Disclaimer: NOT MY COOKIES!!!! (characters not mine either. Insert weeping.)
Angels say they can make you suffer
They give and take like a vicious lover
When all this loses meaning
You'll never want it back somehow
Awake, but still I'm dreaming
And never waking up…
Alone…
Where I'm not Alone.
"Neverending White Lights" by The Grace
Disenchanted
By
JD01 (Emerald Lies)
CHAPTER FOUR:
Losing It or Giving It Away
_
One. Month. Previous. (Still)
Naruto was confused.
You see, despite his zealously compassionate nature and uncanny ability to empathize with all those around him, there were certain concepts that plagued the human heart that remained a complete mystery to him. For example, Naruto never once struggled with who he was, with his identity. He never spent countless hours brooding over that silly question. His sense of self was so inherently strong that he had always just known- who he was, what he wanted to become and perhaps the one question that eluded even the best of us- why: the reason behind his actions, the reason behind his dreams. Naruto… he just knew. And despite the presence of what was inside his body and his early insecurities, he had always known that it- the monster, the demon, the ugly thing inside his head- was a separate entity. It was inherently a part of him, but it was separate. That logic had always made sense to him; that logic had always been flawless; that logic kept him sane in the darkest nights.
Sometimes though even the most perfect logic left room for faltering when somethingdisturbingly powerful shook the foundation on which it stood. Like Naruto, for instance, realized that he had a very different kind of monster inside him- one not so separate from him. This one was inadvertently capable of instigating ample harm in all those he loved most. His demon: his Recklessness.
He was no longer a child. He realized this with a pang of nostalgia. Gone were the days of his lovesick childhood. Gone were the days he spent pining to make it as a genin with a certain disturbing desperation. Gone were the days of running his mouth off about becoming the Hokage. Somewhere between the years that followed his graduation, he had grown up. It had been a subtle, gradual change, but a change nonetheless. He had grown up. He was a member of the ANBU now. Gone were the days of innocence, and naïve romantic childhood. He had power now. Power to defend. Power to hurt. Power to destroy lives. Power to kill enemies. Power to kill human beings. Power to end a life. And he had… he had… a few days ago, he had…
Sakura. His childhood friend. Her life in his hands. Her carefree smile, her bright eyes. Her life eclipsing. Her spirit dissipating. Her life. In his hands.
All because there was a monster inside his head- one instigated by stupidity and carelessness.
So, Naruto wasn't one to spend endless hours contemplating his life and his actions. He never once brooded about trying to desperately label who he was and what he had become- but every rule, even those forged in iron, had its exceptions.
XXX
Sai blankly stared at his usually chipper best friend drown his sorrows with some very cheap sake and sigh for the umpteenth time. A turf of flaxen was sprawled on the table; eyes screwed shut, face hidden behind hands. Sai sighed, stared, and casually poked the creature beside him- someone had to pay for his drinks, though Naruto could go drown in his puke after that.
"Unn go mamay! M-mow!" grunted the slobbery thing.
"You are the one who invited me here," Sai reasoned somberly, sipping his sake like it was some tasteful classy drink and not the overly cheap liquor it actually was.
Naruto banged his head repeatedly on the counter, grunting like some pathetic pitiful thing. Sai paid him no heed, trying to focus on his drink, but after a few moments, he decided that perhaps he should try again. After all, it would be a tragedy if on top of having to somehow get a piss-drunk Naruto home, he would have to pay for both of their numerous drinks.
"If you puke, you'll drown in it," Sai commented off-handedly (and a bit too cheerfully), taking another sip of his diluted drink.
"Good!" Naruto mumbled dejectedly.
Sai stared at his bitter drink and at his stinky slob of a friend. Naruto has gotten pretty stealthy in the last few years as an ANBU. Sai fixed the amber liquid again. Then again, he is pretty intoxicated. What were the odds that Naruto could catch him and castrate him if he suddenly ran for it? Naruto sighed once more, resuming the bashing his head on the table repeatedly.
Okay, Sai might not be a genius when it came to human emotions, but he was guessing the boy was… unhappy. Maybe Naruto would want to… talk about it. Yes. Then he would be bubbly and cheery, and whip out his toady wallet and pay for the drinks!
"Are you still sulking over Sakura?" Sai asked with some cool disinterest, his eyes swilling about the bar, scanning the small fume-filled dump.
Naruto, naturally, did not deign to answer. Instead, at being reminded about Sakura, started beating his head more forcefully on the table, eliciting concerned stares from the other customers.
"Or maybe…" Sai wondered out loud, his dark eyes lighting up upon falling on a peculiarly funny sight. Oh yes. Tonight would definitely be fun, Sai decided.
"Is it someone else you're sulking over?" he questioned further, a tinge of amusement in his voice.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Naruto bit out, a foreboding shiver seizing him. He decided that he did not like that tone one bit. There was something so eerily wrong about Sai being amused. Even with his considerably slowed mental capacities, alarm bells shrilled in his head.
"Mhmm, ohhhh. Nothing, nothing," Sai laughed soundlessly, his eyes trailing to a fly buzzing about. It flew by his head, buzzing happily.
He finally smacked the persistent fly on the back of Naruto's head, which elicited a particular feral growl and a string of curses from his friend- though again, his actions were probably motivated by the sadistic pleasure he got from hitting Naruto than by friendliness.
"Hey Naruto," Sai lulled in his drink.
"Wha?" Naruto drawled, trying to glare at Sai, but only resulting in dizzying himself as he ended up staring at his nose.
"Sometimes I wonder," Sai stated simply, a ghost of a smile creeping on his lips.
"Good for you," Naruto mumbled, now glaring at his nose. Evil nose placing itself right where he couldn't see!
"Sometimes I wonder about us- about when we were younger. Do you think we would be so different if we knew then what we knew now?" Sai uncharacteristically blurted out in a sudden bout of seriousness.
