Part 9

Still no beta though hehehehe

ENJOY !

Previous

"I'm here, Sam. You have me now. I'll help you to get you free from those nightmares."

He smiled again.

I offered him a hug and he fell in my shoulder. I hugged him tightly, to let him now that I always there for him.

"Thank you, Castiel."

I just nodded and keep hugging him. Till he finally sleep. It felt good to have him in my arms, knowing that I could comfort him. I sighed in relieved. He trusted me now. And the first thought that he was a whimpered, weak, chicken boy, it's all wrong! He was the strongest boy I'd ever seen. I believed he would be much stronger everyday.

Part 9 – Healing and Recovery

I watched him sleep peacefully. He just was like an angel. Nobody thought he was carrying such a trauma, pain and sadness. Last night he finally told me everything. His past. It was hurt, yes, hurts a lot. Thank God, The Wesson found him, or maybe he found them like Michael's said. They saved him, they teach him how to talk again, they teach him how to write, they teach him the manner, and maybe they teach him how to cry again. How you have suffered, Sam. What can I do for you to ease them, Sam? But at least he trusted me now, and that would be much easier to me to help him through the horrible past. I really want to help him, I want to see him smile happily, bring back the happy memories with Dean. Hope I could.

Just the feeling of careness and love, I kissed his forehead. 'Don't worry, Sam, you have me now.' I won't let anybody hurt you again. Never! I really have loved him. And for the first time since I wrote my last journal, ( I didn't remember when was it!) I wrote down about Sam. Wrote from the day I met him, and what I feel for him.

The things much better after he told me. His nightmares were lessening. Well I think that what he needs to release him from the nightmares; shared with somebody, not taking it alone. And I'm glad I was there. Michael knew, and he was as glad as I was. He was right, I should wait him till he trust me, then he will tell. And yes it happened. He trusted me.

We were best friend now. Slowly he was more open up then before. He shared Dean's letter with me, and made me know everything about Dean and how much he was meant to Sam. He was Sam's rock, and I didn't think Sam would survived if there were no Dean -not mentioning how he gave Sam to The Wesson's, but how Dean loved and protected him. And how he hated Dean for leaving him with the Wesson's. How Dean lied to him that they would be together to England. Live together with The Wesson's. But indeed Dean left him, and decided to stay with 'Him'. That was the first time Sam ever cried since he shut his voice at 5. He cried for Dean. Begging for not leaving him. But Dean has made a great big decision. Let Sam go with them to have a better life. And he has it.

We never mentioned his past again, as we put them behind us. We have to move forward. Those memories would make Sam to be a stronger man to be a better person. I tried to gave him a happy time, made him smile, made him talked to me, and shared everything to me. And I made it. He more cheerful now, and shared everything, even his journal. (well, I wouldn't tell my journal to anybody, not even to him. Sorry, Sam, but I will keep it in secret) He was still writing his journal. And to my surprise, Sam was writing his sad story, beside his daily journal in this school and me. He writes his full life story. Start from the day he knew about the pain and the beatings. He wrote all the detail of what happened to him, what he's done to him, even how his father used him as a sexual victim as the changed of his mam, and Dean didn't know that. And how Dean covered him from the beatings. Sam showed all his feeling at back then, the emotion he had to hide from his father. I would never think he would write it down, which he's still trying to get over it!

"Why you write it, Sam?"

"I don't know. I just feel like to write it. To let out my feeling. It was something I couldn't do then. The cried, the screams, the pain, the agony and the heart breaking being denial. I need it for myself, it's kind of healing for me."

"Don't worry it didn't hurt me much. I tried to fight it with write it down as I couldn't talked about it. That much hurt than write it down. So, it's okay for me. Don't worry, Cas, I'm fine," he gave me a little smile

I just nodded. Well maybe he was right. And I was right! Those memories would make him stronger. And I would always there for him

A year passed, and the things still fine with us… with him. He was lot much better than the first time I met him. I thanked to God that I could do something for him. Something that changed him to be a happy boy. Something that I wanted to do, to make the person I love happy. Oh, God! I must be lost now! Did I say I love him? Me, love a boy? Me love him? I know what bible say. Its forbidden love! And what would my mother and father said? Hope they wouldn't kill me! But yes, I loved him. Something I realised those careness was from the love. I cared of him because I love him. And it was really hurt to see your love suffered. It was hell! A year ago I was not daring to admit it, but now it's going much stronger. Stronger as I never felt before. I don't care about sin, I just loved him! Much stronger as to see how much he loves his brother. There's a jealousy inside me. I wanted to be his Dean, the one he loved. The more he talked about Dean, the more I wanted to become him. But I knew I couldn't. There was no-one could replace Dean. Not even Mrs. Wesson or Michael. Dean was the best. So now, I satisfied enough to be beside him as his friend, and made a great day from him. That's enough for me, and hoping he would feel the same.

Everyday I watched him healing, and going much stronger. And every night I watched him sleep in peace. The sleep would maybe just a dream for him when he was still with 'him'. And even he saved now, he was still in misery. He missed Dean so much, and still break down for not seeing him. And that break me down too. How much I want to be his Dean. For something, he would always be miserable.

Sam's deep sleep

"You ready to go, Sammy?" Dean asked him before they go to the port.

Sam nodded with smiled happily.

Dean couldn't help his gladness to see Sam this happy. This is it. It's the day; they were going to leave, moved to England with The Wessons.

