Pay
my respects to Grace and Virtue
Send my condolences to Good
Give
my regards to Soul and Romance,
They always did the best they
could
And so long to Devotion
You taught me everything I
know
Wave goodbye
Wish me well…
You've gotta let me go
Are
we human?
Or are we dancer?
"Human" by The Killers
Disenchanted
By
JD01 (Emerald Lies)
CHAPTER FIVE:
Growing Up
_
Present.
Naruto nonchalantly swirled his soggy noodles, a tinge of pink dusting his cheeks.
Okay. So. Maybe he had lied… well no. Not lied, per se… just altered the truth… but just a teensy bit, though! Well, maybe. Because maybe, maybe… he was not entirely oblivious to the abomination that had occurred that dreadful, dreadful night a month ago… Not that Tsunade-baachan needed to know such details. It's not like he wanted to remember. If he could somehow self-induce amnesia that would selectively erase the last six years of his life, or, to the very least, the last four weeks, then he would and without any trace of hesitation whatsoever. He would give anything: an arm, a leg, even a lung to simply forget and bask in blissful ignorance.
But sadly, nothing in life was ever so simple.
Frozen hands slipped past his underwear and clasped his ass, as a hard arousal grinded into him and- nghh.
He couldn't think straight, he couldn't-
Not when he was roughly pushed on the bed, teeth nipping his collarbone.
He had prompted himself on his elbows and dazedly stared down at the dampening spot on the front of his underwear and then- BAM! A big, leaking erect cock sprung in front of his face.
Naruto groaned self-consciously, sliding further into his seat in a failed attempt to be swallowed whole and disappear from the face of the planet.
These most inopportune flashbacks were quickly becoming the bane of his existence. It was a filthy parasite feeding to the host's detriment. No matter what he tried to get rid of them, they were always there. Hiding. Waiting. Feeding. And they had this uncanny way of sporadically popping up during the day, a constant reminder of his stupidity. An eternal echo in the back of his mind.
And honestly, the worse part of this entire disaster was the fact that he did not take action.
He hadn't done anything to stop it. He hadn't done anything to stop what happened that night. That night that forever changed everything. He was complicit in his own subjugation- and that was the most haunting realization.
He kept replaying the fated night's events. At any moment he could have said something. At any moment, he could have done anything- Anything!
But he didn't.
And therefore, he had no right to play the victim. He had no right to wallow in self-pity or hide behind the masquerade of the poor, misled victim. And that was so damn frustrating.
It's all your fault.
The nagging litany droned on in the back of his mind, the words painfully drilled into him.
This. This just couldn't be real. It simply couldn't.
Couldn'tcouldn'tcouldn't.
He despairingly stared at the swirling noodles. He enjoyed the feeling of the scalding broth go down his throat, as the blissful taste seared his tongue. It was the best part. By now, the broth was practically entirely absorbed by the noodles. Damn life was so unfair sometimes.
Maybe it was actually a disease and Tsunade, the old hag, couldn't tell the difference. Or some bug. Like a parasite! Or one of those nasty thirty feet long tapeworms that make you lose ten pounds in a week. Maybe the damn bastard actually did give him some mysterious deadly STD that eats you up from the inside out. Maybe it was an elaborate jutsu concocted by the conniving bastard who relished in watching him writhe in agony. Maybe it was payback for his April's Fool's prank. Sakura didn't seem entirely too pleased with it. Or maybe he was just going senile… or schizophrenic… or, or… this was all just a figment of his overly fertile imagination. It could be any myriad of possibilities! Anything! Anything would be more plausible than this…
He self-consciously looked down at his stomach, touching it gently. Nothing. He could feel his abs flex beneath his fingers. It was completely flat. Nothing. There was no evidence. There was no sign- a human life couldn't be growing in there. Growing. Developing. Living.
It was simply ridiculous.
Purely fantastical.
Naruto cradled his heavy head in palm of his hands- what pot of shit did his infallible carelessness gotten him into now? How do you even deal with an issue that is not even humanly possible?
