A/N: Holy crap this was hard to write. I'm pretty sure it's terrible. Maybe I should shelf this for a while….

So I finally figured out that Fanfiction keeps track of how many people visit your story. And I have a respectable amount…. but like 3 reviews. I'm actually really frustrated now.

I hate it when people do this, but I'm not posting the next chapter until I get ten reviews. It shouldn't be that hard, considering how many people visit my story. Even if you're only reviewing to rage-hate me, please review! I really appreciate the constructive criticism and feedback.

[Re-done!] So while I wait impatiently for my ten review quota to be completed, I decided to edit chapter 6. I think it's a lot better now, but tell me what you guys think! Seriously. review. Don't alert/favorite without reviewing. Seriously.

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own even the slightest speck of the Hunger Games Universe.

Chapter 6

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The moment I step onto the train heading home, I drop that bright cheesy grin that's been plastered onto my face for the past two days. I stomp into my former room on the train, and firmly shut the door behind me.

Outside, Letta sniffs disapprovingly, "Well that was rude."

I roll my eyes, but then hear Cato snap back, "Leave her alone. We're all tired." I hear his door shut too, and feel a rush of gratitude. Cato is the only one who even remotely gets me.

No. No Clove don't think that way. I have to remind myself to keep myself away from Cato as much as possible.

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"Tell me what's going on Enobaria! Why are we in the fucking bathroom?" I order.

Enobaria bares her pointy teeth at me. "Easy there, kid. Don't talk that way to me."

I struggle to drop my volume. "Then tell me what's happening." I hate being the last one in the loop- even Cato knows more than I do.

"We're in the bathroom with the shower on because then they can't hear us. Now shut up and let me talk." she commands. I keep quiet because this is the first time anyone's been willing to tell me anything. Cato won't tell me anymore (that asshole), Brutus hates me, and let's be honest, Letta has no idea what's going on.

"You and Cato made quite a spectacle during the Games. And when you both jumped…" she whistles. "Well let's just say that you two are either beyond stupid or hella brave."

She glances at my clueless face, "-well I guess just stupid then. Anyways, the Capitol likes for everyone to play by their rules. When you two screwed with them, some other Districts got the same idea. It's nothing big, nothing they can't handle, but the blames falls on you and Cato."

"-how the hell is it our fault-," I start to interject.

"-what did I say about keeping your mouth shut? Now we can keep everyone happy by just playing the innocent lovers card. So that's what you'll do. Act like you're in love with Cato, that it wasn't your intention to break the Capitol's rules, and you might just keep yourselves alive."

I bite my lip. "-And if I don't?"

"… let's just say you'll have you wished you died in that arena."

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Ever since that night, I've been on edge, more stressed than I ever was in the arena. Not only am I responsible for uprisings and riots in the lower districts, but now I have to pretend I am in love with Cato for as long as the Capitol wants.

Is that really such a bad thing Clove?

I bite my lip. It would be easy, natural to fall into something with Cato. Fact is, the boy's gorgeous, and my oldest ally. I've admired him from afar for as long as I can remember. The Capitol is practically begging for us to get married already. He's the only one who understands me.

-But that's when I stop. Because Cato and I are too similar to ever work like that. We're good friends, great allies, but we would be terrible together in that way.

Growing up in District 2, kids are encouraged to put feelings aside- and me and Cato, we're the district's star students. Needless to say, neither of us is very good with emotions.

Cato, he went through girls like training dummies. He's good looking and charming, and he used that to his advantage. There will be plenty of girls eagerly awaiting his return.

In contrast, I can count on one hand how many people could be waiting for me at the station. My mother should be there, but who knows. My younger half-sister, Tara. Lyme, my former trainer.

I might have three people waiting for me, and Cato might have swarms, but inside, we're the same. We hold people at arm's length, we rely on ourselves. We could never have a healthy relationship.

I'm pretty sure we don't do "love" (or even "like", really). I've always kept to myself, and I like it that way. It's safer that way, because love only leads to heartache. Relying on someone else for happiness is weak and pathetic, and I'm not going to put myself out there.

Because they all leave in the end, even the ones who swear they won't. Loving someone gives them a power over you, and you can't ever get it back.

