CPOV

I knew that Jasper and Alice, retreating to the cottage so quick after coming home was not a good sign. I could see by Jasper's expression that he knew something was not right. I use to be very good at keeping calm in stressed situations. I always did it for Jasper so he wouldn't endure anymore discomfort than he already has…but with Bella it was hard to contain myself.

I was sitting outside on the back porch and overlooked the woods. It was a starry, peaceful night. I was going through my thoughts about Bella and I, how could I convinced anybody that I don't just have a fascination for Bella, that I do love her. I love the way she blushed, the way she laughed, the way she smelled, her touch. I also love have conversations with her, she was very mature and smart for her age.

I see Jasper from afar walking out of the woods. He had told me earlier today that he feeds daily now, that it helps to keep his control intact. He spotted me and in a flash he was at my side, sitting in the chair beside me. I am not sure why we chose to sit when we did not need to…maybe it was habit with living among the humans.

I ask, "Where is Alice?"

Jasper responds, "She went to Bella's a couple of hours ago…"

I nod.

Jasper says, "I know that you probably have caught on that I know about your secret. I am still in shock that you and Bella have been having an affair."

I just nod.

He looks at me in disbelief, now that I had admitted to it, "It is unlike you or Bella to do something like this…"

I sigh, "Sorry I have been keeping us a secret, but it is not something I expect anyone to understand. I don't even understand what is happening." I say honestly.

Jasper says still looking blankly in the woods, "I just do not see how with all those years of control that you would get off track and have an affair with a girl who is the mate of someone you think of as a son."

I point out, "Bella is not Edward's mate anymore…"

Jasper shakes his head, "You knew as much as I do that he would probably come back for her, once he gets in his right mind."

I did not answer but I knew he was right.

Jasper sighs, "Anyway she is only a child and your physical age is 23, it still not right, she has a lot of growing up to do…."

I say, "She is a 17 year old woman. She is well beyond her years and you know that…"

Jasper sighs, "Yes but it is different now than it was when we were human. To society she is still a child unlike our times when she would be looked at as a grown woman"

I understood what he was talking about and even though Jasper and I are a good 200 years apart, a lot has changed dramatically in the last century. Traditions in both our times are so different to present time…by the time you were seventeen you were looking for prospects if you were not already married. These days you are expected to finish school, go to college and then mid twenties maybe marry…but it is not a requirement.

I look at him, "You know what Bella and I have is more than lust. I know you felt it…"

Jasper shrugs, "Maybe. I am just afraid that maybe Bella is just wanting someone in place of Edward that these feelings she is having are not real."

His words made my heart tighten and I wonder if maybe he was right. Maybe her love was not real for me that I may only be a crutch for her because Edward leaving her has left her emotionally broken. Though I did know for sure that I did love her and if she needs me when she falls then I would be there to catch her. Only, time would tell if we will have a future together, I do not even think Alice knows what direction our lives may take.

Jasper looks at my apologetic and I knew he could feel the sadness his words had brought to me, "I am sorry that I have sadden you. It was not my intention. "

I sadly smile at him, "No I am grateful that you are honest with me. Though if you are right it does not change the way I feel about her…"

Jasper slowly nods.

I then hear Alice's voice behind me, "What about Esme?"

I turn to see Alice walking out of the house onto the porch; her eyes could almost burn a whole into my skull with the way she stared at me.

I say, "I thought we had discussed this, Esme and I have separated…"

Alice may be small but when she is angry, her glare could bring a grown man to his knees.

She had her hands on her small hips and says, "Carlisle, she has so much hope that you will come back to her…she has remodel one of the bedrooms for you two in Alaska. This is just…cruel what you are doing."

The guilt fired up inside me and I hated how much I may end up hurting Esme.

I shake my head defeated, "I feel horrible about the pain I may bring to Esme and Edward. Honestly the first time in centuries I am not so sure what I am doing…"

Alice throws her hands up frustrated, "You don't know what you are DOING??? You are Carlisle Cullen…you always know what to do in times no matter how awful or stressful the situation is… you have always handled it with poised and calmness…what has happened to you??"

I shrug still looking out into the distance not able to answer. Jasper intervenes, "You of all people, Alice know Carlisle is not as perfect as we may like. He makes mistakes…."

Alice sighs, "I know. It's just I am afraid for this family now…we are breaking up…and this is the only family I remember."

I stand up and put my hands on her shoulders so I can look her in the eyes. I have been selfish. I am supposed to be the leader of this coven…a father figure. Instead I have been having an affair with a human girl who is very dear to this family and my first son's love.

