I drive towards Cullen's house. The sound of rain patters on my truck. I had the radio on a Top 40 station; I thought maybe listening to music will help me calm down. I was nervous on what may happen when I arrive at Carlisle's. Will he tell me how wrong it was for what we done or be angry with me for being the one who initiated the kiss. I mean he was a married man who had a loving wife.

Though as far as I knew Esme has not come and visit him since they left. It made me wonder if there was a strain on their marriage or if they had falling out of love. Though those thoughts did not make me feel any better about this kiss, I still felt as if I betrayed Esme.

I pull into the Cullen's driveway. I had no idea if Carlisle was home since he kept his cars in the garage and it was not open. He never left his garage open. It was raining pretty hard right now and my jacket did not have a hood nor did I have an umbrella but that was the least of my worries. A little rain would not hurt me.

I take a deep breath and open my truck door. I slide out of the truck and slam the door. I start walking towards the front door but then I chickened out and start walking back towards my truck. I then stop and take a few deep breaths, I to do this. I turn around and walk up to his door and knock. I can just hear Edward laughing at me for being afraid to walk up to a vampires door because I was afraid they would be angry at me and not accept me rather than afraid they would be angry at me and drained my blood. Though Carlisle did not scare me and I did not believe he had one mean bone in his body, there are humans I have met that scared me more.

Before I could lift my hand to knock, the door opens and my heart leaps through my throat. Carlisle is standing in the doorway staring at me, I could not make out his expression but he smiles and grabs my hand pulling me out of the rain. Just him touching my hand brought shivers through out my body and I knew it was not from the cold rain.

He helps with my jacket and puts it in the coat closet. I just stood there silently. He stares at me, his eyes seem to slightly darken at the sight of me and I turn away blushing.

He turns away and says, "Well let me go get you a towel and I will turn up the heater. I do not want you to catch a cold or anything."

He walks to where the temperature controls were and turns the heater up. I had to ask him what was going on before I chicken out again. I was so close into turning to the door and running back to my truck. I had to breathe and then I say shivering not just because of the cold but also because I was nervous, "Carlisle I came here because you wanted to discuss something."

He turns around and looks at me, he nods slowly, "Yes. I did."

I look at the ground playing with my sleeves, "I have an idea what you want to talk about…."

I look up and he appears with a towel, he inches from me and wraps it around my shoulders.

He says calmly, "There are some dry clothes, Alice has left upstairs. Why don't you change?"

I shake my head, "No Carlisle. I just want to get this over with…"

He puts his hands in his pockets and say's, "Okay Bella. At least step out of the foyer and come in the living room."

I nod and I feel his hand on my back leading me to the living room.

He says pointing to the couch, "Please sit."

I turn to him and say, "I don't feel like sitting right now."

I felt if I sat down and got comfortable I will not go through getting this all out in the open. I needed to stay alert.

He nods, "Okay."

He was standing a few feet away from me.

He says, "So I assume you know what I want to talk to you about."

I nod and bite my lip, "Yeah. I am assuming it is about the kiss."

Carlisle nods slowly, "I apologize."

Those were the last words I wanted to hear, that he apologized for the kiss we share. Was he apologizing because he did regret it? Which why wouldn't he regret it…he betrayed his wife. I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

I stutter, "Y…you are sorry? Why?"

He says, "Bella. I should have not let things go so far. I feel as I may have took advantage of you in some way"

I shake my head, "But I kissed you…"

A smile crept on Carlisle's face for a second and nods, "I am completely aware of that but I did not do anything to stop it…"

I blush and say honestly looking at the floor, "I didn't want you to stop and I don't completely regret the kiss."

He asks, "Not completely?"

I grab his left hand, showing what I mean.

"You are a married man, Carlisle; to a woman that I also adore."

Carlisle mouth turns into a line and he gently moves his hand from my grasp and looks at his ring.

He was still calm too calm, it just made me more frustrated.

He says, "Esme and I are not exactly together right now. We are, as people say these days, taking a break. I wear the ring out of habit and the fact if the female staff at the hospital thought I was single, God knows what will happen."

I imagine all the female nurses attacking Carlisle like one of those Axe commercials.

He lets out a small laugh.

I look up at him, "You said you are taking a break. So you are still married…"

Carlisle nods, "Yes technically but we are not together right now. I guess the right term is separated."