"I- m-maybe… eh?" Naruto spluttered, successfully ceasing to stare at his nose.
"We changed."
"No, durr! We grew up!" Naruto spasmodically exclaimed, bringing his face suddenly so close to Sai's, although this did not disturb the latter in the least bit.
"Your breath smells like hobo piss," his best friend remarked matter-of-factly.
"You fucking ass-"
"And then we didn't," Sai stated again, interrupting the vulgar blond. He was smiling as though he were far away- maybe lost in some fond memory that eluded Naruto.
"Huh?" he asked, contorting his face dumbly.
"We didn't change."
Sai licked his lips and elegantly swirled his small glass of sake.
Naruto stared at the amber liquid. Swirling, swirling, swirling. The dim lights shone on the dilute sake- almost, almost making it look mystical.
"W-we didn't?" he asked quietly, mesmerized by the turning, tumbling liquid. Falling, falling, falling.
"We didn't," someone whispered softly- probably Sai, but Naruto couldn't be too sure because the sake was suddenly looking real pretty.
"Yeah, I guess we didn't," Naruto agreed, frowning- though without knowing why he was frowning or saddened by this fact. "We changed, but we didn't," he nodded, as if this statement made all the sense in the world; as if, now, the universe was a better place because Naruto had revealed some profound, coveted secret.
"Exactly," Sai added, nodding complacently as though he just finished delivering a brilliant irrefutable argument.
"Swell," Naruto nodded once more, vehemently.
"Do you remember? What I used to call you?" Sai suddenly asked, dark eyes staring fixedly at Naruto, making him feel uncomfortable, making him realize people could see him, judge him, strip him.
It took a moment for Naruto to register that Sai had asked him a question and was expecting an answer.
"Uhh… dickless? Without penis? Ball-less? Girly Man? Short Rod? Little stick? Bonaparte Prick?" Naruto listed, fidgeting underneath Sai's intense gaze.
"No, no. Before."
He was doing that again- that smiling thing, and it was getting on Naruto's nerves. It made Naruto feel weird; warm and heavy at the same time, like he was not privy to some juicy secret.
"B-Before?"
Shit. He was stuttering.
"Mhmm… yeah, before," Sai whispered melodiously.
Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Why was his face so close? Naruto stared at his face, but only ended up glaring at his nose and fuck- that made his head dizzy, and… hadn't he been down that road before?
"I… no," he mumbled, closing his eyes against the sudden acute headache, which was impaling his capacity to think.
Sai smiled creepily, greatly amused by all of Naruto's antics.
"Really? Are you sure?" Sai asked, smiling blindly. "Mister Pussyface?" he whispered almost seductively, causing Naruto to choke on his saliva.
"W-what did you say?" Naruto asked, alarmed as he continued to splutter disbelievingly.
"Pus-Sy. Fa-Ce," his dark-haired friend made a point of enunciating each word, a ravenous smile on his lips- an ominous sign for everyone concerned.
"N-no!" was all Naruto could illogically yell out in utter horror, his face aghast, as he was flooded with unwelcomed memories.
"Oh? You don't remember? I'm surprised you could forget. After all, it wasn't that far back! Remember? In the good old days of the Academy? Before we made it to genin? Remember when Iruka had gotten an assistant," Sai began his little tale, a feral smile on his lips as he kept twirling his now empty glass of sake. Naruto stared at the fragile glass, his mind numb from the onslaught of memories.
"S-shut up Sai," Naruto weakly retorted, fingering the hem of his shirt and nervously pulling it down in an anxious tick.
"Ah, it's coming back to you, isn't it? You were so infatuated with him; you become a little lovesick fan girl. If anyone would dare to speak about him, you would get into a vicious catfight- all slaps and nails. Remember, Pussyface? Because you were such an ass-kissing pussy? Of course, I remember it quite vividly. The very first day the assistant came in class, he was scowling smugly at us as though he was proud to be constipated. He thought he was so better than us- like we didn't even deserve to be gum underneath his shoe, and you… ah! The look on your smitten face! You've always been stupidly impulsive, but I would have never thought that you would actually jump on your desk and proclaim your undying love for him in front of everyone! Wow, were you ever obsessed. You would never shut up about the guy. Even getting a two-week detention from Iruka sensei didn't deter you from pursuing the guy," Sai happily recounted, a hint of melody in his voice.
"I don't remember any of this. You can shut up and die now," Naruto hissed, viciously rubbing his face in frustration.
"Really? You don't remember? Your sudden eagerness to participate in class? How you would answer- incorrectly, of course- every question Uchiha-sensei asked, just to try and impress him? How, despite getting every single question wrong, you felt obliged to declare your love at the end of every answer?" the dark-haired ninja gleefully supplied to try to help jog his friend's memory.
"I DID NO SUCH THING!" Naruto cried out indignantly, eyes blazing and index wildly pointed at Sai- though the sudden movement caused the somewhat inebriated boy to swagger.
"Mhmm, like you didn't wake-up early every single morning so you could do a mad dash to school and stare at Uchiha-sensei eat his breakfast in the teacher's lounge at the Academy from outside, I suppose? Or the way you would fill the drawers of his desk with roses and watch every morning as he opened it, hoping that this would be the day he would actually pay heed instead of just ignoring it and eventually flushing them down the toilet?"
"THAT FUCKING JACKASS! I ALWAYS got blamed for backing up all the toilets, when he was the asshole that-" the young blond vehemently exclaimed, his fists in the air.
"So you do remember?" Sai asked slyly, his canines protruding ferociously.
Naruto's eyes widened realizing how he betrayed himself, before sitting back down in defeat. There was no point arguing now- it was clear he had lost the battle.
"Fucker," Naruto hissed as his cheeks flustered with embarrassment.
"Now, now, no need for vulgarity Mr. Pussyface," his best friend said using an assuaging tone as he condescendingly petted him on the head.
The flaxen-haired ninja however was not amused. He huffed indignantly and forcefully slapped the intruding hand away. Naruto glared at his jerk of a friend.
