category: Gundam SEED
disclaimer: I don't own it.
EIGHTEEN.
Before Mu filed for official discharge from the Earth Forces, Murrue took advantage of his status as a colonel and visited the classified military library in Washington DC. Her only goal was to locate where they kept the flight data recordings of the ships that had been sunk during the wars, quickly watch the one she was interested in, and slip carefully out.
When Murrue walked into the building, there was purpose in her step. Not knowing what had happened in those last moments of Natarle's life – what provoked her to fire the Lohengrin when she'd been hesitant to even shoot at them before, why she'd commanded her soldiers to abandon ship – had gnawed at her for the last three years. The opportunity to finally understand the death of her comrade presented itself, so she took it.
When Murrue walked out of the building, she wished she hadn't been so eager to watch the black box recording of the Dominion and its sinking. A hand clenched itself around her insides excruciatingly and as she rode a bus back to the airport she had the distinct urge to throw up out the window. Guilt, she identified, was what was tearing at her so painfully. Natarle had refused to destroy the Archangel because she had no longer believed in what the Earth Alliance was fighting for. For the first time in her life, she had refused to follow through on a direct order from a superior. It turned out that she hadn't wished ill on her former crewmembers for a second.
As soon as Murrue walked through the open door of home, Mu was at her side. He'd let her make the journey alone, because she'd insisted, but he had nonetheless worried the entire time. Murrue took one look at his questioning face and burst into tears.
"Natarle was never our enemy!" She clutched at Mu's shirt tightly as the words spilled out. "She let herself die because she didn't want us to." The sobs came faster. "Oh, Mu, these past years I've been hating her because I thought it was her fault you disappeared, and it wasn't at all. She was always our friend!"
"You're not to blame for what you did," Mu rubbed her back in a smooth motion. "Shh."
And Murrue was left gasping for breath because she suddenly realized that she had never understood Natarle Badgiruel at all.
notes: This one was actually really difficult for me to write. The first draft was really action-based; I wrote out the scene where Murrue watched the tape. But it didn't make me happy. So I cut the thousand words, started over, and ended up with this, which I like a lot better. Let me know what you guys think!
NEXT PHASE: Lunamaria and Meyrin discuss the unavailability of the new member aboard the Minerva, Commander Zala.