He hugged his brother tightly. "I love you, Sam, I love you so much. So whatever I did, it's for you. You believe me, right?"

Sam just nodded. He believed in Dean 100% person, and now they were going to leave.

"Don't worry, everything is going to be alright. Mrs. Wesson will take care of you."

Sam nodded again.

Dean hugged his brother even tighter. 'I'm sorry, Sam, but believe me I love you so much.'

As they were arrived, on the port, Sam was so mesmerized to see the big ship who will took them to England. He never saw this big ship before, and now they will go with it? Sam smiled happily without letting go Dean's hand. He held them tight.

They took one big and luxurious compartment with Michael, while Mr. and Mrs. Wesson's took another just right next door.

"You happy, Sam?" Mrs. Wessons teased him gently.

Sam nodded without letting his brother hand. He looked at Dean to make sure this wasn't a dream, and Dean just nodded with smiling. Then he moved to the window and watched the outer from there.

Dean kept looking at his brother with the breakdown, 'God know how much I love you, Sam.'

Till they heard they whistle as a signal ship was ready to go. Sam was excited with the view.

"Sammy, I wanna go outside for a minute, I want to see from out here.

Heard that, Sam was tightning his hands.

"No, Sam, you stay here. I won't long. Michael gonna be with you, right, Michael?" he turned to Michael.

Michael just nodded.

"See, " Dean smiled to made his brother believe. "I swear, I won't go anywhere."

Sam still held his brother hand, won't to let go.

"Sam…"

Finally, Sam let Dean's hand go.

Dean smiled gladly, "I'm gonna be out side, okay?"

Sam just nodded.

Dean turned to Michael, "Take him care for me, Michael."

Michael just nodded slightly

"And thank you very much, Michael. For everything."

Again, Michael just nodded. He didn't know what to say, especially in front of Sam.

Dean looked his brother once again, and kissed him on forehead before he left. And Sam watched his brother through out that door.

As Dean left, Michael took Sam's hand and together they looked the view from the window. Sam just smiled.

But it didn't long. Sam still didn't believe with Dean. And he decided to see himself, to see Dean was still here, even Michael was insisted him.

And he was glad to see Dean was with Mr. and Mrs. Wesson on deck. He was still here.

"See, I told you, Dean didn't going anywhere," Michael was as glad as Sam, in different reason.

Shyly Sam smiled and let Michael guided him back to the room. Dean was still here. That the most important for him

The whistle heard again for the last call. And Sam was more excited, as he felt the ship was moving, he was going to leave! He ran outside to see the view with Dean. But what shocking him, Dean was not with Mr. and Mrs. Wesson. Otherwise, they were on deck, waving their hands. Sam went pale. He even paler when he saw Dean was down there. 'Dean isn't coming with us!'

Franticly, he ran to find the stairs.

"Sam, where are you going?" Mr. Wesson chassed him.

Peter Wesson held Sam tide. Sam was going to jump up!

"Sam, you can't go down there. The ship are moving now, we can't reach the port..

But Sam went hysterical, he was crying. For the first time he cried.

"Sam, honey, Dean didn't leave you. He want us to take care of you, he want you to come with us," Mae tried to explained him. "Dean loves you, honey. He wouldn't leave you just like that. You will come back here."

But Sam wouldn't listen, he still crying and fighting.

Till the officer opened the door to show that ship had gone far from the port.

Sam shocked with the water and the gap between the ship and the port. It hadn't that far, but he couldn't to jump up and swim. He couldn't swim!

He could see Dean was on the port, shaking his head like he wanted say "Don't jump!"

"TAKE A GOOD CARE, SAM!" Dean shouted at him. "I'LL WAIT HERE WHEN YOU COME BACK! DON'T WORRY, I'M GONNA BE FINE! YOU GONNA BE FINE, SAAAMM! I LOVE YOUUUU!

And Sam just could cry.

"I LOVE YOUUUUU, SAAAAAMMM! DON'T FORGET MEEEEEEEEE!"

Sam nodded in cry

"No, Dean, please don't leave me… Dean…Dean"

I watched him dreaming again. Dreaming about Dean. Still!

"Shs… Sam, wake up," gently I woke him up, before he went hysterical.

"Dean…DEAN!" he shouted as he wake up. Sweat over his head and he breathe heavily. He was always like that.

"Shss, it's alright, Sam, I'm here…" I'm soothed him, and he went cry.

"He left me, Cas… he was leaving me!"

"No he didn't."

"Yes he did! And I'm not going to see him again. I'm loosing him,"

"No you're not, Sam. You know that," I opened up my arms for a hug and he fell on my shoulder. I hugged him gently rubbed his back.

"I missed him, Cas. I missed him so much!" he sounded like 10 years boy.

"I know that Sam, and you'll gonna see him again. I promise that, Sam,"

"You promise?" he sounded not sure.

"Yes, Sam, I promise," I ensured him.

"Would you accompany me?"

"If you asked me," I smiled

He smiled and sighed. His cry has stopped.

"Thank you, Castiel."

I just nodded.

"Now go back to sleep, I'll be here," I guided him back to sleep. And he tried to get back to sleep.

I watched him in heart breaking, 'God, Sam, don't you know, how hurt this heart to see you this suffer, missing your brother. But it doesn't worst than to see you can you love me like you love Dean?' Can I be your Dean?

TBC

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