As he was mulling over his musings, he felt a familiar shadow loom over him. He wasn't in the mood for a confrontation. Not here. Not right now. He heaved a heavy sigh, and shut his eyes closed.
"What?" Naruto irritably grit out, vehemently refusing to make eye contact.
"Well, well, if it isn't the boy who puked all over sensei's shiny, shiny boots. Fancy seeing you here- alive, that is," Sai amusedly slithered, slinking to the stool beside him.
Naruto let his head dully thud the counter, absentmindedly yanking at his blond strands in frustration, until frigid fingers stilled his own warm hand.
"Do you think it's wise to inflict bodily harm onto yourself when you're… expecting?" Sai casually asked in a husky tone of voice, his cool grip tight around his best friend's wrist.
Naruto's eyes widened in sheer disbelief as he violently yanked his hand from Sai's iron grasp in a swift movement. The bowl of cold, soggy noodles clattered on the floor. The splatter stained the right corner of his bright orange jacket, not that he cared. Ayame glared at Naruto, who in response sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.
He looked up only to be greeted with eerily glinting onyx eyes and a sharp distrustful smile that made his stomach clench uneasily.
He opened and closed his mouths a few times, futilely trying to formulate a sentence, but all that came out was a soundless scream of frustration. He looked away, running a hand through his spiky flaxen hair in a vain attempt to calm down.
"How do you…?" Naruto exasperatedly began, too emotionally drained to finish his question. A strange sense of hopelessness, almost despair, washed over him- almost like he was drowning in a dense pit of smothering darkness, and there was no hope of escape. He slowly clenched his eyes shut.
"Our teammate," Sai succinctly answered, gesturing to Ayame for his regular order, his sly smile never once faltering.
"God damnit! Does that woman tell you every fucking detail of my life? Whatever happened to medic-patient confidentiality?!" he grit out, furiously rubbing his upper arm in an angry tick he had since he was a little boy.
Sakura. His closest friend. Sakura had told Sai. Sakura had gone behind his back and went to Sai to divulge this big, juicy piece of gossip that consisted of his personal life. His own personal business out there for all the vultures to devour. He absentmindedly pinched his biceps. He felt so exposed, so betrayed by Sakura, even though the reasonable part of his brain was telling him that Sakura would never ill intentionally expose his secrets. She was probably worried. The girl cared too much, like a sister.
Sai gently placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder for a split second, jolting him back to reality.
"Did you tell him yet?" he suddenly asked, throwing him a calculating gaze that made Naruto's intestines squirm.
Ayame placed the bowl and a steaming cup of tea in front of Sai, who ignored it and continued to emotionlessly scrutinize his friend.
Naruto looked away from the heated gaze, cheeks scarlet, and airily began to rub his flat stomach.
"I'll take that as a no," Sai said boredly, after Naruto's lack of response, and brought the broth closer to him.
"It's all your fault, you know," Naruto huffed, clearly annoyed. He furrowed his brows and sent a piercing glare in Sai's direction, who seemed perfectly unfazed by Naruto's sudden surge of hostility.
"I fail to see how I'm responsible for this," the black-haired ninja answered reasonably, slurping his lunch contentedly, which enraged Naruto.
"I-If you wouldn't have left me! I-if you…"
"If you would have kept your pants on," Sai replied slickly, a barely perceptible sly smile etched on his chapped lips.
"I was drunk, damn it!" Naruto exclaimed angrily, his face contrived with rage.
Sai looked up from his food, and stared at his childhood friend expectantly- the scorching anger written all over his face, almost like the frustration was consuming him, devouring him from the inside… but why was Naruto so frustrated? Frustrated as if he had no agency, as if…
"Was it…?" Sai asked in an alarming serious tone, his face grim.
"Was it?" Naruto repeated befuddled and alerted by the sudden change of atmosphere.
Sai hesitated for a bit. He looked down at his bowl for a second. He never was one for tact, but even someone with very regressive social skills as Sai recognized that perhaps an issue as big as this required a bit more… delicacy. Sai looked into Naruto's ever-so expressive deep blue eyes. The eyes that never lied. Sai gulped.