"I will always love Esme and I would risk my life for her but I am afraid that I am not in love with her anymore. But we will always be family not matter what happens." I say putting back on my calm persona.

Jasper squeezes Alice's hand assuring her that everything will be okay. Alice actually looked like the helpless young girl she once was before she was changed into a vampire. I never realize how much this family meant to her until now. We are the only family she ever had.

Alice shakes her head, "No we won't be a family. Esme will leave and no telling who will go with her…I cannot even predict what may happen…."

The guilt was boiling inside me, I did not want break the family up but I can' control how I feel. I give Alice a light hug before walking to the edge of the porch leaning against the post.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, Alice says "Carlisle. I know that you do not have a cold heart, well metaphorically speaking. I know you would never hurt Esme or Edward on purpose…nor would Bella. I am going to be on your side regardless what happens…Where you go...Jasper and I will follow. You have done nothing but loved us since we found you…I am just overwhelmed with what happening and I am having a hard time accepting it."

I look back up at her and notice her features has soften I say and I place my hand on hers, "You both are right. I probably should have been stronger and not let Bella and I go this far, no matter how much I adore her…but I couldn't because I could not bear to see her so unhappy. I would have never done anything that she did not want."

Alice nods, "I know. I have seen the vision; Bella was more than eager…" She rolls her eyes. She then continues "but honestly I am not sure what state Bella would have been in if she did not have you…"

She takes an exaggerated breath, "I am very confused about this whole situation…very mixed emotions"

Jasper chuckles, "Well that is just great for me." He says with a hint of sarcasm.

She grins and sits lovingly in his lap.

Alice lays her head on Jasper's shoulder and looks at me, "I will tell you what I told Bella; follow your heart."

I sigh and nod. That was very good advice. We then sat silently a while gazing at the stars.

BPOV.

I could not sleep, kept tossing and turning. All I could think of was what Alice and I talked about earlier. I did trust her and knew she would not tell anyone. I just really had no idea what I would do if Edward came back, was I too blinded by Carlisle to really know if I still had feelings for Edward. Will my feelings for Edward rekindle if he came back? I had no clue.

I did know that I loved Carlisle. He is kind, considerate, trust me to make my own choices, and so easy to talk to about anything. He does not judge me or put me down when he thinks I am being ridiculous. He almost makes me feel like an equal.

I hear my phone vibrate on the nightstand and lift it up to see who was calling, it was Carlisle.

"Hello?"

I hear his velvet voice, "Hey love. You mind if I come in? I am outside."

I say, "No. Please come in. The window is unlocked."

I was surprised he was here; he rarely came to my house. He had told me once he did not feel like it was very respectful to Charlie to sneak around in his house.

I see the window push open and Carlisle crawls in and I sit up in the bed and smile.

Carlisle looks around my room and I realize it was the first time he has ever been in here. I blushed because of the mess in my room. I had three days worth of dirty laundry on my floor. Carlisle though smiles at me and sits in the rocking chair next to my bed.

He says, "I noticed you were not asleep when I came around…I was worried."

I shrug and smile, "Just have a lot on my mind."

He nods, "I assume you and Alice have talked…"

I pull my knees to my chest and rest my head on them, gazing at Carlisle, "Yes and she knows about us…."

Carlisle nods, "Yes. I was shocked that it took her so long to find out…"

I nod and Carlisle moves from the rocking chair and sits on the bed beside me and embraces me, I lay my head on his shoulder "What is bothering you my love?"

I hesitate but I knew I could be honest with Carlisle, "Alice said there is a huge chance that Edward may possibly come back…."

Carlisle seem to tense up a little he says in a whisper, "Yes I know."

He then pulls back so he can see my face, "If he does come back and you are still in love with him…then I won't stop you…as much as it will hurt me to not…I will let you go for your sake…"

I could hear the emotion in his voice which was rare for Carlisle to show. It was proof that this was hard for him to say, tears betray me running down my face and I put my hands on his face, "I honestly have no idea what my feelings for Edward are now but I do know how I feel about you…I love you."

He leans in and gently kisses me before saying, "I love you Bella Swan. All I want is you to be happy."

I say, "I am happy." It was the honest truth.

He nods, "Well if he comes back we will dwell on it then but for now let's just focus on us."

I nod giving him a deep kiss and he gently lays me back down and breaks the kiss. "You need your sleep." he pulls the covers one me.

I ask, "Will you stay with me, tonight."

He gives one of his dashing smiles, "Of course my love." He lies beside me and I snuggle into his strong cold brace. I fall asleep instantly.

The next morning I awake and Carlisle was not in my bed instead a note was left in his place. I pick up the note and read.

