Starting Over

Time passed excruciatingly slowly over the next two days. Breejit continued to recover from his ordeal and Zia remained by his side almost every minute of every day, talking to him and mixing medicines and sleeping draughts to help him feel better, but when the Fox was sleeping peacefully Zia was alone with her thoughts. Those thoughts were mainly centred on one person and the hours she had to wait before seeing him again.

She still didn't know if she wanted to see him at all; after days of struggling to decide between Cair Paravel and the Grove she was finally where she'd decided she wanted to be, but now that wasn't enough. The peaceful, methodical life of the Dryads made her impatient. She longed to feel the energy that surged through her body when she was with Edmund and the butterflies in her stomach when he looked at her. Maia tried to be discrete about showing her opinions on Zia's relationship with the Just King – and Peter, Susan, Lucy and Alex – but the calculating look in her dark eyes was not lost on Zia. She knew the Empress would only do her best to protect her but would eventually give up if all Zia did was make it difficult for her. Socialising with the Kings and Queens definitely qualified as making it difficult, whereas living with them… That was right at the top of Maia's black list.

In short, Zia was right back in the middle of her previous predicament and all the thinking gave her a headache. Whether meeting with Edmund would improve or worsen her situation was difficult to tell but she would soon find out.

Ivy was true to her word; she returned to the Grove on the night that Zia was due to meet Edmund, a wide smile already in place for the twins and a large rectangular box in both hands. The girls greeted her with enthusiastic shrieks and hugged her knees. When it was time for Zia to get ready, Ivy opened the box to reveal an elegant dress she had borrowed from the castle and worked the knots out of Zia's hair with one of Susan's old combs. When that was done, Ivy shooed Zia on her way and took Daliah and Delilah with her to strike up a conversation with Maia, allowing Zia to make her escape.

The plan went as smoothly as it could have done and before she knew it Zia found herself standing at the spot where earth merged into sand, gazing out to sea and admiring the orange sunset. There was no sign of Edmund, but he was coming, Ivy had said so. She wasn't worried – if he didn't turn up then her dilemma would be made a whole lot simpler.

She wandered down to where the white spray lapped at the shore and stood amongst the waves. A breeze blew straight at her and she raised her arms, letting the air current swirl around her. Her hair whipped back from her face and her clothes rippled against her skin. It was a glorious feeling – being cooped up indoors for so long had made her forget how wonderful nature was. She laughed out loud and the wind snatched up the sound and carried it all across Narnia.

Behind her, someone cleared their throat. Zia whirled around, groping behind her for her bow. Upon finding the weapon absent from her back and the startled brown eyes of Edmund the Just staring at her, she dropped her hand and let out a breath. "For Aslan's sake Edmund, don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I'm sorry, I…" his sentence trailed off as his eyes drank in her appearance. "I like your dress."

"I think it's actually Susan's," Zia admitted. "Ivy brought it for me. She said I needed to dress like a lady if I was to be in the company of a king."

Edmund smiled. "I'm sure Susan won't miss it. Ivy made a good choice. It suits you."

Zia blushed again and internally kicked herself.

"I'm sorry that we had to meet in secret," Edmund continued. "It seems Lady Maia and I got off on the wrong foot."

Zia snorted. "You can say that again." Another reason not to want him around – Maia forbade it. But Maia wasn't Nina and Zia's loyalties still lay with her deceased sister. Then again, Nina hadn't been too fond of him either… She realised Edmund had stopped speaking. She looked up at him.

"She's angry that I was too late to rescue you."

Zia nodded. "I'm still waiting for an explanation, by the way."

After they had both seated themselves on the sand, Edmund took a deep breath and presented his story as best he could. He kept as close to the truth as possible and Zia listened without interruption. When his tale was done, Zia leaned back on her hands and gazed upwards. Blue sky melted into orange and smudges of purple cloud drifted listlessly towards the flaring sun. The evening was true to summer; a pleasant combination of warm temperature and a light, cool breeze that lightly rustled the trees at the edge of the forest.