"Rape. Did he…?" Sai began slowly, uneasily.
Naruto's eyes bulged at the implications of his words. He fumbled with the hem of his shirt and looked away, his face flushed.
"No! God, no!" he boomed powerfully, "N-no… I mean… I… don't know… no… I… nevermind."
He finished lamely, biting his lower lip. Sai didn't speak, and Naruto didn't really want him to because he didn't trust his voice at this moment. Sai awkwardly focused on eating his food, and Naruto simply rubbed his stomach, casting his gaze in the other direction.
No, it wasn't rape. It wasn't entirely consensual, but it wasn't rape. And Naruto wouldn't stoop so low as to play the rape-victim card; he could never live with himself if he defamed the prissy bastard in such a disgusting way. No, it wasn't rape.
But… why did he feel so cheap? Almost as if he had been used, discarded like some cheap ragdoll. It's not as if he had any illusions about the nature of his relationship with the cranky sensei. It's not like he wanted any sort of relationship at all. He wasn't some fucking googly-eyed girl! Yet, he felt so… robbed. Like Sasuke had taken something away from him, something that wasn't his to take. Like Sasuke had thrown him away. Like he was fucking worthless. A shadow. A nobody.
"What are you planning to do?" Sai asked suddenly, breaking Naruto out of his daze.
His dark, calculating eyes were right on him, and Naruto couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear the frigid gaze on him. Staring. Calculating. Judging.
It's all your fault.
Naruto looked away. He refused to meet his eyes, and for some odd reason, this sudden detachment troubled Sai. His fingers itched. It would be awkward. He shouldn't. He shouldn'tshouldn'tshouldn't. But at that moment, he wanted nothing better than to touch him. Comfort him. Run his fingers through golden smooth strands.
"I-I don't know," Naruto said weakly.
"People who… have children, they usually tell their partners when they are… expecting, right?" Sai questioned a bit awkwardly, which made Naruto smile slightly. What a stupid question. What a caringly stupid question.
He looked up into Sai's dark, dark eyes.
He was a fool.
There was no judgement.
Just confusion. Awkward, caring and sincere confusion.
He cares.
"I'm not a woman, Sai!" he begrudgingly howled, the hint of a smile quickly evanescing. "And he is not my partner! It was… I don't know what it was, okay? I just don't fucking know. I just… I don't…"
"Know. You don't know," Sai finished, his dark eyes peering into Naruto.
The flaxen-haired ninja shuddered. There was something intrinsically eerie about the attention Sai was pouring over him. Sure, he cared, but there was something more in the way his best friend was boring into him- it was so exposing, as if his soul was out in the open for public slander.
"No. I don't," Naruto mumbled weakly.
"He deserves to know," Sai threw casually, his lips pursed.
"Since when do you care?" Naruto asked gruffly and a bit offensively.
"I don't, but children should grow up with both parents… yes? I read… that it's a strong bond. Parents and child," Sai offered bluntly, oblivious to Naruto's clear disdain of Sai's defense of the Uchiha. Even though, logically, Sai was not defending their captain per se.
"W-what if…," Naruto began angrily, his eyes blazing with sheer rage. His heart was pumping with adrenaline. In that moment, he could jump and snap Sai's neck like a twig in a heartbeat. And then,
Crystalline blue and onyx black.
Caring onyx black.
Naruto ran his hand over his face in violent frustration.
"What if… I decide, what if I don't- what if I can't… can't," he stuttered feebly.
Sai placed his cup of tea back on the counter and surveyed the struggling blonde. He looked so weak, so vulnerable.
His fists were clenched, white-knuckled. They were trembling, and for some odd reason Sai wanted to reach out to them. Again. It was maddening, this urge to… In a split second of insanity, he wanted to squeeze, to hold, to comfort, to calm him. His childhood friend.
His best friend.
In a split second, they were eight all over again- Naruto, quaking in the corner, trying desperately to suppress his tears because he's the only student who still cannot hit the bull's-eye with his kunai and Sai, standing few feet away, swallowing down his snarky comment.
