. "When you guys picked me up on Eden Prime I never guessed... it's been a great adventure. I've seen a lot of amazing things. But the best part of it has been meeting you guys."
"I'll drink to that," Kaidan raised his own glass. "I didn't know I could get along with people this well before I met you two."
"Every day we serve together is an honour and privilege," Shepard joined them. "I'm lucky to know you both."
The three of them touched their glasses together, and downed the last of the whiskey. Shepard paid their bill, as he almost always did, and the three of them began their long, teetering journey through the Citadel toward the docks. Shepard was warm, and the thought of everything being over soon no longer inspired dread in him. What was he getting so worked about in the first place? They would get this done, and collect a heap of medals, maybe even a raise, and everything would turn out.
It always did, or at least so close to always that it made little difference.
Off we go, he thought, laughing. To Virmire.
A/N: I edited some dialogue at the beginning that my wonderful reviewer Blahdeedah pointed out as confusing. To answer her question: my Shepard is gay. I hope the changes cleared that up. As for the supermodel comment, there are male supermodels. I think. If not, there are now because I say so. Fixed!