Author's Note: First fanfic, and for a video game of all things! I'm having fun with this, and reviews/comments are very much appreciated.
Shepard yawned, twisting his neck to relieve the tension in it.
He was finally finished with his evening tour of the ship, checking in with each department. He stepped down from the podium above the holographic galaxy map and approached the elevator door. The chime indicated that it was in use, and the car was on its way up.
He found his mind wandering to Tali, for at least the tenth time since he'd last spoken to her around half an hour before.
I wonder what was bothering her, he thought, a frown appearing on his face. Maybe I should go and check on her.
But he knew that was a bad idea. It wasn't wise to force the issue; he'd already told her that he was always available to talk, and he hoped she'd take him up on the offer, but there was no sense in putting her on the spot - especially when it was late in the evening. He sighed.
The elevator control panel chirped briefly to indicate that the car had arrived, and he stepped forward as the door opened - almost colliding with Tali.
She had checked with EDI again and learned that Shepard was in the CIC, so she'd taken the elevator up to deck 2. She hadn't expected to literally run into him, though. She stumbled backwards, and began to lose her balance.
Shepard reached out and grasped her shoulder, steadying her on her feet. She instinctively grasped his forearm until she had regained her footing, then hurriedly let go again, feeling a warmth rise in her cheeks.
"Sorry," he said. "Wasn't looking where I was going."
"Me either," she said, bashfully. "Thank you."
He smiled at her, and nodded.
"It's not often we see you up here in the CIC," he said warmly. "Is there anything I can help with?"
She bounced slightly on her toes and cocked her head to one side.
"Well, actually I was hoping to talk to you," she said, shyness evident in her voice, before noticing a stack of datapads under his arm. "Oh, but I don't want to disturb you if you're busy."
"This is just some reading I can catch up on in the morning," he said. "I'm all yours."
Tali felt her heart momentarily speed up at his words, followed immediately by a pang of sadness as she remembered overhearing him speaking to Miranda earlier.
You don't know what they were talking about yet, she reminded herself, and tilted her head at Shepard in response.
"It's... a personal matter," she said quietly, glancing nervously around the wide CIC area.
"No problem," Shepard replied. "I was just heading to my cabin. We can talk there."
He stepped into the elevator beside her, and pressed the panel for deck 1.
His cabin, she thought, her pulse now racing. I've never seen it before.
She willed herself to calm down, and with a great effort she refrained from clasping her hands together. The elevator door closed and the car began to ascend.
"I was just thinking about you, actually," he said, drawing a startled glance from her.
"You... were?" she said, inwardly cringing at the increase in pitch of her voice which she thought he must have noticed.
Shepard only nodded, shooting a disarming smile in her direction.
"Oh," she said, somewhat flustered. "Well... thank you. I mean, in a good way, I hope. Um, I mean..."
He laughed, and turned towards her, putting his hand on her shoulder. Her head dipped slightly towards it as he did so, before she caught herself.
Now what's that all about? he wondered, but he didn't allow himself to pursue the thought.
"Tali, relax," he said gently. "Yes, it's always in a good way. To tell the truth, I was a little worried about you when we spoke earlier. Seemed like something was on your mind." He dropped his hand, and she lowered her gaze to her feet.
"Well, yes, I suppose so," she admitted, clasping her hands together without even realising. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"OK," he smiled, as the elevator door opened, revealing the short walkway to his private cabin. "Let's go in and sit down and you can tell me about it."
He gestured ahead of himself, indicating that she should go first, and she stepped out of the elevator and up to the other door, hesitating.
Shepard pressed the door control panel, and the door smoothly opened, revealing the blue expanse of the large fish tank along the left wall.
"Come on in," he said; "make yourself at home."
Tali's eyes widened at room before her. He had marine creatures in a water tank, which shone a soft blue glow on the entire cabin. There was an enormous bed - she blushed as soon as she looked at it - and a long comfortable seating area, all beneath a large window in the ceiling which showed the stars through the shimmer of the Normandy's mass effect field. It was stunning.
"Shepard..." she said, with awe in her voice, "your cabin is... wonderful."
He smiled, glancing around at the room.
"I'm glad you like it," he said, then his brow creased as if he was considering something.
"Actually, I think you're the first person who's ever been up here," he mused. "Besides me, of course."
Her heart leapt at his words.
So she has never been here, she thought. Tali took a further step into the room, suddenly feeling ever so slightly territorial.
"Did you see this?" Shepard said, gesturing towards an area she hadn't noticed.
He had an office in front of his private washroom, enclosed in glass. Set into the glass were display brackets with polished models of various starships.
She made a small noise as she walked over to the display, running her fingertips across the smooth surface. There was a model of the Normandy SR2, and also one of the original Normandy. She glanced up at him and saw that he was looking at it too, and a brief flicker of pain crossed his face.
"Oh Shepard," she said, sorrow evident in her voice, "I'm sorry. You've lost so much in all this." She gently put her hand against his chest.
He gave her a small, sad smile, before his expression brightened again.
"No more than I've gained," he said quietly, briefly covering her hand with his.
His touch was electric, and she felt her knees sway slightly. A flush rose in her cheeks, and in that moment she utterly hated her envirosuit for coming between them.
They both let their hands drop, and looked back at the display case.
"Does this one look familiar?" he asked, with a small grin, pointing to a model positioned just above the various consoles on his desk.
"It's from the flotilla!" she said, clearly delighted. "But... you have both Normandies, and the council flagship... why this shabby old thing?"
Her smiled widely, an unguarded smile of the sort he very rarely allowed himself.
"Hope you don't take this the wrong way," he said, "but whenever I look up from my desk and see it, it always reminds me of you."
Tali put her hands on her hips in mock offence, but she was inwardly delighted.
He laughed, and then his voice became more tender.
"If you ever get homesick, you're welcome to come up here to see it."
She met his gaze again, and several moments passed where neither of them said a word.
What are you doing, John? he asked himself. If he was absolutely honest, he'd been developing feelings for Tali for some time now, but he'd not planned to make any kind of move in the near future.
She was often so nervous around him, and he didn't have enough context to determine whether that was just because he was the commanding officer of the ship, or because he'd been brought back to life by Cerberus, or something else.
All too often he'd lain awake wondering what her reaction would be if he suggested that they could be more than friends and colleagues. And all too often, he'd wondered whether that reaction might be shock, or even disgust. Yet here tonight, he was testing his boundaries. Not quite flirting, but almost. That was... interesting.
Tali kept eye-contact, knowing that this was by far the longest she'd ever dared to hold his gaze. She loved looking at his eyes. So clear and blue, made even moreso by the glow from the aquarium. If he'd wanted to simply look at her for the rest of the evening, she'd have been quite willing to oblige.
She could still feel a phantom warmth on the back of her hand where his hand had covered her glove, and her stomach fluttered again at the memory.
At length, Shepard cleared his throat and glanced down at his desk.
"So," he said, "you wanted to talk to me about something?"
Tali felt all her earlier nervousness returning tenfold, but she was now even more sure that something was somehow different between them tonight.
"Yes," she replied, with a small nod.
"Might as well be comfortable," he said, gesturing towards the long leather couch set into the wall in the living area, on the other side of the display case. They both went down the small set of steps and sat down.
She clasped her hands once more and took a deep breath before looking up at him.
"Well," she began.