I discarded about five different ideas (some of them half-written) for this chapter before I settled for this particular one. I think I made the right choice. Still a bit unsure about the ending though, so reviews with your thoughts, especially on the ending, would be highly appreciated (as reviews always are).

And before we move on: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews I've gotten so far, I only hope I can live up to your expectations in the coming chapters!

Everyone simply stands in the living room, looking at Rory, as if they're afraid to break the silence. Luke stares at the floor, as if he's ashamed that he immediately jumped to the conclusion that Jess had deliberately done something to hurt Rory and make her cancel the wedding. And even though there is no doubt she is hurting and the wedding is definitely cancelled it wasn't Jess' intention; he'd made that very clear.

"I told them about the letter." Lane says after a while. The information is redundant, seeing as the knowledge about the letter is the reason they're all standing here in this awkward silence. But at least it breaks the tension in the room and everyone looks relieved.

"He should've known better." Luke mutters, still staring at the floor. But with his whole body he shows how relieved he is that Jess hadn't tried to ruin Rory's wedding.

"I don't want anyone being mad at Jess. He didn't want this." She gives it her best effort to try and make her voice sound firm and steady. "I'm the only one to blame for this mess, not Jess and not Logan."

"No one's blaming you honey." Her mother says while she walks over to her and places her arm around her shoulders. "No one's blaming anyone. It's just…it is what it is."

'It is what it is', the exact words Jess used when describing what they had before she left him at Truncheon that night. 'It is what it is', what a useless phrase. What does it even mean? It's just something people say when facing a situation they don't know how to describe. 'It is what it is', why didn't he tell her that what they had was love? Why didn't he tell her that what they had couldn't ever be replaced by anything else? Why didn't he stop her from leaving and convince her that they belong together?

Because she told him she loved Logan. Of course he didn't try to stop her. He let her go without saying anything about them for the same reasons that she's not already in Philadelphia knocking on his door: he respected that she had made her choice. Why couldn't she see then that the choice she made was the wrong one? Maybe if Logan hadn't got hurt in that Life and Death Brigade stunt things would be different? No, she can't come up with an answer, she doesn't want to come up with answer. It is what it is. This situation. She and Jess. It is what it is and what it has always been. Suddenly that phrase doesn't sound so useless.

"I should call Logan, I need to talk to him, let him know it's not his fault." She says as she realizes she needs to focus on the present, dwelling on the past and what could have been wouldn't do her any good.

"Don't think a call will be necessary." Her father says and points out the window. A car is parked outside in the drive way. It's Logan's car. "He's been sitting out there all day. I didn't know if you…I didn't know whether he was to blame or not. I told him to leave. He didn't." He looks ashamed, as if he's done something wrong by not letting Logan in the house.

"You don't have to talk to him right away if you feel it's too hard." Her mother quickly adds. "I could explain to him that you need more time."

Rory shakes her head.
"No, I should talk to him. He deserves to know why this is happening."

Lorelai follows her to the door and stops her in the hallway.
"What are going to tell him?"
"The truth." She answers, not quite sure she knows what the truth is. The truth is that she loves Jess, but then what? Logan's going to ask questions, he's going to want answers. She hopes she can find answers, he deserves answers.
"That you love Jess?" Lorelai looks at her, inspects her almost. Rory meets her eyes.
"I don't want to lie to him. I've been lying enough as it is, to myself, to Logan, to all of you, that's what got me in this situation in the first place."
Lorelai nods and hugs her and Rory leans towards her. Her mother might be the only person that could truly understand what she's going through. She'd gone through something similar not long ago when she married her father even though she still loved Luke.
"We'll all be right here if you need us, any of us, all of us – we're here."

As if he'd been watching the front door Logan steps out of his car the moment she opens it. She takes a deep breath as if to steady herself and starts climbing the stairs.

"Logan." They're the only people out there, so she hadn't needed to say his name; he would have known anyway that she was there to talk to him, but she doesn't know how else to start.

"Rory?" He meets her half-way across the lawn, grabs her hands and looks at her. "What's going on here? What's happened?" His voice is worried.

She looks up at him, his hair's a mess, his clothes are in disarray and the whites in his eyes have turned red. She takes a deep breath. How's she supposed to explain everything to him? She's been leading him on, it's not his fault that she can't marry him, it's not his fault that Jess has taken up all the room in her heart, leaving no space at all for any other man. She's been lying to him, lying to herself; telling them both she loved him with all her heart and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She's been lying to both of them; and now both of them are hurting.

"Rory, talk to me. Tell me what happened." He bends his knees a bit and tries to get her to shift the focus of her eyes from the lawn to his eyes.
"I'm so sorry Logan." She looks up and meets his eyes. Her eyes are stinging, as if she's about to cry.
"Sorry about what? Whatever's happened we can solve this. Just tell me what's happened and we'll solve it, we'll work through it." He sounds desperate.
"I'm so sorry, but I can't marry you."

