Last chapter kind of got rushed at the end and I will go back and try to rework it in the future. For now Lets get on with this shin dig. Hope you enjoy.
iDon't think this is going to work
This whole thing with Freddie isn't really working out so well. I'm trying to get over Sam but it just isn't working and I don't think time is going to change this. I mean I love Freddie but it just isn't in that way. Don't get me wrong, the last few days have been nice and Freddie has been great but it just isn't going to work and I don't know what to do. I mean one choice is I stay with Freddie and try my hardest to make it work but I am pretty much using him to hide my feelings for Sam. The other choice is I can break Freddie's heart and tell him I love Sam and not him. I don't know what to do and I am so confused. I need to decide and decide it fast because either way I'm hurting Freddie.
My prayers are answered later that night when Spencer come upstairs telling me that Freddie said he was coming over to fix something on the iCarly site. I decide to play a video game game to pass the time while I wait for Freddie to show up. Something is up with him because first he questioned me when I tried to compliment him and now he retreated when we kissed. Oh my God he know I love Sam, I don't know how but he does. I go into full panic mode and do the only thing I can think of which is kiss him again. OK he definitely knows and is disgusted with me because of it. I call him on it and breathe a sigh of relied when he tell me that he think I love him like Sam liked Eric Moseby. He asks me about Bolivian Bacon (It changes you) and then tells me that we should wait and see if things work out later down the road. He goes to leave and I realize that I can't lead him on anymore and have to tell him the truth. I stop him in the elevator and blurt out how I am in love with Sam and was with him to get over her. The look on his face breaks my heart because it tells me that I just shattered his heart into a thousand pieces and is mixed with a whole lot of other emotions. He won't even look me in the eye when he tells me that he can't deal with this and has to leave. I start to cry as the elevator closes, I just told one of my best friends my biggest secret and he hates me now. Luckily I make it to the bean bag chairs before collapsing in tears. If Freddie Benson a guy that has loved me forever and will do anything for me hates me for who I am then Sam will definitely hate me and telling her will erase every bit of history we have together.
I don't know how long I have have been sobbing when I hear the elevator open. I am not ready to look at anyone but I hear a chair slide across the floor. I look out from the soaked pillow I have my face buried in to see Freddie's cast. I look up and I can't tell if he is sad at me or for me. He asks me all kind of things from how long I have known to why and I answer him truthfully albeit in broken hiccupy English. I tell him that I understand if he never wants anything to do with me and that I will always look at him as one of my best friends. He tells me that he could never hate me and he was just hurt and confused. He is a little mad because Sam will hold this over his head till he dies but he doesn't care as long as I'm happy. I jump to my feet and hug him giving him a kiss on the cheek. He throws in that he is glad it's Sam instead of another guy. I sit back down and ask him what I am going to do about Sam. He tells me that I should tell her her and that she will understand and might even feel the same way. I tell him that I can't risk her hating me and ruining everything we have built together over the years. He reminds me of our pack not to keep secrets from each other and even tells me that not telling Sam would haunt me for the rest of my life. He explains that I will wonder for the rest of my life what could have been. He also tell me that not telling Sam would ruin our relationship anyways because thing wouldn't be the same anymore anyways. It's hard to argue with that, I mean if I don't tell Sam it things would get weird. I would be walking on egg shells around Sam trying not to do something that would let Sam know I was in love with her and things would get weird fast. I help Freddie up and give him a hug thanking him and letting him know I loved him just not in the "the good way" like he wanted.
I am by my self again and my mind is going a mile a minute. I know now that I can't run from what I am and what I want. I am a lesbian and I am in love with Sam Puckett. That was the easy part telling her is much more difficult but I have to do it. I can't let this go on for much longer, I am going to tell Sam tomorrow, The only problem is how do I tell her?
Well there you go another chapter in the books, I hope you all liked it. Don't forget to review, It wont make me update faster but it does make me happy and you all want that right? Anyways next chapter should blow your minds.