I look at him concern, "Are you okay?"

Carlisle puts his hands back in his pockets, "These types of things happen, Bella. It is life. We are both alright."

I ask, "When did you two decide to take a break?"

He looks away, "We had been drifting apart for about year or so, now."

I got involved with this family a year ago. Did I really put that much strain on this family? The guilt was beginning to be almost overbearing.

I ask, "Why?"

He looks at me, "We have been together for a while. It is not uncommon for couples to drift apart"

I pull a strand of my wet hear behind my ear and pull the towel tighter around my shoulders.

I say, "Tell me the real reason why you two drifted apart. Don't sugarcoat it for my sake…"

Carlisle face did not give anything away he kept his calm composure, "Bella we have been married almost 90 years…."

I was not buying it because I remember Edward telling me how much they were in love and then all the sudden they fall out of love. It makes no sense.

I say frustrated almost in tears, "Was it because of me?"

Carlisle responds, "That is absurd Bella…"

My voice starts to break, "I know it has not just in my head. Something sparked between us over the past year…" I knew it had while we had been left alone together many times while he would fix one of my many injuries.

Carlisle shakes his head, "I will not blame you for Esme and me splitting…."

I ask, "But am I right?"

He does not respond but the look he gave me answered it.

He frown an expression I have not seen on Carlisle, it broke my heart. I regretted what I just said but I could tell I was right.

His face showed a hint of pain, "I could not help the way I felt for you. The first day you arrive at the hospital after the van almost hit you. Something about you intrigued me…and it was not just your blood."

I stand their listening to him.

"I had to keep it in the back of my mind, so Edward would never find out. The last thing I wanted to do was make him unhappy again. You made him so happy…"

He says with complete sorrow, "I am so sorry Bella. I should have never let it go as far as I did."

My voice broke, "S..so I am the reason your family is breaking apart…"

He steps closer to me and his face is full of emotion," Stop blaming yourself, Bella. If it is anyone's fault, it is mine. Anyway I do not believe Esme and I were supposed to be together forever. If we were…then I would not be having second thoughts…"

"Does Esme know how you feel about me?"

Carlisle shakes his head, "No. As far she knows, our split was only due to drifting apart. "

I admit, "I have been feeling the same about you but I pushed the feelings back because I did love Edward and you had Esme…it just seemed ridiculous to have those thoughts…."

Carlisle says, "We can go back and be friends or just doctor and patient. We can forget this happen, if that is what you desired."

I didn't want to forget and I knew by the way my heart stung thinking about trying to forget the kiss, because I know what I felt. I also knew he did not want forget either, he was only giving me this choice because he was so selfless.

I shake my head, "I don't want to go back. I like the way I feel around you….even if it is so wrong and selfish."

Carlisle says, "You know us being together may not end well. I mean it will not look right if people in town found out and I don't want you to be shun."

I say, "We will keep it a secret…"

He nods slowly, "My family probably will not accept us together either."

I take both his hands, the towel slides off my shoulders, "I honestly don't want to hurt your family but maybe we can keep us a secret until we figure this out"

He nods, "I like that idea."

I smile crept on my face, "You do?"

Nods as his hand softly pulls a strand of damp hair behind my ear, and then his hand barely grazes the nape of my neck. I swallow and my heart beat rises.

I walk closer to him. Now there was hardly a gap between the two of us and he deeply looked into my eyes and I see them slightly darken. I could not help but lick my lips. I wrap my hands around his neck and his hands wrap around my waist. We both lean in to each other and kiss. It was a very soft kiss but it quickly became more intense.

He gently pushed me against the wall and his tongue licked my lips and I happily opened them. My hands were in his hair. His hands were all over my waist and back. I had to eventually release from his lips because I had to breathe. His lips though roam my neck and I tried to breath.

I then roam my hands down his cold chest. I could feel the define muscles through his shirt. I bite my lip and start to unfasten the buttons on his shirt. I half expected Carlisle to stop me and tell me that we are going too far but instead he watched me and the stared at me with passion…as I fumble through the buttons.

I then pull the shirt over his shoulders and he helps pull off the rest. My hand grazes his chest and down his abs. He was so perfect.