They weren't S-class ANBU killers oozing stealth and finesse.
They were just children in bodies too big for them.
Children facing a decision that was too big for them to grasp.
And then it hit him like a thundering bolt of lightening.
Them growing up. Laughing, crying, breathing, loving. They were in this together. The two of them.
The circumstances didn't matter.
It didn't matter who the father was. It didn't matter if they were facing a ridiculously impossible scenario because they would face it together. They were facing it together, and there was no hesitation, no doubt. It was as simple and natural as breathing. No matter what Naruto would decide, Sai knew in that moment that he would stand by him.
"It's not weak to accept help," Sai declared wholeheartedly, his pale face alit with passion and his dark usually cold eyes gleaming.
Naruto was shell-shocked to be greeted with such uncharacteristic fierce determination.
He had spent his entire childhood all alone… but maybe… maybe that wasn't entirely true. Through the rain of insults, the assault of scathing remarks and the haughty looks, Sai… Sai was always there. Just him and Sai.
Naruto flashed him a smile- weak, but genuine.
"I-I'm just so… confused, Sai. I don't know what to do. This… this is just…"
"Overwhelming?" Sai offered to his struggling friend.
"Yeah. Overwhelming," Naruto sighed, a bit disgruntled.
"Being Hokage. It was always my dream. It was my entire life. It consumed me. It was the only thing I saw," Naruto confessed softly, playing with the hem of his jacket.
"Why are you speaking in the past tense?" Sai asked, confused as to why Naruto was divulging something so blatantly obvious to him. It's not like he had ever kept his ambitions a secret. As a child, he would yell them on rooftops for all to hear. When his best friend refused to look at him and wholly concentrated on the hem of his shirt, it dawned on him like a blazing sun.
"You're giving up," he whispered more to himself than to Naruto. "You're giving up," he repeated, the shock washing over his features. "You're a coward," he said quietly, not as an accusation, but as a revelation.
He dropped the cyanide-filled word like a devastating bomb.
Coward.
The ugly word.
And the reaction was violent too.
"I AM NOT!" Naruto had begun, jumping to his feet, his normally deep blue eyes blazing with fiery crimson anger.
He turned around, and there stood Ayame- beautifully kind Ayame, huddled to herself, an amalgamation of disapproval and fear swirling in her dark eyes.
He was losing control again. He inhaled deeply, and threw the poor girl an apologetic glance.
"I'm not… I'm not giving up. It's just… A baby. That's a big thing," he said meekly, taking his respectful seat.
"You have options," Sai said gently, as if weary to not infer further wrath.
"Yeah," Naruto said with abandon.
Yeah. Options.
As if that was any consolation.
"Are you… are you going to keep it?" Sai asked carefully, fumbling with his words.
Naruto looked at his best friend helplessly.
Was he going to keep it?
Was he going to keep the baby? His baby? His flesh and blood. His child.
"I… I don't know," Naruto said softly like a broken man. Like a broken child.
"Okay," Sai nodded unsurely and somewhat awkwardly.
"I just… I don't," he insisted, his eyes pleading for understanding.
"Okay," Sai repeated somewhat more firmly.
"I don't kn…" Naruto started, almost whining in frantic desperation.
"Okay. You don't know," Sai spoke, the confusion evident on his pale ghostly features.
"I'm not a bad person," Naruto whispered breathily, clenching his white-knuckled fists.
"I know," his friend said calmly, but Naruto wouldn't meet his eyes. If was almost as if he couldn't hear him, couldn't see him. Sai knew instinctively that Naruto was far away. He was unreachable
"I'm not," he breathed softly almost to himself and began quaking as if in trance.
"I know," Sai repeated for the umpteenth time, somewhat dazed by Naruto's honest display of such vulnerability. In all his years of friendship, never had he seen Naruto so genuinely afraid of something. Even when, as genin, they would encounter perilous opponents, Naruto would outrageously boast about his fearlessness. He would put on a mask of bravado, which often times was a very stupid move- but in some deeply contradicting way, it was reassuring. Sai and Sakura found something oddly reassuring to them about Naruto's display of confidence. The blind faith. If Naruto said they'd get through it, then they'd get through it. As simple as breathing.