"What's your point, Sai? That is, if you have a point," he spat out viciously.
"Oh, come now Naruto. Although I do enjoy seeing you mortified there is a reason why I am digging up ancient history," Sai said happily with a certain aura of tangible mystery.
"I'm listening," Naruto said hesitantly as he eyed his friend suspiciously. Although Sai might be his best friend, Naruto wasn't too sure if he could trust the socially inept boy with his life. He has some… sadistic tendencies and a very odd sense of humor that successfully scared people away.
"My point is maybe this isn't as ancient as you would hope for it to be," Sai answered, mysteriously- all smiles.
Naruto stared at his enigmatic friend waiting for him to continue. When finally he realized that the boy had no intention of providing any further explanations, he signed in exasperation. Fucking cryptic assholes.
"Sai if you don't start accelerating you're paying for the drinks," the blond ninja threatened, sticking out his tongue and blowing a raspberry.
"You promised. Isn't breaking your promises against your nindo?" Sai reasoned coolly, though a small seed of fear gripped him. Naruto wouldn't dare… right? He couldn't be so heartless?
"Well, I don't care!" Naruto crossed his arms, petulantly glaring at his teammate.
Sai assessed the situation, surveying his swaggering moody friend who was fisting his hair in exasperation, his head on the table.
"Wow, you must really be drunk," he commented dryly.
"You're fucking evil," Naruto glowered, hunching over the counter utterly depressed.
Sai chuckled good-heartedly, eyes roaming in the obscure recesses of the dingy bar that promised some sort of seductive immortality.
"Yes, maybe I am but you my friend must admit that Sasuke meant a whole lot more to you than just a teacher's assistant," Sai commented, a hint of mirth in his dark irises; dark obsidian eyes twinkling and taunting Naruto mercilessly. "That is of course until he finally answered your little love letter."
That had certainly caught Naruto off guard. He stared at the ground for a good few minutes, his face unreadable to Sai. Vaguely Sai wondered for the very first time in his life if he should have just kept his mouth shut.
"Y-you knew about the letter," Naruto whispered weakly after a moment of silence, unable to look up, unable to face the judgment.
"It's funny how much a woman will reveal when you threaten to flush her make-up down the toilet," Sai casually responded, an air of malice about him.
"Wait! Sakura-chan told YOU?!" Naruto's eyes bulged at Sakura's betrayal.
The young blond pouted petulantly, his cupped hands supporting his chin. He sighed deeply- the type of sigh one needs to brace oneself, the type of sigh subtly dipped in nostalgia and something deeper, something fiercer- like a young man reminiscing on who he used to be, on who he wanted to be. Naruto closed his eyes and savored the memories flitting through the gentle universe concocted by his nostalgic mind- because one couldn't savor the intensity, the magnitude of revisiting the past with open eyes. It is only through closed lids, one could fully embrace the bitter sweetness of memories eroded by time. Time certainly did alter memories: past villains seemed fiercer than they actually were and we thought ourselves more innocent than we actually had been. The mind was a funny, complex little thing. It could vilify something not so terrible and beautify something not so splendid. At this moment, as Naruto ran his hand through spikes of flaxen, he wasn't quite sure if how he perceived his childhood was exactly how it had unfolded.
"So… mebbe I-I had a crush on sensei-teme. So what?!" he bit out harshly , growling in frustration.
"A crush?" Sai scoffed in amusement. "Funny how some terms seem so mollifying. I personally would have gone with 'obsessive infatuation', but hey! Whatever floats your boat is fine by me. And I think you still are in some perverse manner. Hence, the sulking. He really did a number on you, huh? Did he yell? Scream? Humiliate you?"
"I WAS NOT…" Naruto yelled, eyes vermillion with outraged fury as he jumped in an offensive stance. Upon noticing Sai's toothy smirk and his growing not-quite-drunk-yet audience, the young ninja's cheeks tainted in embarrassment.
"I was not- and still am not!- obsessed with him," he hissed in a more modest display of fury.
"If you say so… Mr. Pussyface," Sai conceded in feigned innocence.
And before anyone could register what had happened, Naruto let out a guttural animalistic cry of war before pouncing with every intention of terminating his so-called teammate.
XXX
Sasuke was a very proud man. Sasuke prided himself (secretly) in many abstract things: his family's legacy (well most of it anyways- disregarding the annihilation of the clan, naturally), his good looks (not that he would ever admit out loud to ever possessing such vanity), his outstanding position in society, his job, his inherent ingenuity…. Yes, indeed, Sasuke was a very proud man… yet, at this very moment, this extremely proud elite ninja would have wished for nothing more than to be savagely devoured by a herd of rabid rats.
"Aww, come now, Saucy-chan! No time to be shy! Sing with me! Nine hundred and eighty bottles of beer on the wall. Nine hundred and eighty bottles of beer on the wall. Take one down and pass- come on Saucy-chan!," the grey-haired fellow next to him bellowed rambunctiously, amicably throwing his arm around Sasuke's shoulder.
Anything but to bear the humiliation of being publicly seen and associated with that.
Sasuke sneered with revolt at the utter sound of that cringe-inducing nickname. 'Vile thing, disappear,' his mind chanted helplessly.
Kakashi cheered off-key, howling randomly like a lone wolf admiring the pregnant moon. Somewhere in the midst of his singing some inebriated dunderheads began shrieking at each other.
"I DID NO SUCH THING!" one of the drunkards screamed vividly from the darker corner of the shoddy pub.
"Oh ho! Ho ho!" Kakashi laughed happily. "Looks like there is trouble in paradise!"
"Yeah well at least it got you to stop your atrocious ear-splitting singing," Sasuke muttered, staring moodily at his now empty glass. Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. Why was the glass empty? Why wasn't it full again?
"Saucy-chan, you make such a mean drunk," Kakashi declared, his eye twinkling with good-humored mirth as he shook the young man's shoulder.