Without thinking, Edmund reached up to the breast pocket of his tunic. His fingers lightly caressed the solid lump beneath the fabric before he patted the pocket gently and returned his eyes to Zia. He was a little startled to find her eyes already on him - more specifically, on his pocket. She didn't need to speak for him to hear her question. He slowly drew the object out of his tunic. The sun's dying rays caused it to glitter so that it was almost blinding to look at. The gold pendant sat weightily in Edmund's palm and Zia's eyes widened as she looked at it.

"You kept it?" she murmured.

"Of course," he replied. "It was supposed to be a gift for you, after all."

Memories of the events that had followed Edmund presenting the pendant to her caused Zia to shudder before she shoved them away. Edmund gazed steadily up at her from underneath his long, spidery lashes and Zia's heartbeat quickened. She reached out with a slightly shaky hand to delicately stroke the gold leaves. They were cool to the touch and the detail engraved in them created a texture that was satisfying to run her fingers over.

"It's fit for a princess," she whispered. "I'm not a princess."

The brown in Edmund's eyes seemed to melt. His gaze became full of something fiercely and deeply emotional that Zia couldn't place. She was grateful to be sitting down – her legs had suddenly become weaker than sap. "You're more beautiful than any princess I've ever met."

This time both their faces heated up and they looked away from each other in embarrassment. Zia fiddled nervously with her hands in her lap.

"When I first saw this I immediately thought of you," Edmund said quietly, keeping his eyes down on the pendant. "I couldn't get this image out of my head; the image of you throwing your head back with laughter and this pendant sparkling against your skin." Edmund was no good at this romance business; his cheeks were practically on fire. Peter was much better at wooing the ladies of the court than he was - probably because Edmund had never tried. He briefly toyed with the idea of asking Peter for tips on how to deal with females without appearing a fool but dismissed those musings when the image of Peter's gleeful grin entered his mind.

Smiling softly, Zia held out her hand. Edmund shook his head and stood up. She followed him with her eyes as he walked behind her and knelt at her back. He carefully brushed the tumble of red hair over her shoulder; his fingers barely brushed the bare skin but even the breath of contact was enough to chase goosebumps down Zia's back. She held very still as he fastened the gold chain around her neck so that the cluster of leaves settled nicely on her breastbone. The weight of the gold was comforting, as though the pendant was part of her.

"Shall we start over?" Edmund whispered. His breath was warm against her cheek, his hands as delicate as birds on her shoulders.

Zia was powerless to resist him gently pulling her back against his chest and wrapping his arms around her waist. They remained like that for hours, watching the sun sink beneath the waves and the moon rise up in its place. Zia forgot all about Maia and the rest of the Dryads; her thoughts were hopelessly scattered and, for once, she didn't scramble to gather them up.

At breakfast the next morning, Susan and Lucy told Peter and Alexandra that it had been past midnight when a sheepish Edmund had attempted to sneak back into the castle after his meeting with Zia. The girls had stayed up to question him upon his return but hadn't managed to prise anything from him except a lopsided grin and a promise to tell them all about it the next morning. But Edmund was absent from the table and the rest of them found out from Mr Tumnus that the young King refused to leave his room, claiming he wasn't hungry and wanted to be left to himself for a while.

Alexandra was left in a disappointed mood as she packed her saddlebags full with food and other necessary items and arranged them on her chosen horse ready for her second long journey in almost as many days. This one wasn't planned until after her confrontation with Edmund but in a way she was grateful to him. He had helped her to put things straight in her mind and now she saw what she had to do.

Her departure was a prolonged and tearful one. Lucy cried the most but Alexandra caught even the High King wiping at his eyes before he pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. Edmund didn't turn up until the last minute and Alexandra was afraid he would let her leave without saying goodbye. She was made to feel silly for doubting him when he appeared at the top of the front steps and nearly tripped over his own feet in his haste to descend them and pull her away from Peter. His strong arms were long enough to cross behind her back, surrounding her with his comforting warmth and the familiar smell of his clothes as she clung to him.

"Are you sure you won't change your mind?" he murmured into her hair.

Alex shook her head. "You have to let me do this, Ed. And don't ask me to explain my reasons because you wouldn't understand. Besides, you don't need me to hang around and get in the way of you and Zia."