I start kissing him and I feel his hands at the hem of my shirt. I break the kiss so he could pull it over my head. I wished I had sexier underwear instead of my Wal-Mart brand cotton bras. It did not seem to make any difference to Carlisle because he looked at me as if I was the most beautiful creature on earth. I could feel my whole body blush.

He says, "How about we go some where's more comfortable."

I nod and he picks me up bridal style and before I could blink we were in a bedroom that I had never seen. I assumed it was their guest room. More for show, in case a human came by and they had to give them a tour of the house.

He gently lays me on the bed. He then kisses deeply, his kisses the trail down my jaw line, neck, then to the expose part of breast. I moan and I could hear a growl come out of Carlisle. My hands were under him, exploring his chest down to the waist of his slacks. I grab onto his belt, attempting to unbuckle it, but then Carlisle stops, he looks down at me in the eyes..

This was it; just like Edward…I had crossed the line. Carlisle probably finally got into his right mind and going to stop. I did not want him to stop, I wanted more.

Carlisle says, "Bella if we go any farther, I am not sure I will be able to stop."

I say, "I don't want you to stop."

Carlisle bends down and softly kisses my lips and says, "But I don't want to take your virginity and you regret it later."

I raise an eyebrow, "What makes you think I am a virgin?"

He smirks at me.

I sigh, "Okay so I am a virgin…but I know I won't regret this"

Then I lean up and he does the same to where we both sitting up looking at each other. His eyes were dark with lust. I unfasten my bra and slowly pull it off. Carlisle stared at me with so much passion. That was what undid him before I could get self conscious about being exposed he replied, "You are so beautiful" and lays me back on the bed and deeply kisses me. His kisses trailing down my neck while his fingers explore my breast, I could feel my body start to come undone as I moan. His mouth then found its way to my breast. He could do wonders with his mouth. He was very skilled.

I reach back down to his pants buckle and he pulls me up with him so we are both on our knees. He consumed my half naked body with his eyes while I clumsily try to get his belt undone. I pull it off and then unbutton his pants which made my hand lightly graze a very noticeable bulge in his pants. His breath hitched and I bite my lip. I pull them down leaving him only his boxers. He does the same with my pants and we now both in just our underwear.

He leans in and kisses with a lot of passion. Our tongues dancing together, his hands make it down to the waist band of my panties, and he pulls them down my knees. I kick them off, them off. I then feel him touch me there and I felt my body go in shock…in a very good way. I had to catch my breath. He continues while his kissed with so much passion.

"Oh Carlisle…I want you…" I moaned. As I grab the waist band of his boxers and attempt to pull them down, he kicks them off the rest of the way. I prop my forehead against his as I look at our bodies. He was so big.

He growls as he lays me back down on the bed. Hearing Carlisle growl was very unlike him, which turned me on.

He positions himself above me and says, "You are sure you want this?"

All I could do was nod.

He swallows and says, "This may hurt for a few minutes and I will be gentle. But if anytime during this…I hurt you. Promise me you will let me know."

I nod then he positions himself inside and I moan. I wrap my arms around his back. He pushes in gently and I feel a sharp pain. I wince in pain and Carlisle softly kisses me and waits while the pain subsided. I finally say, "I am ready."

He first moves at a slow rhythm. We are both moaning with pleasure. His thrust then became a little faster. He moaned, "Oh Bella."

My breast was against his cold chest and legs wrap around his waist. His hands were on the headboard. I was able to move my hips with him and it made it even more intense. I could feel my body about to explode.

I finally came completely undone as my body shuttered with pleasure, "CARLISLE." I practically scream.

I felt him come undone in my body and he screamed my name. I never heard him even raised his voice before now, that just made the whole experience even better.

He bends down and gives me a soft kiss after our bodies finally calm down. He replies, "That was…" he seem speechless. I made Carlisle speechless…that was a first. I smile up at him and try to finish his sentence, "wonderful, magnificent, amazing….?"

He gives me one of his dazzling smiles as he gently pulls out of me and lies beside me, "I am not sure there is a word in the English dictionary to describe what has just happen."

He wraps his cold arms around me and I snuggle into his cold chest, which was very inviting because I was sweating from the passion I had just endure a few minutes ago.

I very tired right now and whisper, "I love you Carlisle." I then fell asleep.