Sasuke glowered menacingly, trying desperately to get rid of the heavy appendage violating his personal bubble. Yet, despite his best efforts (which were pretty lame due to his drunken state: for instance, his infamous 'touch me and worms will devour your intestines' death glare ended up merely looking like a boyish pout), the vile arm remained immobile.
"Really Saucy-chan, how do you ever get laid if you can't stand a little bit of touchy-feely, mhmm?" Kakashi asked, bringing his masked face uncomfortably close to Sasuke's face. He tried to push the older man away.
"Some of us don't need to get laid every single day. We're not all whores," Sasuke replied caustically, yet again failing to summon the necessary anger and only ending up looking like a petulant child.
Kakashi laughed, and despite the barrier of the mask, Sasuke could smell the heavy liquor saturating his breath. He scrunched up his nose in disgust and was about to retort something unpleasant when a howl of "I WAS NOT!" from the drunken fools at the back interrupted him. Kakashi turned around instantly, ears perked.
"Oh ho! Saucy-chan?" Kakashi asked in singsong, which made Sasuke very, very worried.
"What?!" he bit out in gruff irritation.
Through the grey mask, Sasuke could see a Cheshire grin gracing the vile, vile thing.
"Aren't those your little kiddies?" he asked over joyously, motioning to the visibly smashed Naruto who was trying to pounce Sai, but got caught in the leg of the table and topple unceremoniously over.
A thunderous crash resounded in the bar.
"Hey, what's going on there?!" yelled the indignant, tired and pissy bartender.
As he was about to intervene, Kakashi authoritatively held up his hand in a halting motion.
"No need. My man Saucy here will take care of everything," he said happily, his arm around Sasuke's broad shoulders. "Tell them to play nice!"
"I'm not going anywhere," Sasuke scoffed, arms crossed puerilely over his chest.
"Oh? But what would Hokage-sama say if she knew you stood by and watched your little kiddies get into a scuffle?" A terrible smugness illuminated his dark visible eyes.
"Have fun, Saucy-chan!"
Sasuke watched his treacherous so-called colleague, mouth agape. He wouldn't dare… He wouldn't!
BAM.
The geezer had pushed him off the stool and Sasuke let out a manly grunt (very nearly squealed indecently) as he thudded on his rear-end.
The young raven-haired man slowly and with much stumbling got up- apparently coordination wasn't his forte after a few drinks. He dusted himself with as much dignity as he could muster and trudged his way over to the quarrelling duo.
The blond retard was doubled over on the floor a few inches away from the toppled table, nursing his battered head. The grinning idiot stood a few feet away, chuckling to himself like the little creep he was. Seeing his amusement only made Sasuke seethe in fury.
"Oh, Mister Pussyface?" Sai chanted, a queer smile splayed on his pinked lips.
Naruto growled while attempting to pounce him again but ended up gracelessly tripping on his own shoe this time and toppling over once again.
"Your Prince Charming is marching this way," Sai remarked casually, while Naruto stared at him in bewilderment.
"Eh?"
Sai motioned with his chin towards the glaring, sullen dark-haired ninja- Sai noted airily how much he looked like a fuming panther.
"Why oh why do you idiots insist on making my life a living hell?" glowered Sasuke, a homicidal aura permeating from him.
"Now, now sensei! You're such a prude," Sai commented, smiling in that perpetually creepy manner of his.
"Sai, you speak, I hit. Am I clear?"
"Crystal, captain," Sai automatically replied, though the eerie self-satisfied smirk said otherwise.
Sasuke shook his head, refusing to dwell on his freakish subordinate's antics. He was one mystery that even the genius of the Great Uchiha could not solve, and frankly he didn't want to anyways. Not now. Not Ever. Some things in life were better left buried.
"Pay and leave," he muttered, glaring at the teenager on the floor, still trying to assuage his bruised head.
"HEY! You're not the boss of me!" Naruto cried out in that obnoxious, loud and overzealous way of his- drawing in everyone's attention once again.
Sasuke haughtily raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at the boy's exclamation.
"Underage drinking? You do realize I can have you chucked from the ANBU should the elders learn of your disruptive behavior," Sasuke spoke arrogantly in a low voice with the threat lingering on his lips, making Naruto growl in reluctant submissiveness.
Pricky alpha-male leader of the pack had a point there. Naruto let out a frustrated groan. It really, truly sucked to never win.
"Good luck with that Blondie," Sai patted his teammate on the back with an ounce of feigned sympathy.
"Y-you're just leaving?" Naruto asked indignantly, his bright blue eyes pleading his best friend to not abandon him in the face of Evil.
"Mah, your treat, 'member?" Sai reminded him slyly, slithering away from Naruto before the ladder could trap him in that desperate iron grip of his.
Naruto glared at his raven-haired teammate. Stupid pale bastard was enjoying this way too much.
"Take the dobe with you," Sasuke ordered when he realized that the creepy idiot was trying to get away. No way in Hell was he staying here with the dumb blond. No way in Hell!
But of course, Fate was a bitch. Kakashi chose that opportune moment to make a grandiose appearance, his visible eye crinkled in his mad grin.
"Mah Saucy-chan! Sai is too… impaired to take care of dear Naruto-kun here. I'll take this one home, you take care of the blond," Kakashi winked, wrapping a sturdy arm around Sai and waltzing away before either of them could protest, leaving a gush of air in his leave.
Sasuke blinked twice slowly, dizzy from the onslaught of happenings.
Kakashi. Gone.
Creepy Idiot. Gone.
Dumb blond… Fuck. Still here.
Much to his chagrin, he stared at his charge- a sixteen year-old blond ditz staring at him with wide eyes and puffed cheeks- he was pursing his lips strangely, almost as if he were in pain. Maybe (hopefully) his puny brain would burst, Sasuke mused airily.
