When Tony wakes up he is incredibly confused.
And he hasn't even opened his eyes yet.
Touch alone tells him that he's laying naked on a bed. He knows he didn't fall asleep in one.
Touch alone also tells him that he's sandwiched between two men, and that the one spooning him from the front is poking him in the stomach with a leaking erection. He's wrapped in a sweaty bar-scented cage of limbs and is halfway to panicking when he feels familiar plastic talons tap against his naked hip.
"Rise and shine, Puppy." The whisper against Tony's ear sends shivers sweeping down his spine. It almost hurts. His body feels like its made entirely of led. He barely manages a groan in response.
"Rough night?"
Somehow Loki's snaked a hand against his cheek and is running those impossibly long nails against his barely there stubble. Every stroke scrambles his mind further and Tony is too busy reveling in that touch wonder at the strangeness.
"Get rid of the interloper and I'll take care of you."
Tony doesn't know what an interloper is but Loki's nipping at his ear and his whisper sounds like it promises everything that Tony has ever wanted. Also, considering there's only one other person in the bed it's not too hard for Tony to figure it out.
After minutes of painstakingly extricating his hand from the flesh cage surrounding him he pokes the guy right in the forehead.
The man snorts a little but otherwise doesn't respond.
"You mustn't be afraid to get a bit more physical, darling."
The hand grabbing his ass after giving it a playful slap is thoroughly distracting.
Tony looks up into the chin of the interloper and realizes that, considering the tangle of limbs they're in, he could totally get away with kneeing said interloper in his family jewels.
The scream the interloper lets out as he flies off of the bed is hilarious, so hilarious that it almost distracts Tony from the slight uncomfortable twinge of his hole as he flexes his muscles to knee the poor guy.
And suddenly it hits Tony that anything could have happened to him while he was unconscious, and considering how he woke up, it most likely did.
Tony's throat is so dry that when he lets out a cry he thinks it might crack open and bleed.
"You scared him!" Cries Loki. With a fluid sort of grace he leaps out of bed, bodily throws the interloper out into the hallway, and tosses his clothes out after him. It all almost seems to happen in slow motion.
When Loki insinuates his long limbs around Tony's body he's still shaking.
"Now baby, hush."
Before Tony knows what's happening he's quieting.
"Did the mean man scare you, darling?"
"Look, I'm gonna be straight with you—"
"Ha bloody ha." Says Loki as he sinks his fingers into Tony's fringe and pushes it against the grain till it stands on end, as if every strand is frayed and slowly coming apart in his hands.
It feels good.
"First, I want some food and sec—"
There's a long clawed finger pressed against Tony's mouth as Loki reaches for the phone and casually asks for one of everything to be sent to room 1105 before dropping the phone back onto the receiver. He leans over and pulls a cigarette and a lighter out of the nightstand.
"And second I want to know if anything happened to my asshole while I was sleeping."
The second it comes out of his mouth he cringes and knows that if he wasn't so exhausted he'd be hysterical.
The unlit cigarette which had been dangling from between Loki's lips falls onto the mattress. His eyes are wide and Tony notices that they look more grey than green. The man's mouth is a perfect O of shock. He looks frozen.
"Well?" Says Tony several minutes later and Loki appears to spring to life.
"We took turns fisting your hole." Says Loki as he throws his pack of matches onto the floor. He tosses his miles of dark hair and walks toward the bathroom naked, his hips swaying. "Come have a wash with me."
Tony is guessing that's a sarcastic kind of 'no', as he can't even begin to imagine how punching him is relevant to anything. He's sure that Loki knows he meant sexually. He squeezes his internal muscles again just to check, and the strain is so slight that Tony decides to worry about it later.
"Did I fingerfuck you deaf?" Loki looks at him over his shoulder and Tony swears his gaze is burning a hole in his chest. "Time for your bath, puppy. You smell terrible."
Tony bounds after Loki into the bathroom, embodying his epithet in every way as he skids onto a marble floor and sees Loki sitting in an in-ground bath tub that's more like a small pool, basking under a tap.
He doesn't need to be told what to do.
How cold Loki likes his water makes it almost impossible for any of the things Tony had been anticipating to actually happen.
He shivers as Loki scrubs his hair and shaves his face for him. He can hardly even enjoy those hands sliding down his body, slick with soap.
When it's all said and done Tony springs out of the bath tub.
"You're no fun."
Tony watches, shaking, as Loki ducks under the water with ease and emerges dripping and entirely content.
"The food should be here soon. See to it. And put on a robe or something. I've got a closet full of things. Choose something." Loki says with a wave of a hand before submerging himself again.
Tony knows when he's been dismissed. He leaves the marble bathroom for the main room, which he honestly has almost no memory of.
It's damn impressive. Everything is white and green and the wall paper is hideous and strangely embossed but that's to be expected. The room is huge and cluttered with ornate gold furniture.
Tony's almost forgotten what it's like to be rich. Though he'd spent the first eighteen years of his life sitting primly in the lap of luxury, he's been living out of his car on and off for a year. If he'd told himself at the age of fifteen, he'd be fucking people just to have a bed to sleep in at nineteen Baby Tony would have probably nailed Fuck-up Tony in the scrotum with a soldering iron.
He takes extra care to squish the plush carpet between his toes as he begins flinging open doors at random. He squishes and flings, at his glorious leisure, until he comes to a walk-in closet.
Tony finds doors to three whole other rooms first. When he opens the closet he's hardly sure what to make of any of it.
There's two fur coats, three dresses, some things that vaguely resemble pants, and a long turquoise corduroy vest with gleaming white buttons that feel heavier than stones.
Tony chooses the last one just because.
When its on and buttoned it looks more like a dress and the top most button falls slightly above his naval.
Tony kind of digs it. In a strange is-it-a-man-is-it-a-woman-who-cares kind of way he feels pretty sexy.
Thank you all for the lovely reviews! It really motivates and inspires me when people dig my writing and let me know. You are in for a crazy sexy novel length frostirony ride my dears! Hope you've enjoyed lucky 13. :)