Disclaimer: We own everything! Mwuahahahaha... No... sadly, that's a terrible lie... Rowling owns everything and everyone except for our own created characters (Alice, Nadia, Lara, Death) Also, we don't own Ludo's song Love Me Dead (fabulous, btw; you really should listen to it!)
Authors' notes: Hihi! Thank you dearest, valued readers for reading our delightfully amusing and whatever you want to call it story! And to our only reviewer, we kinda sorta forgot to answer you question. Yeah, Alice is a cousin of the Lovegoods, a very distant cousin of Sirius- that's how she knew about his stash of photos in his room. Thank you for your review, we had a field day over it ^.^ We need you awesome people to review and give us inspiration! Lots of Love, UmbrellaConfederation /J| (look, its an umbrella! ;D )
When Lara and Sirius entered the room they found Nadia and Death curled up together on a beanbag in a dark corner of the fire lit room, Nadia was quietly cooing to her beloved cat and her cat responded by nuzzling her chin and purring softly. It would be an adorable sight if Lara and Sirius didn't know how dangerous the morbid couple was. Remus was lying on a plush blanket on the ground playing with a chain with a small charm on it, there was another blanket near his in which Alice was sitting and explaining the magical properties of her chain (the one that Remus was holding). Remus, however, soon lost interest in the chain and simply lay gazing at Alice and occasionally nodding when required.
James and Lily were now pretty much dry from sitting by the fire, and were lightly dozing in their seats. With a slight sigh Lily fell sideways into James, her head resting on James' lap. James' eyes flickered open, peered warmly yet dazedly at Lily, then closed again.
"Awwww" cooed Lara softly. "How sweet!"
"Wow... Never thought I'd get to see-" Sirius started loudly, but Lara jabbed him in the ribs. As he writhed in pain silently, she snatched the clothes from him.
"They can dress when they awaken," she whispered, seating herself next to Nadia.
"Dude, Sirius has the dirtiest mind out of any one in Hogwarts," Lara started softly. Sirius, as he heard the words, hurriedly walked away and started twiddling with his wand in the corner, not wanting to be present to hear himself degraded.
Nadia gently pet Death as she murmured, "What happened?"
"He tried to look through Lily's...Lily's..." Lara looked away.
"Oh..."
"Yeah..."
"S'ok, Death will take care of this,"said Nadia confidently as she set her cat off to the general direction of Sirius.
"Um, Nadia?" called Sirius from the other side of the room.
"Ye-es?"
"Can you please get the cat away?"
"Don't worry, Sirius. Death just wants to kill you. Quite literally. If I find your dead body near a grim reaper I won't be surprised. In fact, we could all just suddenly die right now."
Sirius nodded. "Right. Er, just...Asking..." Nadia smiled with much satisfaction.
…
Streaks of sunlight shone in through a curtained window. James woke up blearily with a vague memory of Lily in his mind, and closed his eyes again, hoping to keep the memory as long as possible.
James' thoughts were momentarily interrupted by noise. As he concentrated on the sounds, he realized it was music. A male voice sang:
Love me cancerously,
Like a salt sore stuck in the sea,
High maintenance means your a gluttonous queen
Narcissistic and mean
Hm, getting Lily's love was like that... painful, she somehow made him ache a lot, heart, soul, and places where she hexed him.
Kill me romantically
Fill my soul with vomit then ask me for a piece of gum
Bitter and dumb, your my sugar plum
Yeah, if he had to die, it would be by Lily's hand alone. Dying romantically... hmm, didn't sound to bad. Now she wasn't cruel enough to... eww that was just gross...
She moved through moonbeams slowly,
She knows just how to hold me,
and when her edges soften,
her body is my coffin,
I know she drains me slowly,
She wears me down to bones in bed,
must be that sign on my head,
It says, oooh, love me dead!
That sounded like his Lily, she was the only girl who could captivate him yet scare and exhaust him so much. Only Lily could do what she did to him. No one else. Yeah, if he had to die, it would have to be from Lily-Love overdose. The only and best way to die.
Slowly, James opened his eyes feeling something licking his neck. It felt kind of creepy and for some reason he felt like someone had just passed over his grave. Then a thrill went to him once he remembered that Lily had fallen asleep on his lap last night. He opened his eyes to see big yellow brown ones. And a small furry black body. He was quite literally looking into the eyes of... Death.
"AAAAAHHHHHH!" yelling in shock, James fell of his seat as Death stopped trying to stuff sardines into his breast pocket. That explained the weird wet feeling.
He looked around in fright, only to see Lily, Nadia, Lara, and Alice laughing together while making what smelled like breakfast and listening to the radio... that explained the music. Groaning he sat up and glared at the cat and looked over at his friends who were groggily getting up and looking around.