"I'm…"
"Naruto," Sai began gravely, placing his hand on Naruto's shoulder. The uncharacteristic act of affection caught Naruto off-guard, making striking blue meet onyx. Cold fingers gripping his shoulders forcefully, dark eyes searing in blue. "I know."
Naruto looked away. He couldn't bear to look into such fierce intensity; he would crumble. And that's the last thing he wanted to do right now- further disintegrate his ever waning masculinity.
Then, a sigh, "I just… there is so much that can go wrong… there is so much to consider."
He paused, weighing his words as he peered tentatively into Sai's dark eyes, searching for an iota of understanding, longing for a whisper of, "You're not alone" to swell his heart. Searching, searching, but finding none.
"W-what if…" he began, stuttering feebly. He took a second to compose himself. This was not the time, nor the place to have a public breakdown. "What if he doesn't… what if there can be… what if there will be some… some… I don't know, some like chakra transfer between Kyuubi and… the child? What if it doesn't come out… normal? Whole? What if there is something wrong with my child?" he said, motioning his hands to express what words could not.
Sai looked at his friend, the pain contorting his features. There it was again. Sai saw real unbidden fear in his friend's crystalline blue eyes. Fear for the future. Fear for the unknown. Fear for his child… almost like a parent would. Sai made a face at that thought. Naruto, the Class Clown, the Dead Last, a parent. A scared parent.
And blue, blue eyes brimming with the burden of familiarity ; an agonized whisper ,"Or what if I keep my child? It'll be a freak of nature. A child conceived by two men and born by a man! It'll be shunned. It'll grow up in shame and hatred…"
He held an iron grip on Sai's wrists.
Did he understand? Did he understand now the implications of this pregnancy? Did he understand how much could go wrong?
Did he understand how he could fucking destroy a child's life?
Sai refused to meet his eyes, irrationally afraid to face his molten lava of vulnerability.
"And what if I tell sensei? He's the captain of the fucking ANBU! If the council of Elders find out what transpired between us, he'll lose his reputation… and he hates me. He hates me, and he'll want nothing to do with me and our child. I don't want our child to grow up thinking that it… that he/she was unloved, unwanted by their own father!" Naruto cried out madly, for a fractional second vermilion bled into deep blue. Sai bit his lower lip, his face harbouring his usual stoic, as honed claws dug into his skin.
"And if I give up the child for adoption… I don't want it to grow up in an orphanage staring enviously at all the normal children of the Academy with their loving parents, being scolded, and being happy, and being frustrated and being together. I don't want my child to have that stab of a whisper, 'I want that too' haunt him for the rest of his or her life. I don't want my child to be alone like I was. I… I don't want my child to be alone," he bit out desperately, wildly like a lost child searching for home. And Sai couldn't look. He couldn't look and face the ghosts of loneliness linger about his best friend. Ghosts that haunted him, that stalked him his entire life. Being alone. The gaping consuming hole. The hollowness. The gut churning yearning to belong. It hurt. It hurt. God damnit, it still hurts.
"And what about…" Sai began, then stopped abruptly.
A pause.
Hesitance.
Carefulness.
"Abortion?"
The dirty word, he spoke it softly.
"Abortion," Naruto repeated, thick-tongued; the word heavy on his chapped lips. He slowly loosened his grip on Sai's pale wrist, eventually letting go.
"What happens now?" Sai asked, staring at the red fading handprint on his wrist.
"Tsunade-baachan wants to see me today. She wants to discuss about my… er… predicament, I guess," he said, awkwardly getting up and self-consciously rounding his shoulders around himself, almost as a protective shield.
"I'm coming," Sai said casually, as if discussing the weather.
"That's unnecessary," Naruto said dismissively.
"I'm coming with you," Sai repeated authoritatively- his determination catching Naruto off guard.
"Why do you care so much, Sai? You're not my child's father," he bit out in aggravation.
