Chapter 29 – Disappointments

I cooked the egg for precisely three minutes, scooping it out with a wire mesh snare. Toast went onto a plate and I poured out my tea, which had steeped for exactly four minutes. I sat, prepared to remove the top of the egg, when I knew I had a far more important thing to do than to eat breakfast.

I downed tools, stood and marched from the cottage, knowing that was something I had to do, and this matter with Louisa would not wait any longer.

"Louisa!" I called as I approached my former fiancée and the pregnant mother of our child.

She was standing at the edge of the schoolyard, just outside the gate, and was greeting the students as they arrived, most accompanied by parents.

"Hello, Martin," she answered nonchalantly. She was wearing a blue or purple sort of top and trousers. In a few weeks her due date would roll around, but she looked ready to pop already.

I parked myself in front of her, just four feet or so away. "I know that you heard about my job in London." The words finally came out of my mouth. I felt the fool at this late date telling the woman. There was a tiny voice inside damning me for the long delay. The voice was too right and I was ashamed.

Unbelievably she smiled up at me. "Yes, and that's great news for you. Really, really well done."

I didn't expect this sort of response and I certainly didn't expect to hear congrats from her. In defense I blurted out "I did try to tell you… just was trying to find the appropriate moment."

I was now verbally tap dancing. Doc Martin – the arrogant tosser without a bone of reserve - who could and would verbally assault patients – now feeling like a naughty school boy caught by the Head Master.

Students and parents walked past and greeted Louisa as they went by. I totally ignored them, but Louisa greeted in turn.

Then she frowned at me. "Not sure that it's particularly appropriate right now…" She looked away then stared hard at me. "You might have told me first," she said through gritted teeth. "I do have a right to know," came out more sharply. "After all, I am carrying your child!" She didn't quite shout, but it was very cross.

Heat flew to my face. "A child that you have said I am to have nothing to do with!" Now I was boiling mad, returning fire for fire. This was the bone of contention, my inner voice chimed in. The voice inside broke into a scream of rage and I had to bite my tongue to hold it back.

"NO!" Louisa shot back at me. "That's not what I said!" Fire flew from her eyes and her ponytail swished like an angry snake.

I started at her backpedaling. "You have made it abundantly clear from the outset that you have wished to bring up this baby on your own!"

"Because I knew you wouldn't want to get involved!" Her words came out so hard, I almost feared she would strike me.

"That is an outrageous assumption!" I shouted back. Now we stood toe-to-toe like boxers. I glared down at her bulbous frame and she had her head tipped straight up glaring at me.

"Yet here we are discussing YOUR move to London…" she went on ignoring me.

"Which YOU just congratulated me on, so…!" No matter how controlled I imagine I would be Louisa was right in my face, our difference in height preventing her from meeting my eyes directly.

She looked away wearily. "I really don't have time for this." She turned and started to leave.

I bolted forward. "Louisa!" I hissed. "There are some practicalities that need to be addressed!"

From the corner of my eye, I saw Bert appear in the Post Office store. "Louisa!" he called out.

I ignored him and kept my focus on Louisa. "We need to be clear about some things…"

"Sorry Doc," Bert went on. "I'm not interrupting, am I?"

"Of course YOU are!" I whirled about and stomped away. If I was a steam engine, I would be blowing steam at every pipe joint and gasket. That went completely wrong. Absolutely impossible to discuss this matter with the woman. I'd let things go far too long – far too bloody long – and now…

I had assumed that Louisa would feel sad, disappointed, and upset. I felt that I would be the calm center of the storm, in control, as Dr. Milligan has trained me, just as in the surgery theater. But I had totally and completely destroyed the moment. Impossible to judge how I could recover and bring some logical sense to any discussion with her at this point. Martin, you bloody fool!

I felt totally and completely an idiot, and worse, so disappointed in myself. Imagine you are in control… not possible!