Tony wakes up on his side, with Loki wrapped around him.
His first thought is that someone made entirely of bones should not be so comfortable. Or smell so good.
His second thought is that cuddling in the morning (Is it? Could be afternoon?) light with the man who tried to dope you up and strangle you the night before is probably not the smartest choice a person can reasonably make.
The fact that this was not his first thought makes him want to bash his head against something.
There's an arm flopped over him and Tony nudges his nose to the soft cool skin and inhales.
"Do you really want to die?"
Tony hums a vaguely questioning noise in the voice's general direction, but Loki does not repeat his question. Tony nips at his forearm and tastes.
"You constantly surprise me."
Tony's tongue freezes mid lick and his lips stop moving but do not leave the tender skin.
"I'm going to write a song about you."
Tony does not want to feel flattered, but a part of his brain is suddenly squealing at the other parts of his brain like a teenaged girl. On speed.
And he's seen enough of that to know what he's talking about.
"George," Says Loki and Tony can hear him on the other end. He really wants to know how Loki managed to get and dial the phone while still spooning with him. "I want Wendy...what do you mean she's in half...last night...I did what?"
Tony kind of wants to laugh. So he does.
"...But I can't write without her! Loki Lauff and the Age of Frost will be dead without Wendy-"
"Wendy's your guitar, right?" Asks Tony and Loki nods. "Baby, I could give her a look if you wanted."
Something dangerous briefly flashes in his eyes before its gone. "Wendy's my girl, Tony. My whole world. Are you sure that you know what you're doing?"
The prospect of getting his hands on something he can build is making Tony's mouth water.
"Dollface, I'm Tony Fucking..." Tony feels like he's hit a brick wall. He doesn't know what to put in that sentence where his father's name should have gone.
Tony suddenly feels sick. He hardly hears Loki finish his conversation with George.
"Is your last name like really long and Italian and embarrassing or something?"
Tony doesn't remember ever being Italian a day in his life, but he looks up at Loki's make-up smeared face and the love-bites stacked like buttons down the column of his throat, and suddenly feels every point where their bodies touch like liquid lightning, and figures 'why the fuck not?'.
"Yeah, hardly even know how to say it. Every time I try my tongue actually falls out of my mouth."
"Charming."
There's a knock on the door.
"Just a second!"
Tony begins to scramble for at least a scarf when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Loki shakes his head and rips the sheet off of Tony and tosses it away.
"Stay right here." Says Loki and Tony feels strangely like the hangman's got his eye on him as he hears Loki let George in and lead him to the bedroom.
When the man walks into the room he turns bright red.
"If Jack here's gonna be your live in can you at least put a loin cloth on him or something?"
Tony kind of wants to die.
"Now George, play nice. Tony's going to fix Wendy."
"You sawed the bloody thing in half! I don't see-"
"Come here baby, take a look at my firstborn."
"I'd hate to have seen that birth." Says Tony as he tries to leap toward the instrument and ends up groaning in pain before gingerly maneuvering himself onto the floor.
George's mustache twitches with disapproval.
"My vagina ached for days." Says Loki as he exhales smoke. There's a cigarette dangling from his fingers.
"I can relate."
"Oh christ!" Says George as he tears at his temples with blunt fingers, as if trying to pound the mental images he's receiving to dust.
Tony looks down at the guitar. It's quite literally been sawed in half, and he's got six ideas of how to put it back together. But first he's got to know:
"Where did you get a fucking saw, Loki?"
"Met the devil at the crossroads. Gave me the fastest hands south of Mississippi and a saw."
"In return for what?"
"Pussy still aching, baby?"
"Can you fix the damn thing!?" Splutters George and suddenly Tony feels like himself, and everything is right with the world.
"Yeah, but I'm gonna need a few things."
"Name it!" George is desperate to leave and Tony doesn't blame him. His balls aren't itchy really, but he gives them a loving scratch anyway.
"Bad puppy. Not in front of the guests."
Tony bites off a chunk of the rolled up newspaper Loki tries to playfully smack him in the face with. He spits out the newspaper on George's feet.
"Wrenches, washers, rosewood, pliers, a soldering iron, a cheeseburger-"
"A cheeseburger?" Asks George.
"Make it three." Loki Amends with a wave of his cigarette. He spreads ash all over the carpet.
"None of that, Wendy needs a sterile environment."
"I guess we should move her off the bed then."
"Mother of the year? Maybe you should try again in a few lifetimes."
"I'll have you know that I'm a wonderful mother!"
"You sawed your child in half, Loki. And you don't even remember doing it."
Loki has discovered a way to pout and smoke simultaneously.
Tony thinks he's some sort of gesturing Gallileo.
"Well, that's why Daddy's gonna fix it, right?"
Something about being called Daddy answers the question Tony was asked for him.
"Oh mama, you ain't never seen a guitar as fixed as Wendy will be."
Loki smiles at him and he smiles back.
"Anything else you need?"
Tony's forgotten that George is even there.
He begins his list. Over again. This time he throws in a bottle of Merlot for Wendy's mama.
Stormy: I'm like Steven Moffat+ the ability to write characters that aren't straight white men. Basically, RUN.
hulky: Thanks! And angst is like crack man. And shipping is like lighting your pipe. And that's cool, acid can be a good time.
Layla: Oooh. Cool. I'm glad it had it's intended effect!
Shucky: Ilu2 bb. And nope. haha.
DX: Thanks!