Tony would say he's an expert in the surreal.
He might even venture to say that Dali has nothing on him, and that there's nothing surprising that life could possibly throw at him ever again.
When Harmon Gifford presents an impossibly tall man to him, whose wearing jeans, a flannel, and a cowboy hat, and who somewhat resembles Loki but can't possibly be, Tony wonders what in god's name is actually happening.
Tony watches Harmon Gifford come toward the cell with one eye and Loki with the other. This strangely homely looking Loki's got one hand stuffed in the pocket of his jeans and tony watches as he takes it out right behind Gifford's back, flashing his claw-like talons.
He flashes his attention back to Gifford, who actually looks apologetic.
"You're brother explained the situation to me." The cop says softly as he opens the cell door. Tony's a genius, but it wouldn't have taken one to know that some sort of con is taking place. Tony plays along.
"I'm sorry about your father, son."
Tony just looks at the ground and feels one of Loki's hands curl around his bicep.
"Thank you, sir. He didn't mean no harm. Father's not even been...been gone two days yet. He's hurting. I promise I'll keep a better eye on him, it's just I ain't really been myself neither since..."
Tony is glad he's not drinking anything, because Loki's sultry southern drawl would have made him spit it everywhere. He's even deepened his voice and butched it out a little.
Tony almost forgets that Loki's got waist-length hair piled under that cowboy hat. He watches as Loki talks the cop out of pressing any charges or paying any bail. They leave with condolences and an offer of help from one Harmon Gifford.
They walk out into the afternoon sun and Tony can't think of a single thing to say.
"That was..." He tries and Loki smirks.
"Don't mention it, sugah baby." He says with a high pitched feminine giggle and Tony swears that he can feel his head physically spin.
Loki takes off his hat and black hair spills down his back in inky tendrils.
Tony's breath catches.
"I really do need to keep you on a leash." Says Loki as he hails a cab and Tony groans.
"I don't know what happened last night, and I don't want to."
"Darling Gifford said-to the Arch Street Theatre-that someone's dog did a shit on the sidewalk and tried to leave so you pulled down your pants and started pissing all over the dog-"
"Shut up!" Tony rests his head against the cab's window. "You're lying."
"Maybe." Says Loki with a shit eating grin that Tony kind of wants to punch off his face, until he feels one of those long cool hands creep across the seat like a spider and tangle with his own. A feeling of peace begins to uncurl in the depths of his chest.
"I'm not letting you out of my sight ever again." Loki whispers.
"You can try." Tony whispers back and there's something very dark in Loki's eyes.
"After I play you the song I wrote for you I'm going to have to pry you off of me with a wrench if I ever want to be alone again." His tone is teasing but Tony caught the spark of ice in his hands and felt it chill numbingly at his bones.
"That's not how a wrench works."
"Oh really?"
"Not at all."
"Well, it's a good thing you're here to disabuse me of my silly tool-related notions."
Tony squeezes Loki's hand and Loki squeezes back.
"It's also a good thing that you're so good with your hands because I just might have-"
"Jesus, Loki. What did you break this time?"
"I may have hit Lee's favorite bass with an electric hammer."
Tony doesn't even know where to begin.
"A couple of times."
"Why the hell would you do that?"
"Because you were gone."
The openness in Loki's words and expressions is something new entirely, and the fact that Tony can understand his logic makes his breath catch in his throat.
"How do you even keep getting your hands on power tools?"
"I am infinitely resourceful, puddin." Loki's switch from posh git to southern belle gives Tony whiplash.
"Peters told me that he told you some things about me. And you responded by running headfirst into traffic and immediately getting drunk off your tits."
Loki's voice is soft and Tony suddenly feels ashamed of himself.
"What did he tell you that frightened you so much?"
"Well...first...it's just...that's not really how this...thing between us works."
Tony wants Loki to fill in the blanks. Loki apparently just wants to watch him squirm.
"I mean, what do we really know about each other?"
Loki sighs. "You are a nineteen year old probable technological genius with a streak of addict running through you faster than a river and an affinity for alcoholic beverages. You like boys, you like girls, you like the colors red and gold, and you pretend to be an idiot when, in reality, you have a wide breadth and depth of understanding. You are probably smarter than most of the people you have ever met, and you are tired of it. Whatever familial mess you've crawled out of has made you a talented, talented liar. It's also given you a love of angering people that surpasses any other love you will most likely ever feel, because you associate almost all emotion with pain, so you drink and you joke and you laugh instead of allowing yourself to feel."
Tony didn't feel this naked when Loki was inside him.
"Oh, you are also Italian."
It's not funny. None of it is, but Tony laughs anyway. The one untruth in the bunch of scythe-like analysis thrown out like an afterthought is just enough to tip the balance from horrifying to slightly less horrifying.
"You are also impossible to predict, despite how obvious you are."
The cab comes to a stop in front of Arch Street Theater.
"I better see you in the crowd. I've got something to give to you. Don't you run from me, Anthony." With that Loki's out of the cab and disappearing into the crowd that's already forming outside the theater.
The cab driver looks at Tony expectantly.
Tony hasn't even got shoes on. He sure as hell hasn't got any money on him.
He bolts.
Stormy: That kind of Loki is always fun. And I actually kind of enjoy the twilight films. They are hilarious. Everyone looks anemic and constipated simultaneously. Before I knew that Pattinson was an all right guy, I used to take mad joy in watching him play Edward because I knew how much he hated the whole thing.
FGS: Yeah, I'm kind of a great big bag of dicks sometimes, but my chapters are kind of what they are. Some come out of me around this length, and occasionally they are even longer, and some are just short. It tends to make people really angry when they are short, which I'm not gonna lie, I kind if enjoy. And I suppose I will have to find some other place to peddle my love than your writing utensils. Damn and Blast.
Sha-Lin: I read the first line of your review and was ready to whip out the chocolate and tissues. Sweet jesus. I thought I was about to be read the riot act. This was a nice plot twist. Thank you ever so! I'm trying to do a lot of things with this that I haven't really seen done anywhere yet, so it's cool that I could woo your expectations a little bit. And yeah man, Felicity is a boss. I read Xe Rre and was immediately like I will find this person on the internet and tell them I love them. My usual 'everyone-hates-you-don't-bother-anyone' instinct didn't even factor in. And I am also the worst reviewer in the universe so I can dig. haha.