category: Gundam SEED

disclaimer: I don't own it.

TWENTY-ONE.

"What did you find so great about Athrun Zala anyway?" Shinn stirred his drink distractedly and observed the passersby on the street outside studiously.

Lunamaria smiled at his annoyed scowl and set down her fork. "Well, he was a ZAFT ace and a war hero. He was famous and very good-looking. And he was kind. Even the fact that he was always so sad was appealing." She shrugged defensively at her companion's sulkiness. "Everyone liked him! It wasn't just me."

Shinn raised his head quickly, irritated. "I'm an ace and a hero too, you know. I may not have had a chairman for a father, but I'm plenty attractive. And everyone likes me too! People tell me I am a very valuable friend. There's nothing Zala can do that I can't."

Lunamaria drummed the armrests of her chair and laughed loudly. "Shinn, you have all of three friends. You're not the most amiable person around." At his slightly wounded expression, she leaned over and ran her fingers through his hair affectionately. "You don't need to compare yourself to Athrun. He was only a silly crush." She sat back comfortably. "Way out of my reach, anyway."

Shinn took a hold of her hand and rubbed circles onto her palm absently. "Thanks, Luna."

x

All the optimism in the world didn't dull Lunamaria's perceptiveness. She noticed, without fail, every time that Shinn looked at her without seeing her. She knew that his gaze sometimes pierced clear through her, that for brief moments he imagined her to have blond hair and mauve eyes. "Shinn," she would say softly, and he would come to with a jolt, his hands clenched tightly into fists. "Sorry," he would mumble automatically, and Lunamaria could only let the moment pass.

She wasn't stupid. She remembered the Earth Alliance pilot of the Gaia, the crazy girl that never stopped popping in on their lives. It was impossible to forget the number of times Shinn defied orders for her benefit: bringing her, an injured enemy soldier, onto the Minerva; escaping and returning her to her commander; staying out on the field after Berlin even when he was specifically told to return aboard. Stellar, he mumbled in his sleep sometimes, and a piece of her died every time he did so.

She was a replacement, she realized suddenly one day.

x

Their desks were in the same room, facing each other with the door in between them. Shinn was answering a letter from headquarters and Lunamaria was reading a briefing carefully. She began speaking abruptly, her voice abnormally echoic in the spacious room.

"Shinn, what are we?"

He didn't glance up and his response came seamlessly. "Shinn Asuka. ID 54292770. ZAFT Red. Currently captain of the mobile space defense team, and stationed aboard the Nazca-class Faraday. Lunamaria Hawke. ID 54293105. ZAFT Red. Part of the mobile space defense team, also stationed on the Faraday."

She slammed her laptop shut abruptly, and only then did Shinn look up. "That's not what I meant, and you know it!"

He paused and wet his lips slowly. "Sorry. I just didn't know what to say."

"The truth, maybe?" Lunamaria glared at the carpet. "We've been doing this for a year and a half now and I still don't know what exactly is happening between us." She fixed her eyes on him pleadingly. "Tell me if this means nothing. Tell me, and I'll stop putting so much of myself into it."

"It isn't 'nothing'!" he protested strongly, the papers slipping from his grasp with a swoosh. But he couldn't continue, his hands fumbling aimlessly along the edge of his desk.

The question hung in the space between them, the silence tense. Neither of them had an answer.

x

"Are you sure you're okay?" Shinn pressed again. Lunamaria sighed from the other end of the video call.

"Shinn, I'm fine! I'm only staying with Meyrin for a week. Maius is so pretty right now." Lunamaria twirled spirals across the skin of her leg with her finger. "I just wish we could have gotten our leave at the same time."

He leaned back into his chair. "Me too. But enjoy yourself without me. I'll see you soon." He searched for the right words. "I miss you."

Lunamaria opened her mouth to respond that she did too (so very much), but she noticed that Shinn was looking at a point behind her ear rather than directly at her. His focus was slightly off and his breathing was abnormally deep. And she knew instantly that he wasn't speaking to her at all.

"Stop living in the past, Shinn!" Her voice was wavering but loud, and Shinn snapped out of his trance. He caught a glimpse of her brimming eyes and dejected frown and then the screen went black with a harsh crackle of static.

On one end, Shinn ran his fingers through his hair angrily and punched a dent into the wall of his office. On the other, Lunamaria let her head sink into her hands and cried for a very long time.

notes: I've wanted to write this broad Shinn/Lunamaria set of vignettes for a while now, and I really enjoyed myself doing so. There are always concerns when I post something bitter like this (i.e. chapters 7, 14, and 17 so far) that it means there will be no more of that pairing for the rest of SPTW. That's not true! It's just a change from the regular pace. Most couplings that I write are ones that I support, or at least tolerate amiably. And there'll be (fairly) happy endings for everyone by phase 50. These are just short glimpses into the lives of SEED's characters. Ups and downs are part of the package.

Thank you everyone for sticking around so far! We're nearing the halfway point shortly…hooray!

NEXT PHASE: Andrew Waltfeld wasn't called a tiger for nothing.