The next morning I felt like death, my body was aching all over.

I had been helped to the bathroom by a nurse. kendall waited in my white room.

In the bathroom I looked in the mirror, my brown hair had dried in blood stuck to it, one of my eyes was swollen and black as with the bridge of my nose, I wondered what it was that had hit me in the face, maybe my water bottle or my cell, it had been sat on my lap.

My tongue felt sore, I must have bitten it. my right breast and chest had a perfect bruise out line of where my seat belt had held me in.

My leg that wasn't broken had cuts all over it, and my other leg and broken foot was covered in blue material still.

I sat in a chair in the wet room and cried at my reflection while the nurse helped to bathe my battered body.

My head was filled with a thousand thoughts and I didn't know how I was ever going to process them all.

Could I forgive kendall for everything? I still felt so hurt by him.

I couldn't get my head round to how it had been so perfect, to just losing him in the space of one night, he must of been ticking away with the James thing for ages... weeks.

Deep down I loved him, it wasn't something I could just turn off but the pain he created in my heart was so much more powerful. it consumed me.I got back in to my room to find kendall still in the chair and James sat on my bed.

I smiled at them both. they must of had a chat, the atmosphere was calm.

James shuffled as best he could towards the pillow end to make way for me to sit next to him on the edge of my bed. the nurse helped me out from my wheel chair.

"How you feeling?" He asked.

"Sore" came my response.

"You?" I looked James in the eye.

"I've had better days" he flashed his smile my way.

The three of us chatted. kind of cleared the air but without approaching the subject that mattered.

Kendall and James had always got along so well, I don't think either of them wanted to lose the other.

I was finally back home after 8 days in hospital, it had seemed like an was staying at my house in his old room, he cut his holiday short to be with me at the hospital, and insisted that he be the one to nurse me back to health. my face didn't look great still, the bruises were slowly fading but now had turned purple, yellow, green and blue.

I was able to get around quite well on my crutches, and kendall had taken some effort in making me a bedroom in my lounge without even asking, I think perhaps that he was worried James may have offered to let me stay at his house, because of course it had no upstairs.

Kendall was round a lot, we were not as such a couple again but we would end up most evenings cuddled up on my makeshift bed in front of the tv.

We had spent many hours talking about the baby, the loss we had shared together bonded the cracks in our relationship from kendalls Vancouver mistakes. I still felt I was running in shock mode though, my real emotions hadn't come out to play yet.

My relationship with James was kind of estranged, he would phone me to see how I was but I think he felt he owed it to kendall to keep away now.

"What did you wanna do tonight" I asked Kendall.

"I think Carlos is cooking us a meal, I know he went out to see tammi then going out grocery shopping" Kendall said as he was reading the news paper.

"He left ages ago" I thought out loud. I peered over kendalls shoulder to scan his page for interest.

Kendall folded his paper up and looked at me.

"Well maybe he is... giving us some space?... you know", his voice was shy and reminded me of the first time I went to kendalls house as his date.

Kendall didn't make the first move as he looked me dead in the eye. I don't know if it was the close proximity of our faces or I too felt I owed kendall to give it a go, but I leaned in to kiss him.

The kiss was welcomed by his lips, his lips moved tentatively next to mine so as not to hurt my multi coloured face.

It felt nice, a relief almost to have my kendall back, but there was no ache in my heart any more, just pain from the hurt that had led us here.

I pulled away and gave kendall a parting kiss on his forehead, I pushed my confused feelings to one side, I still had too much left in my head to work through but kendall smiled his American smile and the pain in my chest suddenly gave room for guilt.

Carlos had finally returned, he walked in to my lounge/bedroom and sat in the chair, his eyes red.

"Bloody hell Carlos, what's happened?" My English accent again made an unscheduled return in my shock.

Carlos couldn't speak, he just had tears rolling down his eyes, but he threw his cell on to kendalls lap.

Kendall picked it up and unlocked the screen, he saw what had caused Carlos the pain and just sat there.

Well it didnt look like anyone was going to fill me in on what had happened so I snatched the phone from kendall to look for my self.

"That fucking Bitch!" came the words from my mouth.

Tammi had decided to call it a day on her relationship with my beautiful carlos but had done so in typical tammi style, by god damn text message.

"She won't talk to me" Carlos finally said.

"Oh los, cmon it will be okay, I promise", my words echoed that of what James had not so long ago said to me.

The evening was spent with the three of us putting the world to rights, my honest feelings on tammi came out, and we even talked openly about the day of the crash.

"Did you get a picture of the baby?" Carlos asked.

I had got my picture back, James had collected my belongings from his SUV a few days after the crash but I only opened the bag breifly to chuck in jewellery that had been removed from my body for surgery, I had not had the strength to go through the memories of it all in such great detail yet.

"Yeah I did... I mean I do, but I don't know what state its in now, I cant bear myself to look" I twisted my hands together as I spoke.

"Do you mind if I look?" Came kendalls hesitant voice from next to me.

"Sure its fine, its in that paper bag out there" I directed my eyes to my entrance hall.

Kendall got up and left the room before returning with the bag.

He sat on the couch next to me and placed the bag in between his feet on the floor.

He proceeded to remove some items from the it.

The first one was my old cell, it had a cracked screen from the impact... maybe my face had caused that?

The second was my purse, it had blood splattered on it. My stomach churned.

Kendall then pulled out the picture, it looked in okay condition apart from a few creases, I was pleased.

Kendall looked at it for a while, the three of us were in silence but I gave kendalls hand a squeeze.

Something else in the bag then dragged kendalls gaze back to reality, he reached in and slowly pulled out a long chain.

It was my locket.

Kendall had seen the inscription "my cover girl"

"He really does love you doesn't he?" kendall said breaking the silence.

I presume he had gathered the locket was from James.

"He has strong feelings for me yes, but I swear I've not done anything with him" my voice shook, hoping an arguement was not about to start.

"I believe you" came kendalls response, "do you love him?" he concluded.

I thought for a second, what was I meant to say, my world was completly upside down at the moment, my thought process was out of order, so honesty was the only reaction that helped me out with an answer.

"I don't know kendall, I'm sorry"

Kendall sat there and held our baby picture in one hand and james' locket in the other.

The room was filled with silence again.

I looked to Carlos, but his bad news had ruined any hope of him coming up with some masterful words that would ease the tension.

Kendall began putting my belongings from the crash back in the bag.

"Can I borrow this?, I would like to get a copy if thats alright?"

Kendall held the baby picture towards me.

"Of course, thats fine!", my eyes welled up as I spoke.

With that kendall got up and kissed me on the head.

He gave Carlos a brief smile then left.

Carlos and I just looked at each other for a few minutes, then he got up and sat next to me and I rested my head on his shoulder and held his hand.

"A right pair aren't we?" He concluded.

I sighed