Sai didn't bat an eyelash.
"I'm coming," he said simply with complete certitude.
"I have to go," Naruto huffed in irritation, walking away from the stand.
Sai stared at his wrists. He wanted to press the issue more, but decided against it when whipped with Naruto's obvious emotional exhaustion. The boy was so damn tired. And Sai wanted to help. He sighed in aggravation. If he could… if he could just do something, anything, just to wash that look of pained desperation off his face even for a moment, he would. He would fucking move Heaven and Earth for his most cherished friend. He really would. But he couldn't. He was helpless. Powerless. Weak.
"Hey Sai," Naruto whispered, stopping just before leaving.
A modest, shy smile. A sincere sign of appreciation. Blue eyes shimmering.
A warm whisper, "Thank you."
Sai couldn't stop staring at the horizon.
XXX
She stared at the door, bored, the glass of sake heavy in her hands.
Any second now.
And sure enough, her guest came waltzing in, guns blazing.
"Old hag, what's wrong with me?!" Naruto asked abruptly, violently swinging the door open in his usual rambunctiousness.
He barged in her office as his custom, red-faced from yelling, and Tsunade stared at the brat with an amalgamation of fondness and boredom. This was serious. Times were difficult. And her brat… the brat will never change. Her brat. She swallowed the growing smile on her face with a bitter gulp of sake.
"I've taken some necessary precautions," she said severely, motioning for the ninja to take a seat before her.
Naruto stared at her suspiciously, unimpressed by with her aura of authority.
He wearily took a seat, "Quit stalling. What the hell is wrong with me?"
Tsunade sized the boy up, unmindful of his usually intolerable belligerence. The boy. The man. Boy. Man. Man. The boy she witnessed blossom into a man.
"I don't think it's safe for you or your child to stay in Konoha right now," she said firmly, surveying Naruto as his face contorted at the mention of his child. Contorted, as if he swallowed a sour pill.
"I'm no coward!" Naruto exclaimed, outraged at the sole thought of leaving his hometown, getting up in his untamed fury and knocking the chair down. What the hell was up with everyone today?!
Tsunade could feel the nauseous red chakra seeping from him. She violently slammed her glass on the desk, and got up, the green vein on her forehead pulsing feverishly. Her hands, flat-palmed on her desk, were trembling from the intensity of her rage. Naruto gulped, slowly sitting back down.
"BRAT!" she bellowed with such viciousness that the crimson chakra evanesced from sight. This is not a question of cowardice, you idiot! This is about what's doing right for that mini brat growing inside you! And right now, it is not safe for you to stay in the village. You are my shinobi and as your Hokage, I am sending you away on a mission. You. Have. No. Say. Whatsoever. Am I clear, baka?" she said slowly, voice oozing with the sadistic promise of pain.
"What are you so afraid of?" Naruto asked softly, averting his eyes.
Tsunade massaged her forehead.
"Does Uchiha know?" she inquired softly, blatantly ignoring the boy's question.
Naruto gave her a hesitant look. Then, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, he laughed self-consciously.
"I…err… no," he said hesitantly, a quaint smile splayed on his lips.
"Good," was Tsunade's unexpected reply. Naruto stared, mouth agape. "I advise you to keep it from him… at least for a bit," she continued nonchalantly, pouring more sake in her glass.
"What?!" Naruto shrieked in bewilderment. "I… I don't get you! Just a few hours ago you were lecturing me about how a father has the right to know, and now all of a sudden you want me to keep it from him? Make up your mind, damnit! I'm confused enough as it is, and you're not making things any easier!" he howled,
"Calm down, Naruto," Tsunada wheeze out, coughing violently.
Naruto sat up abruptly, rushing to her side, concern engulfing him. The sound of her cough was intestine-binding. It was like the sound of an aggressive bark of a dying mutt. She put her hand up to stop him from coming any nearer, the handkerchief secure around her mouth.
"Agitation… is… not… healthy for the… c-child," she utterled slowly, in between rough coughing spells.
"Sit down," she barked, once the fit dispelled.
