When Tony wakes up he seriously starts to reconsider his life choices. The amount of time he spends waking up in places and not knowing how he got there is starting to get kind of ridiculous.
Then he realizes that he's laying on his side and the point of one of his hipbones is digging into the bathroom floor, and that he has some combination of hangover and internal bleeding. And his lungs are on fire.
"SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT."
He hears Loki bellow and the next thing he knows he's vomiting up something vaguely bourbon colored and it burns like hell. It makes him cough, which makes him vomit again.
He looks up and sees a naked thickset blonde in her 30's with tits so large they hang down to her belly button holding onto the doorframe, looking dazedly at him, like she can't even see him. It looks like she's been attacked by an animal.
She's covered in bites and scratches and lipstick.
Tony throws up again and feels Loki's hand on his back.
"That's it baby, that's it." The amount of times he's heard that in other contexts, but never in a voice so soft, leave Tony feeling dizzy.
"You and you're loose friend, get the fuck out."
Tony watches the girl float away and screws his eyes shut. He feels Loki stretched out on the floor behind him, spooning him, with a thin hand rubbing his stomach.
Tony hears the door of Loki's room open and close.
"Did I fuck you stupid?"
Tony wonders how Loki can say something like that without it sounding like the insult it obviously is.
"It's a valid question. You got so drunk that you blacked out. In a bathtub."
"I was snorting coke off your thigh in an alleyway two nights ain't much of a stretch."
"Baby, that was over a week ago."
That's a thought Tony doesn't need to have. It's like a whole other hangover on its own.
"Fuck it." Says Tony. He tries to extricate himself from Loki's grasp but can't. "Did you fuck them?" He asks and the anger is enough to shock Loki's arms slack. Tony slides across the bathroom floor and glowers at him.
"Had them sent back to your room right from the concert? Did you do it!?"
"Yeah," Says Loki, simple as anything. "It's what they were made for."
Tony is angry and he doesn't know why. Or he just might know, and the little tidbit of knowledge makes his anger burn.
"So what, the universe is made of walking sacks of meat you can fuck?"
"Essentially."
Tony grits his teeth.
"What, are you on the rag or something?"
Tony feels like Loki is laughing at him and suddenly he wants to knock all of his teeth out.
"I've got some Quaaludes in a pez dispenser in the bar. Pop em until they've medicined the cunt out of you. I'm going for a drive."
Tony watches as Loki gets up.
"So what, I almost drink myself straight to hell and you immediately want to shove pills down my throat? Good call, Doctor Lauff!"
Tony's hardly even finished his obligatory and delicious slow sarcastic clap when Loki's got him against the wall by his throat.
"If you want to kill me do it yourself, motherfucker." Growls Tony and Loki bares his teeth.
"I'd love to kill you. I'd enjoy it more than any other paltry entertainment your body could ever provide! You ignorant boy!"
"Then fucking do it, Shakespeare! Put the iambs away and your balls out! Smash my head against the fucking wall!"
Their lips are a hairsbreadth away and their breaths are in sync. Loki's eyes are burning and Tony begins to gag as those impossibly strong fingers start to tighten.
"You don't look afraid yet. I mustn't be squeezing hard enough."
Tony feels his body start to jerk and flail as if the skin will split and form a new seam through which can breathe. Blackness is curling like ink in water around the corners of his vision and before he realizes that he's managed to nail Loki in the crotch both of them are curled up on the floor in separate little balls of personal agony, panting and groaning.
Tony tries to sit up and the pain in his ass immediately sends him curling back up on the floor.
"Shit." He croaks, and the knowledge that the same man who fucked him stupid just tried to strangle him to death is more than he can take.
Tony doesn't know what city he's in, or if he's high or not, when he ate last, or who the hell he just lost his virginity to. He doesn't know what's happened or what day it is or what's going to happen next. He doesn't know when he'll be able to walk without feeling like he's in agony or if he's gonna wake up under a pile of hungover, fucked up, people whose gender he can't even tell.
Tony starts to cry.
Through his tears, he sees Loki slowly remove each of his heels, and crawl naked toward the bar, where he blindly grabs for a pez dispenser.
It's a batman Pez dispenser.
Tony knows that Loki is going to fuck himself up and he doesn't want to watch, but as Loki's throat works around the whittled down tablets, sucking them down, he finds himself hypnotized.
"Fuck you." Tony says and Loki flips him the bird while taking a swig of something from a bottle with fake diamonds sticking out of it.
"I don't think you've earned it, darling."
Suddenly Tony's laughing but he's crying because laughing makes his throat burn.
"That's the spirit."
When Loki stands over him dangling down a hand like a rope Tony takes it and swings.
He doesn't particularly want to.
He doesn't particularly not want to.
It's just that when he tries to think of other options he draws a complete blank.
Kaira: I am either too stones or not stoned enough to understand.
Felicity: Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I only became a writer because in most other situations psychologically torturing people isn't smiled upon. Then I go 'FUCK YEAH' and continue to try and seduce myself and comb my pompadour. Then my roommate walks in and ruins the moment with her disapproving eyebrows.
Stormy: I would just like to clarify one thing: I am a sex god all the time. You also need to stop teasing me, because I am Gomaz Addams and you keep speaking French and I am going to explode, mon petite cabbage.
hulky: bby, im so sorry. bad trips are like the worst. :( and i suffered the same problem. when i finished writing this i was depressed for like three days. I didn't even know what to do.
LW: YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA AYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH
Ca-caw: Why are we not best friends?
creature: yo body is not ready. you so right.
Layla: Everytime I see your name I have to listen to the song by eric clapton. I love you.
Nyan: IMMA KILL ALL OF YOU.
PS) I sing on experimental dance tracks now. I sing in the style of Serious Moonlight David Bowie. PRAISE ME. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I love you guys. you make me feel loved. in a sexual way. touch mah burreh.