A/N: Beam Team just needed another opinionated Scot
It didn't take much to make First Officer Spock disagreeable.
If you were no Captain (or no Kirk), though, it took a lot to reverse this situation.
And so it was that one Duncan Smith of transporter crew (he did qualify for a Scientific Department, but as a many-times-graduate-scholar-professor-etc. Starfleet never really learnt of) was hated with a passion by his team-mates.
They were sampling.
Because Mr. Smart there - this big guy with a pony-tail and a wickedly sharp spade - just had to defend his point o' view.
Never mind that the official shore leave was months away. Wasn't it a Kirk Rule - you found a class M planet, you beam down to investigate? Wasn't it a rule that, when Security was bested in hand-to-hand combat or poker, the away team included at least one transporter crewmember?
Even Mr. Spock dared not to interfere.
Now, hear me out: the Transporter Ops were a branch o' Engineers, most efficient in beaming Things. And in Space, You Don't Choose What You Beam In. The "what you beam out" is usually decon'd or NOT dangerous or it is a bomb that Captain unknowingly smuggled on board.
The Second Rule is to Keep Calm when the Captain returns feminine-evil-eville-duplicated-ohwhatever. O'course, 'Captain' here is a variable... but not very changeable.
The Third Rule was a combination of the first two. You might think it unnecessary, but sometimes it just... got too much like a Third Rule, really.
But they didn't usually shovel Captain or sweep him off the floor, or scrub him. They were manly, after all, even Yeoman Janette Clair.
Now they had dirt, no, mud, all over protective suites. Like... farmers or something.
And Mr. Smith just smiled and clumsily - for he was not used to snatching ground from under the feet of his (hateful) team mates - beamed it in and beamed it out. In and out. Five damn inches a time. Stopping just to let them fill yet another bunch of tubes.
Somewhere dirt-side, a hole in a still unnamed Planet grew and grew. Five inches of soil at a time.
It took them two shifts. It took three Scientific Ops to stop them from trying to get rocks at "milder" frequencies.
It took two days of analyzing to ascertain that no spores of Space Fungi (really, really un-researched life forms that made Lt. Sulu drool and Capt. Kirk curse grain-depending colonies) were present There.
It only took one Threatening Meal to make Smith Listen to a Reason. Sort of. He promised.
And Mr. Spock got to change his theory of space contamination.