Dear Wretched Diary,
I don't know how the bloody hell it happened. One second she was outside my door. Then she came in. We talked about books. I gave her an Occlumency lesson in which I saw none of her preposterous schoolgirl fantasies. Then she prattled on about books some more. I opened the door for her to leave. She gave me a prim "Thank you for the lesson, Professor Snape". Then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek. She was out of the dungeons before I even had time to dock points from Gryffindor. Damn that bloody know-it-all.
Merlin, what has gotten into that girl? She used to follow all the damn rules and now she goes about KISSING ME – a teacher - on the cheek. Is there no end to the torment I must go through at this school? It is bad enough that I am forced to endure the stupidity of the students, but to be kissed – on the cheek – by one. Especially by one whom DUMBLEDORE IS TRYING TO SET ME UP WITH.
I need a firewhisky.
That's better. Now, think Severus think. Did you give her ANY indication that you might – even in the slightest – return her… feelings?
Oh bloody hell. The books. We talked about books. She went on and on about these old Potions texts she'd been meaning to take out from the library but were never there for some reason or another. Then she told me which ones they were and I remember sneering in disgust and suggesting some other tomes, telling her that she could borrow them from me anytime she liked. Damn.
She kissed me because of books? Merlin's beard, will I ever understand women? What the bloody hell is going on? I mean, the entire lesson went fine otherwise. She managed to keep her mind closed to me and I… oh bloody hell I told her "good work" or something to that effect. What is happening to me?
HAGRID'S BUTTCRACK! It can't be. No. Oh bloody hell how could I let this happen? She's SEVENTEEN and far too young for me. Why the devil did Dumbledore have to set up this lesson? Is it really possible? Am I going soft or is it… just… Miss Granger…
All I know is that this has to stop once and for all. From now on I will maintain the utmost amount of decorum. I will make my usual snide remarks, I will sneer at the students, and I will not, for the life of me, look at Miss Granger unless absolutely necessary.
Severus Snape