Garrus glanced briefly up from his console as the door to the Main Battery opened behind him, revealing Tali.
"Tali," he said, genuinely surprised, "what brings you here?"
She was silent for a moment, before replying in a quiet voice.
"Do you have time to talk?"
Garrus looked down at his console again as it beeped.
"Can it wait for a bit?" he asked, "I'm in the middle of some-"
He never had the chance to finish the sentence, as Tali was suddenly wracked with a huge sob.
Garrus spun back around to face her, seeing that she had clasped her arms around herself and her head was lowered.
"Um, of course. I have some time," he said, slightly nervously.
He thought of Tali as a little sister, and they often shared meals due to their common dextro amino acid chirality, but he was completely unequipped for helping with an emotional crisis. A dangerous mission armed only with a sniper rifle, absolutely. An upset young woman, not at all.
Tali hadn't responded, so Garrus took a tentative step forward.
"Why don't you sit down?" he said, as gently as he knew how. "Let me get you a... crate."
He dragged an equipment crate out from the corner, and she sat down on it as he returned to stand in front of the console facing her. She was clasping and unclasping her hands, so he decided to wait for her to speak when she was ready. He folded his arms then immediately unfolded them.
Is that supposed to be negative body language? he wondered. I can never remember.
Next, he clasped his hands behind his back, then worried that it would seem impatient, so he finally settled on simply letting his arms hang at his sides. He was just beginning to wonder if he should recommend that she talk to a female crewmember instead, when she finally spoke.
"He loves her, Garrus," she said quietly, still not making eye contact.
He frowned, and felt his stomach clench. Conversations about love weren't exactly his speciality. He usually said something that sounded inappropriate, without intending to. He nervously scratched one of his mandibles.
"Uh... I see," he said. "I'm... sorry to hear that?"
He immediately screwed his eyes closed, and had to restrain himself from clapping his hand over his face.
Stupid, he thought. That was a stupid thing to say. What if she's happy that he loves her? Women cry when they're happy too. And who's he? Or her?
He shifted his weight onto his other foot, and waited uncomfortably for Tali to speak again. Maybe there would be a surprise geth attack soon, and he could legitimately excuse himself.
After a long moment, Tali shrugged then gave a long sigh.
"I suppose it was inevitable," she said, bitterly. "She's his second in command, and is supposedly the perfect woman." She said the last words with unconcealed disdain.
This is about Shepard and the Cerberus woman? Garrus thought, taken aback by the news. I never got the feeling he completely trusted her.
"Oh," he said, simply. "So... he told you this? That he, um, feels that way about Miranda?"
She shook her head, and sighed once more.
"No, of course not," she replied. "I heard them talking. He was leaving her office just now. They didn't see me, but I could hear them."
Garrus frowned more deeply this time.
"That doesn't seem like Shepard," he said. "He's not the kind of man to have personal conversations within earshot of the crew. He actually said he loves her?"
Tali shuffled her feet, clasping and unclasping her hands again.
"Well, I didn't hear that part, but..." she said.
Garrus scratched his head. Now it was beginning to make sense.
"OK, tell me what you actually heard," he said. "There might be another explanation."
She glanced up at him, and despite not being able to see her facial expression, there was something so hopeful in the movement that a light clicked on in his mind.
"Oh," he said. "I see. You're upset because... you love him."
Her shoulders fell slightly, but she made no attempt to deny it. Garrus felt intensely protective of her, and had to suppress an irrational anger towards Miranda and Shepard. After all, he hadn't even heard the actual story yet, much less confirmed it. To be honest, he'd always thought that if Shepard had feelings for anyone on the ship, it was probably Tali herself, not Miranda.
"Come on," he said, with a small smile, "Why don't you tell me what they actually said to each other?"
"Well," she replied, "they came out of her office a few minutes ago, and they were smiling at each other. Then she said 'I feel the same way'. And she seemed happy about something."
Garrus looked at her, expecting that she'd continue. When she didn't, he blinked.
"That's it?" he asked, not quite able to believe that she'd have jumped to such a conclusion from so little evidence.
"No," she said, indignantly. "Then he said 'Good, I'll see you tomorrow', and then she said that she was looking forward to it."
She crossed her legs and folded her arms in one smooth movement.
"I hate her," she said, definitively, causing Garrus to bark a laugh which echoed around the chamber.
"Tali," he said, "you really don't know for sure what they were talking about. She could have been agreeing about anything. You've lined up your sights on her without having all the facts."
She looked away, then gave a half-shrug in acknowledgement that he may have a point.
"Listen," Garrus continued, "why don't you just go and talk to him? Tell him how you feel, or ask him how he feels about her, or something like that. Just don't go off half-cocked. You don't pull the trigger without confirming the target."
She tilted her head to one side as she looked at him, and he blinked.
"I... I use a lot of shooting metaphors, don't I?" he said in sudden self-awareness.
"You really do," she replied with a giggle, causing him to self-consciously run his fingers through his fringe.
"Well, I'll work on that," he said wryly, "while you go and actually talk to the man about all this. Deal?"
Tali stood up and lightly crossed to where he stood.
"Deal," she said, suddenly giving him a brief hug.
"Thank you, Garrus," she said.
"No problem," he replied, with a slightly embarrassed grin.
Tali smiled at the turian's awkwardness, then turned and bounded out of the Main Battery, passing Kelly Chambers who was just approaching the door.
"Oh hello, Tali," Chambers said as the quarian walked by, receiving a nod and a quick "hello" in reply.
"Garrus, I'm glad I caught you," she said, stopping short of the doorway. "I was wondering if you had some time to talk?"
By the spirits, not another one, Garrus thought, his earlier panic immediately returning in full force. When did I become the go-to guy for upset females?
"I... actually I'm kind of in the middle of something, Miss Chambers," he said, taking a step back into the room and reaching for the door control panel.
"Oh it won't take long," she said, "It's just about-"
"I really do need to finish this," he stammered. "These. These... weapons calibrations. Very important. You know how it is."
He tapped the door control panel and heard the mechanism begin to engage.
"I can come back later?" Kelly said. "Any time would be fine. How about-"
With considerable relief, Garrus saw the door begin to slide closed, and pointed emphatically back over his shoulder towards his console. The last thing Kelly Chambers heard before the door latched closed was a single word, almost shouted.
"Calibrations!"