Dear Bella,

I had to go in early to the hospital, Dr. Martin seemed to have caught the flu and I have to fill in for him. I was sad to leave, I love watching you sleep because you are so peaceful and beautiful. Tonight I am going to go hunting with Jasper; we need to spend some time together. I promise though I will make it up to you, tomorrow.

I will miss every second that I am not with you.

With all my love,

Carlisle.

I was disappointed that I would not be able to see him today but was happy that he was getting to spend time with Jasper. I know that Carlisle may never show it but he does miss his family dearly. This makes the guilt stronger knowing that my and Carlisle relationship could break the family apart. Will Carlisle be able to remain happy with me when the family he has had for almost a century starts to fall apart?

I knew there was a voice in my head that told me to not be selfish and end this relationship so I don't hurt others but I do not think my heart could take it. I loved this family with all my heart and I did not want to hurt them but my love for Carlisle was something I could not even explain.

I got ready for school and head downstairs. Dad was on duty this morning, so I grab a granola bar before heading out. When I pull into the parking lot, my old friends were leaning against Tyler's van. The same van that almost killed me but instead became the reason I was introduce to this secret world.

I slide out of the truck and grabbing my bag off the passenger seat pulling it onto my shoulders. I start walk inside and hear footsteps running behind me, "Hey Bella!"

I turn and saw Mike grinning face staring back at me, "Yeah?" I respond.

He says putting his hands in his sweatshirt pockets, "So I am glad you seem to be better now."

I guess he meant better from my depressed emo days, I nod, "Uh..yeah. Thanks."

He says looking down at his shoes that were digging into the gravel, "So I heard you were dating that Jacob Black guy now…"

I shake my head, "No. Where did you hear that?"

Mike looks up and face seems to brighten up and he shrugs, "That is just what some of those guys up there call you at La Push…Jacob's girl. I guess they were just giving him a hard time or something."

I roll my eyes, "Yeah they are jokesters…" I turn to walk into the school.

"Um…I was just wondering if maybe you want to go out sometime."

I stop and turn back, "I thought you were dating Jessica." I look over at her, who was leaning on Tyler's van glaring back at us.

Mike shakes his head, "No we are just friends…"

I had to think of a gentle way to let Mike down. I could not tell him I was dating Carlisle since I am only 17 and so it is kind of illegal.

I say, "Mike I am just not ready to date right now. I really think I am going to wait till college before I start dating again." Yeah it was lie…but a pretty good lie…I hope Alice saw that, she would be proud.

Mike frowns and says, "Oh...yeah. I totally understand…" He then waves before turning back to walk towards his friends.

I take a breath and turn back into the school, maybe that lie will keep him from asking me out again. It was kind of annoying and I am tired of the glares I get from Jessica because of him.

As I was walking into the school I notice a black Mercedes that looked a lot like Carlisle's in the parking lot. Though it could be anybody's Mercedes though most people in Fork's income is not big enough for luxury cars.

I get to my locker and get my books out of my bag before putting them in my locker and grabbing my Algebra book and binder before closing my locker. I make it to my 1st period class and Angela says as I sit down, "Did you hear?"

I ask as I open my binder to get my homework out, "Hear what?"

"Dr. Cullen is here to talk about safe sex and the risk of not having safe sex. He is going to talk to us during our PE time."

I try not smile real big, because I was happy I would be able to see him today. I have no idea how to explain it to Angela. It was just ironic he was coming to my school to inform us about the dangers of sex. Which explains why his car is here, the freshman's PE is 2nd period, he must had to be here early so the Principal could make sure the information Carlisle was going to tell us was not inappropriate for high school students.

I wonder why he did not tell me that he was going to be at our school today. It almost made me nervous that he was here; Carlisle and I have never been out together…outside his house and well mine last night.

Angela laughs, "I guess they chose him to tell us, since he does look like a Greek God and they know that he will have all the girls' attention and some of the boys."

I laugh with her but could not help thinking… you have no idea how much he looks like a Greek God…you haven't seen him naked.

I say, "Yeah. It is weird I thought they usually had the school nurse lecture us on safe sex and whatever else."

Angela nods, "Yeah but she has been I guess born again. She goes to our church now and refuses to teach about anything but absence. "

She says, "Plus some new program that have doctors to give lectures to public schools. They believe that students may be more willing to listen to a doctor…since doctors tend to have some level of respect. At least that is what I heard from my dad."

Jessica and Lauren walked in class and gave Angela a look that seem to say, 'why you talking to Bella?' Angela was the only one was really forgave me for my zombie days when Edward left me. I was not a pleasant person during that time. Plus for some odd reason Jessica has it in her head that I want to date Mike, which is not even close to true.