Naruto complied reluctantly, the worry evident in his eyes.
"Trust me on this. Please? Just trust me," Tsunade asked softly, firmly, folding the bloodied napkin away from sight, hoping to erase the worry from her brat's heart.
"When do I leave?" Naruto whispered with abandon.
XXX
He knew what would greet him before he even opened the door. The refined chakra seeped through the dilapidated wooden door. It wasn't like he was trying real hard to dissimulate it. Naruto had an inkling that he wanted his presence to be known.
And from here he could,
Take a few instances to brace himself to face his fearsome Goliath.
He could also take this God-given opportunity to turn around, hit the ground running, shrieking like a prepubescent boy.
Or, he could just barge in and face his demons. A swift rip, like a bandage. Quick and painless.
The thought made Naruto scoff. As if anything with the bastard was ever quick and painless.
"Don't even try to mask your chakra, dobe. I can hear you breathing from here," said the oh so familiar snarky voice he had been dreading to hear.
"You broke into my apartment. I'm pretty sure that's illegal," Naruto huffed, entering his dark home.
There, sitting crossed-leg on his kitchen counter like some serene Bhuddist deity was his formidably terrifying sensei. Ghastly porcelain white was contrasting almost eerily with the blackness of his humble home. The violent blend was strangely appealing.
It felt like he had been there for eons- a porcelain doll part of the homely décor.
Like he had always been here.
Like he belonged here. With him. In his home.
And such a dangerous thought petrified him.
"Perks of being a captain," Sasuke succinctly replied, his face unmoving, statuesque.
And more than once, Naruto had to wonder if the man was a human- the living, breathing alive kind of human, that is.
Naruto grumpily said, "I've had a long day. Make it quick and get out."
And Uchiha Sasuke sat, completely poised, swiping his jet-black bangs from his ashen face utterly immune to his pupil's scorching glare.
And Uzumaki Naruto stared, utterly bewildered with a swirl of soot-deep aggression raging in the pit of his stomach.
How dare he?
How dare he sit in his kitchen as if it was his?
How dare he be so… relaxed and majestically unemotional and so goddamn perfect when he fucking shoved Naruto's life into a vicious blender and grinded it to shreds?!
How dare he use his body as if he owned him?
How dare he use his body for his own selfish needs and discard him, throw him away like some cheap, used Kleenex?!
How dare he use him, abuse him like he was worthless? Like he was useless? Like he was nothing? Cipher. Garbage. A shadow. A nobody.
How fucking dare he?!
The epitome of calmness.
A purse of lips, then, "So… you're not dying?"
In an instant, the angerrageresentment boiling over madly inside him paused to pave the way for bewildermentconfusionsurprise.
"W-what?" Naruto asked in a shrilly stutter, nearly choking on his own saliva.
It could have been a question or a statement, Naruto didn't know.
Annoyance roared in pools of black.
"I'm not repeating myself," was the moody assertion that came from Sasuke.
"Yeah, I'm not dying," his charge mumbled somewhat awkwardly, opening the fridge and helping himself to a carton of milk. He carefully inspected the carton, the best-before date erased. He opened the folded flap and took a sniff. It didn't smell too bad.
Soured milk can't kill their baby, right?
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
His.
His. His. His.
His baby.
Not theirs.
Never theirs.
He roughly dumped the carton in the trash.
Shit. He needed to sleep.
"Dobe," the low masculine octave that unmistakeably belonged to only one person called out, breaking him out of his musings.
Shit. He really needed to pay more attention and quit zoning out. It couldn't be healthy to be constantly so jumpy, as if he were repeatedly being hammered with a hot blazing orange iron.
"What?!" he asked through gritted teeth with barely tamed aggression. It took all his willpower and then some to not pummel that smug face into a bloody pulp.
Sasuke, in one swift movement that Naruto could barely follow, elegantly hopped off the counter and landed on his feet.
"Tomorrow, I expect you to be at training grounds. Not a second late, got that?" a curt order delivered in a cold, clipped tone.
The I-don't-give-a-shit-about-you nonchalant aura oozing from his pores at full throttle once again.