"What? Do you have diarrhea or something?" he grumbled, after getting the distinct impression that staring at Naruto only made one stupider.
The blond did that thing, Sasuke thought meekly. That thing where his face is about to split in half and his blue, blue eyes become really, really small- that thing, that expression that Sasuke, by unfortunate experience, knew only meant one thing: bad news.
"S-Saucy-chan?!" Naruto stuttered incredulously, breaking out in a hysterical uncontrolled fit of laughter.
The captain pinched the bridge of his nose in embarrassed irritation, looking away. The sight of lightly tinted pink cheeks encouraged Naruto to howl further, laughing in pure mocking mirth.
"Should I remind you that I could get your ass kicked out of the squad?" Sasuke interjected moodily, irritated at the sight of his charge bent over a table next to the toppled one, cradling his face in his arms.
It didn't take long after that for Naruto to sober up.
"Sai is right. You just permanently PMS, don't cha?" Naruto glared, wiping off the laughter-induced tears from the corner of his eyes.
Sasuke stared impassively as his drunken charge collected himself. Why did he always get stuck picking up after losers? He was really beginning to think life had it out for him. Why else was she so unkind to him.
"Men do not have menstrual cycles, or do you not even know basic biology?" Sasuke retorted- though as soon as the sentence slipped his mouth, he began frowning. Why was he indulging in such useless arguments?
"It must be hard being a royal dick all the time, eh?" A rhetorical question, really. But Naruto's eyes glimmered coyly, not sharing Sasuke's sentiments on the pettiness of arguments.
"No, not at all," Sasuke grumbled, crossing his arms with a false sense of superiority.
He was doing it. Again. That idiot, Sasuke frowned. Naruto bit his lower lip, a wild grin splayed on his lips. His eyes were crushed under the creases of his grin, causing his sensei to mildly wonder why his face wasn't permanently damaged after such constant abuse.
"HOLAY! W-was that a j-joke?!" Naruto began loudly, wrapping an arm around his sensei's shoulder in a much-too-uncomfortably-familiar manner that made Sasuke glower. "Oh goodness me! SAUCY-CHAN just made a JOKE!"
Sasuke watched Naruto laugh heartedly in that really infectious- dare he think it?- retarded (endearing- although the 'e-word' did not exist in Sasuke's dictionary, mind you) way of his that made his entire face glow with mirth. Glow. Sasuke scowled. T-that can't. No. It just can't. His vision was momentarily affected.
"Call me that one more time and I will decapitate your head and feed it to that Inuzuka mutt," he growled, removing the vile arm touching him. He prayed to heavens he didn't catch some terminal disease from being in contact for so long with the blond ditz.
"With all that talk about killing people, one might think it turns you on…" Naruto off-handedly remarked- blue, blue eyes sparkling mischievously.
The dark-haired captain sighed deeply, massaging his forehead in frustration.
Naruto stopped, turned around, his eyes wide- as though he was struck by an epiphany of genius.
"Y-you're not a necrophiliac… are you?!" Naruto gasped incredulously, an offending accusatory finger shoved in front of Sasuke's face.
He glared at the vile thing in his eyesight, but that only made his headache worse from having to cross his eyes. He violently slapped the index away, scowling deeply.
"I'm surprised you even know what the word means," Sasuke muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose to allay the growing migraine. Somehow, dealing with this particular subordinate always, always induced headaches in him. Maybe he really was allergic to stupid.
"YOU DIDN'T DENY IT!!" the flaxen-haired ninja shouted in a way that made everyone's attention rivet to the quarreling duo.
Sasuke sneered at the nosy customers- he was the captain of the ANBU, damn it. He was a respectable, reputable man. People writhed in fear whenever he stepped into a room. He was a genius for goodness sake! So why was he utterly unable to make it shut the fuck up? The unnerved captain of ANBU briskly walked away from his charge, not particularly caring if the annoying teenager made it home safely and soundly. He needed only one thing: sleep, and no shouting vulgar blonds will keep him from that.
As his sensei determinedly walked on the path of accomplishing his mission for the night, Naruto bit his lip as a sudden flash of magnesium blinded his sight. Burning. Burning retinas. The smell of smoke, or burning convoluting flesh.
"S-sensei!" Naruto cried out in alarming desperation.
"WHAT?!" Sasuke snapped in irritation- Naruto didn't seem fazed by his hostile tone as he was doubled over, clutching his stomach.
"M-my stomach. I-it's burning," he answered weakly, almost whinying. His eyes were glazed over and unfocused. The wave of acute scorching pain caught him off guard. His nails dug sharply in his palms in a failed attempt to somehow assuage the pain.
Sasuke coolly observed his subordinate- his normally obnoxiously proud lackey who would rather chew on his shoe than to admit weakness to him.
Something was wrong.
Something was terribly wrong.
"S-sensei. I-it's h-hot. I-I… H-hot," Naruto mewled feverishly, closing his unfocused eyes. For a second, Sasuke thought that clear cobalt was replaced with fierce vermilion. His warm body leaned forward and Sasuke stumbled to support the boy and keep him from falling over.
Heat was literally radiating off the boy's body and it was scorching to the touch. Sasuke bit his tongue, trying not to directly touch his student as he leaned in further, invading his space.
"S-sensei I'm s-so h-hot. It's so- I- burning!" de deliriously mumbled, nestling his head on his teacher's shoulder.
The dark-haired ANBU clenched his jaw. The forehead was torrid. It was fucking burning his shoulder. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. He bit his tongue harder, the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. He inhaled deeply- it was scalding, burning. It was like he was caught on fire. This. This wasn't normal. The agony was too blindingly intense, Sasuke vaguely thought for a moment that this was death. This was death. This was death- blinding, searing white spots; burning flesh resonating in your very bones. This was death- hammering in your chest; evaporation of your senses. This was death- the quick reminder of how alive you are, how much you can feel, and then swiftly being robbed of it all. This was death, Sasuke thought mindlessly.
