How sad the world is when we move through it on our way away from something that once gave us joy.
- Perine, Asari Justicar
"So Wrex," Shepard sidled casually around the corner with exaggerated normality. "How's it going?"
He didn't know how to talk to Wrex anymore. Their relationship was complicated on a number of different levels and twisted even further by Shepard's personal frustration for the situation they had found themselves in. He was not the sort of man who approved in trading help for favours, the thought of living like that had too much of the taste of Trinidad about it. He was better than that. People should be better than that. But they weren't and he had to live with that.
He tried to be compassionate and not to resent Wrex, and he succeeded to an extent. But his empathy for the Krogan could only stretch so far when images of the slaughter going on all over Palaven invaded the news, and while he knew Earth was burning while one of his oldest friends was embroiled in a horrific and dangerous war on its surface.
"Shepard, I've been waiting for you to make an appearance," for his part, Wrex sounded glad to see him. "Let's step outside, this terminal is giving me a headache."
They wandered into the barren little room outside the war room and Wrex leaned against the table and studied him for a minute. Shepard folded his hands behind his back and examined the steel walls with leisure.
"Have you heard the one about the two Asari?" He asked, turning his gaze back to Wrex after a moment.
Wrex shook his head, a broad smile spreading across his scarred face.
"Right. So these two nice Asari Maidens go out one hot summer day for a walk. Not five minutes into it they're sweating and panting and swatting away flies, when one of them spots an old Matriarch vendor selling iced fruit by the side of the road. They stop to buy some and decide to sit with the Matriarch for a while, because they were good girls who had been raised to respect their elders."
Wrex nodded his understanding. "I like that," he said, "young people these days don't have enough respect for their elders."
There was a barb in the words that Shepard could not help but be aware of. For the sake of his punch line he didn't react to it.
"So the two Maidens sit down in the grass with their fruit and the Matriarch toddles over with her own helping. 'Excuse me dears,' she says, 'the old bones aren't what they used to be' and sits down with her legs spread wide. The Maidens notice she isn't wearing any underwear and since they're Asari that doesn't seem too strange."
"I wouldn't tell this joke to T'Soni."
"I heard it from T'Soni. Anyway, one of the girls asks her if it's cooler without underwear and the Matriarch shrugs and takes a bite of her fruit. 'I don't know about any of that' she says 'but it sure does keep the flies away.'"
Wrex laughed at the same time as his lip curled up into a visible grimace. He shook his head sadly.
"I never knew you had that in you, Shepard," he chuckled.
"I'm full of surprises," Shepard grinned.
"I'll say. I thought you'd be on my side about the Krogan," Wrex's voice sounded light and casual, but his words cut through the warmth of their joking like a razor of ice.
"I am on your side, Wrex," Shepard replied, a slight frown touching his face. He felt the first hint of that wrinkle forming, the deep one that ran down the centre of his forehead and only appeared when he was truly frustrated. "I've supported you every step of the way on this."
"But it pisses you off," Wrex pointed out, "don't try to tell me it doesn't. I can read your soft little human face like a book."
"Well it would piss you off too, Wrex," Shepard snapped. "For every day you hold out on this, tens of thousands of people die on Earth and on Palaven."
"Every day for a thousand years dozens of infant Krogan have died," Wrex replied, his hands curling into fists against the edge of the table. "When you humans have a death toll to equal that maybe you can convince me to feel bad for you."
"How can you say that?" Shepard asked, appalled. "If you would just send your troops now while we're doing this instead of waiting for it to be done-"
"No," Wrex said grimly. His voice held absolute conviction.
"When have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?" Shepard asked, unable to keep the frustration out of his voice. "That data Mordin's using to develop this cure only exists because I talked him into keeping it. You said we were friends Wrex, but you've been treating me like any other asshole since you set foot on this ship."
They glared at each other in silence for a moment.
"It's not like that, Shepard," he growled after a moment. "I have to look out for my people's best interest."
"You know I want to help the Krogan," Shepard insisted. "You know I'm not going to stab you in the back. If you would just trust me-"
"Shepard, you are my friend, and you're a warrior and a leader of men. I respect you. But you're also an alien, and no good has ever come from the Krogan trusting an alien," he hung his head. "That's the bald truth. I would trust you with my life in an instant as a commander, but I can't trust anyone with the life of my people. I want you to understand that, but even if you don't that's still the way it's got to be."
"Do you watch the vids?" Shepard asked. His head was beginning to throb and he rubbed at his chin where there used to be that old scar. He could feel the ghost of it under his fingers, like an itch he just couldn't scratch. "Do you?"
"Yes," Wrex dropped his eyes for the first time.
"So do I. That's my home, Wrex. You can't expect me to accept this without having a problem with it."
"My home looks an awful lot like Earth does right now, Shepard," Wrex spoke quietly, "and it has my entire life."
Shepard looked at him for a moment, every muscles drawn up in anger, his back as strong and straight as a steel rod. A large part of him wanted to be primal and stupid, to just hit him and keep hitting him until he managed to find a way to pound the universe into a more pleasing shape. But he was too smart to surrender to that want, and his mind was already realizing that it was ignorant of him to expect Wrex to feel any differently than he did.
He didn't understand. Of course he didn't understand. No one who wasn't Krogan could.
"I... I get it," he said finally, folding both hands over his face and leaning back against the opposite wall. "Jesus. I just... I want to save everyone."
He crossed his arms over his chest.
"Shepard-"
"I know!" He snapped. "I'm not a child, I know I can't do it. But all this political bullshit and ancient history, none of that matters to me. And I don't give a shit about reparations or justice either. All I want to do is save people, and all I see is more people standing in my way."
Wrex sighed, pushing away from his table and moving so he was standing in front of him.
"It's so easy to forget how young you are," he said sadly. "All humans are young, and your minds don't understand death the way the Krogan's do. We've been looking at death for so long, Shepard, I can't send my people off to fight this war until they've seen life to. I don't hold it against you."
"Thanks," Shepard said bitterly. "I'm not going to lie, I hold it against you, a little."
"I accept that," Wrex said, nodding. "I should get back to work."
"Yeah," Shepard nodded, pushing himself to his feet. He resisted the urge to shove his hands in his pockets like a sullen child and instead faced Wrex with his chin held high.
"This doesn't change anything," he promised, "I'm still going to get this done for you. I believe in this Wrex, in this cause. I want you to know that."
Wrex sighed, and nodded.
"I do know that," he said. "It's just not enough."
Shepard nodded, and Wrex tipped his head once in farewell. The two of them turned and left through different doors.
I went through a lot of drafts on this little chapter. This won't be the last time we see Wrex, so without giving anything away I can assure you that this isn't the last time they'll talk about Wrex holding out on throwing in with Shepard.