Chapter 33 – Committed

Suzie had sat next to me at the shower and continued to chip away at Martin Ellingham. First it was about who he'd got me pregnant (seems to me that I had something to with it), then she started on his personality (yes, I knew he could be rude and obnoxious), then how she thought Doc Sims was a better doctor (I thought of Martin – afraid of blood – sticking his hand inside Peter Cronk to save his life – with blood gushing about), then she went on about her astonishment that he was leaving the village.

"No defense of that…" I added.

"Yes. And I suppose he just couldn't bear the thought of marriage!"

I looked at her and at Pattie seated on my left, "He has a little problem with commitment, but haven't we all?"

That shut Suzie up for a few seconds but then Pattie started putting down Martin as she thought his eyes were too close together.

My mouth fell open in shock. Before I could make a suitable response, thankfully Bert Large called us all to stand as he made his toast to me, the one that made me feel inadequate.

I was back in my cottage, where Pauline and Al were just bringing in the last of the baby gifts. Pauline made me sit on the sofa, put my feet up, and rest as she bossed Al around.

"No, Al! Put the nappy supplies on the table and the toys over here!" She pointed to a large carton next to me. "Let Louisa look things over again!" She rolled her eyes at him then grinned at me. ""Honestly," she whispered, "you'd think that these men would have a lick of sense once in a while."

"Paul?" replied Al. "Stuff it." He went back to sorting the packages.

Alicia and Trudy had also helped bring things up but disappeared quickly after the first load was delivered. Trudy was quite tipsy and Alicia made apologies as she took her away.

Al trotted to me and gave me the tatty teddy bear and then I realized that Suzie was right. I guess I hadn't been listening. It was a monkey. Much loved and worn, it even smelled a bit musty, but she'd said her son had this forever. Seemed a bit unfair to give away a boy's treasured toy.

Al stood over me a moment and said "That's a piss-poor excuse for a gift if you ask me." He waved at the tattered monkey's face where threads sprayed out of a missing eye.

"Al, it's just been given a lot of love," Pauline flew to the defense of the mangy thing. "Imagine if you were hugged, squeezed, and kissed every night…" her words slowed.

"What? You think I'd looked all worn out like that monkey?" He sounded mad.

"No… Al, just…" she giggled. "Imagine all the…" she stopped and turned away.

Al reached over and gave Pauline a swat on the bum as she walked past.

She screamed. "Hey, fella! Fresh thing, aren't you!"

"Maybe the two of you had better, go…" I yawned and looked at my watch. "It is late."

Al smiled at Pauline. "Right. Sorry, Louisa. Just a few more things to be sorted…"

Pauline took his arm. "I'll settle you later." She laughed and went on saying. "Look, Louisa, you get a good rest now and I'll come by tomorrow and help you sort this lot."

Al started nibbling on her neck as she was speaking and she gave him a tiny smack on the face. "Later…"

They went out all giggles and grins and it made me wistful to see them. There was a time that – well Martin and I weren't exactly all touchy-feely in public, at least not when people were watching – but in private, it was nice.

"Damn them, Louisa! Can't we have any privacy? I'm certain the crones and old men of Portwenn have been keeping a snogging score on us as well a hand-holding betting pool going!" He said it one night after our engagement, when we'd eaten out, and the waitress, three lifesavers, Penhale, and Roger Fenn had all just 'dropped by' the table to say hello.

Martin practically dragged me from the Mote Pub to my cottage where I tried to calm him down. I ended up on the sofa, practically wrapped around him, as he sat there in his blue suit, stiff like he was at attention. I had arms about him a leg across his lap, which he squeezed.

"Martin, they just want… well, ehm…" I tried to answer him.

"They wanted what?"

"Oh, you know. Just… to say hi?"

"Humph! Not very damn likely," he sneered then glanced at his watch.

"Then they just want to see us, together, you know! To convince themselves that the Head Teacher is really engaged to the village GP."

He made a sour face. "Well it is true. We don't need them to validate… our… relationship."

I'd started to massage his shoulders and the muscle and tendons felt like steel wire holding up a bridge. "Martin, you're very tense. It's not just the villagers, is it? What's wrong? Is it me? Sorry we were out in public…" I grimaced as my worst worries surfaced. What if he wanted to change his mind?

That got through to him. "Oh, Louisa… no, it's not you or even them I suppose."

"Then what is it?" I kept rubbing his shoulders and moved to his back.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

My hands stopped and I peered up into his stern expression. "Sorry, I suppose… well…" I stopped and the silence grew. My voice fell. "Just a little massage… you know."

He looked at his watch. "Getting late."

"Yes."

He put an arm about me. "You know, studies have shown…"

God, not a lecture! What sort of man was I engaged to?

He continued, "That massage is most effective if clothing is removed."

My mouth fell open. In an instant, the man I was holding seemed softer, and his muscles not so tense. "But you said it's getting late!"

"You don't want me to go slinking off, do you?" He parroted my words of the morning after. He put both arms about me, and spoke further. "Louisa, I am committed to you. No matter what the villagers may think, see, or know."

"Right. I'll have to remember that."

He held me close. "I'll stay awhile."

"Till morning, then?"

"Yes," Martin answered with his lips to my neck.

That evening was over eight months back, and the baby squirmed inside to remind me of what we had done then, to get this result now. I looked around my lounge at the semi-ordered chaos of presents, paper and cards. Thumps below made me hold my belly. "This is all for you, baby."

Martin told me he was committed to me then. By the same token I thought I was committed to him too. But I was scared, weak, frightened, and upset. I'd run like a rabbit in my escape to London. Little did I know that biology had other plans.

So here I was after quite an adventure and alone again, nearly. But in four weeks, I wouldn't be alone. I'd be holding this baby, but Martin would be gone, damn him!

So, Louisa, my internal voice spoke, why do you defend the man? Still, after all that's happened?

Maybe I'm still committed to him, in a small way. I'll never be rid of him, I answered silently to myself.

The voice now had nothing to say and the baby kicked my bladder and I had to pee.

I stroked the tatty monkey. "Poor little fella, all alone in a new place, aren't you?" I levered myself off the sofa, locked the door and struggled upstairs to bed. The monkey came along and as I lay down in the dark I held his musty fur to my face.

"So, what you think, Mr. Monkey?" I asked the toy. "Like to stay awhile?" His remaining eye caught light from across the harbor somewhere. I took his silence as a yes.