"Please s-sensei help." A plea- the sharp, whiny plea that shattered Sasuke's daze, reminding him where he was (reminding him who he was). Although he'll never admit it, he was thankful to be roughly yanked away from going down that road.
Sasuke encircled his student's waist and grunted, trying not to focus on the sheer scorching agony, on the fact that it felt like his flesh was melting. They stumbled clumsily to a small booth. He viciously flung the body off of him, unable to withstand the heat, the pain any longer.
"S-sensei?" Naruto asked blearily, lulling his aching head in his hands, trying to will his migraine away.
"Sit," Sasuke commanded harshly, soothingly rubbing his shoulder blades. His fingers were oddly fine- his flesh was still intact, and yet he could have sworn that they were melting, burning- like rubber tires furiously screeching on the road. It had felt so real. It had been so, so vivid. He stared fixedly at his fingers- his slender, pale, intact fingers.
"Are you having a seizure, Sensei?"
Sasuke could judge by the derisive tone that his student was blatantly mocking him, and normally he wouldn't stand for such flagrant disrespect, but now was not a normal circumstance.
He went stiff. Everything was suddenly so cold. The sheer frigidness erupted from the tip of his toes and slowly escalated like a bacterial invasion. He couldn't help but shiver as a wave of cool engulfed him, goose bumps erupting on his flesh. As if in some sort of weird trance, he observed his overly annoying loudmouth idiotic subordinate bring his face obnoxiously close to his own, his brows knitted in… concern? Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered if Naruto had ever heard of the concept of personal space. And normally, normally, he would have pushed the brat away, punched him square in the jaw. His fists were itching to leave a mark on that smug little face… but something was terribly wrong. Sasuke blinked in a daze, his lips parted as he struggled to breathe. It was so… c-cold. It was as though something within the idiot was pulling him in. As though he was sucking, aspiring some essential part of him.
And Naruto… Naruto was emanating heat, pure inflaming heat; warmth that he craved, warmth that was escaping him, that was slipping out of his pores. Warmth that he needed to stay alive, to keep his heart beating.
"Sensei…?" Naruto asked softly with a pained expression on his face. Could he feel it too? Could he feel the loss… (the loss of what, exactly?).
But Sasuke was no longer listening. The boy was speaking, moving his mouth, formulating words, but Sasuke could hear nothing, because all he could feel was the heat lingering in the air, teasing him, flirting with him- his frigid, dying self.
He tried to say something, to formulate some coherent sentence, to do something- kick, scream, yell, stab, anything! But he couldn't. He couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't. Couldn't. Couldn't. Couldn't.
Vaguely, he noticed the perplexed boy was saying something. He placed a hand on his forehead. The heat rolling off Naruto's body flickered and suddenly gained intensity- and Sasuke bit his lips in order to restrain the wanton moan threatening to spill out of his lips. Heat. Lingering. Teasing. Flirting.
And then, snap!
He grabbed the drunken boy fawning before him, clasped the boy's wrists tightly in his fists.
"Ow! Sensei-bastard! That h-" he cried out in pain as he was forcefully brought to his sensei's lap.
Warmth, maddening, excruciating heat.
He scooted the weight on his lap- closer, closer, closer- until their groins were touching and- ohh.
Someone gasped deeply. Sasuke pulled his student closer, burying his nose in his chest in an intimate way that made Naruto's breath hitch and inhaling his scent deeply.
"Sensei, w-what… ngghh… what are you…?" Naruto asked, clearly confused as he felt something thick and hard poke him in his stomach. He hadn't realized… he hadn't realized when his sensei… There was an odd sensation that coursed through his body that wasn't entirely unpleasant. Strange, but not unpleasant. The hands painfully clasping his wrists were cold- so direly cold, in stark contrast to him, to his heat. He was burning up. His sensei was freezing, and he was burning. Polar opposites. Diametrically different. He direly needed to cool down, to cool off.
Sasuke didn't know how it happened or how it began; one second he was staring at pink, pink lips and then, suddenly, his own lips were on them- hungrily devouring his essence, his heat. It was almost as if Sasuke were possessed. He hungrily sucked his student's lips, invading his mouth, pushing the warm body- closer, closer, closer. Naruto leaned in, his warm, warm hands searing Sasuke's chest. The kiss was raw, and painful as though someone had electrocuted him, as though he was feeding on the heat.
Naruto felt a tongue intrude his mouth, invade him, control him, dominate his whole being- and he was strangely addicted to this sensation of being so entirely dominated. The cool sweaty hands found their way underneath his shirt- Naruto shivered at the cool touch. He leaned forward, gasping when his erection brushed against his sensei's arousal.
Sasuke growled as he lifted the lithe body on to the table and pushed him down aggressively. Strong legs wrapped around him, and he vaguely recalled feeling warm hands digging in his dark hair, pushing him deeper into the heat.
Need heat. Need more skin. Need. More. More. More.
Sasuke pressed himself against his student- the legs dug into his back. The animalistic lust consumed him, and Sasuke wholly gave himself in.
Naruto moaned, as his back thudded against the table. He rolled his head back, maddeningly grinding his arousal upwards, as he forced Sasuke down on him by the hair. This was maddening. This was crazy. This was not happening. Naruto was assaulted with all these strange sensations and nothing made sense anymore- someone was sucking his lower lip, and cold hands were trailing down his happy trail at the hem of his pants. He was being devoured with such a passion. The heat coiled between his legs. He couldn't breathe. He shivered, he gasped, he was confused, he wanted it to stop, and he loved it.
"Ahem… U-Uchiha-sama?" a mousy voice squeaked just as Sasuke was about to rip the offending pants off.
"WHAT?!" Sasuke roared, immediately lifting his head to glare daggers at the poor sap who dared to interrupt him.
"I-if y-you could please… ahem… club rules and…" the young woman was wringing her hands uncomfortably. She darted her glance away- it was clear she was uneasy with the whole situation. In quick embarrassed steps, she walked away, pink searing her face.
Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. Immediately, he realized that someone had a hold around his head. He looked down in dread at the thing beneath him- Naruto slowly blinked the haze out of his eyes, his swollen dark pink lips were slightly open. It seemed almost like the boy was struggling to catch his breath. His pants were nestled dangerously low on his hipbones, and his shirt was lifted, revealing a tan muscled abdomen covered in droplets of salty sweat. The spiral design near the navel was strangely glowing tonight. That's when Sasuke realized that said boy's legs were wrapped around him- and the shit hit the fan.
He violently detached himself from his student, fervently wiping his mouth clean with the back of his hand. He couldn't believe what just happened. He didn't know what overcame him, what possessed him to do… to… with his student!
Naruto, epically confused, lifted his head, supporting himself on his elbows.
"Sensei are you okay?" asked the flustered teen as he wiped the train of saliva dripping down his chin.
"Go home," Sasuke curtly grunted, much too ashamed to look into deep blue eyes. He rubbed his forehead furiously. He could feel it in his bones- the chill. It was consuming him. He couldn't breathe- the brisk air was cutting his lungs.
"But sensei-"
"GO HOME!" Sasuke screamed aggressively, slamming his quaking fists on the table. His arms were trembling as though the shooting pain was resonating, was vibrating within him.
Naruto stumbled off the table as if in trance.
"Your lips are blue," Naruto whispered, advancing cautiously towards his trembling teacher.
The voice of reason in the back of Sasuke's mind warned him to leave, to hit the ground running and to put as much distance as he could between their bodies, but it seemed like reason didn't feel like being party to Sasuke's dilemma today.
"You're trembling," Naruto said softly, gently caressing his cheek.
Sasuke's eyes rolled in the back of his sockets.
Warmth, warmth, warmth- was the violent, hungry mantra in his head. He was doing it again- pulling him in, dangling his enticing warmth. He was a drug- a fucking drug- and Sasuke was the tortured junkie who needed his fix to survive, to be able to breathe.
"S-sensei?" Naruto asked uncertainly.
Their noses were almost touching. He could feel the heat radiating off of him. He closed his eyes, moaning audibly in a mix of sweet, tortured pleasure, and then…-
Violently pulling Naruto towards him, he forcefully devoured his lips; hungrily sealing them together, hungrily giving into his latent violent urges. Naruto gasped in surprise, confusion and alcohol clouding his logic. Naruto couldn't think what with the searing breathless kiss, the rock hard erection poking his stomach that seemed to imply so much and the blind hunger possessing those eternally beautiful crimson eyes.
Naruto closed his eyes and relaxed. He closed his eyes, giving in, giving himself completely.
XXX
The ceiling was white.
He wasn't expecting that. He didn't know what he was expecting, but he wasn't expecting white ceiling. Immaculate white. Not even a trace of dust! Not even a scratch, a mark, a ghost of a cobweb. Just immaculate sterile and deceiving white. Not even in relief- just completely flat.
The ceiling was white and oh! Right there!
He shut his eyes, panting loudly.
"K-kami, nggh. S-" he whimpered, clawing the sweaty back.
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Inout. Inout… inoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinout.
Full. Empty. Full. Empty. Fullempty fullemptyfullempt-
He thrust roughly inside, and Naruto clamped down on his lip to keep from crying out in agony. In tortured pleasure.
The room filled with sounds of animalistic grunts, wistful moans of rapture and the maniacal banging of the headboard against the wall. Naruto vaguely wondered how long it would take the headboard to make a hole in the wall. White, white walls.
Naruto decided right then and there, as his sensei pounded into him that sex was weird.
Hands had been everywhere, and Naruto who had never been very touchy-feely with anyone- unless if it was to attempt to beat them shitless- thought it was weird to have someone be so touchy-feely with him. Weirder was the fact that that someone was his stoic permanently angry sensei- but apparently, Sasuke was capable of adopting a second state: bestial horniness.
So sure, it was weird when frozen hands slipped past his underwear and clasped his ass, as a hard arousal grinded into him and- nghh.
He couldn't think straight, he couldn't-
Not when he was roughly pushed on the bed, teeth nipping his collarbone.
He had prompted himself on his elbows and dazedly stared down at the dampening spot on the front of his underwear and then- BAM! A big, leaking erect cock sprung in front of his face.
Okay.
So.
Maybe. Maybe. Sakura wasn't entirely wrong when she was talking about the sensei's package.
As he ran his tongue over his dry, dry lips and struggled to lift his ass when cool fingers roughly slipped his damp underwear off, he wondered if this was how everyone lost their virginity- you know, getting drunk in a shoddy bar, and ending up hooking up with someone who hates your guts.
He had never felt so exposed in his entire life, completely naked with his legs forcefully spread open. Crimson eyes hungrily stared at him- eyes lustfully wanting, wanting something from him and it made Naruto squirm uncomfortably. He knew in the back of his head that while Sasuke was looking at him, he didn't see him, and for some odd reason that fact made his intestines churn uncomfortably.
And- fucking shit!
Naruto had bit his lip, as the hard thick cock entered him quickly and without warning. Apparently- Naruto discovered- saliva was not a good substitute for lube.
"Nggh- R- Fuck, Naruto! R-relax!" his sensei had moaned, his head lulled to the boy's chest. The dark sweaty locks brushing against his chest, as Sasuke forced his way in.
Yet, despite his best efforts, Naruto couldn't relax- his ring of muscles clutched painfully on the invading appendage. He should have known his sensei was not one for patience for he painfully penetrated him anyways.
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Inout. Inout… inoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinout.
Full. Empty. Full. Empty. Fullempty fullemptyfullempt-
At a rapid, animalistic frenzied pace.
Naruto opened his mouth in a soundless moan.
The sweaty bodies stuck and unstuck, and quickly- Sasuke continued thrusting throughout his orgasm.