Knowing Cato, I wouldn't trust him with anything, except for maybe having my back in the arena. He's careless, always playing with people's feelings just for the hell of it.

He's thoughtless when it comes to winning. I'm pretty much his best friend, and he still volunteered for the Games, for the chance to kill me.

So for every reason for why I should be with Cato, there are ten more for why I shouldn't.

He probably doesn't even feel anything remotely romantic for me- not that it even matters in the slightest.

But those kisses, my traitorous mind whispers. The way we acted in the arena- there's a reason why the Capitol thinks we're in love.

-But we were about to die, I remind myself. We were just grasping for straws.

And there are plenty of other girls Cato has acted that way with. You're nothing special. I squeeze my eyes shut, remembering being ignored in favor of Glimmer. She was much more beautiful than me, leggy and curvy. It was only after she died that Cato even went back to talking to me. I shake my head to clear my head of these thoughts; they shouldn't even make a difference.

While I'm sorting this all out mentally, my head begins to ache. It might be phantom pains from my time in the Arena, but it's probably because my relationship with Cato is as confusing as hell.

And that's what really makes me so upset. Cato and I have always been completely honest with one another. Our friendship had been natural, relaxed, as easy as breathing. A source of comfort.

But now that the Games are over, Cato and I have barely talked at all unless prodded by the Capitol. The Capitolites want us to be together, so at all those Capitol parties, we have had to play love birds. Our relationship has turned fake, tinged with over-saturated colors for the Capitol. When we talk at all, it's to fake-swoon over each other for their benefit.

I'm terrible at it, awkward and stilted.

But Cato, Cato's brilliant at it. He's always been a charmer, and he treats it like some big game. But now we don't even really talk anymore.

I am angry with myself for letting the Capitol take yet another thing from me, so mad that I can't even stand looking at Cato when he's giving me that fake lovesick face.

-Because sometimes I find myself swept along with it, convinced by his stupid grin and winks. Sometimes I'm in danger of actually falling for him.

But I just have to remember it's all fake. It's all for the Capitol. We don't love. Cato's just flirting with me for the hell of it, eager to get another girl under his spell. Everything is fake and not real and confusing…

So I've decided once and for all that I won't let Cato and his tricks get to me. It's safer for me, for him, for everyone.

.

I wake up at daybreak, mouth dry, ears ringing with the screams of tributes long gone. I pad to the lounge in the train for a glass of water. But when I reach the icebox, I find Cato sprawled on the couch. Crap. I turn around and try to sneak out, but Cato just calls out, "I know you're there Clove."

Fuck. I haven't had a real conversation with Cato since the arena, and I would like to keep it that way. "I was just getting some water, but I'm going back to bed," I say quickly.

He laughs, a short, harsh syllable. "You're avoiding me Clove. It's fine. Go drink your water now."

Shrugging, I pour myself some of the fancy Capitol water into a tumbler. While I stand by the counter, Cato flips over on the couch and pins me down with his blue eyes. "… so why are you avoiding me again?" He's grinning, but his eyes flash with annoyance.

I choke a little on my water, but force myself to maintain eye contact with him for at least five seconds to prove I'm not scared. "I'm not avoiding you Cato. I've just been preoccupied." Lie.

"Don't lie Clove." he says heatedly. "If you're sick of me, at least have the balls to tell me."

I'm a little frustrated at this point. Why can't he get that I can't stand to look at him anymore? "I don't even have balls." I blurt out.

There's an awkward two seconds where he just stares at me wide-eyed, and I curse inwardly at my lack of social skills.

Suddenly, he's laughing, a big Cato laugh that I've gotten to hear less and less over the years. I join in because it feels good to laugh for once.

After a while, he quiets down, and I'm still left laughing into the palm of my hand. He just watches me with a half-smile on his face.

"It's rude to stare Cato," I drawl jokingly. Maybe we can still go back to the way it was before.

He shakes himself, "Sorry, I just forgot how nice your laugh sounds sometimes." He says it so suddenly that I'm caught unaware. He's just playing games again, making a fool out of me. -and this is why I was avoiding you.

I recover quickly. Nice try Cato. Rolling my eyes at him, "You can drop the act Cato. We might not be star-crossed lovers, but I still know you like the back of my hand."

"Whaddya mean 'drop the act'?" he replies back, giving me this puppy dog look. Idiot.