CPOV

I watched her as she slept. She breathed softly and looked so peaceful. I should be lying here, over flowing with guilt and shame. I had just taken a 17 year old girl's virginity and not just any 17 year old, my son's first love. I knew Edward had not stopped loving her but I couldn't resist her.

I though could not make myself be guilty or shameful for what he had just done. It seemed natural and right as our bodies synchronized together. She felt so warm inside and out. I had so much love for this girl and her last words before falling asleep was I love you Carlisle.

I wonder if she really meant those words or said it because she was still high from our passion. I guess I have to wait a few hours until she wakes up and see if she regrets this night. I really hoped that she wouldn't. I knew that we being together could until lead to turmoil. I was willing to risk though. Even if something deeply inside me frighten me that it could also possibility lead to the destruction of my family. A century of building this family and I could possibly destroy it.

This all started today, when I her truck driving into my drive way and I impatiently waited for her at the door until I heard her footsteps come up the steps. Before she could even knock I open the door. She was freezing so I pull her inside.

I helped her with her jacket and put in the closet. Then I when I turned to look at her standing there in that wet green sweater that was sticking to her body which showed ever curve. It slightly arouse me, so I had turn my attention to something else as I turned the temperature pretty high to make sure she can get warm enough.

Then we broke out in a deep discussion and it broke my heart, that she blamed herself for Esme and my splitting. Yes my feelings for Bella were getting hard to hide as the year past which put strained on my marriage but there were other problems that were beneath the surface. I believed Esme and I were drifting apart before Bella had came along but we pushed it aside, because if anything we had always been good company for one another. Though when Bella came into our lives and I realize how much she fascinated me, it was hard to not feel guilt towards Esme. Which I try distracting myself in my work to bury the feelings that I was having towards Bella and the negative ones I was having towards Esme. I never wanted to hurt Esme and I do still love her but not as strongly as I use to.

Flashback

I was in my office at the house, reading over some of the research that I do on the side about the similarities between humans and vampires. I hear Esme softly knock on my door.

I say, "Come in love."

She walks in and says, "You have been in here for a while."

I nod. Bella had been downstairs with Edward. I was afraid that one day my mind would wander while I was around her and I let something slip in my mind which then Edward would find out my dark secret.

I reply, "Just trying to go over some of my research. I rarely have time since I have been putting more hours in the hospital."

She nods, "Yes. You have been working a lot…" which seem more like an accusation than just a statement.

I stack all my papers from the research and neatly put them back in the folder, I look up at her, "I am sorr,y dear. Just the hospital has been short staff lately and…"

She shakes her head and interrupts, "I know you can fool the rest of the family with that accuse but I am not buying it…"

She looked at me sadly, "Carlisle what has happen between us."

I was stand up and put my hands in my pockets as I walk towards her. "I honestly don't know."

That was a lie. I very well knew why I was drifting from my selfless, loving wife it was partly because I desired the girl a few feet away who my son's lover. I was a horrible man for feeling this way.

I take both her hands and softly kiss them, "My love. We will work this out, okay."

She nods, "Okay. Maybe this is normal…we have almost been together for century." She says hopefully.

I smile, "This is true."

We lean in and kiss but as we did, I thought of Bella.

As much as we try to reconcile our marriage, nothing seemed to work. Then the fateful day when Edward felt as if he was too much of a danger for Bella, decides to leave her. That is when I decided to stay here so I could make sure Bella will be okay. Esme thought it was good idea but she decided to go to Alaska with the rest of the family, she felt that some time away from each other would only makes us closer.

Sadly though I believe Esme was wrong. It had only allow me to grow closer to the girl I secretly desire, who was now lying in my arms, peacefully sleeping.

I felt that maybe I should just end what Bella and I have, to spare her of what may happen if the family found us out. I did not want her to be blamed for whatever may happen to our family.

I though promised myself that I would let her make her own choices. She is capable of making well thought out choices. She may be only 17 years old but she is well beyond her years. I never agreed with Edward, how he seemed to control her life. It is her life and she can make her own choices.

She shifts in her sleep and I pull her closer to me, planting a small kiss on her forehead. I could stay here forever watching her sleep.

I loved Bella Swan.

A.N: Wow so that took a lot out of me to write this chapter haha. Well I hoped you enjoy it and again love the reviews!!