Naruto shook his head in disbelief. And here he thought, for a second, the jerk might give a damn.
Oh, the follies of a gullible heart.
"You're a real bast-"
"Fifty extra laps tomorrow," dark eyes narrowed into threatening slits dangerously, promising pain.
And in a rare moment of wisdom, Naruto promptly shut up. He had no fight left in him. Not today, at least. He wearily stared at his sensei. The great Uchiha heir. The stealthy killer. The cold-hearted assassin. The deadly ninja. The father of his baby.
Please leave. Just please, please, please.
"And you're paying for the boots," Sasuke added bitterly, the vein on his forehead throbbing madly.
Pleasepleaseplease. Pleasepleaseplaese.
"Anything else, your Highness?" Naruto asked sourly, dripping with sarcasm.
"Yes," his sensei answered, dusting himself. "Now, you go to sleep," Sasuke spoke firmly in a menacing tone that left no room for argument- Naruto's heart skip a beat.
Naruto stared after his sensei, wide-eyed and heart hammering madly. It couldn't be. It couldn't be. It…
He came here to check up on me.
He came here to check up on me.
He came here to check up on… me.
He came here to check up on me…
And God knows how long his sensei had been sitting here idly, waiting.
And, suddenly, in one of those flashbulbs moment, he could see it.
He could see it all.
He could see it all working out someday, somehow; magically.
Uchiha-sensei and him, living under one roof.
Bickering, bantering, fighting…
Loving their child.
And maybe, maybe even on some deeper level, respecting each other.
And, suddenly, he could see himself running up to the bastard right now.
Just as shout of, "Wait!".
And an ominous precursor of, "I have something to tell you" and, "Sit down".
And they would both sit.
And it would be awkward and uncomfortable and mortifying.
And Uchiha wouldn't believe him. He would think of it as some sick, perverse joke.
But maybe after a chat with Tsunade-baachan, he'd be more receptive, more incline to believe him.
And it would be terrifying. But maybe, someday, somehow, magically, it could all work out because…
He came up to check up on me.
Because he maybekindofsortofalmost… c-cared?
Yet as Sasuke walked out of that door, Naruto stood completely still.
He didn't move an inch.
He didn't even breathe a word.
Because 'magically' didn't happen in real life.
Magically was for wishful thinkers and gullible dreamers.
It was time for Naruto to grow up.
XXX
Naruto decided it was time for him to grow up. Having a baby required a lot of responsibility and maturity.
It was time for Naruto to grow up.
And growing up came in the form a few hard, hasty knocks on a familiar door in the middle of the moonlit, frigid night.
The door cracked open barely an inch.
"What do you want?" the tenant asked gruffly, ruffling his already mussed jet-black hair; yawning.
"Pack your bags. We're leaving for Suna," Naruto said categorically in a tone that left no room for discussion.
Sai nodded, sleep quickly erased from his bleary eyes, and opened the door slightly wider to let the shivering boy in.
This was growing up.
XXX
Ehehehehehe.
Um.
H-hiiiii.
-hides face under shirt-
I've been baaaaaaaad. I knoooow. Bad and negligent.
Boo me. Boooo me. I know! I know!
I've been in a huge writing funk for the past forever. And I'd like to thank a special someone for her continuous and outstanding kicks to my rear to put them in gear. Her brilliant support warms my heart. The lovely thetwistedtruth, I owe it all to you. Check out her sublime fic, Disadvantaged Children. It's the boom diggity.
Also, a huge and sincere thank you to all you guys.
POLL RESULTS:Do you think Naruto ever got over his crush?
WINNER: HELL NO. Rejection hurts. He still cares. AND IT WILL BLOSSOM INTO L O V E with a whopping 79% of the votes.
Really? After six years, you guys still believe Naruto is love-stricken? Oh poor guy. What a long, long wait for him. :(
New poll question up on profile page.
Moreover.
Dear readers,
Thank you for your continuous/amazing/orgasmic support.
You guys rock every single one of my socks.
Lots of love,
JD.