"Someone hear a parrot?" muttered Remus, sounding confused as he walked out of the kitchenette on the far side of the room. He wore a pink apron and held a spatula.
"Nah, mate, that couldn't have been anything less than a banshee," responded Sirius as he rolled over to grab his wand off the floor next to him.
"Ah, therefore it must have been our dearest James!" concluded Remus, satisfied.
"Shut up!" groaned our poor distressed hero.
"Parrot? Banshee? What's this all about?" inquired Lily, she found this situation quite amusing.
"Noth-"
"We discovered very recently that James can screech like a parrot and worse than a banshee," smirked a triumphant Sirius.
"Padfo-" James started.
"He can also cook like no one can." Sirius continued, smirking.
"Mooooonnnnyyy! Help me!" cried the pitiful voice.
"Sorry James.. On your own there," Remus said, walking back into the kitchenette with Alice right behind him.
Lily had been watching with mild interest and now decided to join in, "Wait, your saying that that egotistical prat can cook? I thought..."
"Thought the house elves or mummy did it all?" finished Sirius, watching Lily. "Some purebloods just aren't as arrogant as they can seem. I appreciate that as should you. Unfortunately, you were at the end of one of the worse bigoted twats."
Lily looked down slowly, he was referring to to incident with Snape. That had just added to her resentment of James but at the same time she appreciated his staying mostly out of that aspect of her life except to curse Snape and his sick twisted death eaters of friends every so often.
"Yeah... I... yeah..." finished Lily pathetically, but then looked up defiantly. "Those curses are still cruel! James is so mean when he does that!"
"Tell you what, lets have a bet!" exclaimed Remus slyly changing the subject.
"A bet? What sort of bet?" mused Alice with interest.
"Cooking. Lily against James. Lara, Sirius, Nadia, you, and I can be the judges. If Lily wins, then we guys will be the girls' slaves for a week. That," Remus said his lips broadening into a grin,
"Lily can order James to stop cursing Severus and his gang... or whatever she wants him to do. Lara... well, Sirius is already your slave, but whatever. Alice and Nadia, I will be your slave."
"And if I lose?"asked Lily in suspicion.
"Then vice versa. You will be James' slave...wonder what he'll make you do...and Lara can be Sirius' slave for a change...and I will have two slaves! Nadia and Alice!" Remus laughed manically.
"Mate, the way you say that makes me fear for your sanity," said Sirius. "But I am all for that bet."
Alice started to chuckle lightly, "I can't wait to make you collect the knarls for me from the forest and the lake..."
"Um Alice? I didn't win yet..." interrupted Lily. "Nor did I accept yet."
"I accept on behalf of Lily," stated Lara firmly. There was no way that she would pass on a chance to get Lily and James to work together.
"Wai-"
"I accept too!" joined Nadia.
"But-"
Mrrow!" purred Death as if she knew what was going on.
"Alright, it's decided then!" beamed Sirius. "James, be sure to win, yeah?"
"Wait!" cried James. "What is going on? What is happening?"
"You and Lily are going to be competing against each other...cooking! If you win, Lily gets to be your slave," Remus explained.
"Yes, I do have ears, you know. And I don't get a say in this?" demanded James.
"No," said Remus and Sirius simultaneously.
"But, I suck at-" Lily started, but Nadia interrupted.
"Girl, you can suck all you want, just be better than James."
"Besides, he's a guy! If he can cook, you can! And I bet it'll be way better. I mean, come on, it's you!" Lara reassured.
"Heh, that's what you think!" snorted Sirius. "You have never tasted James' cooking! It is heaven!"
"Whoever marries him is lucky...to get all that cooking..." said Remus, shooting Lily a teasing look.
"Hey!" Lily said.
"I... I want to taste Lily's cooking..." murmured James dreamily.
Lily seemed despaired.
"So here are the rules: No magic, and the meal the two are cooking for is lunch. James and Lily have to decide what food they are making," Remus said.
"I'll make-" James was cut off by Sirius.
"No! Don't tell us what you're making, then we'll make a biased judge. Just make it and present the food to us set up on the table. Then we'll decide. You two have a time limit till...let's say
12 o' clock? But," he said as Lily started moving toward the kitchenette, "the cooking must start after breakfast!"
"Oh shoot!" Remus said, jumping up. "Breakfast!" He dashed to the kitchenette, from which black smoke was drifting from.
Lily turned to the group miserably, "Guys, I hope you know what your getting yourself into. I'm going to skip work and my party planning today just for this. You guys owe me biggg time!"
"Lily... you do that every weekend... insist that your going to work... then..." snickered Lara.
Flushing pink, Lily countered, "The same way Sirius 'helps' you with charms?"
Smirking, Lara replied, "Yeah... exactly that way. Now maybe we should go eat?"