She pulled back and offered him a watery smile, the best she could manage with her heart aching fit to burst. Edmund did his best to return her smile and hugged her again when his face began to crumple. She only allowed him to hold her for a few seconds more before pulling away. She was immediately yanked into another of Lucy's overwhelming embraces.

"Lu, you're getting my shirt wet," the physician said with a smile, stroking the girl's long hair.

"S-sorry," Lucy hiccupped, scrubbing at her eyes. "You will write to us, won't you?"

"Whenever I get the chance."

Alexandra's eyes were dangerously full of tears. She turned to her horse so no one could see how close she was to crying – especially not Edmund. She swung herself into the saddle and, with one last wave, rode her horse out of the gates of Cair Paravel. Her eyes remained focused in front of her and, although the urge was incredibly powerful, she didn't look back. Tears rolled freely down her cheeks. She was leaving her adoptive family. How would she cope on her own? She had never been on her own. The Pevensies had always been there to look after her and make her laugh. But, she reminded herself, the whole of Narnia and the rest of the world inside the wardrobe now lay before her. She just had one more farewell to say before her journey could begin.

"Alex, stop!" She heard the shout behind her and the scattering sound of feet on gravel. Out of nowhere Edmund threw himself in front of Alexandra's horse, causing the animal to rear up and nearly throw her off.

"Whoa! Sshh..." Alex said soothingly as the horse skittered sideways, snorting and flicking its ears nervously. "Edmund, what are you playing at? Were you trying to get yourself trampled on?"

"Where are you going? Why are you leaving?" Edmund demanded, his eyes wide as he stepped forward and touched her knee.

"I told you not to ask about my reasons."

"Alex, you're my best friend! I have a right to know, even if it's only so I can be sure that you're safe!"

"Alright! I'm going travelling. Is that such a crime?" Alexandra huffed defensively, kicking the sides of her steed to get the animal to move. Edmund calmed the horse quickly, stroking the side of his neck.

"The others said you're moving to Archenland. Why?"

"Because I want a fresh place to go -"

"That's poppycock. If you wanted a 'fresh place to go' you wouldn't go to Archenland." Edmund scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Why are you really leaving? Was it because of me? If I did something wrong then I'm sorry but I – I just don't understand."

"It's not you, Edmund. I just want to leave." Alexandra could feel more tears threatening to fall.

"You used to tell me everything. Why can't you trust me now?" he said. His voice was laced with hurt.

"It's too painful, Edmund. I can't even look at you without remembering..." Alex trailed off as the horrid dream she had the night before of Edmund and Zia and the beach came back to her. Alex knew deep down inside that it was going to happen in the future and she just wished she could take Zia's place. She'd give anything to love Edmund like that. She shook her head to banish the thoughts before they became too much. "Look, things change. We grow up and fall in love..."

"This is about Zia and me. I thought you supported us!"

"I do, I just… Oh Edmund, just leave me alone." Tears flowed thick and fast down her cheeks as she kicked her steed and galloped away from Edmund as fast as she possibly could. Suddenly the path on which she steered the horse didn't seem so appealing but she knew that regret would eat her alive if she didn't take it. She would just have to grit her teeth and force the infernal tears back until it was safe to unleash them.

"Alex! What are you doing here? How did you get past Maia?"

Zia's greeting was shocked but she rose from her position on the ground and approached Alexandra's horse as she dismounted.

"Ivy's covering for me but I haven't got long," she explained. "I came to tell you farewell."

Zia's eyes grew large. "What? Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving. I thought that there might be other places besides Narnia that would benefit from my expertise." She chuckled.

Zia tilted her head in confusion. "What about Ed and the others?"

Alexandra felt a sharp pang to her heart as she remembered the events of that afternoon. "I've already spoken to them. They understand what I want and they're happy to let me go" – well, all except for one – "as long as I promise to come back."

"Will you?"

"We'll see," was her only answer. "I have something for you." She lifted one of the bags off her horse's back and carefully pulled out a large and fragile object.

Zia's eyes lit up when she saw her beloved bow. "Oh, thank you!" She took the weapon and cradled it close to her chest.

