Hello again. I couldn't sleep, so i thought that another update was in order...
Of Many Things
Chapter Twenty Nine
Thomas Lisbon, known as Tommy to his treasured sister, stood with shaking hands as he prepared to offer a goodbye from his family. It didn't seem real; it shouldn't have been real. Tessy wasn't supposed to die. Not yet. Not when she was still so desperately needed. All his life, Tessy had been there to look after him; to keep him safe. He remembered so clearly the dreadful night that their mother was killed. They were all still so little. Snuggled tight in Teresa's single bed, her thin arms somehow managing to hold onto James, Ben and himself. They had not really understood what had happened. All they knew was that their Mum was not coming home. Not ever. That they hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye. It was in that instant that Tessy had stopped being a little girl; pigtails and tea parties would be a distant memory of a better life. Teresa Lisbon was born. Stronger than anyone he had ever known, and filled with more fight than he thought possible. So many times she had stood strong as their father had exploded in a drunken rage. He'd hit her so hard and so often, and yet she would never give him the satisfaction of seeing that she was in pain. She'd make her brothers run and hide as far under her bed as they could; knowing that their father was too blind with fury and scotch to be able to find them. And each time she would come back to them, and they knew what she has faced for them. Knew how much they needed her. Teresa Lisbon was, and always would be, the heart of the Lisbon family.
And so here Tommy stood, on the most beautiful summer's day he had ever seen, a heartbeat away from saying goodbye to his Tessy. Telling the world what an amazing person she was, and letting her know how deeply he loved her. Not a single face looking back at him was free from tears. Some, his brothers and the team of agents he had met earlier, had the exhausted look of someone who had not been a single day without tears in longer than seemed possible. Streaks left to fall slowly as they waited for Tommy to speak. Others, who he suspected to be superior agents, had tried desperately to not show their emotions. The slightest of tears quickly being wiped away; not wanting to intrude on the grief of those who had lost so much more than they had. And some simply seemed shocked by the loss faced by so many people. Colleagues who had spent days wishing that they had taken a little more time to get to know Lisbon properly. Had said more than a passing hello in the corridors. Had held the elevator door just a minute longer so that she could have ridden up with them. Silly little regrets really, but ones that would stay with them for the rest of their lives. A sadness that would change each and every person who was sat in that little church atop a hill, waiting for Thomas Lisbon to speak his words of love and loss. Change them in ways so small that they were never noticed, or ways that would destroy the person they used to be completely. It was an odd sight to see; eerie and lifeless. Grief lay thick and heavy in the room, making it almost impossible to speak at all. But then he looked to the face of his beloved wife, Lily, smiling up at him despite her tears, and Tommy knew that he needed to do this. Find the strength that Tessy had shown so many times. Speak the unspeakable. Shine a light on the life of his big sister, and make sure that the world knew what a magical soul it had let slip away.
'I want to thank you all for coming today to say your goodbyes to my wonderful sister, i know that it would mean an awful lot to her to know that so many people were touched by her life and wanted their chance to say goodbye,' his voice shook as he spoke, but still stood strong against the sea of pain that was washing over his entire being, 'My sister was so much more to me and my brothers than an older sibling. She raised us, like our Mother would have wanted to, and our Father should of. We didn't have a traditional childhood, but Tessy made it as normal as she could. I remember black berry picking along this old road at the back of our school. We would come home covered in the sweet scent of berries, with mud from head to toe. And all four of us would make these strange little pies for dinner, that never turned out quite how we wanted, but were even more delicious for it. Never once would she tell us off for getting messy; just clean up after we were done and kiss us softly on the cheek. Those were the best days of our childhood; and some of the best of my entire life. The sun shining down as we scrambled though the bramble bushes. And Tessy would laugh and joke with us. We'd race down the lane. Share stories all day long. That is what i will forever remember about my sister; he beautiful smiling face. Tessy was the great white hope of our family. She shone so bright. She could have been anything she ever dreamed of, and yet, she always put others before herself. Made sure that everyone else was safe before worrying about anything that she might need. The most selfless woman i have ever met, and it is an honour to call her my sister. I will forever be grateful for the life she has given me and my little brothers. For the make shift home we had as children, and the kind heart we could always rely on. That is how she should be remembered. As happy and beautiful. As a wonderful spirit, in a less than perfect world. As my magical big sister, who would lay down her life for anyone that was in need of her help.
I want to leave you with an extract from a letter Tessy wrote me and my brothers on the day that she passed away. I want you all to see what a truly wonderful person she was, to be faced with such a terrifying fate, and yet still be able to make sure that the whole world was put to rights before she left it.
*I don't want any of you to be sad when i am gone. I have seen what grief can do to people. I have seen the horrors of loss throughout my entire life. Our Father, a once brilliant man, was reduced to an alcohol fuelled monster when our Mother was killed. The loss he felt destroying all the compassion and love that once burned so bright within him; tearing up our family as it did so. He hurt us terribly, but he himself lived a life of pain and sorrow. Nothing could ever replace the love of his wife, not even his children. I thought that was all the true heartbreak that i would have to see in my life, but then i met a man called Patrick Jane. I know you are probably sick of my talking of him by now, but he wasn't always the beautiful man i now speak of. I met a crumbling shell of a man many years ago. Filled with a burning need for revenge, and a grief so great that i thought i might never be able to save him from the darkness in which he found himself. But you know what, i think that i did. I think that maybe i had a little to do with the Jane you see today. The man i love. The man i always loved, even on his darkest of days. But it could have gone so differently; he was so close to the point of no return. So close to becoming a monster himself. Something which i would never have forgiven myself for. And then there are the victims i see every day at work. The families left with a gaping hole in their lives. You see, loss doesn't stop at the person who has gone. It burns through everyone that has ever known them. It destroys all that was once good. I don't want that to happen to you. You are my brothers; my family. I need to know that you won't go the same way as so many before you have. Intent on revenge. Filled with anger. Powered by sorrow. It doesn't solve anything. It doesn't change what happened. I have accepted that it was my time to go. The universe has a plan, and this is where i have to leave it. But you do not. You are all still here; you are still alive. Don't worry about me; i'm in a place filled with wonder and love, and i'll be watching over you every step of the way. But it is time for you to take care of yourselves. You must keep on living for as long as you are able to do so. It is a beautiful world; don't waste a second of your time here.*
You see, that was Teresa Lisbon. Filled with beautiful words and the deepest of sentiments. So i am here today to not only say goodbye to my sister, but to ask you all to honour her wishes. To keep on living your lives to the best of your abilities. Tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Take joy in the job that you do. Go black berry picking with your families. Do whatever it is that makes you happy, and by doing so, you will be living Tessy's life too. My sister was the most wonderful person to ever step foot on the earth, and she deserves to be remembered for all the amazing things that she did in her life, and not as a feeling of grief.
I will love you forever, my beautiful Tessy.'
Thomas sat back down with his family, collapsing into the comforting embrace of his wife, not quite sure how he had managed to make it through his entire speech, but thankful that he had. Teresa deserved to hear how much he loved her. To know how wonderful she was, and always would be.
What did you think? Please let me know, i am not sure of this chapter myself.
Thank you for reading. I hope you liked it. Katie.
PS. I have put the link to my Tumblr page on my profile, please have a look if you wish to know a little more about me. It's just little bits and pieces of my head and heart, but i thought some of you might like to take a look. Of course, it is only there if you would like it.
See you all soon for the next chapter (: