Not so long ago, in a town very close by called Axel, there were 4 idiots. The first idiot was named KuUma, and he got very angry because his money was negative. The second idiot was named Aqua, and she was very good at art. The third idiot is Megumin who explodes, and the fourth is Darkness.
One day, a green dragon attacked Axel.
"Holy shit, a dragon," said Kazuma. "Megumin, blow it up."
But Megumin wasn't there. She was taking a nap.
"Darkness, do something."
Darkness grappled the dragon, wrestling it to the ground. Kazuma then tried stabbing it, but his sword was too weak.
"I need to hit iT with a stronger aytack," he said. He pushed the emergency button on Aqua to summoned. MITSURUGI who is just a guy but with a really good asword.
""Bro, stab this dragon."
"No."
"What do you mean, no?"
"My sword is allergic to dragons."
"Well fuck"
Kazuma needed a new plan, and fast. The dragon was starti g to shake off Duckness, the anatine woman knight.
"If only there was someone in Axel who knew how to handle dragons."
There was, in fact, someone in Axel who knew how to handle dragons, but he was currently in jail for urinating on the post office's front door.
"Time for a plan C. Aqua, use your God Blow."
"Ok. HAAHHHHH!!!!"
Aqua smote the dragon with a fist full of her divine might. It left a nasty bruise on the dragon's cheek.
The dragon cried out.
"No more, I'm sorry, please stop punching me!"
Kazuma walked up to the dragon.
"Why did you come here, dragon?"
The dragon lowered its head
"I heard there was a sacred white dragon here and I wanted to become it's apprentice."
Kazuma didn't know about any white dragon, so he just shook his head.
"I don't know about any white dragon."
He said, because he didn't know about any white dragon.
"How about this: if you leave the town now, I promise to keep this annoying goddess away from you.:
Aqua protested at this description.
"Hey, I literally did all the work this time, so shut up you dumb NEET."
Kazuma could not rebuke her, for he indeed had done nothing but stand there with his arms crossed.
Meanwhile, Duckness was quacking while still grappling the dragon. It was rather unsettling to see a grown woman acting like a duck, but no one bothered to say anything.
Kazuma sighed, then told the duck to release the dragon. The duck, now freed of responsibility, began to search for a grape stand.
Kazuma spoke to the dragon.
"What's your name, dragon?"
"My name is Bartholomew Higgonbottomsmith."
"Ok I'll call you Bart. So, Bart, how about it, will you leave?"
The dragon nodded his head vehemently.
"Oh hell yes, this place is a dump, imma fuck outta here!"
The dragon managed to shake off the duck and promptly flew away.
"Quack!"
The semiaquatic bird made noise in protest.
With the dragon gone, Kazuma went home to bum around since he earned it, in his opinion.
He took out the kotatsu, even though it was still summer. He used all his mana to cast Freeze to make it cold enough to justify using the Kotatsu.
Mefumkn, who had just woken up from her nap, saw Kazuma lazing around under the kotatsu and noted the cold temperature in the room.
"What the fuck," She said.
Kazuma replied, "You feel asleep until winter."
Megu.kn was shocked. She had just slept through half a year, which was undoubtedly a supernatural feat.
"Could this be... I developed temporal stasis magkc!?!?!?"
Kazuma had no idea what this girl was talking. About, so he just nodded along.
"Yeah, sure, whatevsr."
Megumin, now empowered with the ability to skip forward to the future, proceeded to travel 2000 years into the future, where aliens were invading Axel.
She quickly identified the mothership, and unleashed her magic.
"EXPLOOOOOSIONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!"
The magic aytack destroyed the mothership's port engine, causing it to descend rapidly due to the loss of lift.
"BDKWOSDMX ZJAIWBSJSKX X SJSJ;@#?$*@(#@*@@"
Exclaimed the aliens. No one understood what they said, and frankly no one cared. After all, these were the asshole aliens who tried to invade them.
Megumin watched as the shop crashed into the hills outside town. Truly, she was the savior of humanity...
"... up! Wake up!"
"Eh?"
Megumin was woken from her nap by Aqua. It seems like the alien invasion was all a dream
"What's up, Aqua?" she said.
"Megumjn, a green dragon attacked, but you completely missed it!"
"What!?"
This news was devastating to Megumin, as she realized she had missed out on the chance to earn the title of dragon slayer.
Moping about her loss, she went downstairs, where Kazuma was bumming around under a kotatsu despite it being summer.
"Kazume, which way did the dragon go?"
Kazuma ignored her and continued to relax, almost in a trace under the comfy warmth of the kotatsu.
Feeling irked, Megjmin went outside and decided to track down the dragon herself.
And by that, she meant she was going to recruit her friends to help her, so she went to the guild to find them.
"Yunyyn, find the dragon"
"Megumon, I'm not a tracker."
"But you have those large things on your chest, they must be good for something right?"
"Tracking dragons is not what they're for!"
Megumin pouted and tried to figure out what to do next. Meanwhile, a duck quacked somewhere.
Kazuma suddenly entered the guild.
Megumin was surprised.
"I thought you were enjoying the kotatsu, why did you come out here?"
Kazuma paused for dramatic effect. Then, eventually, he said–
to be continued