Of Many Things
Chapter Six
The team, lead by Cho, entered Lisbon's hospital room; each taking up their previous seats, this time however a wave of relief had washed over their features. Atleast in the case of Cho, Grace and Rigsby. Jane had the look of a man who knew what was coming. We all think that the fear in the unknown, but really it is in the possibilities. It is only when we are faced with the worst possible fate imaginable, that we wish with all our hearts to go back to not knowing. Not knowing means hope, and dreams, and a future. Knowing was an altogether different story. He had seen it in Dr. Jenson's eyes. All doctors were eerily capable at hiding their feelings. They were the essence of emotionless. Any other profession and it would be frowned upon; medically it was must. Her voice gave nothing away. A simple, 'you can go back in now', purposefully ambiguous. To any other person, it would ignite hope. Surely being awake was a good sign. It meant life right? To any other person, yes. Not to Patrick Jane though. He had looked into her eyes. Into the soul of a young doctor who knew far more than they did. She knew what was waiting for them in that room, and it wasn't hope, or dreams, or a future. It was death. It was heartache. It was the unbearable truth. And waiting, to hear such ugly words come from the lips of such a beautiful soul, was sucking all that was good out of him.
Teresa waited until they had all settled, as much for her own sake as theirs. Her eyes dancing across each of their faces as they did so. She wanted to savour all that she could of them; her make-shift family, before she ran out of time. Not out of life, but out of time. She wanted to remember them how they looked now; free from grief and loss. She wanted a piece of happiness to take with her. A happiness that she herself had to destroy. With her words. Her fate.
'It isn't good news,' Lisbon wasn't sure how to begin, and her voice was barely holding out against her emotions, but if she stopped, they would start talking. And if that happened, she might never be able to start again. 'I don't have very long, really i have no time at all. They have done all they can for me. If they take me off of life support, my heart will stop. If i stay on it, i have no life to speak of. Dr. Jenson, she has done all that she can for me. Don't blame her, it's not her fault. She has given me more than many will get. She has given me a chance to say goodbye.' She had to stop. She couldn't explain anymore. She hoped that they would understand without her having to actually say the word. Death. It was too final. She would face it when she had to, but for now, she wanted to talk about life. Her life may now be far shorter than she ever expected, but it still existed. She was still apart of the world. One that she wanted to remember as a place of love, not of decay.
She sat and watched as the emotions she was so fearful of, seeped across the faces of her beloved team. Each grasping at what her words meant. The finality of it all. And she waited, much like Dr. Jenson had done with her, for the emotions to play out in the entirety. Not wanting to breathe, let alone speak, before they were ready to. It may be her life attached to the bomb, but they would be left to deal with the wreckage.
When no words came to mind, Grace was the first to react. With tears freely flowing down her soft cheeks she pulled Lisbon into a hug that said all the she needed it to. Filled with sorrow, and apology, and desperation. Lisbon responded immediately, pulling the younger agent tight against her aching chest; needing the comfort more than she had realised.
Rigsby was next, gently guiding Grace away from the bedside, and replacing her small frame with his own. His hands squeezing tight on Lisbon's. He wanted so very much to offer her his words, but they all seemed so meaningless against the horrendous news she had shared with them. Instead settling for a hand to hold; a small comfort for the woman he so admired.
Cho, losing a little of his stoic shell, braved the words that his colleagues could not. Knowing that Lisbon would expect it of him, and not wanting to disappoint her. 'We'll get them, whoever did this to you, we will make sure they pay.' And Lisbon knew that they would. She also knew that his words meant far more than they appeared to, but that he couldn't bring himself to form them. Not yet.
Lastly, she looked to Jane, who's silence truly scared her. He looked so lost. So alone. In a moment of utter hopelessness his walls were completely down, and she looked into the soul of a broken man. One who had already witnessed more loss and heartbreak than a person should ever have to, and was now staring into the face of more. She saw all that he had hidden from her. All that he had never intended to show. She saw the real Patrick Jane, and it broke her failing heart. Her hands grasped at his, and she found the strength to speak again; the strength to save him, 'Patrick, none of this is your fault.'
Thankyou for your continued reading, it is greatly appreciated. Also to everyone who has commented.
I hope this chapter did not disappoint.
Katie.