I'm sick of dancing around the truth.- time to set things straight. I slam my glass down on the table. I stalk over to him, finger already pointed accusingly. "I mean you can stop playing. We're almost home now. Safe. We don't have to pretend anymore."

Cato's eyes harden a little bit. His grin's all but gone now. I've probably bruised his ego. "I wasn't aware that being nice to me was such an ordeal."

I hesitate. "… it's not. But aren't you sick of having to pretend we're in love? I just want things to go back to the way they were."

"Things haven't changed a bit. I …love you no matter what the Capitol wants." He chokes a little on the word, so I know he's just faking.

Nevertheless, my eyes bug out a little bit. Cato and I have never mentioned love before, never mind loving each other. "Cut the crap Cato. How do you even know what love is? I sure don't."

"Love is letting you kill me so you could go home!"

I blink at him, momentarily speechless, and he takes advantage of the silence.

"But you couldn't. How do you explain that Clove? And all that stuff during the Games? The Capitol didn't tell you to do that did they?"

I close my eyes, remembering everything we've been through. I'm so confused with what's real and what's not. But I can't let my guard down. "I blame the brain damage." I reply coldly.

I turn away from him, satisfied with finally getting the last word. But suddenly I'm whipped around, and slammed against the wall.

His face is twisted with frustration. He growls out: "Why don't you believe me? I thought I made myself pretty damn obvious."

I'm actually pretty used to Cato's outbursts, so I know just how to sooth him. With a quiet purr, I comfort him. "It's just the Capitol messing around, Cato. They're playing with our heads, so we'll behave. Once we get back to Two, you'll see. Things'll go back to normal. I promise." I hope. I pat his cheek gently, and wiggle out of his hold.

He punches the wall next to my head. "Dammit Clove! You're a real pain in the ass sometimes."

I roll my eyes. If anyone's being a pain now, it's definitely Cato. Why can't he take no for an answer? I only want to keep us safe. I clench my jaw and sigh, "Just leave me alone Cato. It's for the best."

"No! Because we could be happy. We won Clove! We won together. We did the impossible, and I know we care about each other. So why can't you just be yourself for once?" he takes a breath and answers his own question. "Because you always have to put on a show, prove that you're different from everybody else. I always thought that it was for the Games, for the sponsors- but now I'm not so sure."

Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I feel a stab of betrayal. I always thought that Cato was the only one who understood what I was, who I am. But it's probably for the best this way.

While I'm thinking to myself, Cato's still ranting at me. " -have some fucked-up abandonment issues. You can't just close yourself up just because your dad died, Clove."

I draw in a sharp breath. -He did not just bring up my dad. No one brings up my dad. "Just shut up! Shut up, you don't know anything! I hate you!" I screech out.

Cato shakes his head, frustrated. "Why did I deserve the misfortune for falling for such a heartless bitch?" he mumbles to himself. I'm pretty sure he still wanted me to hear it though.

It's these mixed signals that make me snap to the offensive. Not the fact that he called me a bitch. I'm used to those off-handed remarks. From other people, never Cato-but it was bound to happen. Because I really am a heartless bitch most of the time. Well if it's bitch he wants, then it's bitch he'll get.

"Oh, I'm the cold bitch now. Real mature now. Way to win me over Cato. You're a real sweet talker." I jeer at him, each word laced with hurt. "Does that work on all the other girls? Thought you could practice on me before you put the moves on those bimbos back home?

-You can't play me. I saw the way you tossed those girls aside after you were done- hell you left Glimmer to die! So stop pretending you love me to get a rise. I'm not one of those idiot girls back home Cato. It won't work. It'll never work. So just stop."

I'm out of breath, panting. I bite my lip. I didn't mean to mention Glimmer- it just slipped out. Maybe it bothered me more than I thought it did after all.

His jaw's clenched now, and he's working to keep his temper under control. It's probably not easy to have the truth laid out like that. I smirk in victory. Only I can get under his skin this way.

"You're cute when you're in denial Princess." he spits out. If there's one thing Cato is, it's stubborn.

I punch him in the face. Hard. I'm sick of having to explain myself to him. He should get my point crystal-clear now.

"You're so fucking annoying," I mutter as I finally leave the room, hand throbbing.

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