Angela rolls her eyes at the two. Class then started. I waited impatiently for PE, for the first time ever, because then I get to see my beautiful boyfriend. Boyfriend never seems like the proper word to describe Carlisle and my relationship….seem too normal. We for sure were not a normal couple.

PE finally got here and I walk in the gym all the girls were giggling as they walk inside, whispering about Carlisle. I could not help laughing to myself because Carlisle is able to hear every word they say no matter how low they say it…

I glance at Carlisle and he gives me a little smile before turning back to his computer, getting his power point ready. There was a big screen in the gym, now that I assume was for the power point.

I walk up the bleachers and sit by Angela who sitting above Ben. I notice Mike, Tyler, and the other guys were sitting on the very top of the bleachers laughing.. Lauren and Jessica soon after found a seat next to the other side of Angela.

Jessica says biting her lip, "I could forget about Mike quick if I could do Dr. Hotness over there."

Lauren giggles and replies, "Well my mom is getting me an appointment with OBygn…you think he could be my doctor?"

Angela laughs, "No…because he isn't a gynecologist."

Lauren frowns, "Oh."

I found it humorous of how they wish to do things with Carlisle that I had already done several times. I accidently laugh out loud. Jessica and Lauren glare at me and Angela gives me a curious look.

I look at them and say, "Oh sorry. I just thought of something funny…..it's nothing."

Lauren says, "Just because you had one Cullen and he left you don't mean you have to rain on our parade."

I turn and glare at her, "You have no idea what happen between Edward and I…anyway not like you have a chance with Carl--Dr. Cullen." I was afraid many people would think it was not appropriate that I was on first name basis with him.

Lauren gives a menacing laugh, "Still in denial…" Jessica and her then both laugh

Angela snaps at Lauren, "Why do you have to always try to start something. You don't know what happen between them two and Dr. Cullen is very respectable man and married…so you shouldn't be thinking that way about him anyway."

Lauren huffs and crosses her arms and Jessica says, "Come on Lauren let's find somewhere else to sit." They both get up and head up the bleachers where the guys were sitting.

I felt a bit guilty since I was sleeping with that respectable married man also felt bad that she made Lauren and Jessica mad for my sake. Angela looks at me and takes a breath, "Wow that felt good. I always wanted to tell her off. She is so full of herself."

Ben laughs and pats her on her leg, "Oh you were great."

I laugh and say, "You were great! I hope they aren't too mad at you."

Angela shakes her head, "They will get over it."

Carlisle spoke and the whole gym went quiet. No one could ignore his beautiful voice. He told us about safe sex and it was as if he was quoting Shakespeare, which was part of Carlisle ability to be able to make everyone comfortable and calm.

He finally ended his speech, "If any of you want any more information, I have some pamphlets and inside the pamphlet there is a free coupon for a box of condoms. "

"Coach Taylor will give them out at the door. Thank you for letting me come and speak with you." He smiles and everyone starts getting up to leave.

Angela says, "So are you coming?" She asks noticing I wasn't getting up.

I shake my head and try to think of a quick lie, "No. I wanted to talk to Dr. Cullen about Edward."

Angela gives me an understanding smile and says, "Okay."

Then she heads down the bleachers with Ben.

I waited till the gym cleared before walking up to Carlisle. He was putting his laptop in his bag and smiles at me as I approach him.

I ask, "So how come you did not inform me you were coming to my school?"

He smiles, "Because I had no idea until I came to work and realize Dr. Martin had been schedule to give this lovely speech."

He then gives me a serious look, "I heard what Ms. Mallory said to you."

I shrug, "So. She has never liked me. It doesn't bother me…"

He sighs, "You know if by some small chance that we get caught. People will be talking ten times worse about you. I just would not like to see your reputation destroy like that…"

I wrap my arms around him, "I am aware of the consequences, Carlisle. I do not care. I know what I want and that is you."

He embraces me and kisses me softly, then props his head on my forehead, "I am sure this very unethical of me, kissing one of the students. I am a guest at your school…" I then see a grin form on his lips.

I lean up and kiss him which becomes deeper, his hands roaming my body but then like a flash he was 5 ft away from me and someone enters the gym. I try to compose myself.

It was Mr. Banner; Carlisle was calm and composed, "Well hi Mr. Banner. I was just talking to Bella and she seems very interested in the medical field."

Mr. Banner smiles, "Well she is the top of our class."

I then excuse myself since Mr. Banner seemed to have something to discuss with Carlisle and my heart was beating hard and was not sure how much longer I could compose myself. We were almost caught…again.

I