"Edmund would rather you not have it back – he hates the thought of you going anywhere near a battlefield – but I knew you would miss it too much. Oh, and there's something else."

"What is it?" Zia questioned as Alexandra handed over a small square parcel wrapped in brown paper and tied with string. She shook it and it rattled but offered her no clue about what the contents could be.

"It doesn't matter for now," Alexandra said, steadying Zia's hand when she went to shake it again. "Open it when autumn comes and you'll know its importance. I just need you to do one thing for me - promise me you'll look after Edmund."

Zia's hand automatically reached for her throat to touch the gold pendant. "You have my word." The Dryad stepped forward and put her cool arms around Alexandra. She smelled like earth and her embrace was gentle - nothing like the Pevensies' had been – and this time the physician's shirt remained dry.

"Be safe."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for one thing, please try not to get kidnapped again. And for another – I don't know what you and Edmund are planning with this relationship but if it does come to… you know… I don't want either of you to do anything you'll regret…" Alexandra's cheeks flushed as her words trailed off into a mumble.

"By the Mane, Alex!" Zia exclaimed, turning red.

"Just promise me you'll be careful."

"I promise."

Relieved, Alexandra let out a breath. "Good. Farewell, Zia. I hope we shall meet again one day."

"As do I," Zia returned as Alex remounted. As she was about to turn away, Zia leapt forward to stop her. "Wait! Alex don't go, wait."

Alexandra halted her horse and turned to Zia. The Dryad looked up at her and she suddenly felt very old. She wished she could turn back to when things were simpler - to when she and the Pevensies were young and feelings and growing up were too distant to interfere with their lives.

A slight frown creased Zia's forehead. "You never did describe the relationship between you and Edmund to me. That's why you're leaving, isn't it? It's not because you think your talents would be useful somewhere else. It's because of Edmund."

Alex dropped her head in shame, discretely wiping a stray tear away. She let out a sigh followed by a humourless laugh. "You're right."

"Why?"

"Edmund and I were never meant to be and I was stupid enough to think that I could change that." Alex's tone was hollow as she stared down at the reins in her hands. She was just his best friend, nothing more.

"You love him don't you?" Zia asked hesitantly.

Alex nodded. "He won't love me back though."

"I'm so sorry if it was my fault. I shouldn't have got between you."

"Don't be silly, I'm glad he's got you. I'd rather he was with someone and guiltless than alone and wondering 'what if'."

"But… that's what you'll be doing."

Alexandra tried to force her mouth into a genuine smile. "I'll find someone... hopefully. I'm travelling to the Lone Islands and I don't know whether I'll come back or not. Don't tell the Pevensies where I am. I've told them I'm going to Archenland."

"Why lie to them? They're your friends and they'll need to know that you're alright."

"I don't want to miss them. I want a fresh start to sort my head out."

"Did you tell Edmund how you feel?"

"No and I don't want him to know. I couldn't bear it if he did. It'll be so much better for the both of us if he never finds out. You've got to promise me you won't ever tell him."

"He'll be so upset if I don't. He values you more than you think. I can see that."

"Well, you'll be there to cheer him up. Make him forget about me completely if you have to. But don't tell him." Bitterness wound its way into her voice as she spoke. This was becoming more and more excruciating by the minute. She needed to leave.

"You will be back won't you?"

"Until I make my mind up, I'll be gone." With some effort, Alexandra managed to smile. "Farewell for now. I'm going to miss everyone. And you of course."

"I'll never forget your kindness," Zia said. "I owe you so much and it's for that reason alone that I will keep the promises I have made to you. I now know you are far, far more than just a Court Physician. I pray that you will one day return to Narnia and we can all live together in peace."

"I will wait for that day with great eagerness," Alexandra replied, turning her horse. "Until then, I bid you farewell."

Cair Paravel's former Court Physician rode away into the trees. She kept her promise to Lucy and wrote them as often as she could, although she never seemed to receive any of the letters they sent in reply. Her letters grew fewer and far between until they ceased altogether. She was not seen in Narnia again for a long, long time.