He takes a step back and slowly looks at her from head to toe, he squints his eyes and there's suspicion in his voice when he asks the question he's very much entitled to ask.
"Why?"

She takes a deep breath. Why. She doesn't how to explain it to him.
"I should never have said yes in the first place." It was supposed to be a comfort, but Logan doesn't look comforted at all. He looks confused, tired, sad, angry and not the least bit comforted. He sighs.
"Is it about the job? I didn't ask you to turn down that job. It was your choice."
Yeah, it was her choice, he's right about that. But the choice had been between him or the job. But then again, she had chosen him and the loss of the job was not why she had cancelled the wedding.
"It's not about the job."

"What is it then? There has to be a reason Rory. Yesterday you wanted to marry me, today you don't. There has to be a reason." His eyes are tearing up and the sight of that makes the tears Rory's been trying to hold back impossible to stop.
"I don't know what to tell you Logan, other than I can't. I wish there was a simple reason. I wish I could tell you that it's because I don't love you or that I despise you for letting me turn down that job, but I can't because it wouldn't be true." She tries to wipe the tears from her face using the back of her hand.
"So what's the problem? Is there someone else?" He looks devastated, as if he just realized that could be the reason. "Please Rory, tell me there isn't someone else."

There was someone else; there had always been someone else. She had loved Logan, she really had, and to be honest she still did, but in her heart he would always be in second place. It was not fair against Logan to go along with the wedding, or with their relationship, as long as she still felt this way about Jess.

Jess didn't want to be with her anymore, so it was not a matter of her leaving Logan to be with Jess. Logan was a great guy, he deserved to be with a girl who could give him her whole heart. Rory couldn't, she had given hers away many years ago and she had never gotten it back.

"There isn't anyone else, at least not in the way you're probably picturing it." She regrets the words the second she says them. They had sounded so accusing and she don't want him to feel accused; she's the one that has made something wrong, not he.
"The way I'm picturing it? What's that supposed to mean? Is there someone else or is there not? It's a simple question."

It might be a simple question, but there was no simple answer. In her heart, in her mind and in every aching fiber of her body there was someone else. But physically, next to her, willing to spend the rest of his life with her, there was no one. How do you explain that to someone whose heart you just broke?

"You know how in romantic movies they're always talking about the great love of their lives?" Movies? Couldn't she have come up with something better? A book at least. But he nods, even though the look in his eyes tells her he doesn't want to hear anymore. But she has to tell him, he has a right to know, she needs him to understand. Even though it might hurt him right now, eventually it would help him move on. "I was 17 when I met him and even though I've denied it to myself, I've loved him ever since. I've never really let him go. He doesn't want to be with me, he didn't ask me to leave you, but I still love him and it wouldn't be fair to you."

Logan looks down at the ground while she's talking, sighs and then meets her eyes again.
"So you never really loved me? You wanted him all along?"
"Of course I loved you, I still do, it's just…" She hesitates, how on earth is she supposed to explain it to him, without stomping on the pieces of his already broken heart?
"You love him more." He sounds resigned.
"Yeah." As a reflex she reaches her hand out to stroke his arm, to comfort him, but he pulls back, his eyes full of distrust.
"I don't want you thinking I've been pining for him all the time while we were together. It wasn't like that." She quickly adds, she needs him to know that as well.
"What was it like then?" He sounds irritated.

She wishes she had an answer for that, that would make this whole situation less confusing.
"You deserve better Logan, you deserve to be with someone to whom you will always be number one. Someone who can't imagine living her life without you in it." She says, avoiding to answer his question all together.
"I don't care about that! I love you, and you say you love me. That's all I need. That's all I care about." He's yelling now but she doesn't blame him, she would to in his situation.
"You may feel like that now, but it wouldn't work. Not in the long run. I couldn't do that to you." She can hear how desperate her voice sounds and most probably Logan hears it too, because his whole body slows down, as if all his anger left him just as quickly as it showed up.

"So this is it for us?" There's not a trace of anger left in his voice, only sadness.
"I'm sorry Logan. I really am." Her voice is tired and she feels tired. Even though she's been sleeping for the larger part of the day she still feels indescribably tired.
"I should have known it was too good to be true." He shakes his head and starts walking to his car, his shoulders hanging low and his eyes set on the ground.
She wishes there was some last words she could give him that would make it feel better, but there isn't.

He drives off without even looking at her, they hadn't even said good bye. But on the other hand, this whole conversation had been a good bye.
"I'm sorry." She whispers into the mild summer night's air as she sits down on the porch steps and buries her head in her hands, crying.