His heavy body had collapsed on a still hard Naruto. It was over, Naruto sighed with relief- at least the headboard stopped banging. The thick cock was still inside him as Sasuke breathed heavily, his nose buried in the crook of his neck. He soon lulled to sleep and Naruto stared at white. It was still inside him, and it was quite literally becoming a pain in the ass.
The teenager squired uncomfortably and eventually managed to push the object of his once-upon-a-time crush out of him. He stared down his sticky thighs- thankfully his erection had disappeared.
The ceiling was white. As Naruto tried to whisk himself off into dreamland, he numbly wondered why he was overwhelmed with this unbearable feeling of loss, like something precious was taken away, robbed from him, like something in his had profoundly changed in some sorrowful way. He was not a girl. He was not weak. He did not cry. He was not able to cry. But right then and there, he strangely felt like it. He felt like crying, and he didn't know why.
XXX
No.
Just no.
No. No. No. No. No. No.
Sasuke stared intently at the thing violating his home. The thing on his property, in his bed.
He clasped his eyes shut, fingers massaging his temples.
Nononono. NO.
This was a nightmare. A bad dream. A web of intricate, unfortunate lies plotted by the enemy. An elaborate ploy or conspiracy to bring him to his demise. This wasn't true. Yes. It wasn't real.
He roughly poked the thing in utter disdain.
Imagine to his horror, Sasuke had woken up in the morning with a pounding headache, feeling like he had just gotten hit by a seven-ton truck. Imagine how his headache morphed into a near fatal brain aneurysm when he realized that he was stark naked and that there was an arm touching him, violating his personal bubble. Sasuke nearly had a heart attack (fainting spell) when he realized to whom exactly that vulgar appendage belonged to.
He poked- okay. The body was definitely real.
He poked a couple more times just for good measure.
But maybe, maybe, what he thought had occurred didn't actually happen. Two naked guys can share a bed without it insinuating something… right? Right. Right. Ri-
He was certain that oxygen stopped circulating in his brain when he saw the stains on his satin sheets. And… the thing had bites… fucking love bites all over his body. On his neck. Between his thighs. On his navel about the turf of blond.
"Nnn," Naruto sleepily grunted. He blearily opened his eyes, sleepily rubbing his eyes. "S-sensei?"
Fuck. It talks.
The boy yawned, shading his eyes from the assault of sunlight.
"S-sensei-"
Sasuke panicked. He roughly pushed the young man off his bed, off his now soiled satin sheets.
"Get out," he curtly grunted in categorical manner, cradling his head in his hands as though it was too heavy for his neck to support.
Naruto stared up his moody captain uncertainly. Confused. His belly tightened in dread. His ass was on fire too.
"S-sensei?" he risked asking.
"GET THE FUCK OUT!" A growl. Balled fists. Sharingan wildly spinning.
"This never happened, you got that? NEVER!"
Crimson bled eyes. Glaring. Scorching.
Naruto stared at his sensei disbelievingly.
He quickly gathered his clothes, wordlessly. He didn't argue. Hedidn't speak. He didn't breathe. He didn't think. He didn't. Didn't. Didn't.
The door slammed behind him. He was gone within seconds. Vaporized.
He needed a shower, he broodingly mused. The bitter taste of old alcohol was heavy in his mouth; his cranium was relentlessly banging against the wall of his skull.
And it dawned on him with a numbing feeling of helplessness that he had lost his virginity as a meaningless fuck. He had lost his virginity. As a meaningless fuck. Meaningless. Wordless. Cheap. Fuck.
Something was gone. He just knew. It was irrevocable. It was gone. That feeling of utter confusion he had felt the night before in the bar returned full force. That feeling- as though he was stuck in vacuum, in an empty space, blindly clawing for some understanding, some definition.
Something had changed, and it troubled Naruto that he couldn't put his finger on it.
He roughly scratched his upper arm. He felt so dirty. Used. Cheap. Alone.
Angels say they can make you suffer
They give and take like a vicious lover
When all this loses meaning…
Alone
XXX
HOOCHIE MAMA.
YOU ARE NOT HIGH.
THIS WAS NOT AN ILLUSION.
YES, I UPDATED.
I greatly, feverishly apologize for being so slow. I OFFER YOU MY BONES AS REDEMPTION. HERE, CHEW ME.
But so goes the life of a college student in (suicidal) Health Science!
It's the official end of the semester and I am relishing in the six-week break. SWEETNESS, BITCHES.
Thanks for all your support and messages of understanding. I love you all. If you messaged me or reviewed, and being the ditz I am, I forgot to express my thanks to you, please don't take offence. I really, TRULY appreciate it. Thanks for keeping me going : )
Guys, guys, guys- you know I appreciate and love every single review- praise, flame, suggestions, criticism or the mere 'update bitch'-
Freedom of expression! It's a beauteous thing! Truly!
However, as much the death threats I received by PM were flattering, I must say aren't those a bit… counterproductive? I mean, if you guys murder me because I'm such a slow updater, then I can't ever finish Disenchanted because I will be uh… -what's the word, again?- dead. So you see, it's in your best interest to not kill me! (Unless of course if you hate this amateurish crap, then by all means- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?)
POLL RESULTS:
What do you think the baby would be like: sex & personality-wise ? (Although these poll results will not alter my original plans for the story, I thought it would be fun to see what you guys think about it):
WINNER: Boy (mini emo Sasuke running around) with 33% of the votes, followed by Boy (mini overly-happy, hyperactive Naruto running around) with 31 %
HAHA, you guys don't like girls do you?
New poll question up on profile page.
On another note, a lot of you smart cookies made the link between chapters and titles. Can you guess this one?
I hope all of you amazing people have lovely holidays! And I hope this chapter was as fun to read, as it was to write, re-write, re-re-write and feverishly edit!
Lots of love,
JD
P.S Nine1991 is T3H PWNSOME, check out her fic "The Art of Fabrication"